1 Year Memory

It's the end of November. Less than a month away till Christmas. Can't believe it.

A lot has happened lately. Well, kind of.

Last week was a brutal week. Not only was it the start of my 2 job scheduling madness where I pretty much work 60 hours or more per week combined, but it was also the one year memorial mark of M's passing.

This entire year has been depressing and sad. It was the year of "firsts" that he wasn't here, so it was tough to deal. There were a lot of mental meltdowns, and flashbacks of his last day. It kept replaying over and over in my head until I couldn't handle it and broke down.

I started the week off as a wreck. It was a gloomy, rainy day weather-wise. As the day progressed, the sun never came out. The gloomy weather definitely set me off into my sad phase where I would get flashback memories of M's last day and then break down. It would be on a repeat cycle for the rest of the day until I went to work.

Going to work is like a break from the emotional world. My brain was focused on making a difference in the healthcare world, and when people gave me a pat on the back for a job well done, I felt good.

But once I got home, it was the emotional train wreck all over again because all those memories started coming back. The next few days were an improvement though. The weather got better too, and I noticed my emotions were better than day 1.

On the eve of his passing, I had a dream.

I dreamt I was watching an old video of him walking around and then jumping on my lap, then laying down on me. I started caressing his fur and laughing.

Then suddenly, it's like one of those inception things. I got immersed into the video. I could feel his warmth and fur, hear his purrs and meow. It felt like I was actually there with him. The video itself was not very long, so I knew I didn't have much time to be with him.

I remember saying I miss you, I love you, everything will be ok. I gave him a big hug. And he meowed and looked at me. Then he had to jump down from my lap, and go. His other kitty friends were waiting for him.

Then I cried, and I kept crying.

And then I woke up.

It really set off my emotions for the next day or two because that dream was always on my mind. From what others have said, I looked pretty upset and sad at the same time.

Mom noticed something was off and thought it was because something happened at work. But I told her it wasn't work related. She thought it was bad friends, but I said no, not that. She kept prying. Eventually I told her about the dream. After I told her, I cried again. She seemed really sad too because I know she really misses him.

She then told me that he's an angel now, that he's looking out for us. He came to visit me in my dreams to tell me he's ok, that he's free. That I shouldn't be sad. But I am always sad because he's not here.

Lately I tried having positive flashbacks of him: the first day that I took him home when I was 10. That out of all the kitties at the adoption agency, I chose him. The quiet one. The one that was hiding behind all the kitties. There was just something about him when I saw him, that I knew he was the one for us.

My brother and dad always made fun of me for choosing such a chicken kitty, because he was always afraid of everything. But he was a smart cat. And we grew to love him each and every day for the rest of his life. He was our world, and we were his entire world.

I have a hard time accepting still, maybe because I did choose him to come home with us. I chose him, grew up with him, gone through my teenage years with him by my side, had many life milestones with him by my side. It felt like it was taken away too soon.

I haven't had a dream about him for a long time. That's why I found it interesting that on the eve of his passing, I had a dream about him. I find that I usually dream about whatever I was thinking of during the day or right before I sleep. But that night my mind was clear. I wasn't thinking about anything. Just watching a TV show and fell asleep. Nothing related to cats.

I believe that M came to briefly visit me in my dream almost a year later after he passed, to let me know that he's ok. I'm not sure if I will ever have similar dreams in the future. I hope so. Because I really miss him, and I don't want him to forget about me.  I just hope one day when I pass, I will be able to see him again.

Shift Workers

Greetings all!

I can't remember if I wrote a post about careers involving shift work and any pros/cons but I was thinking about it and figured I could do a mini list.

It will be useful for those who are thinking of going into careers that will have weird working hours, like nursing, doctor/medicine, policing, pilots, flight attendants, chefs etc, just to name a few. This is my first hand experience with shift work.

In this case I'll use the field of nursing as an example. There are many paths to nursing, and not all paths will require you to work all types of hours. Day Surgery involves shifts during the day/late afternoon, but you get the nights off, and weekends as well. If you work in clinics, many of them are day shifts, but rarely nights. If you go onto medical floors like general medicine, medical-surgical, intensive care units, cardiac units, transplant, you will be expected to work all types of hours: days, evenings, nights, and will require you to work every other weekend.

The great thing about working in ICU and all the medical units is that you will get a lot of hands-on experience, and gain a lot of knowledge. The one thing you have to be careful of is burn out. It takes a toll mentally and physically every time you work.

