Date Fail #5 - Quartet

I just remembered another good one. Apologies for not being consistent but I type as ideas hit my head randomly. This date fail is probably hard to believe, but it really did happen. Probably the best one yet because you think as guys get older, they would get more mature, but not in this case.

So this one date was someone I knew for quite a few years already as friends. We had met through a mutual friend. He was about 30 when this happened. I had to put that in because it's not just high school cheats that happen. We lost touch in between, but I remember a conversation would pop up randomly when it came to cars and what not. And then it would revert back to our lives.

So fast forward a few years. We randomly started talking again as our mutual friend was getting married that year. It was a destination wedding and at first, I thought I could make it so we were discussing plans on where to stay etc. Then I eventually could not make it as it fell on my busy Christmas schedule at work. And during those weeks, it is impossible to take time off.

During those months, we had chatted and tried to catch up on each other's lives. I knew him as a really nice guy from the first time I met him. And he admitted that he had liked me from the very first day but never had the guts to ask me out. I said dude why? Am I really that scary? Nahhh just low confidence. Ah well, it's all good. That takes years to develop. So anyways, the more we hung out, the more I started to like him. He was someone I could get along with, and talk about issues without putting one another down. And of course, our interest in cars and faith was right there.

Right before the Autoshow debuted, he had asked me out. Our first date was, of course, the autoshow. It was cool to check out all those cars and be able to talk about our interest. We spent most of the day at the show, and then went our separate ways after the show was done.

You know that sixth sense you get when something isn't right? Although I knew he was a nice guy and was very sweet to me, having his parents and friends like me, same common interests and beliefs....there was just something not quite right. My mind was telling me, but I couldn't figure it out. But my intuition was telling me something was not right.

About a few days later, we were texting back and forth when he suddenly went all emo. I asked if everything was alright and he said no. At this time, I was sitting at the library studying for my course exam, but the tone of voice via text did not sound good at all. So I suggested I could meet up with him and talk about whatever was on his mind.

I met up with him after his class ended and once again, asked what the heck was wrong. And why was he crying. Yes, he was crying. I couldn't figure out what was wrong or what I did wrong. Anyways, as I approached his house to drop him off, he then tells me something that I would have never imagined anyone telling me.

"You remember that story of that girl I was telling you about a few months ago?"
"Yes I do."
"Well...yeah...how do I say this....umm...we're still seeing each other. Those study sessions that I say I'm going to...well, it's with her...I go to her house after you drop me off..."
".......Dude, she has a boyfriend. WTF are you doing and WTF is wrong with you?!"

Anyways, when I heard that, I really had no emotions. Maybe shock. Not even anger or hate. Or crying. Heck, once that was revealed, he cried. Like, why are you crying man?! I should be the one crying! You're 30 years old for goodness sakes. Man up. But I finally realized, this was the reason why I felt something was not right. Bingo!

All those months of talking and hanging out trying to get to know one another...it was all a huge lie. Deceive. I was basically the quartet interrupting a love triangle, and I didn't even know. I understand she maybe wasn't getting the attention and love from the boyfriend, but it doesn't make it right for you to show her what love is. Having one boyfriend providing emotional support, and then another boyfriend for financial support. But ultimately, having me as the back up girl if the first girl doesn't work out. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Anyways, after the shock had finally passed, I said listen dude (yeah I call everyone that apparently). You gotta figure your crap out. But I ain't getting involved as a girlfriend. Who knows, maybe this girl is still involved with the Chinese Mafia (based on her history) and I don't want to have any part with it. I'm not going to continue dating you until you can figure out your own emotions. And I left it at that.

As a friend though, I was concerned about his well-being. I tried to help steer him into the right path of letting her go, and letting her figure out her crap and not involve him. It was a lot of psychological things. A lot of times when a third party gets involved between a couple, things don't end very well. And I really didn't want him to end up in hot water.

His birthday was coming up and I knew he hadn't seen his friends for a while, so I planned with our mutual friend a surprise party for him. He was shocked to see everyone there but was really happy. He thanked me and his friends for being there for him. In a way, it was like a reminder to him that his friends do care about him, even if he chose a stupid path. The following day was his real birthday, and originally he told me he was having lunch with a friend. Once again, something bugged me that he might have been with the girl. But I didn't ask. Eventually after a few days, he told me he spent his birthday with this girl, took her to lunch, and attended her photoshoot for 5 hours. This was a huge punch in the face for me, because a few days before his birthday, he had asked me for feedback if it was a good idea to attend her photoshoot, after telling me he wants to cut ties with her. I said no, it's inappropriate. You're sending the wrong signal. And obviously he did not take my advice.

At one point I had asked him, if he really wanted to be with me or her. And he couldn't answer that. Well, anyone who struggles to answer a question like that should just leave that person right there and then. I stuck around as a friend to help him let go of her. Eventually as time went on, I saw that it was a real struggle for him to let go. And that's when I slowly drifted away from him. Until one day, he finally decided she wasn't worth the pursuit. And wanted to settle with me. Thanks, I was your back up plan all along.

By that time, it was too late on my part. My emotions were past all that drama, and mentally I had already moved on. No matter how much pushing he did to tell me he's changed for me, and wanted to be with me, I felt no emotion. I felt heartless. So I said no, not a chance. Even with all the begging, and telling me he painfully said no to her, it still never phased me. I knew what I wanted and it wasn't him.

Anyways, after some more begging and crying on his part, I guess he finally gave up. After our final chat and me being a heartless dog, he drove off and I never heard from him again.

At least I don't have to worry about the Chinese Mafia coming after me.

Things to learn:

1) Don't get involved with a guy or girl if they are already dating someone. No matter what age you are.

2) One of the most common ways of cheating is when one partner is not satisfied with the relationship, or is being abused physically or mentally. When someone else walks into their life and sees there are better people out there, they want to escape but can't. As a third party, never try to become that second boyfriend to prove to her what love is. If you want to end up dead, then sure by all means, go ahead and do it.

3) If there is abuse going on in the relationship, the abused partner should seek professional help and treatment, and if you are a friend to them, then help guide them. Not kiss and make out with them. The point is to get them out of the abused relationship, but before doing that, they have to mentally be ready for it and not succumb to manipulative words and false promises by the abuser.

4) Mental and physical abuse are very real. They say mental abuse/manipulation is the worst, as there is no physical evidence to prove it, like bruises or black eyes. Name-calling, constant put downs, lack of acknowledgment, threats, constant making fun of the person...those can really damage a person mentally and emotionally. So the last thing an abused person would want is to be in a love triangle. That will confuse the hell out of them.

5) If you are *knock on wood* ever dragged into a love quartet, just cut ties. It really depends on how well you know the person and whether they mean anything to you. The earlier you cut it, the better.

6) When your intuition tells you something is wrong or doesn't feel right, believe it. Don't doubt yourself.