Laminectomy & Discectomy

Disclaimer: this is by no means medical advice. This is my experience and journey with the medical system given my symptoms. If you are experiencing any issues, it is best to contact your family doctor or go to the nearest walk in clinic, or ER department if it is an emergency.

Warning: this will be a long post. But for those suffering with disc herniations, this may help with some insight. 

Where to begin...

Back in 2020, I had written a post about my experience with sciatica, which eventually improved. The start of 2025 was uneventful. I had some random left leg numbness but it had been like that for years due to a disc bulge that was managed with physio and traction. The bulge was not compressing any nerves, but given how narrow the spine area is, they were not 100% sure if it was touching the nerve, or very close to touching it. 

Forward to end of February/beginning of March. I was pretty much working 6 days a week (by choice), with desk duty Monday to Friday, and Saturdays were more manual labour. The usual nursing duty. Some time during this phase, I must have overexerted myself or had improper body mechanics because this force was enough to progress the disc from a bulge to a protrusion, which then became a herniation. 

The first month was painful, bearable but painful. My first symptoms began with a sharp sciatic pain going from the left gluteus maximus (the bum), all the way down to the foot. If I can think of anything to relate, it's like an electric shock going down your leg. Now, this only happened when I was bending certain degrees forward (around 35 degrees) when that electric pain would hit. And when it hit, I did not want ANYONE to touch me. Lest they get yelled at or bitched at, but for the love of God just leave me alone and don't touch me. Those who experience sharp sciatic pain will understand this part. If you haven't, trust me, you don't want to experience it. 

The second month, I was feeling pain in my lower back, along with the sciatic pain. It was at this time I had found a physiotherapist to assess what could be done, along with traction. My previous therapist had retired, and just like any other millennial, I was too lazy to try and find one for consistent treatment over the years. I thought I was macho woman. 

The new physio had assessed me, and really couldn't figure out what was wrong - giving potential answers here and there. Traction was provided, and in the past it would always help and I would always find relief. This time around, it didn't do anything. The pain remained, and I didn't feel any different. That was the first sign that something was wrong.

Now, the physio had also recommended to try electro-acupuncture. If you are not familiar with this, I suggest reading up a bit about it. A lot of sports medicine therapists use this to help athletes with pain and has been effective. However, given my unknown status at that time, we were kind of going in blindly. I consented to treatment, of which the benefits and risks were discussed (such as infection from needle injection site, muscle ache). But the other POTENTIAL risk is nerve damage. This is rare but a possibility. This was NOT discussed and I only found this out after the fact.

Electro-acupuncture involves a mix of Western and Chinese tradition acupuncture pinpoints, except the needles are hooked onto electrodes, which send signals into the muscle and basically lets your body naturally heal your pain. At this point, I was willing to try it to see if it would help with this sciatic pain. The first 4 needles that went in were uneventful. The last needle, which went into the gluteal region, sent a shock down my body. I remember jolting and asking if this was normal because it felt like I got shocked. I was informed by the physio that "it's normal."

During the procedure (which lasted about 15-20 minutes), it was very uncomfortable and very achy. The physio did ask if I felt ok and I do recall saying that I don't know if I'm suppose to feel like this, but I didn't feel that comfortable. He tried to reposition me, but I mentioned it has to do with the needle position. Again, I was informed I was probably too tense and to try and relax. The entire treatment, it felt like torture. After that first and last session, I stuck with another session of traction before stopping everything.

That same day, I started experiencing something new: tingly sensation in my leg and foot. The tingly sensation felt like I had bugs slowly crawl up from my foot to my leg. It was a weird feeling. The numbness was also quite predominant. My bum felt VERY painful, like someone had stabbed it repeatedly. This didn't sit right with me.

I informed my doctor if he could send in a requisition for a MRI to scan the lower back, with a focus on the L5-S1 region. This was also another challenge given how slow MRI appointments can be. When I didn't hear anything after 2 weeks, I decided to stop by the office and follow up. I was informed that the scheduling department was way behind but the secretary could book me in - and miraculously I got a time slot the following day. The perks of working in health care I guess? 

