Soooooooo..who is bored and wants to read some random things? Me!
Ok let's start off with some fashion stuff. Some random stuff I was looking up online. I happened to look at Christian Louboutin shoes because they have that cool black and red concept going on. I usually like to wear black (because it makes me look skinnier) and maybe some colour accents so it doesn't look like I'm going to funerals all the time. So I thought, well it would be cool to get a pair of shoes that have black and red on them. Louboutin's came to mind. Of course the price is a bit ridiculous for a pair of heels. Second is, they don't have any style that I like. Some platforms are cool, but I can never pull off the pumps look, because my feet just won't fit in those pointy heels. Thirdly, I will probably trip and fall on my face wearing heels that high. As cool as they look, they probably don't fit my profile.
I don't know how many of you check out the Purse Form, but that place is purse heaven for all the ladies (and maybe some men) out there. I go there to research bags before I buy, especially if it's a premium designer handbag. So props to TPF for being such an informative website. Then there are times when I get bored, I'll surf the forum for random topics being discussed. I still look at Chanel here and there, but knowing the ridiculous price increase, I can only daydream about it. In the meantime, I have plenty of other bags to decide over at home.
The next thing is health care related. One thing that comes to mind is, when you are checking to see if a patient's fistula (or their life line) has finished clotting, make sure you stand off to the side of the patient, and not in front of them. Because blood will come squirting in your face. Not that it happened to my face, but my scrubs got splattered with blood. A fistula is like an artery (even though it's a big vein); every time the heart pumps, blood will squirt out. The first time that it happened to me all these years. So definitely everyday you learn something new. It was definitely a scary moment for everyone. But thankfully the patient was ok.
So this week, I have eaten at Pho about 4 times with 4 different group of friends. I always order the exact same item and the exact same size. It's pretty sad. It shows that I'm not very adventurous with pho food. But damn, that MSG is so good. I know after this, I have to boycott Pho for the next year. Yeah, who am I kidding. I admit, I have a pho-king problem.
Did you know that Hamilton is home to over 100 waterfalls and cascades? If you didn't, you should go do some exploring and hiking. You don't need to travel thousands of miles to see a beautiful view. You can get it locally. But fair warning: wear comfortable clothes, running shoes, bring water, and be prepared to do a lot of hiking and climbing over rocks. But it's so worth it!
I was driving near a mall a while ago, had my windows halfway down, listening to music (not blasting it, but when I listen to songs I like, I tend to go to LALA land), minding my own business when this black Civic sedan pulls up in my blind spot. We are both waiting at a red light by the way. So as I'm quietly jamming to my music, I hear a couple of guy voices. I thought, well I don't remember this song having guys just randomly talking in the background. But I just ignore it. Then the voices got louder. I swear for the life of me, I was mad at my music for messing up. Then I realized it was the guys in the Civic trying to talk to me. Right. So I lowered my music, and look over. They are like, Heyyyyyyyy how's it going? You have a nice ride! I said thanks. Then the driver asks for my number. I looked at the traffic light and said, it's a green light, bye! No offence but 1) I don't give out my number to complete strangers 2) especially at a traffic light and 3) sorry but you look very jailbait to me.
Who gets foot/leg cramps on a daily basis?! I do! Well, maybe not daily but enough to drive me nuts. This is due to cold weather, sleeping in a funny position, or wearing heels that are too high for me or I've been in heels for too long. Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night by bad leg cramps? Yeah it's the most painful thing ever. I've woken up in tears because of it. I blame my stupid stubborn childhood, for not drinking enough milk and not getting enough calcium. Turned to juice and pop, and it just makes everything worse. Sugary drinks and carbonated drinks = no good lah. So yes, I also get bad foot cramps while I drive, hence why I would be terrified to drive stick shift for a very long time. If you ever see me drive with a foot in my lap, it's probably because I'm trying to get rid of my foot cramp. It's not because I have a foot fetish. Then again, safest bet is to just pull over and get rid of the cramp.
Dating and relationships pfft. The topic was briefly brought up lately, and it really set me off in a bad way. Probably due to my past experiences, and people pretending to be your friends when they really aren't. They just talk false things behind your back to other people to make themselves look better. Those people are obviously trapped in high school forever and have some self confidence issues that they blame the entire world for their problems. The older we get, the more immature people get so it seems. Or maybe I'm just looking in the wrong area. Yeah, that's probably it.
CNE is opening this Friday! Who's excited to go?! I know it's the same every year, and admission gets more expensive as the years go by. But I think it's all about the vibe. It's something you can look forward to, to spend time with your family, friends, go on a nice date or something (and if it goes unwell, you can run into the crowds and get lost), and try some funky foods. This year, they have introduced some sort of dessert and poutine mixed together?! I don't know man. Poutine is already freaking awesome by itself. But mixed with some sweet stuff, I don't know. I think foods should either remain sweet or salty, but not a mix of both. I'm not a fan of tasting two different tastes: makes me nauseous. But anyways, I don't go because of the food, but because it's nice to spend a day with people who you care about and vice versa.
