Post back surgery recovery phase

Hello all!

Hope you're all having a wonderful week so far.

One thing I didn't get to talk about last year was post surgery recovery. I haven't had any major surgeries before, aside from wisdom teeth removal surgery, but back surgery is considered major as it does involve going right into the nerves, muscles and vertebrae. 

Everyone goes through different symptoms post surgery, but I will talk about my experience, now that we are almost 4 months post-op.

The surgery occurred in the early afternoon on a Tuesday. I was home by dinner time on Tuesday evening.

The first thing I did? I went and sat on the chair. I had a bunch of iodine on my back (given I had sensitivity to Chlorhexidine), so the dried iodine remained on my back around the wound site. Hubby went to clean my back with some water and a towel. He was speaking with my parents while doing the cleaning.

Within seconds, I recall their voices getting more and more distorted, sounding further and further away. It was very muffled. I was confused why I was experiencing that. And then it hit me. I started getting really dizzy. I don't know how loud I was talking at that time, but I remember telling them I don't feel so good, and I need to sit on the couch. I asked them to pass me the blood pressure monitor and to put it on my arm.

I remember pressing the button and waiting for the reading. 80/47. A normal blood pressure reading in a healthy individual is 120/80 (reference point). My usual reading is about 100's/60's give or take. So for a reading of 80/47, that was considerably low. I was basically crashing at that point. This is due to a combination of dehydration (no fluids since 9am that morning), and the combination of anesthesia. 

Thankfully I did not vomit or experience a seizure, as laying down did help to get the blood flow going again. I was given some water and soup to help with the pressures. Eventually it did start going up slowly in the 90's and I started to feel better. Once I felt better, I took a quick walk around the house to ensure movement and prevent any clots from happening. 

The next day, I felt very achy in the back. Not pain, just muscle ache. And this is normal. Bending, lifting or twisting is a no-no at this point. Using the bathroom was a challenge. You'd have to be very careful to lower yourself without bending or twisting. At that point I just wished I could hold my bladder forever or put an in-dwelling catheter in myself but that is already risky in itself. This is also when I realize we all take the little things in life for granted. Something as simple as putting socks on, or going to the bathroom.

The site of incision was still covered with a dressing but as the day progressed, I could see the blood start spreading slightly. It wasn't enough that it pooled blood, but it definitely had to be changed at the end of the day.

One thing I also noticed during this time is...my hunger went into hyperdrive. You know the feeling you get when you get really hungry - your stomach growls and hurts at the same time? Yeah, I was getting that every day, at every hour, for about 2 weeks straight. I would eat from the morning all the way to the very early morning the next day. I felt like a pregnant woman (although I really don't know what it feels like), but I was just ALWAYS hungry.

I would be eating, and my stomach would still be growling in pain. It was very strange. I'd eat small meals, large meals, snacks in between. But I was still hungry.

This was the body's way of telling the brain that it needed to repair and recover quick. Even though the incision was about an inch and a half in length, this was not a "natural" part of the body so instead of being normal, it went into hyperdrive and demanded all these nutrients to be consumed so it could repair itself quickly.

For 2 weeks, I ate like I had a baby inside of me. After 2 weeks passed, the hunger did die down quite a lot so I was not eating as much anymore. But man, that was torture.

The no shower part. Yeah it sucked. I was not allowed to have a shower for minimum 72 hours (or 3 days), but after that, I can shower - as long as the wound dressing did not get wet. Considering I was still having some bleeding on day 3, I figured to play it safe and not shower for a few more days. Only thing I could do was a sponge bath on myself. 

By the time day 6 came along, the bleeding had stopped. My hair was more oily that P. Diddy's baby oil supply - I just wanted to shower. That first shower felt super fresh. However I made the mistake of not asking someone to help me because I nearly fell out of the shower. I wasn't really able to bend my legs properly as it would affect my back muscles so when I did that a bit too fast, the pain hit and I nearly lost my balance trying to get out. So yeah, lesson learned - always ask for help, especially at your most vulnerable. 

By the end of the first week, I was able to walk daily for 30 minutes if not a bit more. They say the more walks you can do, the better. But the key thing is, do not just lay there and not do anything. 

Entering the second week was a bit torturous as this was also the menstruation time. Given my history, I was expecting a lot of pain and being in bed all day. However, the anti inflammatory medications I was taking for the back definitely helped with the pain and flow. If anything, it almost stopped the flow. I felt so relieved I didn't have to deal with cramps and back aches during this crucial recovery time. 