After the MRI was done, my family doctor then called me to come in urgently. Lo and behold, I finally have the answer to my pain: the bulge had become a herniated disc, that was now compressing my nerve root. This would explain all the various wild symptoms I was experiencing. Thankfully it was not near the spinal cord, but the nerve root is an issue, given that it feeds into the largest sciatic nerve in the leg. The doctor's solution? Keep doing physio and traction.

My next task was to find another physio clinic, which I ended up finding one much closer to home, and miraculously discovering a mutual staff member working there too. Crazy how small this world really is! I was referred to the best chiro, as they had access to the traction table. I provided all my medical records and scans for them to look at, and see what the next best course of action would be.

By this time, this would be end of May / early June. At the same time, I sought a RMT to help loosen up the muscles and hopefully the nerve as well. It was also at this point that I could not continue to push myself to keep working as it was starting to take a toll, so off I go on sick leave for a month. 

During this time, I had to keep a record of my symptoms. The biggest challenge was not being able to stand or walk for a long time. The sharp sciatic pain had now become a constant ache that would not go away. The tingly sensation would start as soon as I stand up (about 18-22 seconds after standing up and it would last for about a minute before disappearing), the numbness would hit about 2 minutes in. I would be able to walk for about 2.5 minutes before a BURNING sensation started in my leg that I had to sit down and rest. No matter how hard I tried to keep walking, my leg would not let me. I had to sit and rest. For a good amount of time, I was not able to go out. Even walking in the mall was a challenge. I remember walking into the mall and having to sit down first, before I gathered myself to walk into a store which was maybe 50 meters away. If I didn't, the leg would start burning up and I wouldn't be able to keep balance.

This was probably the scariest part of my experience. I figured with this time off, and the physio/massage sessions that I was attending probably up to 3 times a week would help with recovery. I was given various exercises and stretches to try and relieve the nerve pressure. As time went on into the summer of 2025, another issue that I had was...all these stretches that I was able to do previously without issues, they were all now causing extreme pain. Unfortunately it was not improving, but I was making the pain worse with the exercises. Nonetheless I still tried it for the time being, that hopefully with pain it would maybe ease off later on. What I knew was that: standing and walking was torture, sitting was the most comfortable, along with laying down.

When I consulted with the family doctor, all he ever did was prescribe me more drugs to try. He didn't really recommend surgery so that was off the table. But for now, therapy and drugs. I informed that I was on so many at this time that NOTHING was helping. I started with Naproxen, which then turned to Gabapentin. They both had no effect on me. Just made me very drowsy and sluggish. Eventually I was referred to a pain clinic, and a requisition for an EMG was also sent out. This is a nerve conduction study to determine if there is any damage to the nerve.

Pain clinic recommended me to try some other pain killers (what a surprise!), along with epidural shots if they were not helping. On top of the Naproxen and Gabapentin, they prescribed 3 more things to try: Baclofen, Ketamine cream, and Celebrex. I was basically on the course of destroying my kidneys and liver, and potentially getting a heart attack. I thanked them for their time and decided that I would get another opinion.

By this time it is now mid July. 

I asked for the second opinion from a trusted source. I asked if I should try the epidurals, given that all the oral medications were of no use. The first thing he said to me? NO! Don't do the epidurals. Given that the acupuncture aggravated your nerves, it would not be safe for the epidural. Don't do anymore needles. Instead, I was referred to an orthopedic spinal surgeon. I am forever grateful for him as he didn't just do any regular referral to this surgeon, but he had written a letter of recommendation to be seen urgently. This makes the biggest difference. I can't say it will work in all cases, because again it will really depend on symptoms and severity of each case.

Within a few days (days, not weeks or months!!), I received a call if I could send the office copies of my test results and was given an appointment date near end of August. Time line wise from the referral date to appointment date, for a specialist here in Toronto, it took 1.5 months. And this was classified as urgent. The normal time frame could take about 6 months, to a year. 

Going into August, it was time for me to slowly ease back into work on modified hours. Keep in mind that I am still doing all my therapy sessions too while trying to balance work and pain. By the time the surgeon consult arrived, I was excited and nervous. Prior to this meeting I had done some research on the surgeon and saw much praise from patients. It also helped that a good handful of my colleagues also know this surgeon and said the same thing. I was in very good hands. 