Countdown till vacation begins! I can't wait. At the same time it's nerve wrecking because I need to finish my project. To finish the project it's best to take a few days off to work on it, but it's impossible because I work almost everyday. This sucks. The life of a procrastinator.
The more I look at my car, the more I appreciate her. Actually, the more I appreciate God for creating us and giving us the gift of intelligence to make such beauties like cars. I mean there are times that yes, the coupe does make me mad, but it stems from all the experiences of modding her. Otherwise, she ain't that bad at all. She doesn't argue, talk or fight, she sighs by opening the blow off valve, she farts via the exhaust and doesn't care what people think, she's so pretty she turns heads wherever we go but is already taken by me. Yes, now if I can find the guy version of that, it would be awesome. Except the farting part.
Speaking of which, a good friend is in the early stages of creating a car group that will hopefully be enlightening to those who are Christ followers or seeking to know Christ. We shall call it CFC. It's in the early stages of development, and I have met those who are interested. I am proud of what they have come up with, but they definitely thank God for making it possible. Stay tuned as it is in very early stages of development.
Recently I decided to prank my parents. This was after going to the Taste of the Danforth for some food with a friend. We waited in line for this wrap that everyone said is sooo good. Except the line up was sooooo long. By the time I got to the front, I was close to passing out. Probably due to heat, having not eaten for a while, dehydrated, and being in a huge crowd. So anyways, after that near passing out ordeal, my friend saw a painting studio that offered free painting for the night. You basically have to try and copy the painting of whatever painting was displayed. The artist would be there to help guide you on paint strokes and blending. So she dragged me to go paint that flower. This is nerve wrecking, especially when you have crowds passing by and looking. It's intimidating. At the end of the night, my painting looked like a 4 year old did it.
With the prank, I decided to show my mom and ask her how she thought of it. Her reply was that it was very ... nice. And colourful. So I offered random information: I bought it from the Danforth, it was $50, in support of the local artists. That's when she freaked out. $50?! You got jipped! Are you crazy! What a waste of money! Mommy knows how much painting costs and $50 is too much for that! It looks like a child painted it! I had this all on video, so I was trying not to laugh. Eventually I couldn't stop laughing, so I told her I didn't pay for anything. It was free. And I drew it. That's when she said she would hang the painting on the kitchen wall. I said no, I don't want the nieces to see it, and then get embarrassed when they find out auntie painted it. So she said she would put it up in the basement, where no one sees. Thanks mom!
The next day, I asked my dad the same question about the painting. My mom decided to be on this, so we pretended I paid money for it. Except dad went straight to being honest to saying it looked like a child painted it. And it was not worth $50. He wouldn't pay more than $2 for it. My parents are awesome.
Anyways I think that will be it for tonight. Time to have some cereal.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Break-up Violence
Slight warning: this is a very long read. If you hate reading, you can click the link below and watch the video, or just scroll to the numbers at the bottom. I tend to get carried away with writing when ideas hit my head, and so it becomes a novel.
I've watched quite a bit of the episodes when I have some down time from work and projects. This particular episode called "Loved to Death" really drew me to the topic of dating and breakups because everyone goes through that at least once in their life. This episode reflects on a young couple, recently graduated from high school and taking the next step in their life (college/university) when both their lives were cut short. One was murdered, and the other would spend the rest of their life in jail.
Lauren Astley was an 18 year old graduate from Wayland High School. She was a talented musician and tennis player, and was looking forward to attending Elon University. 19 year old Nathaniel Fujita was a talented football player for Wayland High School and had gotten a football scholarship to attend Trinity College, a childhood dream. Nathaniel was Lauren's first boyfriend.
Lauren was murdered by Nathaniel on July 3, 2011. Because Lauren's family and friends were very tight-knit, her lack of communication between the time she finished work until late in the evening drove everyone to suspicion. Everyone was trying to get a hold of her, and soon her father reported her missing to the police. The following day, her body was found in a shallow marsh by a passerby. A bungee cord was tangled in her hair, and her throat had been cut.
Lauren and Nathaniel had been dating for 3 years when she broke off the relationship a couple of months before she was murdered. Nathaniel turned to drinking and smoking weed as he could not cope with the break-up. He drifted away from friends and family and would not listen to anyone. He was diagnosed with major clinical depression. Finally, it was Nathaniel's mom who suggested to Lauren to talk to him. Lauren, being the caring and kind-hearted person that everyone knew her to be, agreed to try and talk some sense into him, because she still cared about him as a friend. When she visited him at home, he was home alone. She had not told friends she would be dropping by to visit him, so no one knew where she was at that point in time. Little did anyone know, Lauren included, that her act of compassion and concern would drive her to her death.
