Dating Etiquette

Yoooooo this current dating scene is more wild than any lion safari.

Not that I personally know because I've actually been very blessed to be with the same man who loves me for who I am for the past few years. I hear it from friends, read experiences online and yeah, it's crazy out there. I honestly feel bad for those currently looking for partners or those in the next generation. I don't even know where to start. It's probably safer to date a robot? Or date your cat? Car even?

Ok joking aside. But seriously, what happened with all the dating etiquettes? 

Now that women have more independence, they have more say in everything. Men have (generally) been the breadwinner but now it's all about this equality thing. In the old days (uhhh circa 1950's maybe earlier?!), men would be the ones to take initiation, to woo the ladies. To pick up and pay for the ladies. To open doors, to make sure the ladies get home safely. But the ladies would be the stay at home moms, the ones to raise the kids and ensure the house remains clean, and that the husband remains fed.

Nowadays if you mention that, suddenly it all blows up. Why do women have to keep doing that and work a 9-5?? Or work constant nights and then come home to raising a family?! 

Now I've read various opinions and I don't really know if there is a correct answer, but just like everyone else, I will express what I FEEL should be a healthy balance in a relationship, if you want it to last forever. 

Women have come a long way in the fight for their independence, to be recognized equally alongside their male counterparts. To get fair wage, and great benefits, just like their male counterparts. Instead of staying at home all the time raising kids (and this job in itself is a tough one - it's a thankless job raising a herd of kids and one that does not pay unless you count your husband paying you a weekly allowance), women are now going to school, getting their degrees/masters/PHD - I mean heck, even multiple degrees, working corporate jobs etc. Yet they are the ones having to go on maternity leave from 6 months to 18 months, go through a huge physical change, and then be expected to go back to work and perform like you didn't just pop out a baby from your vajayjay. 

So you can imagine that in this current dating scene, women have X amount of demands about a guy. There are women out there who look for men that have much higher education than themselves, or who expect a man to make more than them. Or needs to be 6 feet tall. Or owns a castle. A whole bunch of weird and out of this world demands.

Men? Maybe not as focused as such but it's equally as demanding. Needs to have a job (ok this one is obvious), needs to dress and act like a woman, be a home maker, attentive and willing to raise kids. Prefer a size 4-6, can't be a stick but needs to have some muscle or willingness to work out a bit, long hair preferred and needs to be attractive. Again, it's just weird. Men also have to remember that wanting kids is not the same as wanting a car or some hobby. This is a kid that you're going to raise with your partner for pretty much 2 decades of your life - your next generation and bloodline. You can't just KAPOW and be done with it and let the woman raise the kid alone. It's also YOUR responsibility because it's YOUR kid. It takes two to tango. You want a family? Well, you better split the duties and raise that kid too. 

People have their preferences and that's fine. But some of these demands are just...weird. 

My friend once told me she wanted a tall guy, had to be smarter than her, cute and attractive, a homebody, adventurous you name it. They went on a date and he was all that, except he wore flip flops on the date. They didn't go anywhere fancy, but it icked her because of the flip flops. Because of that, she wouldn't accept a second date. Now that's what I call picky, because you can always ask them to wear proper footwear next time if you plan to go somewhere nice. But to blow off someone because of that? It was just a bit too much. 

Nowadays, I feel like half the couples out there go dutch - woman and man split the cost of the bill. The other half says men should always pay for the first date. Which one is right?

Our society has shifted to the point that I don't know if there is a right answer. They say whoever invited one out, they should be the one to pay the bill. Ok, I can understand that too. If I asked someone out for a date, I would be the one to treat, and vice versa. But respectably, if I got invited out and was asked to split the bill, I would prefer if there was some discussion beforehand before the bill came. And it's one of those icebreaker moments before paying too. At least you can get the sense of what that person is thinking. 

Oh but if you can't afford to pay for both of your meals or drinks, then you shouldn't date. Huh? Do you know how expensive restaurants are these days? I can't imagine as a guy, going on 5 dates per week and PAYING for all those meals, and worst case scenario none of the girls wanted to have a second date with you. That's a lot of money. So I can understand why a lot of dating couples would split a bill at the first meet. I also can see why guys see girls as gold diggers because that's a lot of money to spend on a stranger.

However, my experience is that if you start introducing this splitting bill from the beginning, there's a possibility the partner will continue that behaviour. Yeah, I have met friends who literally still split the bill while married, and it was EXACT change (total bill is $52.16 so I owe my wife $26.08) and I still think this is crazy. But if it works for them, then that's cool. The key is communicating this from the beginning. And at any point if you feel you want to deviate to one paying more over the course of the relationship, you talk it out with your partner. 

I had an ex who was cheap about things. When we went out, he would pay for his meal, and I would pay for mine. This is after being together for a couple of years too. When his parents brought us out for a family meal, they would pay and I would thank them. But soon after, he would ask to pay him back whatever amount and he'd give our portion of the money to his parents. His parents did fine and weren't in poverty, yet I got this sense that he probably didn't want me to take advantage of his family. Strange considering I was making more than him. It's one way to look at it, but another way is well, being el cheapo.

I still think that (genetically), men and women still resort to their gender roles: men still have that sense of a bigger role in a relationship, to be the main breadwinner, to be the protector and guide for their partners while the women still want to be taken care of and spoiled while also having independent work, and getting a hand in taking care of the family home. Women's role has obviously expanded much more than the men, and when they ask for the 'basics' in a man when dating, I don't see how that's demanding.

When women seek men these days, they ask for the bare minimum: to open doors, to pay for meals, to buy flowers (I think this is ok once a relationship has been established but I wouldn't expect flowers from some random dude on a first date), to walk adjacent to the traffic on a sidewalk, these are just some of the things. But you also notice half of those things are expensive (meals, flowers, gifts on a first date). This shouldn't be expected anymore. If a guy does pay for a first date meal and things are going well, then offer to pay for the next meal or go grab desserts and cover that instead.

For men? Don't expect a woman to sleep with you on the first date. Just because you paid for a meal, it doesn't mean it gives you permission or the right to get into their pants. Yes, guys are more visual and physical and they crave it. But a respectable guy would not seek that on a first date. What he seeks is good company, and a woman who has her head on right. 