But speaking of burn out, I believe a lot of places have a high risk of burning out because 1) many more sick people now 2) short on funding 3) results in cutting back on essential services 4) burn out on staff.

The career that I chose mostly involves rotation between days/evenings shifts, and the rare moment of having nights as well. On-calls are also every 2-3 months, working every other Saturday while having every Sunday off. It's not too bad actually.

Now onto the pros of working this shift work hours:

1) The moment of shopping at off-peak hours. This really helps with Christmas shopping for example. Instead of going on a weekend (where there are much bigger crowds), you can avoid it and go on a weekday when you're off work. Much more peaceful and you can get a lot more done instead of fighting in the crowds.

2) Taking vacation whenever you want. You can avoid the high-seasons like summer time, March break, winter break and go whenever you like. In the long run, you'll end up saving quite a bit if you avoid going at high-peak seasons and paying a premium.

3) Getting paid time and a half (or double time in some cases) on holidays, and your birthday (depending on your employer).

4) Switching shifts with coworkers. If you feel that you can't work a certain day or week, there is always a coworker willing to do a switch with you to accommodate your needs. If it's really necessary, managers can work with you to accommodate scheduling.

5) You get premium pay working evening/night shifts on top of your hourly, as well as being on call and getting called in to work.

6) Flexibility. It sounds weird because you think shoot, you basically work all hours. It's impossible to be flexible! But it's true. There is always someone willing to take a shift, so you can always work around it in order to get things done.

7) You can avoid seeing someone you don't like. This one's a bit mean, but the chances of you working with someone you don't like goes down since there are many more hours to work around instead of a straight 9-5 job.

8) More chances of OT. You can bring in the kaching kaching. Ultimately, there is a higher chance of bringing in more cash.

Now onto the Cons:

1) It will mess up your biological clock. Studies have shown those who don't get enough sleep at night will have increased risk of heart disease. There are times that when I have trouble adjusting to my sleep patterns, I don't feel good overall. I feel like crap actually. This is true with those doing straight night shifts. Eventually you get used to it but initially, it is tough to adjust.

2) Say goodbye to your holidays, summers, and having nightly cocktails with your girlfriends. Shift work pretty much means you won't be able to have many nights out (unless you change your shifts around). Christmas and New Year's become the busiest time of year at work, and depending on employer's, some will not allow shift giveaways during these 2 weeks. So going away to Cuba or Florida at this time is almost impossible.

3) Sacrifice. Each job no matter where you end up will require some sort of sacrifice. I find that it still takes a bit of sacrifice from friends, family, just spending time with loved ones. Just have to be careful of balance between work life and loved ones.

4) It will always seem like you're working. Yes it's true to some degree. And when you finally get a day off, you just hope you stay in bed all day and have no one disturb you. But then you'd want to do as much as you can on your day off. You never win.

5) You will feel like you never get paid enough. Then again, that's with any job.

These are the main ones I can think of (there are probably more). This isn't written to scare people away, but more or less to give a head's up of what to expect. Overall, it's actually not that bad. But the biological clock is true, and to this day I still struggle to some degree.

Disney World!

After the crazy few weeks of running a unit/program, I was happy to go on vacation. Counting down to vacation days is my motivation to work harder, because in the end, there's a reward waiting.

So of course I ended up at the "happiest place on earth", and no it is not a massage parlour.

It was a vacation to look forward to because 1) I was going to Disney World again! and 2) Best friend getting married in Disney! A girl could not have asked for more *insert lovey dovey eyes*

The first time I went to Disney World Orlando was back in 2013 with the bestie, just the two of us. This was the very first time that I had gone away "on my own" so to speak, so it was definitely an adventure. Renting a car, driving around the city, going to all these amazing parks, trying out different food. It was awesome. Definitely way better than going on those Chinese tour buses where you're stuck for 8 hours on the road, and 15 minutes at a sight seeing area.

We stayed for a week, hitting up the world famous parks but we stayed off the resort. This time around, I chose to stay at a resort. And man oh man, I never knew there were so many different resorts.

I didn't know how pricey staying at resorts would cost as well. Each day's rate is different depending on the season and if it's a weekend or weekday. I had the pleasure of staying at Port Orlean's Riverside resort. When staying at a resort, transportation to and from the airport is included, as well as transportation to all of the Disney parks. Wifi is also included at all the parks, and the hotel. You get an armband (which you can select your colour online on the My Disney Experience...I totally slacked on this area so I didn't get to choose my colour), and this armband is basically your identity "card". It opens your hotel room, and checks you into the various parks if you decide to put it in your armband. They also engrave your name into the armband so you know it's yours. Pretty cool!