It didn't take very long for police to get a search warrant for the Fujita house. They found bloodstains from the garage to the kitchen sink. Bungee cords. A mud-stained pair of shoes. And in a small attic opening above Nathaniel's room, they found blood soaked sneakers and clothes. The blood tested positive for Lauren's DNA. He was found at a cousin's house and arrested for murder. He was sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole in March 2013.
Right after the sentencing, Mr. Astley stood up, in tears, and walked over to Mr. and Mrs. Fujita and gave them a hug. They embraced and cried into each others' arms. This is the part that really got to me, because in murder trials, you normally don't see the victim and suspect's family embracing each other. If you do, it's very rare. It's more or less pointing fingers at each other and hating each other. But in this case, Mr. Astley did the complete opposite, and showed compassion for the Fujitas. He wanted to share his care and compassion with them because he knew they had also lost their son. Both families were shattered in different ways, because none of their kids would be coming home ever again.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), 1 in 3 Americans between the ages of 14 and 20 report being abused by a partner. In the world of social media, digital abuse is becoming more prominent: 1 in 4 dating teens report being harassed online or through texts by their partners. When we look back to Lauren's situation, he did exhibit some behaviour that were enough to cause some concern. Friends have reported that during their relationship, he would exhibit jealousy. He wouldn't allow her to speak to guys when he was around. He was possessive of her. Her friends didn't like him. That's enough of a big red flag. Shortly after the break up, he had tried to contact her via text and in person to give him a second chance, but she would not agree to it, and told him to leave her alone. Nathaniel did not know how to deal with this. Instead, he killed her because she wouldn't give him what he wanted: to be with her.
A guy who exhibits extreme jealousy is very insecure and is obviously going through some issues. I once dated a guy who was very insecure and was always jealous when a guy friend talked to me. Another guy friend had bought me a gift for Christmas, and he had gotten jealous because he had bought the exact same gift. Except he had gotten me another 50 million gifts as well. Yet that one gift set him off, and he made sure his face showed he wasn't happy. The gift exchange happened at a friend's house, and my friends saw that side of him and did not like what they saw. It's a bit embarrassing because you have to act like a babysitter and say, are you ok? Don't cry. And then deal with a puppy face the rest of the night. It's guilt-driven. It makes you feel like you should acknowledge your partner's feelings, and then blame your friend for buying the gift for you. It's stupid.
It might seem funny at that point, but when I look back at everything, it's really a small part to a bigger problem. I'm no relationship expert, but I do know enough when someone is being emotionally abusive or being manipulative. Emotional abuse is very real. It has been reported that emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse because you don't see the bruises or damage. Emotional abuse destroys one's self esteem and confidence and could take many years to gain back, whereas bruises and broken bones heal from days to months. I don't want to see it that way: abuse is abuse, no matter what it is. They are all serious, and need to be acknowledged because it hurts people in many ways and lingers on for years to come.
Another guy I once dated didn't show the aggressive side until a few months into the relationship (together for over 3 years). At first it was all lovey-dovey. That's the honeymoon phase. But once the introduction to friends started, that's when it got a bit odd. When I wanted to hang out with friends, he would get mad. And say things like "Why are you always hanging out with them and not me?" even though we just hung out a couple days ago. When I invited him to friend events, he would complain and say something negative about my friends, or he would show signs that he wasn't interested in going, and that I should hang out with him. It was a constant battle. I did not want to lose my friends over some boy that could easily walk out of my life. But this was my first "real relationship" so I did whatever I could to make him happy, yet balancing my friends and family as well. Let me tell you, it's tough work. But it becomes tougher when it's a one way street, and not two ways.
I didn't know too much at that point, but I didn't see it as a red flag. I saw it as, oh just a normal behaviour. That's just the way he is, and I should accept people the way they are. And that's the thing with people who get emotionally abused: You are made to believe that everything you do or say is wrong. As years went by, it progressed to something that I wasn't sure if this is what I liked, or if I was happy. Or if this was what I wanted for the rest of my life. You know, when couples get asked by other people "So tell me why you fell in love with this person?", the normal response would be to start listing out everything that you loved about that person, and to do it with conviction. I couldn't. I couldn't find one thing that I loved about him. Now that was a big red flag in my face. And that's when I started to wake up.
It took a few tries to break it off. Because each time I tried, he would say something to lure me back. I was being manipulated and I had no idea. Things would be ok for a while, and then an argument would ensue all over again. It was a deadly cycle. Deep down I knew what I had to do, but when I encountered the situation, I was told I'm weak, it's my fault. I should be the one mending things. Nothing is ever his fault. This is all my problem. If I break it off, I would never find anyone like him again. Damn straight, I don't ever want to deal with an emotional abuser ever again!