For both: I believe both need to have strong emotional intelligence. Women are more emotional overall so we excel at this (and maybe a bit psychotic at times), but men? This is something that will have to be learned. Men aren't as emotional - they're more direct with words and actions, more egotistical. But learning to perceive, manage, understand and handle emotions takes time and experience. THIS I believe is what women are looking primarily for in men. I have met dudes who have strong egos, who can't manage emotions very well especially when it comes to my emotions and feelings. When you bring up a subject, it becomes controversial no matter what. 

The dating pool and population is so vast, with so many different opinions, it is no wonder why it's such a mess out there. If there is no 'correct' way in society to date or start a relationship, of course everyone will throw their opinions at each other and initiate fights. Now you have men blaming women for being too dramatic and too much of a gold digger, while women are blaming men for not being respectful, or considerate or (laughs) not being man enough. There's no agreement, but plenty of disagreements. 

My first date with my man? There really wasn't a planned date, but it just sort of happened. I call it the unofficial date because we were still friends. We secretly liked each other yet tried not to make it too obvious.

First off, I had brought my car to the mechanic on a day that he was working. I texted him that I forgot to tell him I would be at the mechanic's, which wasn't too far from him. This was also not the first time I forgot to text him of my visit to the mechanic. He had informed me he was still at work (and he had short shifted from the previous evening) so he hadn't slept very much. Yet he still made the 30-ish minute drive to see me at the shop, when he could've easily gone home to sleep. When he came into the shop, he saw me freezing because the A/C was blasting, and offered me his jacket in the car. At that point I wasn't feeling all giddy and butterflies, but I felt safe with him. I felt so spoiled because he cared so much - he didn't have to, but he did.

Once my car was looked after, he asked if I wanted to grab a bite nearby so of course I said yes. We drove together and parked side by side. While walking to the restaurant, he made sure I walked on the side away from oncoming traffic. He didn't have to put his arm around me to make me feel safe. He opened doors for me and made sure I went in first. He was also very observant to others around us, making sure no one would suddenly jump out in front of me. 

During the meal, we basically tried to catch up on all those years of not talking much, and really tried to get insight into each other more. There was lots of eye contact, laughter, good conversations and overall he made me feel safe. At the end of the date, he covered the bill and refused to split. We walked for a bit then went to our cars, and once again he was very observant around us, made sure I walked on the side with no cars. And when there was a car backing up (yeah I'm looking at you silent EV killers), he noticed it right away and had his arm protected around me to make sure I was at a safe distance from that EV killer. 

Before parting ways, we gave each other a long hug and made sure to see each other again. 

The rest was history. 

For those calling me lucky that I found such a gentleman, it goes both ways. If you have someone who is very compatible with you, you both make it work, and you both bring out the good in each other. He didn't have to spoil me with gifts or meals to win my heart, but I respect the little things that I saw that day that he did for me. Things that you can't buy with money or meals. He brings out the best in me, and I do my best to also make sure I bring out the best in him.

This is what is truly missing in today's dating scene. Yes, we all want to find true love, we want to find the one, but if you focus too much on that, it becomes homework. A chore. Then it gets tedious and demanding. Many times you end up finding the wrong person. 

Sometimes you just got to lay back and let it run its course. Enjoy the journey. Be thankful for the small things. Pray about it, and let God take the lead. 

OAS - the things you don't learn in nursing school

Ok, maybe we did learn it in school, but I wasn't paying attention.

The point is, there were A LOT of things that weren't taught in nursing school. Instead, they use the 4 years to teach us "nursing theory." I cannot for the life of me define what nursing theory is to you. I felt it was a waste of each semester learning useless theories that I never applied to everyday life, but most importantly, the everyday nursing life.

Yes, to all the nursing students out there learning about nursing theory - it is useless. Don't waste too much of your time studying the useless theories. Focus on the pharmacology and pathophysiology aspects of nursing. I wish they emphasized more on the pharmacology though. 

Anyways, going back to my original intention of this post. What is OAS? I mean, the first thing that popped into my head was Old Age Security. That's also very important too as we age. But medically, what is OAS?

OAS is Oral Allergy Syndrome. PFAS is Pollen Fruit Allergy Syndrome (which works alongside OAS).

I swear this is the first time I'm hearing about this terminology and I've been in nursing for how long? Then again, I don't work in ER to find out new things that pop up everyday.

Why OAS? Why PFAS? For those with pollen allergy (such as birch trees, grass, ragweed), you will probably have heard this term thrown around, especially if you react to certain foods or fruits. Now I have pollen allergies and have had it since my teen years. Prior to that, I was fine. I don't ever recall sneezing my head off everyday either indoors or outdoors. Things sort of took a downward turn towards the end of high school when 1) I dyed my hair red 2) the colour ended up on my skin too many times that I kept having to wash it off 3) there is an active ingredient in all hair dyes that people are actually allergic to 4) I believe that's how everything started 5) that's how I got my dermatographism.

Dermatographism is the term used when someone experiences a high release of histamines in the body, resulting in large hives on the skin, but it's mainly from contact - I can draw something on my skin, and after a minute, you can see the drawing appear on my skin as a large hive. Pretty cool, but also annoying when you are changing clothes for a party/wedding, and all those hives just pop up everywhere on your back, shoulders, arms, legs. It eventually goes away. Last time it took about 45 minutes for my hives to settle down. Visually it's not appealing. 

I remember getting allergy test on the arm and that was torture. That's also how I found out my allergies to pollen, grass, ragweed and dust. Thankfully not dogs or cats. But environmentally, it sucked. They prick you with all these proteins, and you have to lay still for at least 15 minutes. It felt like my arm was on fire. To think I have to go through that again...

Which leads me to OAS. 

For many years, my family would sometimes buy baskets of green kiwi or get them as gifts. I hate green kiwis, but I would still eat them. Kiwis are loaded with vitamins - good for your heart, immunity, digestive tract and full of antioxidants. It is a very good fruit. But one thing I hate about it was the fact my mouth would get all tingly and burns from just that one bite of fruit. 

I thought oh, maybe it's not ripe enough. We get that with mangoes and pineapples. You leave them a little bit longer, little more ripe, and boom the sweetness just takes over. Which is why I thought the tingly and burning sensations were normal. I didn't question it, I just kept eating it. 

Kiwi is not something I would eat all the time. I could count on one hand the amount of times I eat kiwi in one year. So yeah, it's not very often. Which is why when we got another basket of green kiwis, I thought no big deal. 

