AC Jazz

I'm sure most of you have heard of the tragic event that unraveled at LaGuardia airport in New York this past week. 

On Sunday March 23, an Air Canada jet was making its final decent from Montreal to New York, and was coming in for a landing. At the same time, a fire truck was attempting to attend to another emergency case across the airport and requested permission to cross the runway. ATC gave the all clear for the fire truck to cross. The fire truck began its crossing when the AC flight began to land and was going at over 100mph. The pilots slammed on the brakes and did their utmost best, but unfortunately the jet slammed into the fire truck, and ultimately taking the life of the 2 young pilots.

One of the flight attendants was flung onto the runway, still strapped in her seat, alive but injured. The rest of the passengers suffered anywhere from minor to a handful of critical injuries. When passengers did not hear any clearance from the flight deck, they ultimately attempted to escape the plane and helped each other along the way.

This is the first fatal incident at LaGuardia in over 30 years, and the first involving an aircraft with a fire truck. 

Many questions are being asked, whose fault was it and what can be done to make air travel safe again. This is very early into the investigation and really, we shouldn't be pointing fingers at anyone. Except the government, because ultimately everything is really their fault. 

Air traffic controllers (ATC) have one of the most stressful jobs on the planet. It is probably one of the most strict that I have heard. Yes, you don't need a degree to be an ATC, but you still need to study the handbook and take a course/write the test as the basis. They are also very selective on who they hire. They just don't hire anyone. They have to hire the best at coordination, at memory and critical thinking. And they don't hire anyone after a certain age. They are super strict with breaks and how many hours one works. It's no wonder they get paid very well - but the stakes are high.

I remember in the beginning of my nursing career (or just before I began it), I was really doubting myself if I would be a good nurse. I decided to look at different avenues, one of which was being an ATC. I've always loved planes growing up (thanks to my dad) and one of my first dream jobs as a kid was to be a pilot (my first was a bus driver....all thanks to the movie Speed). I even made a fake ID tag when I was in grade 5, with my status as captain. I wanted to fly the 747 if I became a pilot. But then I got glasses, so my pilot career was pretty much over at that point. 

But ATC? It sounded interesting. As I read more into it and thought about taking the course, I held myself back. This was probably worse than dealing in health care because one wrong move, and I could send hundreds of people to their deaths. That's not something you can just recover from. One wrong move, and your career would end.  

The thought of how many lives could be lost in one wrong move really convinced me that I couldn't handle that guilt over my head if it were to happen. Eventually my nursing career took off and I never really looked back at returning to the ATC journey. 

After hearing the ATC recording, I felt heartbroken, not just for the young lives lost, but also for the ATC team who were dealing with another emergency and trying to resolve that, the guilt that they felt when the crash happened. Obviously no one wants a crash to happen. But now the question is, how overworked are these ATCs? 

When Trump took over, one of things he mentioned was to reduce the amount of ATCs around the nation. Fire the ones who didn't speak English well. Don't hire any more because they were expensive. So now you have the current ATCs who are overworked, burnt out, or retiring and no one is replacing. Between October 2025 to January 2026, there have been 498 runway incursions reported at US airports. 498! What?! 

Just like any incident, there's always a scapegoat. The question is, who will it be this time? Is it the fire truck driver error? ATC? The pilots? And sadly, they always blame ATC or the pilots for errors. It's always 'human error'. It's never a systemic problem or a government problem. But that's the thing, everything always starts from the government. 

While we still digest this tragedy, and the investigation continues, I just hope people realize that the 2 pilots who lost their lives did so with heroism. They lost their lives, so that their passengers and crew would live. That's the ultimate sacrifice. 

Rest in peace captain Antoine Forest and Mackenzie Gunther. 

Sparkly Cane!

Can't believe we are almost 4 months into 2026. One more week and boom it'll be April!

First of all, it's Kidney Month (well, aside from fraud awareness month). So this month we have been celebrating stuff related to kidney care and kidney health. It's been wild with all the events happening around the hospitals this month but thankfully it is almost done. 

Second, uhhh sparkly cane what?!

Last year when I was walking like an old lady (before surgery), I was looking into getting a cane for myself. However I couldn't really wrap my head around the fact that I'd be walking around in a cane. To be honest, I should've bought it when I actually had a hard time walking instead of pushing myself. I guess you can say the pride hit me.