The break up part is always the most difficult because both sides have invested a lot of time into a relationship, and when things don't work out, then it just doesn't work out. You're incompatible. We were incompatible from the beginning, yet there was still some hope that things would work. But if you're incompatible from the beginning, it's best to not start anything. If you just break it off, earlier the better. But I can tell you, it's easier said than done.
In this particular break up, I knew it would be a bad idea to go to his house and do it alone. It would just be bad face to face. He had a bad temper, and it's either his way or the highway. I was not sure what he was capable of doing, and I did not want to find out. I certainly wanted to be alive after I broke up. So I invited a girl friend to my house and told her my plan. I was going to do it via the phone. Normally I wouldn't break up with people over the phone. I always told myself that's the chicken way out. But it really depends on the situation. If you're dealing with an abuser, you want very little contact with that person. We had to discuss and plan everything out on paper to remind me. When I made the phone call, I don't remember what I said, but what I do remember is him trying to manipulate me once again. Guilt trip me, make me feel like I'm the one who was at fault for everything. My girl friend was by my side listening in, and writing notes, circling everything on the paper, and telling me to not cave in.
This was someone who supposedly cared for me, yet he would say mean things during our time together. The list below forms a variety of emotional abuse (verbal, rejection, put downs, being afraid, isolation, controlling money, bullying):
-You would be prettier with some make up on.
-Your mom's a bitch. And your brother's crazy.
-Your friend (so and so) wastes so much money. Why do you even bother hanging out with him/her? Such a bad influence.
-Your friend (so and so) is so annoying. I can't stand being around her.
-You can give me back my keys, and you can go f*ck yourself.
-Oh, look at her boobs. *every time we walked by a billboard promoting a woman and her bra*
-A boob job costs only this much. I would totally pay for it if you wanted one (excuse me, are you trying to imply something?!)
-Your religion is crazy. This is why I don't like going out with religious people.
-Why are you so weird?
-F*ck off
-When he tells me how to manage MY money.
-Being afraid to talk about something, for the fear of being yelled at or ridiculed because it happened before on various occasions.
If you ever experience stuff like that being said to you by your partner, those are NOT normal things. Get yourself out of that situation. Get help. When it comes to the break up point, don't do it alone. Always have a back up with you in cases of emergencies.
There are different ways to end a relationship, but one thing I do recommend people do, is to NOT go to one's house alone, when no one else is there. Let's go back to Lauren's case. If she had at least told her friends she was going there, and to have them as back up, she may have well still be alive today. Or if she had met him in a public place, with her friends around just to be safe. Then again, no one expected this to happen. I believe Lauren did not tell her friends where she was going that night because 1) she didn't want them to worry, 2) she didn't want backlash from them, 3) she figured she can help him become a better person if she saw him one to one because he still cared and trusted her. And this is how compassionate people think. They don't want to cause trouble or worry amongst friends and family, and figured things will be solved if it's a one to one session. The last thing on one's mind is to think about being killed.
I believe the emotional abuse and manipulation all stems from too many differences between a couple. When a couple is not on the same track in life, have very different goals in life or being chronic liars, always getting into arguments and never a proper solution, it will bring one side to become abusive. Once it becomes very abusive, it becomes difficult for the abused to leave the relationship. When you start to hear the negative words said to you every single day, you eventually become used to it and think it's normal. So you shrug it off. But it isn't normal. Eventually, all that negativity will start eating at you from the inside and tear you apart. One little argument can explode, and that's when things can become dangerous. There have been many cases where the partner has absorbed so much abuse, that they act out and kill their partners. Then they get sent to jail for life. It's not always the abuser that can murder, but the abused if they hit the point of no return. It's very sad.
After Lauren's case, her family and friends founded the Lauren Dunne Astley Memorial Fund, to raise awareness of breakup violence, and to also live out her legacy. Elon University also held a memorial for her in May during the graduation ceremony for the Class of 2015: to recognize one of their fallen. Lauren would have graduated university this year.
For more information about the organization, visit Lauren Astley Memorial Fund
Rest in peace beautiful lady.
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So what have I learned and what are some key things to absorb?
1) Don't ever rush yourself into any relationship. Who cares if all your friends have girlfriends or boyfriends, or are getting married and having kids? Be happy for them that they found their match. But don't ever rush yourself to be with someone just so you can tell people you're with someone. It's better to be single for the rest of your life, than be with the wrong person and be miserable for the rest of your life.
2) Relationships take A LOT of work. It's not just about having the status of a boyfriend or girlfriend. It's involving all your emotions, time, commitment, money, family, friends, career. Everything.