I tried to increase my daily walks to hourly everyday, if not more. It was the only thing I could do peacefully without injuring myself. I used a walker to walk around the house, not because I couldn't walk but I didn't want to get dizzy from walking in circles and falling down. Outside of the house, a cane was used for extra balance.

The first two weeks, I was told to not drive or get into a car as a passenger, unless it was for a short trip to an appointment. Otherwise no car rides. I extended this to about 6 weeks of no driving. In between, I did do short trips as a passenger to appointments or to a grocery store but otherwise it was very limited. Considering how bad our roads are (and our drivers), any bumps or accidents on the road is a risk to the recovery period.

After the 2 week period, which I call this the very crucial period, things started to slowly get better. The numbness in my leg that I felt all these years were slowly going away. But of course, the restriction of no bending/twisting/lifting was still in place. I was not able to start formal physiotherapy yet as it was too early. So I stuck with just doing daily walks and light leg stretches. 

By week 4, I had an appointment with the family doctor for a check in, and for some paper works to be completed for my work place. My stitches were looking great. I saw a new physiotherapist to try and see if I could begin some more back stretches as per the surgeon's recommendation. It was only very light back exercises to try and start with the core, nothing too crazy.

By week 6, the formal physiotherapy training began. I also went to see the surgeon for a follow up appointment. The stitches had dissolved by this time and the incision looked beautiful. Restrictions on back to work remained in place, with no nursing duty until summer of 2026. 

By week 9, I gradually returned back to work on desk duty with many restrictions in place. It was still a bit of a challenge because if I sat too long in a chair, my back would start aching. If I walked too long, the back would ache and I'd have to sit and rest. With time though, it would get better, especially with constant physiotherapy.

What I've learned during this phase is to take advantage of these physio stretches and exercises. I couldn't do any of them before, hence why I started losing muscle mass. Now that I can move more, I'm taking advantage of the exercises to work on the muscle strengthening. They also help a lot when my back starts really aching during the day. By the time I get home from work, I have to shower and stretch it out, and it feels a lot better. Movement is the key. 

Although I feel much better than I did 2 weeks post operation, I am always paranoid about slipping or falling, or something suddenly jumping out to scare me. It is very easy to throw one's back out now even if it's 4 months post op. 

The winter weather also doesn't help. Given we had 20 something days of negative weather, this really played against me. My back muscles were always so tight, and it doesn't help I have a sedentary job. Both of those combined together resulted in constant muscle aches, no matter how much I tried to stretch myself. Eventually I brought out the heat pad on my back during the night and it seemed to improve a bit. However, movement is still the key. So this remains an on-going battle.

My motto is, if the surgeon says it takes 3 months to recover, you double it, if not triple it. Don't rush recovery. Your body will thank you.

Valentine's Day v3.0

 Happy Valentine's Day y'all!

AKA. Happy consumerism day where all the chocolate and flower companies get a good chunk out of your money.

Jokes aside, Valentine's Day is also on a Saturday this year, which means...YAYYY!! Weekend celebrations! Which also means...I'm sorry to all the culinary staff out there because you guys and girls will get swamped this weekend. 

I remember years ago when I wasn't really into celebrating Valentine's Day all because prices get jacked up for no reason (except for consumerism). Then I came upon someone's IG account, where they were a widow and remembering all these little moments. One of which was Valentine's Day. She mentioned she never really celebrated it, even when her husband was alive (and this is a young couple in their late 20's). When he passed away, all these special days came and went and she reflected on it. One of the regrets she had was never celebrating Valentine's Day with her husband, and wished she could just do it one time before he passed.

It made me think too...that yeah, although we shouldn't glorify it to just one day, it's nice to celebrate even for fun. It doesn't have to be anything grand, but any small gesture just to remind ourselves that yes, I still love celebrating this day of love with my special someone. 

My love and I will be celebrating 3 years this coming Valentine's Day together. We both don't take it seriously that we must book an expensive place to eat dinner, but just enough to ask each other "will you be my Valentine?" and cuddle for a nice meal and movie.

Whatever you all do this Valentine's Day, I wish you all fun times and the good memories that will come out of it. 

So Eleonor 85mm Review

Hello and welcome back to my blog!