I told myself that I would only get a cane if it was super sparkly and blingy. I went on Amazon to try and find a cool one but they were all pretty generic sparkles, nothing too crazy. Plus, they were super expensive. Most of them were just sparkles that were glued onto a paper, which then was wrapped onto a metal cane. Anyone could do that at home.

During the time I was off sick, I couldn't get myself to do much bending or sitting down for long. I had to keep active. But in my mind, blinging out my cane would be a DIY home project. Hubby ended up buying a cane for me just before I went into surgery and man, I wish I had got the cane earlier because it was quite helpful with my balance. But given the amount of pain I was in, doing a sparkly project was out of the question.

After surgery, I was still too stiff to sit down for a long period. I had started using the cane when I went outdoors or went for longer walks (like in a mall) or if the snow/ice would get bad. I didn't trust myself enough to keep my balance freely, nor did I trust the public to not bump into me inside the mall, especially during the Christmas shopping time.

One thing that I've learned for sure is...people are way more nicer when I use my cane. They give me the right of way, or stay away from me. It's a different experience. You don't really have people who randomly bump into you and then walk away without apologizing. If anything, when someone does bump into me, they automatically jump back and apologize. There are the rare odd balls who do bump and just walk off without saying anything but again, it's rare. 

The first 3 months are crucial, and the rest of the internal recovery could take 6-12 months. My mind is still stuck with the ideology of "I don't care how long it's been, but I'm not taking any chances in the first year", which means I am bringing out the cane for my longer walks, and bad snow storms, and might as well put crowded places. I do not want to take any chances of getting knocked over to the floor this year. Absolutely not. 

Which brings me to the current state. Obviously things are getting much better than last year. My sitting and walking tolerance have gotten better. My back muscles still burn up about 1 hour of non stop walking, and by the 1.5hrs mark I have to start stretching. Nonetheless, strengthening the back muscles are still a work in progress. And one day, I finally decided to...bling out the cane.

Yup. You read that right. Bling it out.

I ordered a bunch of rhinestones from Amazon. I didn't go too crazy with the colours, but I started off with a vision that the colour theme would be pink and black (the cane itself has a pink and black combo). I also ordered strong glue (not crazy glue but glue that was friendly enough for nails, skin, plastic, you name it). Next was the design. I had to figure out what would go well with a cane's shape. 

Ultimately, I settled with a snake. Why? Partially it's because of Taylor Swift's Reputation outfit (for those who have watched the Eras Tour, you know what I'm talking about). It was also one of the easier shapes to do on something so narrow like a cane. I ended up Googling a simple snake design and used that as inspiration.

The second why? Because it was a generic cane, there's a possibility that other people would have the same cane. I was at the mall one day. Lo and behold, I saw an older gentleman with the exact same cane as me. From that point on, I wanted mine to be more personalized, more bling, more me. 

The next step was to figure out how many snakes I can fit on a cane. If I wanted it to be a bit more outstanding, two snakes may be too much. I went ahead to draw a sample snake on the cane. However, it turned out more curvy and took up more space than I thought. It was still not a problem though. In the end, I stuck with a one snake design.

My original plan was to fill the cane with pink rhinestones, and then use the black rhinestones for the snake. However, when I started off with the pink, and then started the snake, I could see that maaaaybeee the pink would be a bit too much. It would overwhelm the snake. So I stopped the pink at the top, and will think of something to blend it in better with the snake. 

I started off with the shape of the snake's head at the top of the cane, and used the smallest rhinestones available. I didn't want to include medium to large rhinestones on the head just yet. Instead, I would do that mixture for the rest of the body. It just made sense, given the snake's anatomy and the scales that get larger once it's further away from the head. I had to make sure the head wasn't too big, otherwise it would be out of proportion with the rest of the body.

Once the head was finally drawn, I started out a slithering type of shape. Snakes are curvy, and with each curve it comes with slightly different shapes. I really did try my best and I think it turned out alright. As the shape made its way on the cane, I was just dying to find out how it would turn out. Overall it took about 4-5 days to complete.