3) If you see many differences from the very beginning of a relationship with a person, or you are not compatible with each other, it's best to not even start a long-term relationship with that person. You're wasting your time, and you're also wasting that person's time.
4) Don't ever think you can change someone completely when you start dating them, because they won't ever change. They are who they are. So if you don't like them the first time you're with them, don't even think about trying to change them because it won't happen. They will change only if they want to change.
5) Manipulation and guilt-tripping is not normal in a relationship. As soon as you sense that, don't ever think you're crazy because you're not. Trust your gut feeling. Hurtful words and guilt-trips will NOT make you a better person. They will destroy you completely.
6) When a partner tells you that if you guys break up, they would commit suicide. And this is in the very beginning when you first date. Yeah, that's a sign you should RUN FAST.
7) It has been said to observe how your potential partner treats their family and friends (AND also your family and friends). If they treat them like crap, don't expect him/her to treat you like an angel. It can range from how they speak to each other, to how they treat each other and how they all deal with various situations. If they are always angry, violent and swearing a lot, that's not a good sign. If they are always quiet and never talk to anyone, or isolate themselves or have no friends, that's also another red flag.
8) It is normal for one to feel jealous here and there, but jealousy that involves giving people death stares whenever they look at your spouse, and become threatening is not normal. One that doesn't allow you to have friends of the opposite-sex is a huge red flag. If someone looked at my partner, I wouldn't take a knife and poke them in the eye. I would be proud of my man, and I'd show him off proudly. That's how men should react. Be proud of your woman and embrace her, but don't look at them as an object or trophy wife. And definitely don't start fights with random people off the streets. Huge no-no. That would be a pre-requisite to hitting your partner in the face later on.
9) If you ever go through a bad break-up (or any break-up for that matter), NEVER meet the person at their place or yours alone. I definitely recommend meeting in a public place, or have your friends nearby. If you can, drive your own car. Don't let them pick you up. Or ask a friend to drop you off and have them on standby. If it's really bad, just do it over the phone. Don't ever accept meeting in a secluded area to "have a peaceful talk". Always think the worst case scenario because your mind will be on guard. It doesn't matter if that person's an angel during the relationship. It has come to the break up point, and I'm pretty sure the angelic side won't be showing.
10) Don't ever take your friends for granted. Good friends are hard to come by and take years to develop. Embrace and honour them, because they will be there for you through thick and thin. They may not like that you're suffering through a bad relationship or bad break up, but they will always be there to support you. So be honest to them and tell them you need their guidance and help. There is no need to feel embarrassed in asking for help.
11) Don't take your family for granted. Parents are always annoying and always nag when they don't like your girlfriend or boyfriend, but they can see everything. They do it because they care. Yes, you need to live life and experience heartbreaks yourself, but it's crazy how smart parents are. In the end, they care about you and just want the best for their kids.
There was a case where a girl and her mom were very close (the dad had died when the girl was young). They were inseparable. The girl eventually met an older guy who wooed her. She felt happy and introduced him to mom. The mom had no issue with him until one day he was invited over for dinner, and they were having a conversation when the guy did not agree about something, and he slammed his fist on the table. That's when the mom felt concerned for her daughter and tried to tell her to break it off with him. The girl wouldn't listen. The more she hung out with the guy, the more she was influenced that her mom was the bad person. They came up with a plan to kill her, and that's what happened. The guy had told her to do it, and he would be the getaway driver. In trial, the guy denied being involved and said it was the girl's idea. They were both convicted of murder and sentenced to life imprisonment with no chance of parole. Now she has no parents, and the guy she supposedly fell in love with manipulated her and set her up for murder. She will spend the rest of her life in prison thinking about what she did.
If you are going through emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in a relationship, you need to seek immediate professional help, or confide in a very good friend about the situation. It's not an easy thing to do, but I can tell you there is nothing wrong in confiding or asking for help. You are doing it for yourself and for your own well-being. Remember that all those negative words don't make you a better person. They will destroy you over time. And once it destroys you, it becomes very hard to get back your old self. You need to get away from the source of the abuse. Stay at a friend or family member's house. Do not tell the abuser the whereabouts of yourself. Some abusers, depending how unstable they are, will start to stalk and make threats to everyone to find out the whereabouts of their spouse. When it escalates to that point, authorities need to be called. Do not wait. Threats like that need to be taken seriously.
If you know of a friend or family member who is in an abusive relationship, you need to reach out to them. Let them know that you're there to help. They may refuse or deny that there is a problem, but if the signs are clearly there, they need professional help. Even giving them a contact for professional help works as well. But also telling them you as a friend are there for support, it helps them as well. They may not see it right away (it can take years before they finally realize they're being abused), but when it comes to leaving the abusive relationship, they will know that you were with them all along for support. And that's what good friends and family do.