I went to work one day with an avocado, and a green kiwi as a breakfast snack, and packed my usual lunch meal. That morning I hadn't eaten anything, except for some water. By the time I had finished my morning duties, my stomach was growling. Ok, time for a snack.

I have no problems with avocados. They're also loaded with minerals and vitamins, which lowers heart disease, good for skin and eye health and are filled with monounsaturated fats. Sprinkle on a bit of salt and pepper, and boom, you got yourself some flavour. They also fill you up FAST so it helps if you're trying to do some intermittent fasting or if you don't want to stay hungry, eat an avocado. 

Once I had the avocado, I felt full but not super full. Just comfortably full. I didn't give it much thought and went for the green kiwi. I felt the usual tingly and burning on the tongue and at the top of my mouth, ok no big deal. It's just the properties with the kiwi. 

What didn't feel so right was about 5 minutes in, I felt this sharp stomach pain. Something I've never experienced in my life when eating kiwi or any foods. Ummm was this kiwi bad??! I took a look and didn't see any mold or any discolouring. This was a brand new batch of kiwi. The texture felt fine. Perhaps it was because I had it on a near empty stomach? That could be possible since kiwis are highly acidic. 

I felt like throwing up. But nothing would come out. The pain was just intense. I also felt like I was floating on clouds - I was aware of my surroundings but something just felt off in my head. My coworker thought I was going to pass out and asked if I should get help, but I insisted I would be ok, it was probably just a phase. I drank some more water. But no matter what, nothing would take away this pain. It was a mix of bloating and sharp intense pain. Sitting, standing, walking, it was all the same. The tingly sensation on my tongue also remained. In total, this pain and tingly sensation lasted about 1-2 hours, until finally it started to slowly dissipate. 

Damn. That was weird. Aside from the coworker, I didn't report it to anyone else. I just thought ok, maybe it's just a fluke.

Fast forward another 1-2 weeks.

I brought another green kiwi to work, along with my usual lunch meal. You must all think I'm crazy for doing this a second time. But I figured maybe it's because my stomach was nearly empty when I ate it the first time. I didn't think anything would happen a second time.

After I had my lunch meal, it's a habit of mine to go straight into fruits, whether that's grapes, cherries, mangoes you name it. I have never had any reactions. Maybe except feeling too full and you get that uncomfortable feeling of eating too much. Eventually that goes away. Aside from that, nothing like that experience above. This time, I brought my one green kiwi. 

Now that my stomach was full with a meal, it shouldn't be a problem eating one kiwi. So I dig in. And again, within 5 minutes, I start feeling that same stomach pain weeks prior. The same nausea and bloating. The same mouth tingly and burning. Wanting to vomit but couldn't. Couldn't concentrate for the next 2 hours until the pain finally subsided. 

Ok, now this is a pattern. STOP EATING GREEN KIWIS.

Soon after, I went on a Google rampage to find out if I think this is what it is. And man, I learned a lot. 

For those with existing pollen allergies, your body has recognized and pinpointed those certain pollen proteins to release specific IgE antibodies which attach to immune cells, and upon contact with the proteins, they would release massive amounts of histamines. Fruits also have their own proteins. HOWEVER, certain fruits contain proteins that are very similar to the structure of pollen proteins, and the body gets confused and thinks it's pollen. So it releases a bunch of histamines to attack. 

For many people, eating kiwis or pineapples, or oranges, you get this sensation in the mouth that is tingly and annoying, and sometimes painful. That's because each of these fruits contain certain active proteins that aggravate and break down the surface of our mouths. Our tongues are sensitive, so such proteins can irritate the skin of our tongues. This is why some people experience tingly or numbness in the mouth, but for some, it could progress to continued irritation, swelling of the lips/tongue/mouth, and potentially rashes and hives. This is OAS. 

Once you experience the above, you really shouldn't continue eating those certain foods. We are taught that if you start experiencing anything minor such as tingly in the mouth after eating certain foods or break out into hives/rashes, you should stop. The more exposure you have to those foods, the more it primes your body to react systemically, which could lead to anaphylaxis.

I've also learned that if you're allergic or have sensitivity to latex, they have something called Latex Fruit Syndrome. WHAT? It's pretty much like a cross reactivity, except this time it's regarding the latex rubber proteins. 

In the past when working various units, they used latex gloves, some of them were powdered. I don't see them as much anymore but when we did use latex gloves, my hands would break out into rashes, especially with the powdered ones. I was lucky to find boxes of Nitrile gloves, which are more expensive but they also felt better and I didn't break out in them. Since then, I avoided latex like the plague.

Avocados share very similar properties to latex. It's a possibility that although I didn't react to avocados, the proteins in avocados primed my system that time I ate it on an empty stomach. Green kiwis also share very similar properties to latex. So when I ate the green kiwi, my body basically fired off to attack this protein. 

With latex fruit syndrome, the body can also confuse kiwi with rubber latex. I know, it's strange right? This syndrome is highly associated with systemic or abdominal reactions versus just only oral reactions (OAS). 

Lastly, green kiwi contain 13 different protein variant allergens, one of which is a very specific heat stable protein and an enzyme called actinidin. There is a specific blood work that breaks down all the proteins in kiwi, and if your antibodies react to them, it means a true food allergy. 

I've also read that gold kiwi is actually much better. They're more expensive, but they also don't contain as much actinidin as green kiwis. There's a study which showed half of those allergic to green kiwis don't have reactions to gold kiwi. I have also eaten gold kiwi, which I don't get the same mouth tingly or stomach pain as green kiwis. Given the uncertainty though, I stopped eating both for now.

So where do I stand regarding the above? I have no idea yet. I'll be seeing an allergist soon to determine the severity of this potential allergy. 

If an allergy has progressed from one place (the mouth) to another (gastrointestinal), that's not a good thing, even in the absence of hives/rashes. When allergies go from one place to another, the body is now 'primed' and with the next potential exposure, it could lead to more systemic responses. I gave it some thought whether or not I should try it a third time since I'm in the hospital but I decided against it since it would be stupid of me to use the ER and waste resources if something bad did happen. Given the degradation of our ER departments, I'll probably have a higher chance of dying there. I have basically primed my body to the proteins of green kiwi, so the next ingestion I do, the body will release histamines everywhere and I can't guarantee if that's going to affect my airway or not. And I rather not find out without an Epi-Pen beside me. 