Drawing the shape of the snake wasn't the most challenging aspect of this project, but putting on the rhinestones and gluing them one by one was the toughest part. You can't use fingers to put these into place, but the kit came with these large tweezers, which helped for the most part. But there were many instances where my grip was too tight, that the rhinestone would go flying somewhere in the room and I'd have to start again. Because they are tiny, I literally had to stick my face against the cane to make sure every one of them was glued properly and glued on the right way. They were very easy to flip over and get glued the wrong way. So that was the frustrating part. 

Once the entire shape of the snake was drawn on the cane, I started off with gluing the rhinestones on the outline, and then one by one started filling in the inside of the snake. This is where you can freestyle the snake's "skin" by filling in all the empty spaces as best as possible with all the different rhinestone sizes available in the kit (there are about 6 different sizes). This was probably the most challenging of the project. Gluing was one thing, but making sure you work fast enough so the glue doesn't dry before you put all the rhinestones in. 

When the final touches of the snake was done (the narrow tail end), I was just happy to be done with the project. I was proud of how it came out. I still had some space left at the bottom of the cane (this is the final edge of the part that makes the cane adjustable -  you really don't want to bling out the entire bottom of the cane in case you need to adjust the height of it). I decided to use this small space to put mine and hubby's initials, along with a heart.

Given the entire snake was all black rhinestones, the heart and initials I made it pink. In a way, it's a reminder of how much I had to go through health wise, BUT it was also a reminder of who was there with me all along while I went through these challenges and then successfully recovered. At first you may not notice the bling, but as soon as the light hits the cane, it's definitely VERY blingy.

I'm proud of what I've done. And I'm pretty sure when I'm 80 years old, I would still appreciate the bling. Bling never leaves a girl's heart.

The snake's head (and tongue sticking out). Hard to capture on picture, but videos make it very obvious.

The snake runs the entire length of the cane, just before the adjustment part. The initials are just below the snake.

This project was completed at the beginning of the week, so I haven't had the opportunity to take it to the mall just yet, but if I do, I hope I don't end up blinding people too much. I really have no idea how sparkly it would be indoors. If it's outdoor in the sun, it'll be very shiny.

We shall see how the glue holds up in various weather and temperature. I'm excited to see, and of course if any of the bling fall off, no biggie. I still have an entire set at home!

Let's just say I have prepared myself for old age. Given how tiny these rhinestones are, there's no way I'd be gluing this when I turn 80. But now, I can say that I'm ready for it. Are you?

Dream Car Review

So what is my dream car?!

Obviously it's a Lamborghini Murcielago. The sound of that V12 *drools*. Unfortunately it has been discontinued for almost 2 decades and I'm sure the maintenance on that beast would be way out of my budget. All I can do is just look at pictures and photoshop myself in one.

But really, what is a realistic dream car? Realistic as in, attainable without breaking the bank?

Well, sometime back in 2013 is when I had this dream of one day owning the Porsche Cayman 981S. At that time, the 981 had its debut and was being released as a 2014 model. It was beautiful, and had won quite a few awards, one being the best sports car of the year. It had a detuned flat 6 engine (from the 911 big brother) and that sound, OOF! I was still a fresh new nurse who was just starting out back in Toronto, and picking up every shift I could work, including both days and nights. I already had a car so I didn't think I needed another one. When I saw the brand new starting price, I told myself there's just no way. I couldn't do it. I put it at the back of my mind that one day, somehow it will be mine.

Fast forward to October 2018.

At that time, the next generation Cayman had come out already, the 718 Cayman. The engine? They had switched the base and S models to a turbo, and you could only get the flat 6 in the GTS model. Or the GT4. I didn't want another turbo car, and really was trying to find the flat 6.

Lo and behold, one was found at Pfaff for a reasonable price (actually, now that I look back on it, it was a pretty good price - it would be impossible to find at that price these days). It was a '14 Cayman S, with PDK and loaded with a few options. I didn't really care about the options - I only really wanted the engine spec.

After test driving it, and seeing the owner had done an excellent job taking care of it, I signed the papers. I felt like a true adult since I didn't need any co-signers. The Cayman S came home on October 30th. It was financed for 6 years but paid off in 5. 

I have had the Cayman for just over 7 years now (the previous owner had it for 4), so the car itself is now 11 years old, which will turn 12 this year. I feel like I can actually do a long term review!