Wednesday, August 05, 2015
Workplace Violence
In early July of this year, there was an article published in the Toronto Star regarding nurses and the violence they experience at work. According to the study, there has been an increase in reporting assaults, whether they are physical/sexual/verbal abuse.
The link:
Workplace Violence - Nursing
Now I've heard from plenty of people who say nursing is an awesome job with great pay and benefits, and secure because nurses are needed everywhere. Especially with the Baby Boomers heading for retirement, this will open up plenty of opportunities for young new grads. However, schools fail to really explore the dangers of being a front line staff worker. A lot of young people are exposed to the superficial aspect of nursing, but do not know the emotional, physical and mental involvement in becoming a nurse. Plus, the violence that could occur while working.
People have told me that it's normal to experience violence in the workplace because of what I do. No, it's not normal. Any workplace should be free of violence. There should not be any workplace that tolerates violence or encourages it. Personally, I have been scratched, kicked, spat on, sworn at, threatened, grabbed and bitten by people that I was trying to take care of.
This is still an on-going issue and continuous battle that all nurses face in the workplace. Just recently, a patient had sucker punched my co-worker right in the eye, because 1) he was tired and 2) he had a headache and didn't like the nurse talking to him. The third I may add, there was a bit of cognitive impairment/delay. But does it make it right to punch someone? No, of course not. Especially when that someone is trying to help you. Some first aid was required, and security was called to escort the patient back to his room. Notifying the management and writing up an incident report was done. But yet this still occurs on various units. We may blame the illness for making the person act that certain way, but really, it isn't fair to the health care workers if we aren't protected by the workplace.
The fact that violence is escalating brings up a huge red flag. Something is obviously very wrong with the entire system if nurses are getting constantly assaulted, injured, and then having to take time off work. If only nurses could punch back when they get injured, that would make it fair. But they can't. They are the ones who keep the system together, who help take care of patients from their sickest to recovery stage. As soon as a nurse punches someone, there goes the trust in nurses. In the end, no matter how much abuse a nurse experiences, they have to suck it up and deal with it. Is it right? I don't think it is. But it's not like you can rewind and erase the event. The union can only do so much, and it would require constant complaints until something happens.
Nursing schools barely touch on workplace violence, and if they did, it was only brief. They say one or two sentences that sound easy to say when they give a scenario. But until you are faced with that situation in real life, that one sentence they teach you to say may be useless. They should have included some self defence class in nursing school. I didn't learn about that until I started work. I thought it was kind of ridiculous that they would teach that, because they never mentioned much in school. Just a bunch of theory that I would never use in real life. But then I saw patients becoming increasingly violent towards the very people that are trying to help them. And then I understood why they needed to teach this course to all health care workers. I actually commend them for introducing the course to all staff before they start working.
Sometimes people let their guard down because hey, we see the patients and say, poor them. They are so weak, I have to help them. Let me tell you, looks are deceiving. The first time I worked in a lock down unit, I saw someone who looked like they needed help to dress for the morning. It was a tiny old woman. As I helped her, she was compliant and friendly. As soon as I bent down to put on her shoes, she gave a swift kick to my chest. I fell backwards, and had the wind knocked out of me. Now I understand that expression "I got the wind knocked out of me" because literally, that's what happened. Thankfully another nurse was nearby and assisted me and got this patient dressed. We had to remind the little old lady that kicking people was not allowed. You may think it's just a slap on the wrist, and it really is. Documentation is obviously necessary. But that's it. I can't deny her food or the washroom to punish her because that would just be inhumane.
Sexual abuse and violence also occurs quite frequently in health care. I remember while working as a student, I did a lot of night shifts on my days off school. I had a 12 hour night shift on one of the units, and nurses had warned me about the patient I was looking after for the night. He had made sexual comments to all the workers that were taking care of him. So they gave me a head's up. He seemed alright when I first saw him. His family came to visit and stay with him and he seemed calm. As soon as they left, that's when all the craziness happened. The attempts to climb out of bed, and the punching. Not only that, but if you were a female, he would try to grab the chest. The first time he tried to do that, I backed off. I remember telling myself, this was going to be a long-ass night, and a very brutal one. They teach you to say stuff like "that is inappropriate sir. Please don't do that again" in school, but when you are thrown into real life situations like this, that sentence doesn't mean jack. Now you might think, why not chemical restraints? Maybe some Propofol or Ativan. The whole point of having a sitter at night is to not use chemical restraints. However, it will be necessary if they go violent all night. I don't remember if he had anything to help him calm down. But I do remember half the night he was trying to climb out of bed. And it was my job to prevent him from falling out of bed. It was difficult already, but to have someone try to sexual abuse you while you try to help them, it takes guts. Giving him a shower in the morning was difficult because it requires you to be close to them. I had to stand about 5 feet away to prevent being grabbed. When the 12 hours had passed, I was thankful to be out of there, but felt sorry for the workers who had to deal with him for the rest of the day.
