Break up, Back up

Most of us have gone through at least one break up in our lives. Some maybe not, but that's ok too. Some have amicable break ups. Some have terrible break ups, and unfortunately some people lose their lives while trying to break up. Everyone has different views on how to break up, or how to deal with a break up. There is really no "right" answer, but there are different ways you can cope with it, and ultimately the most important thing is that you move on and so does the other person.

Nowadays, there's a trend that I see (or maybe it's just me). People who break up but then try to sue each other in court for money. Or try to go after your ass over gifts that were given to you. Once again, it's all about money. 

This is what I don't get. Why waste all your resources and money trying to fight and sue...to get more money? I can understand if it's over quite a bit of money, like 10K or more. But over a few hundred bucks, I would just leave it and move on. Life is too short to be fighting over ridiculous amounts of things and in the end, you will still die and still leave all your materialistic things here on earth. 

I'll give you an example from my experience. Considering I've never dealt with anything at this level before, I will share with those who have never encountered this before, to shed some red flags from the beginning of a (bad, unhealthy) relationship.

First off, if you start off a relationship being showered with expensive gifts, that's a red flag. You can't buy someone's love. You have to have that mutual respect and connection with someone first. Someone who can understand you, make you happy, can talk to you and connect with you on many levels (emotionally, mentally, spiritually). You don't need to buy things to make a person happy. Being there for them, someone to talk to, can already make them smile.

Second, if they are telling you wishy washy things (i.e not answering your question directly, avoiding eye contact, making up a bunch of excuses), they are lying about something. When you catch them in a lie, and they deny it by making up excuses, they are lying to your face. Being honest is such a huge thing, because that's how you develop trust with someone. But when they are always lying, you can't trust them. Simple. The biggest lie that I was ever told was him having a job, when he didn't have one. Why did I not catch on? I have no idea. Probably because I was too nice and trusted that he was a grown ass man who knew what he was doing with his life, when it was the complete opposite. You'd expect a man in his 30's to know what he's doing with his life, but not this one. He still relied on mommy to clean up after himself.

So if you suspect something weird about your dating partner, trust your gut instinct. It is almost always right.

So the break up happened, you wash your hands clean. You move on. 

Or so you think.

Normal people would take their stuff back after a break up. This one didn't. It was a bunch of excuses of why he was unable to come pick up his stuff, even after giving him a week's time to pick it up. Well, too bad so sad. Doors locked. 

If your ex's items remain in your hands after a break up, and you have given them ample time to pick it up but they don't, or they never show initiative to pick it up, you have the right to do whatever you want with it. Your house, your choice. You may choose to throw it out, or sell it, or whatever else you want to do with it. 

I have friends who think I'm way too nice, because I actually took the time and MY OWN ENERGY to move all his crap and drop it off at his family's place. I didn't have to, and I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't do it, but I really did not want any of his items around. So what's yours is yours. What's mine is mine. 

You would think after all that crap, I could at least move on. But NOPE! THERE IS MORE!

If you get any emails, letters, phone calls from the ex, threatening to take you to the cops if more items were not returned, don't take any of that crap. Let's be real here. First off, the cops aren't going to do anything. This is a civil matter. Cops would not get involved if one person left their stuff willingly at another person's place and didn't have it returned, unless you stole something from your ex or their families, or if you set their house on fire or something criminal. Then that's when cops will get involved.

If your ex gave you gifts during the relationship, or even after a relationship and didn't expect anything back (like money for example), then that's considered a gift. I'll give you an example. I was given a wallet, and was told it was bought long ago and it finally arrived in the mail. That was last year. This recent letter now suddenly says it was for his mother. So let me get this straight: if you got a gift that was intended for someone else, why would you give it to Person B?? You just dug yourself your own grave if you want to try and sue Person B to get that item back. 

If they want the gift back, they cannot rely on the police to get the gifts back, even with receipts and invoices and what not. This has now become a civil matter, where it would have to be settled in small claims court. So technically, yes, you can be sued. I know, so stupid right? It better be worth it to sue then. Because not only does the other party have to pay to file a claim, but then they would have to hire a lawyer, and if they lose they will have to pay a bunch of court fees. In the end, the fees would be much more than the amount of what they're suing for. As I said, it better be worth it.

So ladies and gentlemen, if you ever receive any threatening emails or letters saying you will be arrested or charged with theft (because the ex decided the gift to you months ago is no longer a gift anymore), don't believe that bull crap. You cannot be arrested or charged over a gift. Receiving a gift and keeping it is not breaking the law. It's like saying a guy buys his girl a 20K diamond engagement ring, but they then broke up. The guy initially doesn't want the ring back, but 6 months later decided he wants it back. Well, too bad. The girl can do whatever she wants with it. She can sell it, keep it, give it to someone else, or give it back to you. If you do not act on it first thing after a break up, then that person can do whatever they want with it. Take it as a loss. The guy cannot go to police and have the girl arrested for theft because it was a gift. He can sue her for money if he chooses, but he cannot have her arrested as this is a civil matter. She did not break any laws.

It's easy to say I wish I never met that person, because they ruined my life. I see everything as "God has a reason why they were introduced into my life." It might sound crazy, but it takes time to understand it all. Sometimes I won't even recognize it until a few years down the road when I see the bigger picture. I may not understand why this sap came into my life right now, but when I see the big picture later on, I will see it and understand it.

This is why I recommend people to just move on with their lives. If you really have some important things to pick up after a break up, do it right away. Don't wait until 8 months down the road. The most normal thing is to pick up stuff soon after a break up, and just move on. Don't even look back. Suing for money is not your problem; it's theirs. Suing is a waste of time for many reasons: wastes lawyer time, waste of time waiting to get a court date, wastes YOUR time (because YOU'RE the one who has to lose a day of work), waste of money and resources, waste of brain cells fighting back and forth.

No break up is worth spending thousands of dollars. Because in the end when we all die, we can't take our money or worldly possessions with us. Why kill yourself over something stupid when you should be living your life? Be strong, live a life worthy of your calling, and don't let threats like this stop you from being who you are.