It is also possible that it could take years for the body to build up antibodies against certain foods or fruits, which can go from very minor symptoms to mild and serious ones. The longer you wait in between eating certain foods, it gives the body time to 'reset' itself and 're-prime' for the next exposure.

It sucks because my favourite cake is that Chinese fruit cake from T&T. And of course they have kiwis on it. Unless I tell them to remove it, but for now, I just have to stay away from any kiwi until this allergy test is done and I get the final conclusion to this lovely mystery. 

For those who have pollen or latex allergies, this is just something to keep in mind. It doesn't guarantee that you WILL react to any/every fruit out there. But if you wonder why you get tingly while eating certain fruits, it's a possibility that your body is mistaking fruit proteins for pollen proteins. This is considered OAS. There's a risk that the more exposure you have to those certain food/fruit proteins, it could escalate to something more systemic. And once the symptoms reach 2 or more systems, that would be considered anaphylaxis.

I'm no expert at this, as I'm still learning this journey, but please consult your physician or allergist for professional feedback if you are experiencing any potential food allergies. 

Nursing in Ontario...

Oh boy. 

So you've probably been reading the news lately that many hospitals in the GTA and surrounding regions (I will say it's a majority of Ontario hospitals) are letting go of certain Registered Nurses positions for different units. 

Royal Victoria Hospital. Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre. Toronto General Hospital. Queensway Carleton Hospital. London Health Sciences Centre. St. Joseph's Health Care (Hamilton). Mount Sinai Hospital. Lakeridge Hospital. You know, just to name a few. 

Since January 2025, there have been over 1300 RN positions cut. 

Ontario already has the nation's worst nurse to patient ratio. BC has fought and implemented a standard nurse to patient ratio and are currently undergoing a strike across Surrey, Vancouver and now Vancouver Island all because negotiation contract has failed. If anything, we in Ontario should also be following what BC is doing. 

However, different provinces have different legislation. The Harris government had banned nurses from striking here in Ontario back in the 1990's, making nursing an essential service. It's up to the next provincial government to take a stand and remove that limit, so nurses can have the power to strike. This doesn't mean that all nurses head to the picket lines all at the same time otherwise no one would be running the hospitals. They'd have to do it on a rotational basis. 

When Ontario negotiations between the ONA and hospitals fail to reach an agreement with wages, it goes into arbitration and many times, ONA settles with whatever the hospital has put forth. Whether it's a 1% increase in wage over 3 years or max, 2.5% and it's been like that since the beginning of time. The last 'win' we had was about 3.5% over 2-3 years, which compared to the rate of inflation, we are VERY far behind. Take into consideration that the Ford government has 'given' money to all the hospitals to expand on building more services, which is great BUT who is running these new units and hospital sections?! Not to mention with all these constructions and upgrades, the hospitals are also now increasing parking fees for staff and visitors. I'll give you an example: for 10 years, our parking fees never increased which I am so thankful for. I was paying about $52 a month for parking. It's a HUGE bargain compared to other hospitals who charge $135+ a month. When we got the email that our parking fees would increase to $63 a month, and then a final of $120 a month by the year 2029, it pissed me off. The reason for this increase: because they're building a brand new building, an extension to the existing hospitals. I don't get it - government gave you money to build this, WHY are you now taking MORE money from us staff?! That 3.5% wage increase means nothing when our parking fees just went up 100%+.

UHN has let go of 20+ full time RNs and some part times as well in the nephrology unit, all because the unit was not getting enough dialysis patients to sustain the unit. This is all in ONE unit. Considering 1 in 10 Canadians have some form of kidney disease, it doesn't help that the pre-requisites to kidney disease is high blood pressure and diabetes. Together, that risk increases and without proper maintenance, it would lead to kidney failure, and boom, dialysis. But UHN decides to reduce their unit because they don't have enough patients. HUH? What do you mean?! I call your unit to ask about transfers and you tell me there's no space. But now you're telling me there aren't enough patients, that you have to reduce your capacity. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!

The goal of all this RN lay offs and "restructuring"? They want to balance the books - hire more RPNs (and PSWs) with less RNs. Why not? RPNs can pretty much do everything a RN can do, except cheaper. The only thing RPNs can't do at this time is looking after critically ill patients, or patients who suddenly go acute. PSWs can do all the basics a RPN can do, except give medications or blood transfusions, but they do all the heavy work - the lifting, changing diapers, showering, feeding. If a unit can run half RNs, and half RPNs, the unit wouldn't have to spend that much money if they had 3/4 RNs with 1/4 RPNs on the floor. Especially when it comes to overtime - unit would rather pay OT for RPNs than RNs.

Ultimately, who pays the price? The patients. The patients pay the price through their health. Why is it that I always get everyone to advocate for their loved ones when they're in hospital? Because I guarantee you, you probably won't see the nurse very often. And if you don't want your loved ones to fall off the bed, or code without anyone witnessing, then I suggest accompanying your loved ones to hospital and be their personal nurse for the duration of their hospital stay, until they get discharged home. 

Meanwhile our drugged up Health Minister of Ontario, Sylvia Jones, says there have been over 100,000 nurses who have been registered in Ontario since 2018. That doesn't mean ANYTHING AT ALL if they're not practicing! Anyone can register to say I passed my exam and now I'm a nurse, but how many of them are going out of province or across to the USA for better pay? Those don't get accounted. I don't get why people aren't more angry at this. Because they probably don't care, or are just clueless. EVERYONE should be pissed off first of all that they elected someone with a radio broadcast diploma to be the HEALTH MINISTER. What does she know about being the health minister?? Obviously not very much considering the disaster of the hospitals currently. She should've become a weather reporter and lied about the weather instead. She would do so much better in that role - it's better suited for her lying personality. 

The other problem is with the Baby Boomers now aging and retiring (if not already retired), they need to fill at least 30,000 nursing vacancies in order to not be short staffed. But given the fact that they're cutting more RNs and replacing with RPNs (who have 2 years education compared to the 4 years to become a RN), what happens if you have patients who go acutely sour? Who they passing on the critical care patient to? 

Just a food for thought the next time you need to seek help in a hospital.

The next time you get lazy and don't vote, you are paying the price for your health care. 

T&T are married!!!

WHAAATT ZOMMMGGGGGG

TAYLOR SWIFT IS FINALLY MARRIED!!!!