The few weeks before your trip, Disney will send you packages in the mail and give you all the information you need before arriving. Makes you feel like an awesome kid all over again!

Arriving at the resort was pretty exciting. I had never been to any of the resorts so this was a first time experience for me.

This is the lobby/check in desk at Riverside Resort. It was pretty awesome. 

After getting my armband and my hotel information, it was time to check out the room. The distance from the front lobby to the resort was still about a 5 minute walk away. It seemed like forever when you have luggage to wheel. But it wasn't too bad. Weather was beautiful. It was sunny the entire week I was there, with an average temperature of 27C. 

Inside the room, I had opted for the garden view with 2 queen size beds. Definitely nice and cozy for one person.

I didn't realize they had made a Mickey Mouse head with the towels on the bed. It was only until after I got home and sorted through pictures that I finally figured out what that was. Captain Slow checking in.

The first couple of days was low key and being lazy. Didn't check out the parks until later on. First one we hit was Universal Studios and Island of Adventure parks. Because it was the month of October, all the parks had some sort of Halloween special going on. At Universal, they had the Halloween Horror Nights that ran pretty much every night. With this, the park closed early: Universal at 5pm, Island of Adventure at 8pm. So it didn't leave us much time to check out the parks, especially if you are lining up for rides.

We did not opt for the fast lane passes because not everyone wanted to get it. The newest ride/area was the Harry Potter one at Universal. Island of Adventures already had a Harry Potter theme park there, but Universal had finally opened up a "part 2". This one had the Hogwarts Railways ride, which takes you from Universal Studios to Island of Adventure on the infamous red train. The windows are actually movie screens. As the train is traveling to Island of Adventure, you feel the train moving but the window will show you traveling to Hogwarts. It's pretty cool. 

The line up to get on the train had estimated 75 minutes. I really had no clue how long it really took. I just knew the line was massive. But it did feel like we waited in line forever, although I doubt it really took 75 minutes to get on.

The following day was Disney's Magic Kingdom. This is the place where you feel like a 5 year old all over again. 

Every time I see Cinderella's Castle, I feel like dancing in circles. Unfortunately we can't go in, unless you purchase special tickets. There is also that new wedding package that offers weddings inside the castle at night, for up to 300 guests, and you have the entire park to yourselves after the park closes. Only problem is, it's in the range of 6 figures, and for those who have an endless pit of money. 

There are a few rides I remember at Magic Kingdom: It's a Small World, Peter Pan, the log ride, and a couple of fast train rides (not roller coasters, but they go fast and is super fun!). 

There are fireworks at the end of the night at the castle as well, which unfortunately this time I was unable to see because the park had closed early for Halloween Night. They did convert the park to a Halloween theme after it closed at 7pm. 

Spooky but awesome!

The following day we hit up Epcot park. This was one park I had missed out on the first time around, but I was told it wasn't that awesome compared to the others. But we did see Elsa and Anna! If you're looking for rides, Epcot won't be the place. Better hit up Magic Kingdom or Universal instead. Epcot was more of sight seeing. There was also the International Food Festival so a lot of booths set up from other countries was there. 

The last day we hit up Hollywood Studios, which was also the day of the wedding. The wedding occurred first at Disney's Grand Floridian Resort, as they have a wedding pavilion there. A Lincoln Navigator limo came to pick us up and take us to the resort, where a horse carriage was waiting for us. Horse carriage. I wanted to scream CINDERELLA!

We boarded the carriage and of course took a lot of selfies. It wasn't a very long ride, but we tried to make the best of it.

Passing by the Grand Floridian Resort, with the monorail station connected to the resort. If I had stayed here, I would just ride the monorail everyday just for the heck of it.

It was a short but beautiful ceremony and lots of picture taking. Soon after, we headed to the hall to have a short celebration with cake and sweets. 

After this, the limo took us back to Riverside, where we changed up and hit up Hollywood Studios for the remainder of the day. There are some awesome rides there, most in particular the Tower of Terror and Rock n' Roller coaster with Aerosmith. We also hit up the Star Wars 3D ride and watched Star Wars character do the imperial march. There is also the Beauty and the Beast live show, which I didn't get to see this time around, but they still have it. Closing the night, we checked out Fantasmic. The show was slated for a 7:30pm start, but seating began as early as 6:30pm because it fills up quick. We went in after 6:45 and was still good for time. But it does get super packed. Fantasmic is a must watch show if you visit Disney. It's a combination of live characters in action, and a water/light show, along with fireworks.