Today I'll be doing a review of another pair of Louboutin boots that were purchased in Winter 2023. This one was a bit of a random purchase. I was looking for a nice pair of boots to complete my Louboutin collection but I couldn't really decide on which pair.

This is a late review, so I have worn these boots quite a few times already so the review would at least be more up to date.

It was end of December 2023 when I went to the Louboutin store with hubby to check out random shoes. I don't think there was any intention to buy anything but, you know me. Once I see something I really like, I can't stop thinking about it unless I purchase it.

So here we are, in the Louboutin store and we are checking out random shoes and handbags. I remember not really seeing any heels that were outstanding to me, so I went to check out the boots. And that's when my eyes laid on the So Eleonor in 85mm height. I had a pair of old above ankle boots that I've been wearing until they started falling apart and I figured if I need another pair, the Louboutin would be it. 

I tried on the So Eleonor and man, first thing I noticed was how comfortable they felt on my feet. The heels were one thing, but the boots felt much better. I immediately fell in love. The great thing about the So Eleonor is the thicker heel stem, and that there is a side zipper to get in and out of the boots easier. I really don't like boots that don't have that option as it feels I'm going to break it every time I try to stick my feet in them.

It didn't take long to decide that these were the boots for me, so I ended up purchasing the boots.

Once again, I went to Mike at All in Detailing to PPF the red bottoms and he did an amazing job. 

The first event I wore the So Eleonor to is the 2024 PTN season opener at Porsche North Toronto dealership. This was the ultimate test to see how these boots really feel. It started off great, no concerns. As the evening went on, my feet did get a bit sore, but nothing compared to if I wore heels. By the end of the night they were feeling a bit achy. However, I did not get any blisters. Just sore feet.

In between, I wore it for smaller events, and it was comfortable - no signs of blisters or feet aches. My last test was during the winter season for my birthday, when I decided to wear them for the Nurse John event downtown. We parked about a 10 minute walk to the event. The walking duration wasn't a problem. It was the weather, and I wish I had listened to the news that day. It had started to snow, and it was cold. I assumed it wouldn't accumulate, but it did.

Unlike the other more 'sturdy' boots with lugged soles, the So Eleonor does not have any grooves at the bottom. It is flat and smooth, so it makes walking in snow and slush/ice very dangerous. It's more slippery with the PPF on the bottom. The 10 minute walk was torture, because every step was a potential for a broken ankle. Unfortunately I didn't bring any other pair of shoes because I figured weather would be fine. I had to hold onto hubby for dear life and once we got into the building, I was so relieved. By the time the show ended, it was time to walk back to the car. The snow had stopped but it was super slushy and icy outside. I made it to the car in one piece and at the end of the night, I can say I survived walking in Loubs in the snow and ice. I wouldn't recommend it, nor would I want to do it again. 

Of all the pairs of Louboutins that I own, the So Eleonor are the most comfortable. These are also pretty special because Taylor Swift had worn her famous sparkly Eleonora Botta (knee high boots) during her Eras Tour, so I basically have the same boots at her, just in a shorter non-sparkly version. I thought about putting some crystals on mine but decided against it. I didn't want to ruin the leather.

Here are some pictures of the fit:

Introducing the So Eleonor 85mm in calf leather.

The front view.

The side view. I love the shape of the heel.

The infamous red sole. As you can see, it is just flat and smooth. Not the greatest in snow and ice.

My mini Louboutin collection. From left: La Massine Flat, Pigalle, Corneille and So Eleonor.

In summary, I would recommend these boots to add to anyone's collection. Unfortunately they are now discontinued from stores and online so the only option is to buy from consignment shop.

Pros:

-confortable

-good height

-open/close zipper on the inner side of boots

-they are elegant/matches any outfit

-calf leather is super smooth

Cons:

-horrible in snow and ice/slush

-does not keep the rest of your leg warm

Details:

Company: Christian Louboutin

Name: So Eleonor

Height: 85mm

Material: Calf leather

Price: $1695 Canadian

Availability: discontinued from boutique store and online

It's a Love Story

....baby just say yes?!

The world has seen how Taylor Swift has gone from one boyfriend to another, basically shining her romances in the spotlight. And honestly, it's tough to deal with romance and break up especially when you're famous. When they break up, she would write about it through songs. Made money off of it. Honestly, the most brilliant thing to do. Now she is one very wealthy lady, yet so down to earth and probably the best boss lady anyone could meet or work with. I admired her work all these years but after seeing her go through the Eras Tour and all the physical demands of the tour, and how she treated her staff, I have a newfound respect for her. 