The surgeon had seen my scans and informed me that given my age/weight and symptoms, I was in a very good window for surgery - laminectomy and discectomy. Basically, they have to shave the portion of the lamina of the spine, and cut off the disc herniation. He recommended it, and although he didn't push for it, he did give me the option that if I chose to defer surgery, I could potentially risk the pain getting worse, and damaging the nerve completely. At this time it was greater than 6 months of constant pain, and fluctuating symptoms. Normally surgeons would not recommend surgery if the pain is less than 3 months, but again, this is dependent on each case.

It took about a week for me to decide, before I called back the office and told them I was willing to go forward with surgery. About a week later, they gave me the date of surgery: end of October. Wow, that was fast! This is now September. I was still not giving up my other therapies though. I still continued with them, that MAYBE miraculously one day the disc would slip back and all would be good.

Unfortunately with herniated discs, especially if it's been compressing the nerve root for greater than 6 months, the chances of a disc popping back in miraculously is slim to none. 

From September to October, I was basically trying to ride out the pain and work, while attending my therapies. Given that a lot of the exercises were not working anymore, I had to stop them and hope that my back would recover. 

About 2.5 weeks before the surgery, the pain suddenly took a nose dive. I thought it would be related to menstrual pain, but of course that didn't really help. Given how long this compression had lasted, and the inflammation that was happening, this started taking a toll on my body. I was not able to sit (instead I had to kneel on my chair while working...not very professional but it is what it is), standing and walking were the best options for me, while laying down also became a challenge. This is when sleep deprivation also took a toll on me. I went from sleeping 6 hours a night to barely 3 hours a night, and then having to attend work the following day. I was a walking zombie at this point. Laying position used to be comfortable but by this time, laying on my back or sides were causing burning sensations in my hip. It didn't matter how many pillows I would put under my leg (this would make my tingly and numbness worse actually), or my sides. All resulted in the same: my hip was on fire. Baclofen was helping for a month to help me sleep, but it eventually wore off, even after increasing the dose.

I was desperate at this point for pain relief and sleep. Once again, I went back to the family doctor for advice and if I could just get something strong to take so I could sleep. Unfortunately he recommended Lyrica (same class as Gabapentin), which is the best for nerve relief. I informed him it wouldn't work because I gave Gabapentin a try and it was useless. But he insisted to just try it for a week, and if it didn't work, to call him back. 

Lo and behold, it did not work. I was in office after a week on a final recommendation. Finally, I was prescribed Hydromorphone to take only at night. This is 2-8 times more powerful than Morphine, so surely this SHOULD work. This is now 5 days before the surgery date.

Well, I hate to say it but Hydromorphone did not touch me, AT ALL. When people say Hydromorphone provided the best pain relief, I wish I knew what that meant because aside from the constipation, I did not feel any pain relief. I did not sleep. At this point, I needed to be knocked out by Propofol. 

When the surgery date arrived, I was very relieved. I think I was more excited than nervous because I knew I was in good hands. The pre operative team of nurses were very good, and we had some good conversations. It was also my first time getting a peripheral IV inserted (into the hand), and man, that thing HURT. I was told it is probably the most painful IV insertion. I mean, the site was still hurting like 2 weeks later! So yeah, I believe that!

By the time I was wheeled into the OR, and doing all the prep checks, I thought ok God, this is it. This is happening. Praise this team, and may everything go smoothly. After verifying my information, I recall them giving me either Versed or Propofol (probably the latter), and I just remember this burning sensation, then a very funny tingly sensation throughout my body. Within 20 seconds I was knocked out. Surgery took about an hour before I was wheeled into PACU. 

When I woke up, I felt relief for the first time in months (if not years). Understandably I was given pain killers during the procedure so it hadn't worn off yet. The only discomfort I felt was from the incision site. The nurses made me walk within the hour to ensure that all was well. This is also to prevent potential blood clots from forming. 

It's been almost 2 months since the surgery was done and the recovery so far has been smooth. Aside from an episode of my blood pressure crashing at home the same night that I was discharged home (most likely associated with dehydration and all the drug combinations), I was pretty much walking the same night. The first week was torture though. I could definitely feel the ache and pain in the back, and there was some light bleeding which was expected. The dressing was done daily by a family member, and by the end of week 1, all the bleeding had stopped, and stitches were looking good. 