Abuse occurs in all aspects of nursing, predominantly in mental health. In January 2014, a nurse working for CAMH was brutally beaten by a patient, to the point he was unrecognizable. CAMH was charged, and so was the patient, for assault. The nurse could not return to work because of the injuries sustained. And yet I hear people say, well it's mental health. It's expected and normal for people to beat other people up because they're messed up in the head. No, it's not normal in ANY aspect. Just because they have an illness, it doesn't make it right in any way to go beating people up. No one should be afraid to go to work, and no one should expect to get beaten up at work.
Emergency rooms deal with a lot of violence towards staff. The crazy wait times, the delay in getting an answer fast. I think in this society of constant social media, exposure to violence in movies and being so self centred, our patience runs out pretty quick. If we don't get the answer fast, or the answer we want to hear, the first thing we do is resort to violence and try to hit something. That something is unfortunately the nurse at times. People don't realize that the doctors and nurses in the ER are probably running 12-16 hours (or maybe even more) on a regular day, dealing with many patients, and probably missing their dinner and bathroom breaks, because they want to get you the answers as soon as possible. You might peek around and see them sitting down and chatting, while you're waiting for results and getting pissed off, but what you haven't seen is the previous 10 hours of them running around. That could've been the only time they got to sit down for a few minutes to catch their breaths. So, take it easy. We know you're in pain and we hate to see you in pain. But please don't take out your anger on the people that are trying to help you. Punching them will not help either because you just knocked out 1 staff out of 10. And you just made them short staffed, which means a delay in reporting your results.
I don't want to scare potential future health care workers out there, but there are the goods and bads. They both have to be laid out on the table for you to decide whether it's the right career path for you. There are a lot of stuff that schools don't teach the young ones about what to expect in the real world. A lot of those will come with experience, but hopefully in a safe environment.
Workplace violence should be discussed more in schools. If they are to prepare future generations of front line workers, they should reduce the amount of useless theories taught in all 4 years of the program, and start introducing a course in workplace violence, including a self defence course. It's not to imply you get to beat people up, but it's to protect yourself, and also prevents the patient from harming others. They need to also touch base on the impact of mental, emotional, physical and sexual abuse on health care workers. It has become more prevalent and needs to be addressed. They need to stop showing the superficial stuff of nursing, and start emphasizing a pandemic that's hitting hospitals across the nation.
The link:
Workplace Violence - Nursing
Now I've heard from plenty of people who say nursing is an awesome job with great pay and benefits, and secure because nurses are needed everywhere. Especially with the Baby Boomers heading for retirement, this will open up plenty of opportunities for young new grads. However, schools fail to really explore the dangers of being a front line staff worker. A lot of young people are exposed to the superficial aspect of nursing, but do not know the emotional, physical and mental involvement in becoming a nurse. Plus, the violence that could occur while working.
People have told me that it's normal to experience violence in the workplace because of what I do. No, it's not normal. Any workplace should be free of violence. There should not be any workplace that tolerates violence or encourages it. Personally, I have been scratched, kicked, spat on, sworn at, threatened, grabbed and bitten by people that I was trying to take care of.
This is still an on-going issue and continuous battle that all nurses face in the workplace. Just recently, a patient had sucker punched my co-worker right in the eye, because 1) he was tired and 2) he had a headache and didn't like the nurse talking to him. The third I may add, there was a bit of cognitive impairment/delay. But does it make it right to punch someone? No, of course not. Especially when that someone is trying to help you. Some first aid was required, and security was called to escort the patient back to his room. Notifying the management and writing up an incident report was done. But yet this still occurs on various units. We may blame the illness for making the person act that certain way, but really, it isn't fair to the health care workers if we aren't protected by the workplace.
The fact that violence is escalating brings up a huge red flag. Something is obviously very wrong with the entire system if nurses are getting constantly assaulted, injured, and then having to take time off work. If only nurses could punch back when they get injured, that would make it fair. But they can't. They are the ones who keep the system together, who help take care of patients from their sickest to recovery stage. As soon as a nurse punches someone, there goes the trust in nurses. In the end, no matter how much abuse a nurse experiences, they have to suck it up and deal with it. Is it right? I don't think it is. But it's not like you can rewind and erase the event. The union can only do so much, and it would require constant complaints until something happens.
Nursing schools barely touch on workplace violence, and if they did, it was only brief. They say one or two sentences that sound easy to say when they give a scenario. But until you are faced with that situation in real life, that one sentence they teach you to say may be useless. They should have included some self defence class in nursing school. I didn't learn about that until I started work. I thought it was kind of ridiculous that they would teach that, because they never mentioned much in school. Just a bunch of theory that I would never use in real life. But then I saw patients becoming increasingly violent towards the very people that are trying to help them. And then I understood why they needed to teach this course to all health care workers. I actually commend them for introducing the course to all staff before they start working.