Photo by Boris Lau (2022)

How is the drive?

Well, depends what you use it for, and how you drive it. I don't take it out on a daily basis, but it's mostly a weekend car. It's garaged throughout winter. For weekends, I use it for mostly car cruises, car meets, or random drives with hubby. The drive is quite smooth, very sporty steering and very responsive. It takes bumps well, although it's not an SUV so you will still feel uneven ground here and there, but generally speaking it does have better suspension than my Genesis Coupe (which is on Teins coilovers). It comes in 3 driving "modes": regular, sport, and sport plus. When you hit that sport+ button, it's like a different monster is unleashed. Everything becomes super responsive. The shifts are crisp and quite violent. There should be a warning to say, please put your head back into your seat because the car will throw you back with acceleration. With sport+ mode, that also gives you the opportunity to do launch control. In all my years of owning this car, I have never launched it only because I don't want to break anything. Plus, Porsche could detect how many launches you did in the car over its lifetime so I rather not do anything crazy. 

How about maintenance? Is it expensive?

The most basic maintenance you can do is yearly oil change. The thing with Porsche cars is you don't have to do every 3 month oil change, but just a yearly maintenance (unless you track your car everyday then yes, you should do it more often). Depending on the Porsche dealer, they could charge you $600-700 for the oil change (and this includes labour/taxes). The first and last time I did an oil change at the dealership was in May 2020 during the pandemic, which I had to wait outside in the cold for 2 hours as dealerships would not allow anyone inside the building because of COVID. And then of course they charged me about $600 something for it. I complained about the service especially waiting outside, and all they could do was give me a $50 credit. After that, I took it to a reputable garage specializing in Euro cars, and paid half the price.

The PDK flushes don't have to be done every year but it should be maintained at least once every 40-50k. I've had the brakes/rotors changed at the end of 2024, which was about $1300 including parts and labour. A new set of summer performance tires were bought and those were about $2300.

The most damage I had to pay was for the front condenser. During a trip on the 407 in 2022, rocks had fallen off a dump truck and I couldn't dodge it in time, so a bunch of rocks damaged the condenser. The problem with non-GT cars is that there is no front mesh grilles to prevent rock chips from entering the car. My air conditioning stopped working and was blowing out hot air. The condenser was replaced, and it cost about $975 with parts and labour. I ended up buying aftermarket grilles to cover the condensers, which was about $300 after parts and labour. 

Overall, I probably spent more on my Genesis Coupe maintenance than the Cayman S over the years. There was one year the Genesis needed major work, which they had to drop the subframe and rear bushings. The entire work was about $5400. I don't think I spent that much in the 7 years of owning the Cayman.

A full tank of premium gas in the Cayman cost about $85, and the most I got out of one tank was about 550km. It gets better mileage than my Genesis. 

Does the car draw attention?

I mean, it's bright yellow. It's not my first choice of colour but it was whatever was available. I don't think it draws that much attention compared to a Ferrari. Plus the exhaust is stock. If it was much louder, then yes it would draw much more unwanted attention. 

Does it hold a lot of items in the frunk and trunk?

The great thing about this car is the 2 trunk spaces. Unfortunately it's not like you can fit a cabinet in the trunk. I've taken this Cayman to the cottage and to camp grounds, and was able to fill both trunks to the brim. I even managed to fit a rice cooker in the frunk. For a car this size, I'm surprised at the amount of items it can hold.

How are the seats? Is it comfortable inside?

The leather seats are the basic sport seats, so it's only a 4 way power seat. It's comfortable enough for random drives, but for long hours drives, it could get sore on the back. I have driven from Toronto to Ottawa through the back roads, and what should have taken 4.5 hours took about 12 hours (with stops in between). That was probably the most brutal drive. The leather seats came with heated and cooling seats, which is so helpful when I have back aches or cramps. It helps with hot days too, to cool off my back. Getting into and out of the car can be challenging, especially if you have back issues, but you would need to work on squatting or working on your core to make it more comfortable. The downside is the rear blind spots. You just have to be careful when looking for cars.

How is the paint?