They say the first 6 weeks of recovery are crucial: no bending, lifting or twisting. No sitting for more than 30 minutes. Aim to do daily walks of at least 30 minutes, especially around the 2-3 week mark. Do light physio exercises if tolerated. The key is movement, as it helps to prevent clots. The no bending rule is tough because we are all so used to bending, but trust me, your body will warn you. After one mistake, you don't make the same mistake again. 

Recovery is a long process. Surgeon's guide is by 3 months, you're able to resume all your regular duties. However, if there are any nerve damage from the compression, it could take months to perhaps a year for almost full recovery. My numbness comes and goes, but compared to before, it has improved. There is also some pain when I raise my leg, like an ache (when it used to be a burning/sharp pain), but that also relates to the nerve compression that was there for 8+ months. I know it will take a while before I can start to feel normal again.

Post follow up, I learned that my herniation was quite large. Disc herniations are all different, depending on the type. For example, disc extrusions have a higher chance of reabsorption compared to disc protrusions or bulges. With my case, I had closer to 20mm of a protrusion/herniation (anything larger than 10mm is considered large). Upon looking at the MRI, the herniation was so bad it had compressed the spinal column all the way back and left less than 0.1mm of nerve left. That's why I was experiencing all those symptoms. Insane how our body just tries to compensate. The good news is I don't need any further follow up as recovery is going well. 

I also learned that not everyone with disc herniations will experience the exact same symptoms at various intervals. Everyone also registers pain differently. Just like above, someone could be taking Morphine and they would find relief. In my case, Hydromorphone didn't do any justice to me.

I have no regrets with this procedure. I believe the biggest difference lies with the surgeon. If you have a very dedicated and experienced surgeon, it will make it 100x better. For those who are contemplating surgery, I would recommend it. But definitely do some research first and compare the pros and cons before you make the decision. It is now end of December 2025, and I've had both the consult and surgery completed. I am still awaiting the EMG test, which has been pending since July 2025. It's insane how long we have to wait for testing and consults here in this so-called first world country that we call Canada.

Also keep in mind, the discectomy is a treatment - it is not a cure. There is still a chance that you could re-herniate in the future if you are not careful. The more discectomies you do, the harder it will be to relieve pain. The more scar tissues you have, the higher the chance of complications. So this is another thing to keep in mind. 

Keep your backs healthy. You only have one spine to deal with in this lifetime.

In memory of M - 10 years later

Nov 26, 2015 is a day I will not forget.

If you've been reading this far, you would have remembered I wrote an entire post about M back in 2015 around this time to commemorate my first cat. 

I just can't believe it's been 10 years already. It almost felt like it was yesterday.

So many things have happened in 10 years, which I wish he was still around to see and celebrate my milestones. It's hard to forget your first pet. 

While I was in the kitchen today, there's that particular spot on the floor that I still remember he would spend his last few hours struggling to breathe, just laying there helpless, with tears in his eyes. And it made me sad. But knowing that his soul is now free and that he's no longer suffering, it helps to put all this anxiety at ease. 

Over the years, I had collected a few charms from Pandora to commemorate him, along with my own family charms. It took a while, but the charm bracelet was finally done, and I do plan to wear it in remembrance of him. 

Now that we have 2 additional cats since 2018, they have definitely occupied time and making new memories. But I'll never forget M. Because of M, I am still able to love those around me.

Thank you M. Thank you for growing up with me, for the great memories, for the love. I hope you are having fun up there with your friends on rainbow bridge.

<3

2025 - A new journey

For those who have been checking in and reading this blog, thank you for keeping up! I know it's been a really long time since I last updated here. But all is well.

2025 has been quite a rough ride for me health wise. It began from a pre-existing injury that I had many years ago and I guess my body decided, yes 2025 is the year to be crippled. I will use the next post as a more detailed medical update. All is well now though.

Since my last post, I haven't gone on any vacations out of the country (lame), haven't bought any handbags (lame), haven't bought any heels (lame) and this is all thanks to inflation (lame), but I started a new obsession with Sanrio's character: Kuromi (lame). I still love Stitch though! Still my favourite Disney character. 

Big shout-out as well to the team for Stitch movie, as it was the only North American movie in 2025 to cross the $1B mark back in July!