Sadly this would end my vacation. When I arrived back at the resort, I had mail from the lobby, which told me all the information I need to catch my flight. Information that told me my flight information, as well as when the bus would come to pick me up to the airport, and they also say when you need to be at the front of the lobby in order to catch your flight on time. 

All in all, I really enjoyed my stay at the Disney resort. They really do look out for you and take the time to fix things when things go haywire (i.e when my reservations changed, they forgot to give me a new confirmation number, so they had to fix it). When you arrive back home, they send you more mail, thanking you for the stay. I also got a thank you letter of a Mickey Mouse drawing. Cute! 

It was definitely an unforgettable trip. I just know one thing though: this ain't going to be my last time going!

November Fever

Yes it is officially flu season. Did you get your flu shot? If you did, that's great for you!

I didn't unfortunately.

There are some places of work that require all workers to have mandatory flu shots for the year. My place is one that doesn't make it mandatory for workers to get the shot. During school though, they make you get it so I remember having to get it because of that.

Flu shots prevent you from getting the flu. It doesn't protect you from the seasonal cold though. So you can still have sore throat, runny nose, fever etc.

During the course of when I got my shots, I became sick soon after. Sick with just regular cold. Not only was my arm in pain from the injection site, but I was sick with a cold.

The last time I had a flu was in 1998...or was it 1997. Sometime in those years. I remember feeling fine for the day, then later on I started to feel a bit funny, then getting chills, fever, and then I vomited all over the floor. I had body aches and couldn't really move much. It took a while to recover, but that was the last memory I had of having the flu. This was before all this flu shot initiation happened.

Then there was one time my fever had spiked to 39.5C, and I woke up with bleeding gums. That freaked the heck out of me. I had never seen that happen before (and I never had that happen again thankfully). I just remembered waking up to my arms covered in spots of blood and wondered what the heck happened; did I kill someone in my sleep? I busted into the washroom, forgetting my mom was in there getting ready for work, and showed her my arms. Then I looked into the mirror and noticed my mouth was full of blood.

Honestly, this was like a scary movie turned to reality. Mom obviously had never seen that before either and then we both started freaking out. That was the only time I remember having to sleep with ice packs all over my body to cool me down. I don't remember if I had body aches or what not, but I didn't vomit.

Fast forward to present day. I've skipped out on the flu shot ever since I started working. A bit of a back story:

I was working a night shift and the lady was coming around with her trolley of candies and flu shot. I wanted the candy so I said sure, give me the flu shot. So she did.

Ever since that shot, I had gotten sick pretty much every month after that. I got sick before Christmas, into the New Year and briefly recovered for a week, before I got sick again. This time I had developed a serious ear infection, which resulted in vertigo and I had to take a week off work because of it. I never recovered because somehow it went to a lung infection which lasted about 2-2.5 months.

During the course of that crazy 3 months that I was sick, I was on 3 sets of antibiotics. Not fun.

Ever since then, I opted out to get my flu shot.

Fast forward to present day. My dad had gotten sick from a trip and had come back with the cold. I did my best to stay away for a bit but even then, when you're stuck under the same roof, there's going to be that possibility of getting sick.

It was Friday. I had gone to work as usual, feeling fine. I was feeling quite energetic actually. Once work was done, I headed to the mall to grab some soup and met up with the bestie for a bit before going home. I had a shower and had some soup.

Then something just didn't feel right.

I started getting chills. This couldn't be food poisoning because I felt fine in my abdomen. Alright then I guess I better bundle up and get cozy to stay warm.

Within the hour, my temperature had gone from 36C to 38.5C. Crap.

Now I knew something was definitely not right because my jawline was really painful, resulting in my head throbbing, my lower back was hurting like crazy, my body everywhere was just aching, and I could feel my heart racing (I counted 100 beats per minute just laying there). Throat and nose felt fine though. Didn't vomit whew.

It took about 4 days to get the temperature down from 38.5 to 36.5 (normally my temperature is 36C or below), but soon after that's when the sore throat and runny nose come in.