For many years, I can tell she hoped for a forever love. She, just like many of us girls/women, long for someone to love, to be loved. Her songs relate to love, heartbreak, betrayal, redeeming win - experiences that we can all relate to in our daily lives. 

When she met Travis and they were frequently in the spotlight, the joke was the same: waiting for the break up so she can write more songs. However, it didn't turn out that way. Instead, she found her love. Travis pursued her (and mama Swift also helped introduce them when he was really hoping to meet her). He got butt hurt when he was not able to meet Taylor that night after that one concert he attended, and now? He's got the girl of his dreams.

Now I can't say I can relate because I'm definitely not famous, but I can relate on trying to find that love. This love that was told to us as kids, by our parents who put into our heads that our Prince Charming (or Princess) would be out there for us. That you must get spoiled and loved for it to be...true love.

Man, what a load of bologna. Disney definitely fooled us all growing up. 

My road to love was definitely not straight forward. Some of my friends had it simple, where they dated one guy and boom, got married and had kids. End of story. Live happily ever after. Then there are friends who dated more than Taylor Swift and still haven't gotten married. Now, I'm not saying it's a failure. I'm saying for one person it could be quick to find someone, whereas for another it could take almost a life time to find true love. At the end of the day, if they both find love, then that's all that should matter. 

I'm not going to sit here and go through every detail, and blame everyone else for my failed relationships, because it does take two to tango. But I definitely felt many years ago, that love should be easy to find. Love shouldn't be tough to the point that you burn out from all the stress of trying to be loved by someone. You shouldn't have to beg to be loved.

As the years went by, and I've gone through all these different experiences, I had to eliminate some of my misconceptions, and one thing that really stuck out was...you can't change anyone, unless they want to change themselves. If they already have these pre-fixed beliefs on culture/gender roles, it's going to be impossible to change them. For years, I believed I could change people. But no, I'm not God. I cannot change people unless they want to change themselves for the better. 

Then there's the hope that eventually they'll change their minds. No, please don't ever hope they would change. Something as big as where to live, or if you should have children, those are HUGE decisions that you cannot HOPE for someone to change. They either want it or they don't. You cannot wait for years, hoping they would change their minds. The best part? You hoping they would change, without telling them about your hopes. You're just wasting time. That was also another hard lesson on my end, that ate away many years of my youth. 

Of course there's also the crush. Crushing on someone for say, 2 years and then hoping they would take initiative to ask you out, but they don't. You spend 2 years trying to give signs, trying to talk about your feelings to them, spending all your effort to get their attention, only for them to tell you that they prefer a certain type of girl (or guy) and then try to change you, to be one of them. That's not love. 

Then there are the ones who are just there to get your money, or try to get into your pants and then run for the hills. Then tell their family or friends that this chick (or guy) is crazy. Spread these false rumours to make them look like the bigger person, while making you feel like the smaller person. In that moment, yeah losing money really sucks. But also remember, you have an entire lifetime to make the money back. In the grand scheme of things, this one experience is a small dot on your lifeline. It's not worth the hassle, nor the mental health to try and fight to prove a point. You just have to pick yourself up and move on, and be the bigger person. 

I was also too nice, didn't really speak up and this was my biggest downfall. If I didn't speak up and just went with the flow (even if I didn't agree with it), things would get worse later on when I'm told why I didn't speak up before. This was another big lesson learned.

This all sounds horrible, but I'm sure many of you can relate to at least one of the above. If we didn't have these experiences, there wouldn't really be much purpose in life. It's all a matter of how you use your experiences to shape who you are, and who you can become (if you want). You are probably thinking that after all my negative experiences, I wouldn't want to find love anymore. I mean, you're partially right. In my previous posts from 2022/23, I pretty much gave up after that online experience and decided to focus on myself. I did not go the route of jumping into dating again or getting engaged/married to people who I barely knew (unlike a certain person or two in the past who went this route and well, can't say it went well for either of them).

I focused on my career, on my family and friends, discovered new hobbies and just did my best to focus on God, on His blessings (whether they be positive or negative experiences), and was just thankful I was still living. 

Without going into great detail, this is when 2023 changed me for the better. 