Build-A-Bear workshop has massive Sanrio characters that can be purchased online (but for some reason not available in stores here in Canada). Small and regular size characters are all available in store. So, what did I do this time? I ordered a massive Kuromi. Decided to stuff in stores. I remember we brought the shell to the store and the look on the employee's face when she realized it was not the regular sized character, but the massive size one. "Yeah, this is going to take at least 15 minutes to fill."

She was not joking.

Unfortunately there aren't any clothes from the store that will fit these massive characters. The only thing you can buy is the character's themed tie but that's about it. You might have to find clothes at a children's clothing store to fit these massive bears. In the meantime, Kuromi will remain naked.

Next up: cars.

No, I did not buy any new cars (lame). My Genesis and Cayman S remain with me. Aside from the one cruise that I did in April with hubby and friends, the rest of the time I had to put a pause this year on car cruises and meets due to the medical issues. It sucks, but it is what it is. Hopefully 2026 car season will be a better outcome. Otherwise I live vicariously through other people's social stories. 

Our beloved date spot (Koi Klaw) unfortunately closed back in April so we had to finish up our remaining credits and claim our massive plushie prizes. I'm not sure if another similar company will be taking over, but for now it remains closed. 

I will now save my energy for the next post, as it will detail the majority of my 2025 journey. Stay tuned.

2024 - Conclusion

Once again, another year is coming to a close. Crazy how time flies, and what a year it has been!

2024 was another year of learning for me and new discoveries. The only difference is, I did not have to navigate this year all by myself. I closed off 2023 with a new love, and began 2024 with love, with each and every month trying to improve on such love. So far, it's been going quite well. I am truly blessed to have found my love after all these years.

In summary, 2024 was mostly smooth sailing. There were many good times, shocking and sad times, and moments of development. 

There were less car cruises this year, but lots of parking lot meets. I made sure to attend as many as I could to socialize with the usual groups, to take in new scenery and so forth. One thing that I'm constantly reminded of is how short life really is. 

One of the very first Porsche friends that I met back in late 2018 had unfortunately passed away in October. It came as a huge shock to everyone as this was very unexpected. The family made very difficult decisions at the end of life, and donated his organs to save others' lives, because that was also the kind of person he was - one who was caring, loving and selfless. He sacrificed his life so he could save others. Wilfred, you will always be a hero in our eyes. 

From that moment on, we did a couple of memorial cruises for him, as well as a cars and coffee event dedicated to his life. It's heartbreaking to know that we won't see him again on this Earth, but we all know that he fought a great battle and that he will always be the fun loving guy we all got to know. Thank you for bringing all of us together.

This fall, I also had the honour of attending the EDTNA 2024 national conference held in Athens, Greece. I was one of two presenters (the second being my PCM), and representing the only Canadians. Woohoo! It was definitely a surreal experience as this was my very first european nephrology conference. As always, the networking events were always very insightful. In between the conference, I got to check out the beautiful city of Athens with my man. And this leads me to this...

Ladies, if your man doesn't walk you from the hotel to the conference (and carry a pair of nice shoes for you to change into when you get to the conference), you need a new man. I've never been this pampered before, but it was the sweetest and unexpected move. He took care of things while I was away at the conference and made sure to pick me up once the conference was done so I didn't have to walk back to the hotel by myself. He was also my tour guide, as he researched all the local areas and then took me once I had free time. I felt so safe, so loved and pampered. This was the best workation I've had, and wished I could've stayed longer to explore Athens with him. When you are with the right person, everything feels so right.

There were also 3 weddings to attend this year for friends (and more to come!). All the weddings were so beautiful with the amazing bridal parties. Cheers to all for a wonderful married life!

Towards the end of the year, we had to deal with a family emergency, in which I stepped away from work indefinitely until things stabilized. Again, this reminded me how fragile life really is, and to embrace those around you. Don't forget to say I love you to your loved ones.

Which leads me to .. life is so short.

Take chances. Tell that person you like them. Who cares about embarrassment. The worst case is things might get awkward, but YOU can control how you act around others. YOU can control how you say things. How YOU act around others. You want to get to know that person a bit better? Ask them out. Who cares if you're a girl waiting to get asked out by a guy. Just ask the guy. There's no harm. I was one of those girls before who would wait until a guy asked me out. I never had the courage to say anything without it being awkward. But guess what. I finally grew a vag and told him my feelings. What I got in return is a future husband. 