Sometimes people let their guard down because hey, we see the patients and say, poor them. They are so weak, I have to help them. Let me tell you, looks are deceiving. The first time I worked in a lock down unit, I saw someone who looked like they needed help to dress for the morning. It was a tiny old woman. As I helped her, she was compliant and friendly. As soon as I bent down to put on her shoes, she gave a swift kick to my chest. I fell backwards, and had the wind knocked out of me. Now I understand that expression "I got the wind knocked out of me" because literally, that's what happened. Thankfully another nurse was nearby and assisted me and got this patient dressed. We had to remind the little old lady that kicking people was not allowed. You may think it's just a slap on the wrist, and it really is. Documentation is obviously necessary. But that's it. I can't deny her food or the washroom to punish her because that would just be inhumane.
Sexual abuse and violence also occurs quite frequently in health care. I remember while working as a student, I did a lot of night shifts on my days off school. I had a 12 hour night shift on one of the units, and nurses had warned me about the patient I was looking after for the night. He had made sexual comments to all the workers that were taking care of him. So they gave me a head's up. He seemed alright when I first saw him. His family came to visit and stay with him and he seemed calm. As soon as they left, that's when all the craziness happened. The attempts to climb out of bed, and the punching. Not only that, but if you were a female, he would try to grab the chest. The first time he tried to do that, I backed off. I remember telling myself, this was going to be a long-ass night, and a very brutal one. They teach you to say stuff like "that is inappropriate sir. Please don't do that again" in school, but when you are thrown into real life situations like this, that sentence doesn't mean jack. Now you might think, why not chemical restraints? Maybe some Propofol or Ativan. The whole point of having a sitter at night is to not use chemical restraints. However, it will be necessary if they go violent all night. I don't remember if he had anything to help him calm down. But I do remember half the night he was trying to climb out of bed. And it was my job to prevent him from falling out of bed. It was difficult already, but to have someone try to sexual abuse you while you try to help them, it takes guts. Giving him a shower in the morning was difficult because it requires you to be close to them. I had to stand about 5 feet away to prevent being grabbed. When the 12 hours had passed, I was thankful to be out of there, but felt sorry for the workers who had to deal with him for the rest of the day.
Abuse occurs in all aspects of nursing, predominantly in mental health. In January 2014, a nurse working for CAMH was brutally beaten by a patient, to the point he was unrecognizable. CAMH was charged, and so was the patient, for assault. The nurse could not return to work because of the injuries sustained. And yet I hear people say, well it's mental health. It's expected and normal for people to beat other people up because they're messed up in the head. No, it's not normal in ANY aspect. Just because they have an illness, it doesn't make it right in any way to go beating people up. No one should be afraid to go to work, and no one should expect to get beaten up at work.
Emergency rooms deal with a lot of violence towards staff. The crazy wait times, the delay in getting an answer fast. I think in this society of constant social media, exposure to violence in movies and being so self centred, our patience runs out pretty quick. If we don't get the answer fast, or the answer we want to hear, the first thing we do is resort to violence and try to hit something. That something is unfortunately the nurse at times. People don't realize that the doctors and nurses in the ER are probably running 12-16 hours (or maybe even more) on a regular day, dealing with many patients, and probably missing their dinner and bathroom breaks, because they want to get you the answers as soon as possible. You might peek around and see them sitting down and chatting, while you're waiting for results and getting pissed off, but what you haven't seen is the previous 10 hours of them running around. That could've been the only time they got to sit down for a few minutes to catch their breaths. So, take it easy. We know you're in pain and we hate to see you in pain. But please don't take out your anger on the people that are trying to help you. Punching them will not help either because you just knocked out 1 staff out of 10. And you just made them short staffed, which means a delay in reporting your results.
I don't want to scare potential future health care workers out there, but there are the goods and bads. They both have to be laid out on the table for you to decide whether it's the right career path for you. There are a lot of stuff that schools don't teach the young ones about what to expect in the real world. A lot of those will come with experience, but hopefully in a safe environment.
Workplace violence should be discussed more in schools. If they are to prepare future generations of front line workers, they should reduce the amount of useless theories taught in all 4 years of the program, and start introducing a course in workplace violence, including a self defence course. It's not to imply you get to beat people up, but it's to protect yourself, and also prevents the patient from harming others. They need to also touch base on the impact of mental, emotional, physical and sexual abuse on health care workers. It has become more prevalent and needs to be addressed. They need to stop showing the superficial stuff of nursing, and start emphasizing a pandemic that's hitting hospitals across the nation.
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