I have known the love of my life for about 6 years at this point. But during those 6 years, we never really talked. Just the normal 'good morning, how are you' type of basic conversations. Quiet but respectful of each other. Our conversations gradually picked up, from random check in messages, to full conversations.

It was during my birthday in 2023 that he bought me a gift (2 porcelain cats! yay!) with Chinese writings that was about health, and about love. It didn't really hit me at that point that maybe, he was trying to tell me something (and he actually was). But because I have a turbo 4 brain, it remained spooling for a long time. 

The birthday gift that set off our journey (2023)

Fast forward to May 2023 and this is where things really took off. We had been texting almost daily at this point, and had random phone calls here and there. Although we remained friends all these years, this time it felt like I had known him forever (yes yes, you probably heard this before too). The more we hung out, the more I realized he was what I was looking for all this time. He was in front of me all these years, yet I never saw it with my Asian eyes. This is when you cue the lyrics to Taylor Swift: "dreaming 'bout the day when you wake up and find that what you're looking for, has been here the whole time."

I didn't want my heart to be fooled again by my decisions but this time around, it felt different. In the past, I felt butterflies, all giddy and excited. This time, I didn't get butterflies or giddy. I felt....safe. Peaceful. It felt like home. I've never had this feeling with anyone (no joke). What made me feel safe? As friends, he went out of the way to make sure I was safe. He made sure to walk on the side of traffic to ensure I was safe. If he saw me freezing in a room, he'd go out of his way to get his jacket and kept me warm. If I was about to walk into a wall, he would pull me away. In the grand scheme of things, these may seem like small stuff; you don't need the grand impressions but it's all the little things that matter. To me, he made me feel safe from the very beginning. And I believe this was what I had missed out all these years. Feeling peaceful is another positive sign. Previously, it was like walking on eggshells. When you can't express your thoughts or feelings to the person who supposedly loves and cares about you without getting judged, or it becoming a precursor to another huge argument, that's a red flag. But now? It's the complete opposite - I feel much more at peace, because I can express my thoughts without feeling stupid. 

As our relationship progressed, we learned a lot about each other. We had these perceptions, but instead of tearing each other down, we would encourage and lift each other up. We also learned each others' habits (both good and bad). He became my biggest supporter. My number one fan. My confident. 

One important factor I noticed was that I could act myself in front of him - be silly and weird and not get nagged for acting such a way. Instead, my weirdness was embraced with love. Of course I wouldn't act disrespectful with him in front of guests and what not. But with him, or with our closest friends, I could still act like a goof ball and he would laugh about it, and still love me. Unlike in the past if I did act like a dork or a weirdo, I would get scolded for it and to grow up. Now THAT'S not love. It goes both ways: if a guy started acting like a weirdo, and a girl scolded him and told him to grow up, this would shut the guy down completely. There's really no coming back after that, because the safety shield took so long to finally come down, but those words are hurtful - the shield would go right back up. 

Many of our beliefs and life goals lined up well. Our choice of living also lined up well (none of the 'let's move to Milton or Niagara and I'll drive you to work in Toronto' nonsense). We actually have the same goal of city living. There's no emotional blackmailing. No guilt tripping. None of that. Instead, we worked through everything together. There is no I, but we. 

I joked that all I ever wanted was a nice, tall guy (ok, taller than me at least), who believes in God and could cook. Actually no joke, this was my basic requirement. I remember praying to God how hard is it to find someone with those traits?? Apparently it was very difficult considering it took 2 decades to find him. Not only is he way taller than me and believes in God but when I found out he could cook, I almost cried. It felt like I won the lottery. Now I don't have to starve to death. But seriously, this was what I prayed for all these years.

All relationships will have its ups and downs, and I'm not saying ours is perfect. It's all about how you handle your deck of cards. It's about mutual respect of one another. It's also about supporting one another through the good and bad. When you get that golden card, you will do whatever it takes to not lose it. 

Someone said it's just the honeymoon phase and this lovey dovey phase will pass eventually. It's been almost 3 years of honeymoon phase, and we intend to keep it that way. After a long day of work, the only voice I want to hear is his, and vice versa. I perk up when I see him or hear his voice on the phone. That's what it should be about. It's all about the mindset. One thing's for sure though, now I understand when people say 'when you know, you know." It's a feeling that's tough to describe unless you go through it yourself. You should feel at ease, and safe. I think safe is the key word, not butterflies. Butterflies are actually associated with anxiety, not love. 