Believe in yourself. Take chances. No regrets.

Versace Aevitas Pumps

Let's begin by saying these are my very first Versace anything. How did I come across this item? They were having a sale on their website so I decided to check out the items.

Originally I wanted some sort of boots. But they didn't have it in my size, so I kept scrolling. And then I saw these.

I think this is one of those YOLO moments. I've always had basic classy things, nothing too crazy. I figured this was the time to go a bit crazy. They're called the Aevitas pumps. In metallic pink. I went ahead and ordered it online from the Versace website. I can't remember how long it took for delivery but probably about a week and a half. 

Here are some pictures and reveals!

 

Now I am about 5'6 or so. With these pumps, it shot me up to about 5'9ish. 

My first time wearing them was on my birthday. They are pretty snug, but that's probably because they haven't been broken in so everything felt very tight. It was a bit tough to walk in, and I have to admit, I did get foot cramps in the beginning because of how stiff it is. I'm sure with more wear, it will be much better.

All in all, I don't have regrets getting these. They are pretty hideous and cool. Can't wait to wear them out more this year!

2024 - A New Era

Happy Belated New Year! Cheers to 2024! 

I hope you are all well whoever has made it this far in reading my random thoughts over the years. I broke my promise that I would not wait too long between posts, and yet I have not posted anything in almost a year. Time to play catch up because it was A LOT! I will leave work out of this one because everyday has been a blur for the past year. I will however shift it to ... love adventures.

The last post I wrote was about dating apps. And it felt like I had totally given up on love (at least on finding anyone on dating apps). I kept believing that maybe it was a sign I would be single forever, that it would be my final fate. I was ok with it, yet my heart still was longing for love, hoping that I would still meet someone somehow. My first step was to get out of my room first because I wasn't going to find love if I stayed in my room forever (or maybe they'd find me).

About a month after my post last year, I had a couple of coworkers come up to me to try and set me up with people...people they either knew or were of friends of friends. The good thing about it is at least someone knows they exist. Now, this could go either good or bad: if things go well, then everyone is happy. If things go bad, the friendship/relationship would be awkward.

At that time I was still a 50/50 in meeting new people. I ended up chatting with both guys that were referred to me (man, this sounds like a job interview). One was a gentleman and successful and we had a few dates here and there. The other was a bit more socially awkward and spoke a lot about himself. Never met up with this one as he would ask me after midnight if I wanted to meet up the next day for lunch, so he was dropped for inconsideration of my time. 

As things progressed with the first guy, I had to remind myself that I was not going to be dating around for fun, but for marriage purposes. Is he the one? As nice and successful as he was, I didn't feel that feeling of "he is the one". People tell me all the time...when you know, you know. You can't force it; you'll end up resenting him (same with guys). I always hate having to tell someone that although they're a great person, this wouldn't work out between us because of ABC. But it is better to tell them than waste everyone's time.

After that very interesting month, I decided to just go back to my usual self: the workaholic with a car cruising hobby. I promised myself I wouldn't dare find another guy in the car community so participating in cruises and rallies would be fine. I wasn't participating to find love, but to enjoy the hobby. I aimed to keep my mind busy and not sulk on what I didn't have.

Until he came back.

Well actually, I had already met him 6 years prior in a non-car community setting (hallelujah). But to finally say I found love (and organically too!) is so rare these days. It's funny how love is, and how God works in mysterious ways over the years. The main difference this time? I can finally say I know that feeling. The right feeling. The feeling of true love. The caring type of love. The calmness that love brings. The exciting type of love. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I have found my one. The one to be with for the rest of my life. 

I will leave my journey of love on the next post. This time, I swear it won't be a 2025 post. For those who are still single and waiting on love, you will want to read the next post. Don't give up on love.

Dating Apps 2.0

Remember when I said you wouldn't find me on any dating apps?

It still holds true to this day. 

There is a but though. BUT......

In 2022, I did sign up for ONE app. It was not one of the very common ones (Tinder, Bumble or Hinge). I decided to give it a try. ONE TRY.

I lasted for about 3 weeks. Not even a month. And then I quit.