Some car companies use crappy paint (such as Hyundai) that as soon as you get a rock chip, a chunk of paint goes missing from the hood. For Porsche, the paint is quite strong. They use some galvanization technique that helps keep the steel from rusting. I do have a few rock chips in front even with PPF on it, and I don't see any extreme damage. One time I accidentally backed into the Cayman with the Genesis - I was just trying to park on the driveway. The Genesis ended up with more scratch damage on the bumper compared to the Cayman. Cayman had a slight scratch that I couldn't even tell unless it was up close. 

How is the road noise?

The Cayman has only seen summer tires so the road noise was decent. I didn't have to crank my music high to drown it out. If anything, the music is right behind my head: that flat 6 engine. You can still have a good conversation even with the engine behind you. 

How's the Bluetooth?

Ok, this part probably fails in the Cayman. The technology is from 2014 so it's "old' in that sense. I find I have to crank up the volume to hear people, and people on the other end have a hard time hearing me - it's as if I sound far away. That's an easy fix - I just use my bluetooth headphones.

How about the GPS Navi? External music aux plugs?

Again, it's old technology. Unless you go into Porsche for an upgrade, which will cost money. At the moment, the 407 going east from Pickering to Peterborough does not exist on the GPS. So I would have to run my data on my phone. As for any external music plugs, like iPods, there is a USB in the glovebox to connect but it didn't really work with my iPod mini (yes, the block that is about 22 years old now). Otherwise I connect to my phone music via Bluetooth and it works fine.

Do I get a lot of male attention?

No, at least I don't feel that I do. Then again, 99% of the time I drive with my tinted windows up, so if someone were to try and get my attention, I wouldn't notice because I would be listening to music too, or talking to hubby. 

As a female, do I feel empowered?

It's a Porsche. I guess I do.

Would I recommend the Cayman?

Absolutely yes. Without a doubt. It's probably the best car I will ever own. And if you can find a reasonably priced one that is well maintained, go for it. You will not regret it. 

Photo by Boris Lau (2022)

Sick...

It's that time of season....it's either Norovirus or cold or a flu! Yay!

I'm fortunate that I've never experienced Norovirus - I've had friends who have gone through it and it's a complete nightmare. I can't imagine having diarrhea and vomiting for 24 hours. I might as well just live in the bathtub for that entire day, why not?

This past week I went to work in good health. But I believe it's because I worked 8 hours straight without any proper breaks (I would eat and still do work), and did this straight the entire week, that I probably compromised my immune system. The days were just non stop work, phone call after phone call, emails after emails, staff issues after one another, you name it. I wasn't resting well either at home, so my lack of sleep also contributed to getting sick.

The day started off normal, and it ended fine. By the time I got home and went to bed that night, I started to feel weird in the head. It was like a pending headache but I also had trouble breathing at night. Sometimes my allergies would set that part off so I thought maybe it was just allergies. Then my throat started to feel weird - not sore, but felt like something was just there.

The next day I went to work, I didn't feel the greatest. I took my temperature in the morning and it sat at 36C, which is my usual temperature. I'm usually between 35.5 to 36. As the day went on, I felt super tired but still pushed myself to get through the day, although I did feel quite sluggish. My colleagues and manager noticed it right away because I also kept sneezing non stop. Allergies, I would say. But I was going through tissues like no tomorrow. Then the coughing started.

By the time it was time to go home, my temperature hit 37C. Oh great.

I went home to try and get some rest, as I had an event to attend that evening that I had bought tickets already - it was a reunion party for all staff alumni. Each ticket was about $90 so it would suck to just skip out on it entirely. Thankfully I had a couple of friends that were coming along so I didn't have to drive all the way. However, I decided to just mask up and not touch anyone or anything. 

The reunion was nice. Although I was only there for one season, the fact that they remembered me just really felt like I've always belonged. It was my very first job, not just as a student, but like...first job ever. I had many memories there and learned a great deal from my superiors. I didn't get to see my other colleagues who I worked with, but to see my former bosses glowing and still looking the same after 20 years is amazing (and I made sure to tell them that). After the speeches and food, the dancing was beginning and unfortunately my friends and I decided to leave as they have kids to go home to, and it was good for me as I wasn't feeling the greatest and couldn't really dance post surgery. 