To anyone who is still longing for your true love, don't give up. They are out there, and there are still good people out there with a great heart, and have much love to give. There is a Travis for every Taylor out there.

Alex Pretti

Over the weeks as I read more and more news about USA, one state kept popping up and that was Minnesota. 

From the Somali day cares, to the shooting of Renee Good and now Alex Pretti, it's no wonder USA is a complete mess right now. 

As a tax payer, I would be absolutely furious if I found out a bunch of Somali run day care centres were all funded by the government, but having no kids in any of their facilities. Where did all the money go? Nick Shirley, a Youtube content creator did his research to try and find this out. No one from any of the facilities were able to answer why they didn't have kids in these day cares. This exploded overnight and was shared thousands of times over, until Trump ordered no further funding for day cares in Minnesota. Now of course this would affect all the legit run day cares too, and they are the ones that suffer the most. But the bigger question is, where did all the money go? If it's not to maintain the day cares, where did it really go? 

If it is true that a lot of these illegal day care centres are being run by illegal immigrants, then I understand why they want a mass deportation because in Trump's eyes, the "illegal aliens" are just costing more havoc on the nation. Clear the illegals, clear the problem. 

With the ICE that is happening across the nation, and trying to find illegal immigrants to kick out of the country, ok fine, I get that. However, the way that it is currently being run, there must be a better way than asking random people at work or on the street for their citizenship. 

The latest shooting of a US citizen, Alex Pretti, is one that has now exploded all over the news. Videos online show a woman protesting against ICE, who is then knocked down by the agents. Alex, who was video recording on a device, sprung into action to help the woman up. Alex gets pepper sprayed by the ICE and then knocked down, where there seems to be a scuffle going on, and then he is shot multiple times. He was executed in front of everyone.

Alex was not just another US citizen gunned down by ICE. He was an ICU RN, working at the Minnesota hospital's veteran unit. As a nurse, he had promised to serve and advocate for those who are not able to fend or speak for themselves. 

From another viewpoint of videos, it is shown he was trying to help the woman up. During that, he asked the woman if she was ok, while holding up a video camera device, and the other hand being free and held up high for ICE to see he was not holding a weapon. He did have a hand held gun on his waist, which was legally registered to him, but it was never pulled out against the ICE. It wasn't until he got knocked over that an ICE agent saw the weapon, and felt he was in danger, so he took the gun from him, and then opened fire while Alex was still on the ground defenceless. 

To call Alex a terrorist and a threat, when he was shot in the back multiple times, that's a huge lie to all the US citizens, and those who are watching world wide. 

As a nurse, I am saddened to see one of our own be executed. He didn't just die, or pass away peacefully. No, he was murdered. Executed. By the government. All because he tried to help a woman who got knocked down by the agents.

1 in 4 nurses already experience some type of violence in the work place. And now they can't even advocate for those outside of the hospital because they might get executed for helping and protecting others who are injured. 

The American Nurses' Association has already posted on IG about his death, but that's the thing. ANA needs to call out ICE as well for their actions. That this was a murder, and this will not be condoned and will be fully investigated. Those who are responsible for his death will be brought to justice. ANA needs to stand up for the nurses, not just acknowledge his death and give 'thoughts and prayers' to his family.

Lastly, don't f*ck with nurses. Nurses are the backbone to the entire health care system. You mess with one (or execute one), now you get to deal with millions of us.

Change needs to happen, and it needs to happen now. 

Corneille 85mm Review

Greetings to another shopping review!

This is long overdue but back in spring 2023, I was browsing one of Holt Renfrew's personal shopper's IG page when I saw a lot of items for sale. I guess you can say...they were spring cleaning.

As per usual, there were lots of designer items listed for sale with limited sizes available. As I'm browsing, I really didn't think too much about finding anything. But then, HA! I saw that Christian Louboutin shoes were on sale!

I quickly browse through the entire sale catalogue and found a pair that I had tried a couple years prior: the Corneille in 85mm. And it had my size!

If you recall my review on the Pigalle, I had tried on the Corneille at that time but felt the heel stem was too thin for my liking. The Pigalle came with a thicker heel stem, which made balancing that much better. Considering I was not a heel wearer at that time, the Corneille was not a good fit for me. I had to walk in a thicker stem first before I felt confident enough to tackle something like the Corneille. 

Now that I had tried and tested the Pigalle, I figured I would be ready for the Corneille. So I bought a pair in the beige and patent leather. 