Ok, this is to all of us Millennials who grew up with Taylor's music. To be honest, I liked a few of her songs from her 1989 album back in 2014 along with a few from her Fearless album but aside from that, I wasn't really following her music or the drama that had occurred during that time. I appreciated her music and I only knew that she had written her songs based on heartbreak and what not. I was still in my Backstreet Boys era (I mean I guess I still am), but when you start hearing sad love songs or breakup songs repeatedly, it got old and I think that's why I didn't follow religiously.

I was really into her Love Story song and that was probably the first song that introduced me to her. I attempted to learn it on piano, I learned the lyrics so that one day I can actually sing it at my own wedding. Love Story became such an icon because of the modern twist between Romeo and Juliet's love story. Instead of it ending tragically, she wanted it to be more positive - why can't they both get their happy ending with each other? And that's what she did. 

As the years went by, her life got flung into the spotlight, and of course the media and all the paps focused on her relationships. They made fun of how she couldn't last more than a few months before going to the next person. I can't imagine the feeling of having the world watch your every move, while you try to navigate your own heart and mind into relationships, only to get heart broken or compatibility issues. Us regular people go through these dramas and people who aren't even our friends want the tea. Imagine a superstar? Yeah, everyone wants the tea. 

Which is why I am SUPER happy for her that she found her true love. She has been glowing since she met Travis, and the fact that they're both generous to their fans, while donating to various charities along the way, and trying to have a peaceful wedding celebration without the world watching. She deserves all the happiness. Someone once said, 'we made the right person famous' - the fact that she donates to various Go Fund Me campaigns for fans all around the world, along with various charities, and she is so gracious to her fans..yeah, I definitely feel we did make the right person famous. 

I can relate to Taylor's life to some degree, in the sense that it took forever to find true love amidst all the heartbreaks and broken promises along the way. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. 

Congratulations to Taylor and Travis on a life journey filled with love, happiness, laughter, faith and joy!

Happy 16 Years Genny!!!

This post is dedicated to my first love: the Genesis Coupe.

Let's throwback all the way to 2010. June 2010 to be specific.

I had just graduated from nursing not too long ago but was having difficulty finding nursing jobs. At that time, there was something called the Nursing Grad Guarantee. This meant that within 6 months of graduating from a nursing program, you could apply to any job with the 'nursing grad guarantee' label, and the government would pay the entire salary for 6 months (the hospitals wouldn't have to touch their budget to pay for the position). After 6 months, if the unit has an extra position for you, you'd apply and then get the position, of which the hospital would then start paying for your salary.

This guarantee actually benefited the hospitals because they didn't have to touch their budget and pay a new grad. They could hire a whole bunch of new grads and for 6 months they wouldn't pay a cent. However, the challenge is after 6 months. If there are no open positions, the grads would be let go. But at least the new grads get to dip their feet into nursing for 6 months. 

The challenge with mine is after the licensing exam, it was more than 6 months since I graduated. Every position I applied to would not take me because 1) the positions I applied for was for 'experienced' nurses 2) they questioned why I didn't apply through the NGG program (likeee...it's been more than 6 months, I didn't qualify) and 3) they were looking for experienced nurses only. 

When the Harris government took over, he laid off a bunch of nurses (this was the time my brother was also graduating and trying to find a job - he got quite lucky with his position but not so much his other classmates). In 2009-10 it was like a repeat of 1996-97. I remember counting the amount of applications I submitted and it must've been about 75 (which is nothing in this day and age..my my how things have changed for the worst), majority of which were either rejected or told I wasn't experienced.

My question is, HOW would I get any experience if NO ONE offers me a chance? Not only was I applying online, but I was also visiting every unit to hand in my resume to the managers in person. I remember even questioning one manager when they told me they weren't accepting new grads, but looking for more experienced nurses, on a medical unit. You're looking for experienced nurses but how will I ever get any experience if you don't give me a chance?

They couldn't answer me.

After what felt like forever, I had 2 employers reach out to me and provided interviews, which both accepted me and was ready to offer me a deal. One was in Muskoka and the second was in Hamilton. Being in Toronto, this was a bit of a tough decision. They were both similar medicine units (which ironically had very high turnover rates in the world of nursing) and the pay was pretty similar. I love Muskoka and the surroundings but I knew it would be too far from my family and friends, so I opted for Hamilton.

Hamilton will always have a special place in my heart. Not only did they give me that chance, but they also mentioned in my interview that they wanted to give me a chance, and get my foot in the door. Not many employers will tell you that. They also mentioned a start date shortly after the interview concluded, but when I mentioned I was from Toronto and would be looking for a place to rent, they gave me an extra month to look around, with a start date in mid July. Now how many employers would be so nice to do that?! Yeah, almost non existent these days.

When this job offer came, and I found a place to rent, my next goal was to find a reliable vehicle to travel. And this is where my Genny journey began. 

Back in 2009, Hyundai introduced their first RWD vehicle the Genesis Coupe. It came in a 2.0T and a 3.8L V6 engine. It was hot off the press in Korea with slow introduction to North America. By 2010, the coupe had started making its way to the market.

I had my eyes originally on the Nissan Altima 3.5 SR sedan. It was the top of the line of all Altimas, and looking at my brother who also owned a base Altima, he drove his for over a decade until he had to upgrade it to accommodate a growing family. I wanted some sort of sports version of a vehicle. I dreamt about it all day and hoped to test drive one to find out.

When it came to actually buying the vehicle, there was a roadblock. There were basically no other SR available because majority of their customers opted for the base or mid trims, but the SR was not in very high demand. To get one in, I'd have to wait 3-6 months. Unfortunately I needed a car right away so this was out of the question.

Onto the next. I thought about the Hyundai Sonata sedan. However, when it came to driving it, the steering felt very loose, as if I would lose control at any moment. It also felt like a boat. After the test drive, I just knew this wasn't the one. 

Lastly, I was also following the Genesis Coupe release and reading up on the features, engine, you name it. I asked my Korean friends what they thought about it. I even called up the insurance company to get an estimate of how much it would cost. The insurance company had no idea what the car was, and asked if it was 2 door or 4 door. The only difference was the engine: 2.0T was obviously cheaper and they would consider it a small car, versus the 3.8L engine, which they considered a sports car and more expensive. This gave me the decision. 