That same night I could not sleep no matter how hard I tried. The biggest challenge was the breathing - I couldn't breathe out of either nostrils. Don't you hate it when that happens?! Yeah, it sucked. Thankfully I was off work the next day so I could try to catch up on sleep. My sense of taste and smell definitely got disturbed. The food and all looked amazing but I couldn't really taste anything. 

This all brought back memories of when I got COVID. I've had the flu a very long time ago, and that was bad. When they say COVID is like the flu, I think it really depends who it hits because when I ended up with COVID, it was a lot worse than the flu (at least from my experience). I ended up with COVID in summer of 2022 (yeah, like what?). I had attended a Backstreet Boys' concert, which was held outdoors, and if I recall my symptoms began about 2 days later. I had gone to work and was feeling fine, until the last hour where I started to feel a bit warm. It was past 37 if I recall. Then, the stomach ache hit. It didn't hit right away but something felt off.

Thankfully I made it home in a safe manner, and that's when my stomach ache got worse. So now I had that, and a fever. I had a rapid test at home, which tested positive. Oh great. Now I started to freak out. I texted my manager and was told I had to go to the testing facility for a PCR (which I did, and it was also positive). 

Over the course of the next few days, I lost my sense of taste and smell. I was also very fatigued, had muscle aches and headaches. Then the cough and sore throat hit me like a bag of bricks. I didn't leave my room. I was depressed that I couldn't taste anything and feared I would lose it completely. You could stick a bag of onions and garlic in front of my face and I wouldn't smell it. I pretty much had almost all the symptoms (except the vomiting part), but I remember being in bed for about 10 days. It was the worst feeling ever. 

I'm thankful it wasn't severe enough that I needed the ER or ICU. But it definitely took a toll on my body. This time around with the cold, I don't feel that - just more fatigued. It'll just take time. 

I know I should be going to bed and sleeping instead of blogging here. In a way, it's to also keep my brain going. But one thing is for sure - stay active and hydrated as much as possible. Your body will thank you for it in the long run!

Red Flags, and not red flag deals

It's March, which means it is officially fraud awareness month!

If you have been following my blog over the past decade, I had written about several fraudsters in the GTA on one of those posts back in the day. Feel free to scroll back and read, and be aware of the fraudsters because they're still out there. 

Today won't be a post about an actual fraudster, but instead, I'll be talking about red flags in people. This is just my own personal experience over the years dealing with various people who had wronged me or led me to believe they were who they say they were, but were not (does this make sense?). I know it also takes two to tango in a relationship or friendship, and I believe that when two people are not meant to be together, they could exhibit red flags to each other, which makes the relationship even more toxic than it already is. 

We all have our preferences and opinions on what we want in relationship partners, in friendships, in business partners. It's what makes us who we are, our identity. But when someone comes along trying to change your identity, that's not the right partnership. That's coercive control, which is one of the signs of narcissistic behaviour. 

This is not everything I've had to deal with, but some of the key ones I have compiled over the years to remind myself that this is not any type of loving behaviour. 

"I should date them because they're so hot" - Umm no, that's a horrible reason to want to date a person. I find that the hot dudes are the ones who cheat the most because they know they're hot and will use that to their advantage. This goes with chicks too. So unless you're ok with dating a serial cheater, then I would avoid at all costs. 

"I'll go to church, but only if you're open minded about getting a boob job" - wait huh? What does going to church have to do with a boob job? This one is so strange but it was actually mentioned. I invited you to church, because that's a part of my faith and is important to me. I respect your views, yet you can't respect mine. It was an open invitation to attend, not mandatory. But hey, I got my answer. 

"All your friends/family are too much. I can't handle them." (or anything that states your family is crazy, nitpicking your friends, I don't want to be around them and neither should you) - this is a form of narcissistic behaviour (and I know so many people throw that word around), but this is one that will gradually pull you away from the ones who actually care about you, until you have no support around you except for that one partner who will end up controlling you. You end up in isolation. Don't ever let it get to that point. 

"You're weird, can you stop being like that? You're an embarrassment" - once again, manipulating to make you believe you're the problem, and you're the one who needs to fix it. I have both seen and experienced when someone says that to you, you immediately shut down. You never want to do anything silly again, and part of your inner child dies. 