The great thing about the Corneille is the wider toe box in the front. This is good if you have wide feet. However, there is no support for the bottom of the feet; it is almost impossible to put in a cushion. So if you plan to walk or stand for long hours in these, they will still hurt. 

Just like my previous pairs, I had Mike from All in Detailings help to PPF the red bottoms from immediate wear and tear. However, I forgot to remove the sticker from the red bottoms so that got PPF'ed and still remains to this day. Oops.

Since buying the Corneille, I have worn it to a few events, such as weddings and parties. It does feel a bit more comfortable than the Pigalle, as the wider toe box does help. But due to the lack of cushion, my feet were screaming in pain after about a couple of hours of standing/walking and sitting. I survived the walk from the parking lot to the convention centre, and survived through the ceremony, and the walk to the reception hall. It was about halfway into the dinner that I had to change out to flats to give my feet a rest. I guess that's not too bad. 

The Corneille was discontinued sometime in summer 2023 so they are no longer available in boutiques but you may find some used pairs on consignment shops such as Poshmark. 

Here are some pictures I had taken prior to using them outside. These were already PPF'ed.

The Corneille in 85mm height.

Front view of the Corneille.

You can see the thin heel stem. If you are a beginner, definitely don't recommend these.

The infamous red bottoms (and the sticker that I forgot to remove prior to the PPF).

Overall, it's a great neutral heel to have in your collection. I recommend for those who aren't frequent heel experts, to not buy these as first heels but rather later on once you have mastered walking in thicker heels. The wider toe box is great and I love the diagonal cut to expose the cleavage of the toes, but I wish it had more cushion like the Miss Z. 

It also blends in well with light coloured outfits. Since I am quite light/fair skinned, the beige extenuates my legs, and that's the beauty of these light coloured heels. I definitely don't regret adding these to my personal collection!

Details:

Company: Christian Louboutin

Name: Corneille

Height: 85mm

Material: patent leather

Price: I believe I picked these up for about $500ish, they were normally selling for 800ish Canadian. 

Availability: discontinued.

Post Code Blue

You may or may not have heard of the term "code blue" in a hospital setting. If you know, you know. If you don't, I will quickly summarize and also discuss the impact it could have on those involved in a code. 

Different code colours are used to call overhead in a hospital setting, and one of them is code blue. Code blue is called when someone is in respiratory distress or experiencing a cardiac arrest (in simple terms, the heart stops). It's the most common code that gets paged overhead in hospitals. Code blue is called for any adults over the age of 18. For those under the age of 18 (or pediatrics), they would call a Code pink. Whenever I hear a Code pink get called in a delivery room, it's always sad and nerve wrecking. 

Although code blues are called quite frequently, I personally believe what doesn't get discussed is the mental and physical toll it takes on the medical staff to run the code. It's almost like it's a basic requirement of anyone going into the medical field to expect a code blue to happen at anytime, to put on your big pants and just deal with it. Once it's over, you go back to what you were doing before and just carry on with your day. 

What does a Code blue entail? 

When the code is called overhead, there's a team of dedicated doctors/intensivists, nurses, respirologists/RTs, and security (to name a few) that will come running to the area of the emergency. As an example, someone stops breathing in the operation room so a code is called. The surgeon and OR nurses are the primary care team, where they will initiate CPR and clear the path for the code team. It is crucial that the primary team record everything that is done during this time, along with a team that rotates between giving CPR to the patient as this will be important to pass on information to the code team when they arrive. 

For those who have never done CPR on a real person, it is exhausting. No matter how many plastic dummies you have to practice on during a course, the CPR on a real person takes a huge toll. If you think pressing down on a plastic dummy is tough, you will be surprised how tough it is on a real person, especially when they are of all sizes. To give good CPR, you will need to crack a few ribs. If you don't crack ribs, that means you aren't giving good enough CPR. Now, imagine doing CPR for 30-45 minutes non stop. You don't even need to go to the gym for the rest of the year. 

When a code blue happens, none of us know how long it will take to bring a person back to life. It could take a few seconds. It could take 45 minutes. Sometimes an hour if not more. Every chest compression is crucial for blood circulation. The only time we stop is to check for a pulse. If no pulse, we continue with CPR. The Code team specializes in IV insertion, intubation, pushing all the necessary medications into the patient to bring them back. CPR is just the basic, yet the most crucial. 