I remember telling my parents I found my first car, the Genesis Coupe. They tried to deter me from even buying it considering this was the first generation, and the first time Hyundai designed a RWD car. What happens if it falls apart? The materials are cheap, what happens if the engine blows up? 2 door cars are weaker than 4 doors, what happens if the door falls apart? What happens if it rolled over and you can't get out? It just went on and on. 

When I brought them in to see in the show room, and had them try it out, that's when they stopped pestering. The price was also decent at that time (I mean it was about 25k but with taxes and all, it was more closer to 30k). I bargained with them that it would be cheaper than the Altima that I wanted. We shopped around at different dealerships, and most dealerships had the colours of red, silver, black. I really wanted the blue, and most dealerships were saying I'd have to order it in, which could take 6 months to arrive.

I didn't have 6 months. I need it THAT MONTH.

On July 6, 2010, we went to the last dealership and I felt like this was God's calling because, LOOK WHAT WAS SITTING IN THE LOT.

It was the brand new 2010 Hyundai Genesis Coupe 2.0T base in Mirabeau Blue. Automatic (because I didn't know how to drive manual and wasn't interested in learning at that time). It was just sitting there sparkling in the sun. The price was the lowest I could find compared to the other dealers. I knew this was the one. The most tech I was looking for at that time? Foldable mirrors and bluetooth, no sunroof, which is exactly what the base came with. I had to order these as options for the Altima, which is ridiculous. 

We negotiated for a bit then signed papers. They needed a few more days to prep the car but that's ok because I still had some time before I had to drive all the way out to Hammertown. I remember when I had to do a pre payment initially, that my card couldn't pay for it all because...lo and behold I had a student Visa card that I barely used. It was a $500 limit. I think I needed about a grand so I maxed out, and mom (bless her) helped with the other half. This was also the moment that I realized I should get a better credit card. 

On July 13, 2010, she officially came home.

The joy, the excitement, the awe of owning Hyundai's very first RWD car and people having no clue what it was that first year...it was fun. Memories that I'll never forget. I racked up about 10,000km in 5.5 months because I was driving a lot back and forth from Hamilton to Toronto to take courses and also being home sick. I washed Genny almost every moment that I could get. 

Obviously it wasn't 100% joyful all the time. There was a time I came out of the condo and noticed someone had splashed coffee on the trunk. Another time I came out of work and found a piece of half eaten toast that was thrown on my windshield. I didn't know why but MAYBE people were just jealous or tired of seeing non-American cars in a predominantly white city. Either way, I made sure to wash Genny. 

I remember with the biggest snowstorm in Hamilton, I got stuck on the condo driveway trying to get out and make my way to work. The driveway was heated, but right where it ended was where all the snow had built up. It took me about 5 minutes to finally get out of there and on the road. This was also on stock height so I can't imagine the situation now if I were to repeat it with a lowered car. I remember getting the first red light ticket when I was in a rush to get to work. I saw this BRIGHT flash in my rear view. It's been 16 years and I'm still waiting for the ticket in the mailbox. 

I remember all the bugs that used to die on my bumper when I made frequent visits to Toronto. The constant car washes on the driveway. The random comments I would get from kids such as 'Cool it's a Lambo!!' (yeah I wish kid), or the time people would take pictures with Genny. It was all the little things that brought joy into my chaotic life.

When I found another job here back in Toronto, it was bittersweet. I had waited for this moment for the past 8 months and finally, I had achieved the dream to come back to Toronto. But I also leave behind the city that gave me a chance. I went back to say a big thank you to the manager who gave me that chance, and to the colleagues who I had the pleasure of working with, and learned many skills from. I'll also cherish the patients that I got to meet and work with, to really help better their days by being there for them.

The first 4 years of Genny ownership was enjoyable, until I started modding her. Back then I thought it was so cool and I wanted my own Fast and Furious type of car. I tried to learn about different mods, what they mean etc. What people don't tell you is once you start modding, you don't stop. I had the roof wrapped a gloss black, and my ex at the time said it was a waste of money. Good thing I got rid of him shortly after that. No one needs that type of negativity in their life. 

The next 'big' mod was the suspension. Oh boy. After all these years, I learned to NEVER touch your stock suspension unless you're willing to deal with the headache and pain in the years to come. It started off as springs (which I mentioned in previous posts), and then after almost damaging the OG shocks, I went to coilovers. To this day, any issues that I have is mostly related to the suspension. Then again, it probably didn't help that I also slammed into a curb after slipping on black ice while making a turn. Honestly, that was my driving error. From that moment on, things were just never the same. 

And it's true, once you either alter the suspension OR you get into an accident that affects the suspension, it's never really the same anymore. My advice to those looking to modify their first car? Don't do it. Unless you're willing to invest and spend in fixing it up over the next decade.

The coolest mod? Honestly, I think it's the blow off valve. I bought mine second hand (actually, a lot of the parts were second hand as one of the members had written off his car and was selling his aftermarket parts and like why not?!). The way it made the PSSSHHHH sound, it was like Darth Vader marching down the street.

Nonetheless, it's been very hard trying to 'get rid' of Genny and to upgrade to a better daily. She is 16 years old this year (but if we look at her build date of Nov 2009, she's actually 17 going on 18). I think because there's so much sentimental value. The first car. The first road trip. The first job. The first heartbreak. The first mod. The death of M. The survival of COVID. The first job promotion. The first money pit. The first car meet. The first car group identity. The first tune.

I could go on and on but those are the main ones I could think of. 

The maintenance would be a lot cheaper if I hadn't modified her to begin with. I honestly think I had the best years for the first 4 years before she became modified. Once she was modified, I decided to just keep her and maintain her until the end of her run. Sometimes it's not so bad, other times it's expensive maintenance. And you know what they say...If you're paying more to maintain the car that is more than your car's worth, it's probably not worth it to keep. 

Yes, I could've bought another brand new car with the maintenance costs over the years. But if you were to ask me what car I wanted next, I couldn't tell you. I really don't know what to get after Genny.

I have already achieved my dream car which is the Cayman S. Completely paid off, and now it's just the maintenance (which is very little compared to Genny). I see people lease cars and change it out every 3 years. I get that people want to drive something different every 3 years. Some do it because they want to, some are bored, some just do it to show off and get people to like them. But why would I want to torture myself with continuous car payments? 