Currently I'm still fighting this nasty cold, or flu, or whatever you want to call it. There could be many reasons how I got it, but I suspect it's from dad and also because I hadn't been sleeping well in the week, as well as stress from work.

I don't want to be a hypocrite and say get your flu shot, when I didn't or refuse to. Back in the day, we never had flu shots and we still survived. It's an option to people whether they want to get it or not. Would it have made a difference to me if I got my shot or not? Probably not, because I would still get sick to some degree.

You can only do so much to protect yourself from getting sick.

Breast-Feeding

Happy November all. Can't believe it's already nearing the end of 2016. Not sure if I should be jumping for joy or crying.

First off, it means we are all getting old. Yup. I still picture my good childhood days, feeling so carefree, hanging with my family, M and friends. These days, it's the hard reality of working crazy hours just to pay bills. The reality of losing family and friends to sickness or unfortunate circumstances.

All those hours of homework and studying results in spending the rest of my life paying bills. Whoopee. At the end of my life, I don't want to be rolling in my grave wondering what other bills I forgot to pay.

Anyways, completely different from what I want to talk about today, which is breast-feeding. In public.

Lately there has been stories about new moms breast feeding their babies in public, and the public being disgusted by it. Then sending these new moms to areas "away" from civilization so they can feed their young. For example, one mom was told to go to the bathroom to breast feed her baby in a restaurant.

Let me tell you, the disgusted public, some breaking news: it's normal. Get over it.

I'm not a mother myself, but I know people who have done the whole motherhood thing, as well as currently in the new motherhood thing. How do you think you got to where you are today?

Yes man. Sucking your mom's boobs to get nourishment and satisfying your damn hunger, so you can grow up to become a productive member of society. If it wasn't for your mother's breasts (or awesome vagina), you wouldn't be here today. So be thankful for your mother's breasts and monster vagina.

It makes me annoyed when people send new mothers to disgusting, filthy places to breast feed their babies. It's almost like it's blasphemy. When did something so natural and God-giving become so shunned from society?

All these guys (mostly guys) are into pornography these days, watching random women get naked and sleep with strangers, while having their boobs bounce up and down and getting sucked by these old men. It's also interesting because it's a lot of the men who are complaining that breast feeding in public is disgusting. Have we come to the point where watching naked porn stars is normal but breast feeding in public isn't? Shouldn't we actually embrace the joy of the bond between a mother and her baby at its most tender moment?

Ohhh! Damn! She flashed a nipple while feeding her baby! Big deal. So many young women these days are exposing their breasts in tight hugging dresses, as well as their butts, they might as well walk around naked. I have seen some ladies go bra-less in their dresses, thinking it looks sexy. So what difference is doing that versus breast feeding? It's a double standard if you ask me. If anything, that is fashion fail. There is nothing sexy about erect nipples showing through a shirt or dress, especially an elegant dress. You want to look classy, not trashy.

I have seen mothers also carry around baby blankets to cover up when they breast feed. That's cool too. I've seen both and hey, both are fine to me. Some women don't like other people staring at their breasts because hey, it's right there. I respect them for that. I've seen family/friend's nipples when they were breast feeding. It doesn't mean I'm a pervert, but it doesn't mean I look at them differently. It's nurturing and beautiful to see that bond.

A baby is hungry. You've got to feed them. They're not like us adults, who can last for a day or more without food. No man, you feed them every couple of hours, if not more frequent. That mother and baby that you see on the subway on her way to visit a friend, news flash: the baby will get hungry, especially if it's a long ride via public transit. Telling a mother to do a pit stop to breast feed somewhere private and in the dark is pitiful and disgusting. She will never get to her destination. Until one has gone through motherhood or someone who understands what compassion means, no one will understand the hardships of motherhood.

People think stay at home moms is the easiest job in the world, while the husbands go to work and stay long hours. Guess what. Stay at home moms are goddesses. They are superwomen. I really have no clue how they do it. I can barely take 2 hours babysitting. But these awesome women do it 24/7. They are the moms, the chefs, the nurses, the doctor, the engineers, the non-stop workhorse that keep a family going. Much respect to the hard working moms out there. Breast feeding in public should be the least of their worries.

I rather have a mother feed her baby versus having the baby cry for 5 hours being hungry and annoying. A baby's cry is something that will be engraved forever in your head.

So to all the people who think breast feeding is disgusting, you should look at yourselves in the mirror to see what's really disgusting. You should all be ashamed for giving these new mothers disgusting looks, crude comments, and disgusting behaviour towards them.