You cannot have one person doing CPR during this time. It takes an entire team to do it. You take turns every 2 minutes to rotate otherwise if the same person keeps doing chest compressions, not only will they exhaust themselves but the quality and depth of the compressions will not be good and this would decrease the chance of the patient getting enough circulation throughout the body, resulting in decrease chance of survival.

The chest compressions, the running around to grab supplies or document...these are all the physical toll it takes on the body. The mental toll? That's a whole different ball park. 

Some say that doctors and nurses aren't too compassionate when it comes to codes. Because after a code, we all walk away and continue doing our jobs. I wouldn't consider myself a true veteran (I mean, it's getting towards 2 decades of hospital work), but I remember almost every code I've attended and the result of each code. I remember the patients who I've worked on, and the sadness and anger when the patients don't survive a code.

I remember coding patients who were not only older than me, but also much younger than me. I remember coding adults who had young kids, kids that would never get to see their parents again after a clinic visit. I remember the sadness from families who had to witness a code happening on their loved ones. This is also why we ask families to step aside into the waiting room, because a code isn't just a code. It's chaos. It's not something we want them to see because CPR is aggressive. Some doctors allow the families to witness the code, because sometimes the families are so adamant that they want everything done for their loved ones, even if it means CPR, intubation, and ICU care but without knowing what it all entails. When they realize how aggressive CPR is, and how much it takes the code team to revive someone, they take a step back. 

You might wonder what this mental toll is all about. To put it simply, us doctors and nurses and RTs, we can spend an hour to revive someone. When the patient doesn't survive, the code team leaves, leaving the primary team to deal with the aftermath. This would include calling the family to inform them, and cleaning up the patient before family members arrive to view the body. We give our last respects before walking out of that room, and we go straight into another room, where a patient had been asking for a cup of water for the past 30 minutes, or someone who had soiled themselves in the past hour and is now crying because they're uncomfortable. We put on a half smile, apologize for the delay, and help them. 

We carry on the rest of our shift, do our documentations, and probably forget to take a break. Then we go home.

There is never any time to discuss what happened, or how we felt after the code. It's almost expected that we deal with it ourselves. 

Recently I returned to work, and of course I had to catch up on a lot of things that have happened in the past 2+ months. At the end of my shift one day, a patient coded. I could have left and never looked back, but a team is a team. I stayed even though I am physically not able to do chest compressions. But I did whatever I could otherwise to help the team and the patient. I may not have dealt with the physical toll this time, but the mental toll didn't hit me until I went home. During the code, you always need someone to delegate roles. I don't remember all details, but I just remember reporting the case to the EMT, the firefighters, the charge nurse in hospital, the educator, and lastly the family. In that moment, I could not say I was off for 2 months and had no idea what was going on, but I had to take control of the situation and gather information as the code happened. Convey the history and the situation to all involved. At the end of the code, I was able to finally go home. The moment I came home, that's when the adrenaline stopped and I could feel every muscle in my body ache, my head was pounding, and I was damn hungry.

The entire medical team...we are all humans. Patients and families have high expectations that we deliver the best care possible, and obviously we strive to give the best care possible. But we are also human. We have feelings. We deal with the pain, the sadness that each unsuccessful code entails. The only difference is we don't talk about it. And I believe this is what needs to change in our current system.

If you don't want staff to keep burning out, the hospital management and corporations should make it mandatory for staff involved in code blue situations to have follow ups with a psychologist, or at least have a post code discussion with the team to review what went well, and what could've been improved. I know it might be difficult to get a psychologist in, but the group discussion should at least be the bare minimum. Not only will this initiate discussion, but it can also improve the way care is provided for patients. 

This is also why I am here to discuss code blues, because this is also my avenue of freedom typing (but of course not going in depth with every case). For decades, I believe we are all forced to suppress our feelings and just deal with it. But I think it's just as important to talk about it with someone, whether it be a colleague involved with the case or speaking to a psychologist for severe cases. I also think it's important to give feedback and encouragement to those directly involved in the code, because sometimes all we need to hear is a "hey, you did great today. Those were some damn good compressions" or something like "that was a great call with the AED and how fast you got it here." 

To the Code Blue team, you guys are amazing and we are thankful to have you here. To the primary care team, you guys are kickass because you deal with the brunt of it all. Please don't be afraid to speak up, especially if it's affecting your mental health.