People may think the Hyundai is a piece of junk (I mean to some degree it is), but I love my hunk of junk. It is also what made me who I am. The sweat, the tears, the joy, the love. Getting rid of Genny would feel like I'll be getting rid of partially who I am. I couldn't do the whole lease a car for 3 years and then get another one. That's like being a hoe. You don't like this guy? Ok, change him up after 2 years to another dude. And repeat!

While Genny may not be perfect, she will always have a special place in my heart and in this lifetime. Until the day she stops working and I'll have to give her up, I will still cherish every moment and every drive. Take care of your cars, and they'll take care of you.

Hospital care

Recently I had the unfortunate experience of being in the ER with a family member, and then getting admitted for observation. Compared to the last time that a family member was admitted couple years ago, this time around the service was crap.

Yes, we live in a first world country, where our health care is suppose to be the best. It's free after all right? 

It's utter crap and it's just getting worse. Take this from someone who actually works in health care in Canada. Health care isn't free. We basically get taxed out of our butts and that goes into everything that you see is 'free'. Refugees? Yes, we've basically paid for your stay AND your salary here. Which is why our country is in the dumps. 

Anyways, back to hospital experience.

We went to ER on a Thursday evening, and was pretty much in ER for just under 24 hours, before getting a hospital bed. The sad thing is, I'm not surprised at all that it took that long. If anything, that's a pretty good time (compared to others). It's definitely not acceptable, but it is what it is. Now, this is a well known hospital, one of the best in the country (if not the world). But depending what you're in for, you could be in for a long haul. If you aren't dying or bleeding to death, then you will be sitting in ER for 20+ hours until you get a bed. And that's if your condition is serious enough to warrant a hospital bed. 

I can't even tell you the name of our ER nurses because we never really saw them much. They came to take a set of vitals. And that was it. You could die in the chair and they probably won't even notice, because the nurses are getting pulled left right and centre. At night, there are maybe 2 rounding doctors who have to check 3-4 separate units in ER to assess patients. On top of that, if they get a trauma case come in, they get pulled. So it can be a very busy night. 

Which is why if you're in ER alone, those are the worst cases because no one is there to observe except for other patients and families that are around. I'm fortunate that I can take the time off and accompany my family member and stay with them all day and night to ensure they remain alive while waiting for a bed. It has come to that point in this country, to ensure survival, you really should have someone with you in ER. It's sad, but it's more scary. 

Once we got a bed and went to the unit, the unit was located very far from the main building. In the words of my mother, it was like the poor side of the hospital. I mean, it is an older section of the hospital. We are grateful we got the bed, but this was just the beginning. If you thought distance was an issue, this barely touched the surface.

The unit itself was built like a square. The nursing station was in the middle, while the outer portion was surrounded by hospital rooms. Just like every other unit, the nurses rotate throughout the week. You may not even get the same nurse the next day. That's just the reality of it. I introduced myself as a health care professional whenever I got to meet the nurse for the day (or night). When they hear that, they either get super anxious, or super happy. Anxious being a trouble maker family member, or happy because I actually help them, and that is what I did. 

The issue with that is, when they see you being very helpful, they don't check in as much on your family member. The moment my family member required assistance to the bathroom (for example), the second family member was there to help, but given that there was an IV pole to push, along with the family member being unsteady on their feet, it would be a lot safer if extra help was on hand. They called for a nurse to come. The response? Oh, stay inside for now, we will be there. 

When it took a while, they realized that the nurses were giving each other report, one shift to the next. No one cared to check in on the patients' request to use the bathroom. Instead, the family member struggled with all the equipment and the mess left behind in the bathroom. They had a risk of falling, and yet, not a nurse went in there to check.

Basic nursing 101. If your patient is calling you for help, doesn't matter if it's to go back to bed, or go to the bathroom, you GO and CHECK on them. I don't care if you're giving report. You tell your colleague that you have to go check on your patient, you'll be back, but feel free to continue reading my report. What ever happened to basic common sense in nurses? 

I get it that we are all busy. I'm a nurse and I've been in situations where I had to cover an entire floor of 30 something patients with 1 colleague. But if someone called for me to use the bathroom and I was giving report, I'll be running into that room quickly because the last thing I want is to have a patient attempting to walk themselves and then falling out of bed trying to do that. 

The nurses these days, what is happening? Is everyone on Tik Tok trying to make a buck or two on their shift, and forgetting you have lives in your hands? Is it really that difficult to go check in on your patient to help them to the bathroom? If you find it annoying or if you rolled your eyes, then don't be a nurse. Find another profession to do. But just don't be a nurse.

The most aggravating thing is when my family member tried to use the bathroom, and attempted to get out of bed, but lost their balance and fell to the ground. This room was also right in front of the nursing station. Family member did end up calling for help, and that's when FINALLY the nurses came in and assisted them back to bed. 

I understand that not all eyes will be on every room at every waking moment, because sometimes the nursing station is empty, that all the nurses are with patients. I can't blame them for not watching and seeing said family member fall down because they can't be sitting there just watching a room for their entire shift. 

This obviously is a systemic issue. It's not just a hospital issue, but it's really a domino effect, and that starts from the higher up. Hospitals are all underfunded. Yes, they may do fundraising events, or have donors donate huge amounts to the hospital. Reality is, do we actually see any of it? Do we see the money? Does it reflect on each unit? No, it doesn't.

The only money that we see is when they built an entirely new wing or section of the hospital, the proof of where some of the money went. Or maybe one unit finally got a new bladder scanner from that money. Aside from that, where is the money going? Research? You've had decades to find a cure for cancer. We have the most advanced technologies, yet we haven't found a cure. But think about it. If they could actually find a cure, what's going to happen to the pharmaceutical companies? They'd go bankrupt. The nursing staff? The specialist doctors? Jobless. They wouldn't need any of us anymore. Pharmaceuticals would lose billions of dollars. 

So of course, they must have a cure already. They're just not saying it. Because hospitals would run out of business. And that's the thing. Hospitals are a business. It's not a centre of care and compassion. It's a very big business. They don't care much about retaining staff such as nurses or assistants. We are just a small pawn in a big game of chess. You don't like it? Leave. They will replace you in a heart beat.

Anyways, that's just me side tracking. But the overall hospital experience this time around was a lot worse than the other one I had that happened less than 2 years ago. It was also a lot worse than from 9 years ago when I was last there for my mother's case. So yeah, hospitals are definitely getting worse as time goes on.