That's how disgusting these dating apps are.

Let's rewind back to sometime in 2022.

I decided to sign up, upload whatever pictures I thought would bring out my beauty, and figure out how to use the darn thing. Because it was a free app, it only allowed certain amounts of guys for you to view for the day. Then you'd have to wait 24 hours to get the next batch of guys. If I paid money, I would get to see every guy who had liked me and choose who to connect with. Sounds like a waste of money.

I saw all these hearts and likes in my account when I signed back in. Unfortunately I could not see them all because I'm a cheapskate and didn't pay for the app. But I figured I'll get through that list eventually. Someday.

There were a good amount of Asian guys on there. Some of them I recognized from school. I kept telling myself I should message them to say hi.

Let's forward to the ones who did match with me.

I don't remember how many I matched with, but I could count on one hand how many normal conversations I had with the guys. The rest were either weird, very desperate, or ghosts. By ghosts, I mean he would say hello. I'd say hello. His next reply would be 5 days later. Then on the last day before the messages expire, he would ask if he could have my number. UMMM I don't think so. I don't even know you. Goodbye.

The other one started off the conversation with "hey, want to meet up for coffee?" UMMM no, I don't even know you. No icebreaker? I get that people don't want to waste any time but this was way too fast.

Another was from a local church. We did have a pretty good conversation for the first few days. Unfortunately it died off on the last day before messages expire. But he did invite me to check out the English service one day if I was up for it. Thank you kind sir.

Of all the guys I spoke with via messages, I only ever met up with one guy for dinner. He seemed nice and decent. Except for the fact that he kept pushing to watch Turning Red at his condo. Maybe I'm not used to this current dating culture but I did inform him that I was not comfortable going to anyone's place on a first date. The fact that I had to repeatedly say it just showed how much this person really cared. Non existent. 

Now we go into this whole "who pays for dinner on the first date?" I recalled asking him if he wanted to split the bill, but some guys end up footing the bill, which he did. I thanked him for that. We then agreed to grab a bubble tea, of which I said I would grab the bill. I'm not used to the whole "let's split 50/50". I think it's lame. If you invite me, you grab this bill. I'll grab the next. None of this BS 'let me pay you back $26.87. JUST NO.

It seemed like a good first date. But it wasn't the right click for me. Then again, I only met the guy this evening. Maybe I just need more time.

The night ended off with a thank you and a hug, and then one last invitation to go back to the condo for a movie. I politely declined and waved goodbye (as my mind was worried about making it to work the next morning). 

The next few days we chatted on text. He asked if we could go for another date, and there was just something holding me back from accepting that. I didn't know what it was, but it just held me back. The next few days texting back and forth, he was quite open with sharing various food pictures and condo pictures, except I noticed he would say stuff like "I'm hanging out with my friend tonight. Her and I will just be chatting and watching a movie." It's 1am bro. What kind of chatting are you doing. 

Another would be catsitting for a girl friend. Ummm you're catsitting for less than 12 hours? Doesn't make sense either. Cats will be fine without company for 12 hours.

While he was my longest connection on a dating app, it ended rather quickly with him ghosting me. When guys complain about girls ghosting them, it also happens to girls too! But I was so relieved it was over. I guess in this current culture, it's normal for everyone to be dating 25 people at once. There's no more of the "let me focus on one person first and if that doesn't work out, I'll just try again later with someone else." NOPE. No more of that. 

My mind has not gotten used to this culture. The whole let's sleep with 25 people or more until I find the right person. No thanks. I don't want to have a relationship with a STD or STI. I'm good.

The next guy I never met in person. We had a good chat for days as well, until he stopped messaging for whatever reason. About 2 months later, he messaged to say hello!! It's been over half a year and I have not responded back.

After this, I ended up deleting the app for a few reasons. One, because of a family emergency. Two, because I realized if I wanted to go out and meet all these guys, I would have to make time out of my already packed schedule to meet these strangers. Unfortunately I couldn't commit to that. There was also no guarantee that they would commit either. Three, most of the guys on these apps are looking for something casual. 

This was the beginning and end of my dating app adventure. I'm definitely not signing up for anymore. It was too much for my brain to handle. 

Here's to hoping I can find love the normal/natural way (sans dating apps).