"I know I'm jobless right now, but don't worry, I will get back to it" (but not actually working for months to a year and not doing anything to try and look for a job) - this is lazy, and a user. I was so lucky to have met not just one but TWO of them. Now I understand what Taylor Swift's reference is in The Man. I definitely felt like a man during those times. 

Blaming you for all the problems and never taking any responsibility for any of their own wrong-doings. And of course getting angry at you for it. Would you want to be with someone who blames the world except themselves? AND be angry at you that you can't even talk any sense into them?

Convincing you to move halfway across the city, far from your family, friends and workplace, all because he's an only child living with his parents. Not only that, but convincing you to "trial" it first for 2 years, and if it doesn't work, then we can find another place. But don't worry, he will drive you to work everyday, or you're allowed to 407 it to get to work faster. In old school tradition, that would be seen as untraditional and a blasphemy. Your body and your life isn't like test driving a car. No commitment? Then no moving homes. Sorry lads, it don't work like that. You either compromise together and find a middle ground, or split ways. 

Convincing you to have a child (when you don't want a child), and then convincing you to take time off work for couple of years to do a masters degree. First off, no job will hold onto a position for that long. You either work, or get fired. And I'm not doing a stay at home parent duty. This isn't a communicative compromise. This is a one way demand.

Playing the silent treatment game. This is never healthy. No one is a mind reader. You're mad and want to be left alone? Say it. You're upset with something I said 5 months ago? You should've told me 5 months ago, not now. 

How they treat their mother/father/siblings/wait staff. Huge red flag if they treat all of them with disrespect. I have seen the way moms were treated - with loud yelling, constantly making fun of their moms. I have witnessed the way how things were said to wait staff. The privilege, the tantrums because you didn't get to sit where you wanted to sit, the way the oil was not delivered on time/separately in a container so they wouldn't eat. That's a man child. What makes you think they won't treat you the same down the road (if not now)? 

Promising a forever future, with all these great life plans. But it never happened in the timeline that was promised. Why promise something if you're not going to do it? Don't make promises you can't keep. 

I'm going to (insert whatever job duty), but never actually doing it. Again, don't make promises you can't keep. If you're going to do the laundry, do the laundry. If you're going to pick up the milk, go pick up the milk from the store. But don't say you'll do it, and not do it.

Lying about your job, your parents, your current girlfriend (or boyfriend). In short, a chronic liar. Why you lying bro? You think people won't notice when you lie about your age by 10 years? Who you trying to fool? 

Forcing you to be someone you're not. Don't ever change for anyone, especially if it's part of your personality and identity. You will end up losing yourself and your identity with time. 

Not being able to express your thoughts and feelings freely without being judged. This is what kills most relationships. If you cannot express anything to your partner, without feeling like they're going to be offended or yell at you, this is not a healthy relationship. The feeling of not being wanted or heard by your partner will lead to extramarital affairs, and that's how cheating always begins.

Never apologizing for any wrongdoings. Over the years, I apologized for things that I didn't do, just because I didn't want to fight. The other person? Never apologized once. It's like they're the perfect person everyone wanted to be around. If you know you made a mistake, own up to it and apologize. If anything, it makes you the bigger person. It's called accountability. If you're not accountable for your mistakes (small or big), then that just shows your true character.

The scary part is...the list goes on. If you're having to walk on eggshells around the person who is suppose to love you the most, that's not love. That's anxiety inducing. The body is never suppose to live with anxiety forever. Your body should never be in fight or flight mode 24/7.

Which is why anyone who gives you butterflies in your stomach, you should not go any further with that person - as a friend, as a lover. Just FULL STOP. 

Stay safe this month, and beware of the red flags. 

Post back surgery recovery phase

Hello all!

Hope you're all having a wonderful week so far.

One thing I didn't get to talk about last year was post surgery recovery. I haven't had any major surgeries before, aside from wisdom teeth removal surgery, but back surgery is considered major as it does involve going right into the nerves, muscles and vertebrae. 

Everyone goes through different symptoms post surgery, but I will talk about my experience, now that we are almost 4 months post-op.

The surgery occurred in the early afternoon on a Tuesday. I was home by dinner time on Tuesday evening.