I also think the nursing knowledge and care is getting much worse. I don't want to blame one generation, because from what I see, it's a mix of all generations. I don't know if it's because we don't give a crap anymore about patient care, that everything is just about making the big bucks (but really, we don't make big bucks...if we do, we get severely taxed). Or that the generation of nurses are just that incompetent and lack common sense - perhaps they see it from their colleagues and just follow along. 

I don't know what it is. But whatever it is, it makes me terrified to continue getting care in a hospital for any of my family or loved ones. I cannot rely on the hospital to provide care to my family. I would rather take an extended leave of absence to care for them at home. That's how unsafe I feel. 

To everyone else, as I mentioned above, I highly recommend ALWAYS going to the hospital with your loved ones. Don't rely on the hospital staff to care for your family. 

7 months post - op check

Now that we are in June, let's do a 7 month post operative check!

Can't believe it's been just over 7 months now. How have things been since the spinal operation? Well, it's definitely had it's ups and downs. 

Initially, I didn't feel so much of the pain and I think it's because of the pain killers that they had put me on. I had taken the equivalent of Naproxen during the early healing days. Oxy was also prescribed to me but thankfully I did not require it. I'm proud to say I didn't require any narcotics during this time. If anything, I would take a narcotic for menstrual pain. Now that's just crazy when your period pain feels worse than back pain. 

What I've noticed almost daily now is the constant muscle ache type of pain. It's not to say the surgeon was horrible at the surgery (actually, he is quite the opposite!), but it's the way the body heals after such surgery. The incision heals fast, but it's the internal portion of the body that will take time to heal (I'm reading it could take a year for internal healing). 

Each case is different. Some people fair quite well after 6 weeks and start skiing or snowboarding (although it's highly recommended after 3 months of healing). But some will take years to recover. I don't know where I currently stand, but I feel like I'm heading towards the 1 year mark of healing. And I'll tell you why...

Walking. For months I've been trying to increase my walking tolerance. The max that I have gone is about 1.5 hours. I would try to push to 1 hour 45 minutes and I believe I have done it once at the mall without taking a break or a seat. However, I haven't been able to successfully repeat it as when I hit the 1 hour mark, my back feels exhausted already. It's the type of feeling when you work out your back too much that it feels tired and somewhat burning, like you've burned too much calories. 

Standing. This one is in combination with the walking. But I find that if I just stand there and not do any moving, the exhaustion will hit much faster. An example of this is at work. I haven't gone back to floor nursing yet as I know my tolerance isn't the greatest. This time, it was different as our program received new machines, and this would require me to be on the unit to test it out, and utilize it more comfortably with our clients. Our changeover usually lasts about 2 hours, and this involves a lot of walking and standing, with some time for sitting to chart. I couldn't do the entire 2 hours of walking and standing. In between I had to either lean over or sit down and stretch until my muscles felt more loose before I could attempt to use the machines. 

Sitting. I have no problems sitting. But I know that I cannot sit forever and that I need to stand and walk to avoid further damage. I have noticed that if I do sit for a prolong period of time, my right knee locks up and it's VERY painful getting up to walk because the ligaments are all tensed up. For a period of time, my physio had to focus on my knee and my quads because they were so tense, and caused too much pain. 

Core building. The amount of times both the surgeon and physio have said this: strengthen your core!!! Last year I couldn't do it. I remember trying to suck in my core and not use my back for anything. But as soon as I sucked in my core, I could feel the tingly sensation going down my left leg. That was the result of the compression in the back. Post surgery, I made sure to focus on the core. Honestly, when you strengthen the core, it relieves the back of the tension. I do admit I still have moments during high pressure that I forget to use the core and end up using my back muscles. I learn pretty quickly that I cannot do that because I start to ache pretty much right away. 

Use. Your. Legs. Yes, with any lifting or transferring, USE YOUR LEG MUSCLES. USE YOUR GLUTES. I work with clients who sometimes can't help themselves, and as health care professionals, they trust us to help transfer them. It's really exhausting on our end when we have to do that and injure ourselves in the meantime. 

What do I do when I feel my back muscles aching? First thing's first, I sit and I stretch my back. I don't ever hyper-extend anymore but I pretty much flex forward and just stretch. I do light back rotations, and of course do some squats when I can. At home, I use a heat pad. I didn't use the heat pad for a while given my incision was still healing but now that it's healed, I never thought I would need my heat pad again. But really, it's become my best friend again. Lastly, if I REALLY need it, I take Baclofen. I find it does help relax the muscles, but the side effect is another battle. I don't take the Baclofen during the day as it does make me super sleep and would impair my judgment. But at night? No problem. I would sleep like a baby through the night without pain. 

Although the surgeon has pretty much cleared me, I still take those words with a grain of salt. It takes 1 year to fully recover? Give it 2 years. 

Roller coasters. As much as I would love to go back on them, I know I physically shouldn't. And it would be a terrible idea to do it even now. Given the G forces and random drops and twists, it is no wonder why all coasters have a warning label before each ride that if you have back issues or spinal issues/surgery, to NOT ride any coasters. 

High heels. Man, just as I kept practicing to try and perfect my shoes, I had to put a halt to wearing them. Although the surgeon said I could wear them now, I prefer not to. Heels alter the spine tremendously, and if you fall, there's a risk of re-herniation (if not other injuries). I'll have to give it another 6 months or so before I attempt to wear high heels again, and having to learn how to walk in them again. 

Running, I used to be a runner, cross country in particular. It was my escape and my high. However, with the constant pressures from running (and perhaps uneven ground), it's considered a high impact sport that should be avoided after spinal surgery. 

All in all, I'm able to do more than last year, without pain. I'm able to walk for just over an hour now, versus 2 minutes. I used to be able to walk the entire Las Vegas strip, or just walk the entire day there without issues. Now? I know I have a long way to go, to get back to my base line. 

I still continue to do my physio, to continue with my stretches. I'm taking advantage of what I couldn't do last year. It's been a huge blessing to even do all this, knowing that things could've been a lot worse. Hubby has been my biggest supporter in all this: reminding me to sit, to take a break, and noticing if I'm getting exhausted, he would look for a spot for me to sit (or even carry me if he had to). 

Someday, I will get back to baseline. I just cannot give up. Just have to keep on moving forward.