The first thing I did? I went and sat on the chair. I had a bunch of iodine on my back (given I had sensitivity to Chlorhexidine), so the dried iodine remained on my back around the wound site. Hubby went to clean my back with some water and a towel. He was speaking with my parents while doing the cleaning.

Within seconds, I recall their voices getting more and more distorted, sounding further and further away. It was very muffled. I was confused why I was experiencing that. And then it hit me. I started getting really dizzy. I don't know how loud I was talking at that time, but I remember telling them I don't feel so good, and I need to sit on the couch. I asked them to pass me the blood pressure monitor and to put it on my arm.

I remember pressing the button and waiting for the reading. 80/47. A normal blood pressure reading in a healthy individual is 120/80 (reference point). My usual reading is about 100's/60's give or take. So for a reading of 80/47, that was considerably low. I was basically crashing at that point. This is due to a combination of dehydration (no fluids since 9am that morning), and the combination of anesthesia. 

Thankfully I did not vomit or experience a seizure, as laying down did help to get the blood flow going again. I was given some water and soup to help with the pressures. Eventually it did start going up slowly in the 90's and I started to feel better. Once I felt better, I took a quick walk around the house to ensure movement and prevent any clots from happening. 

The next day, I felt very achy in the back. Not pain, just muscle ache. And this is normal. Bending, lifting or twisting is a no-no at this point. Using the bathroom was a challenge. You'd have to be very careful to lower yourself without bending or twisting. At that point I just wished I could hold my bladder forever or put an in-dwelling catheter in myself but that is already risky in itself. This is also when I realize we all take the little things in life for granted. Something as simple as putting socks on, or going to the bathroom.

The site of incision was still covered with a dressing but as the day progressed, I could see the blood start spreading slightly. It wasn't enough that it pooled blood, but it definitely had to be changed at the end of the day.

One thing I also noticed during this time is...my hunger went into hyperdrive. You know the feeling you get when you get really hungry - your stomach growls and hurts at the same time? Yeah, I was getting that every day, at every hour, for about 2 weeks straight. I would eat from the morning all the way to the very early morning the next day. I felt like a pregnant woman (although I really don't know what it feels like), but I was just ALWAYS hungry.

I would be eating, and my stomach would still be growling in pain. It was very strange. I'd eat small meals, large meals, snacks in between. But I was still hungry.

This was the body's way of telling the brain that it needed to repair and recover quick. Even though the incision was about an inch and a half in length, this was not a "natural" part of the body so instead of being normal, it went into hyperdrive and demanded all these nutrients to be consumed so it could repair itself quickly.

For 2 weeks, I ate like I had a baby inside of me. After 2 weeks passed, the hunger did die down quite a lot so I was not eating as much anymore. But man, that was torture.

The no shower part. Yeah it sucked. I was not allowed to have a shower for minimum 72 hours (or 3 days), but after that, I can shower - as long as the wound dressing did not get wet. Considering I was still having some bleeding on day 3, I figured to play it safe and not shower for a few more days. Only thing I could do was a sponge bath on myself. 

By the time day 6 came along, the bleeding had stopped. My hair was more oily that P. Diddy's baby oil supply - I just wanted to shower. That first shower felt super fresh. However I made the mistake of not asking someone to help me because I nearly fell out of the shower. I wasn't really able to bend my legs properly as it would affect my back muscles so when I did that a bit too fast, the pain hit and I nearly lost my balance trying to get out. So yeah, lesson learned - always ask for help, especially at your most vulnerable. 

By the end of the first week, I was able to walk daily for 30 minutes if not a bit more. They say the more walks you can do, the better. But the key thing is, do not just lay there and not do anything. 

Entering the second week was a bit torturous as this was also the menstruation time. Given my history, I was expecting a lot of pain and being in bed all day. However, the anti inflammatory medications I was taking for the back definitely helped with the pain and flow. If anything, it almost stopped the flow. I felt so relieved I didn't have to deal with cramps and back aches during this crucial recovery time. 

I tried to increase my daily walks to hourly everyday, if not more. It was the only thing I could do peacefully without injuring myself. I used a walker to walk around the house, not because I couldn't walk but I didn't want to get dizzy from walking in circles and falling down. Outside of the house, a cane was used for extra balance.

The first two weeks, I was told to not drive or get into a car as a passenger, unless it was for a short trip to an appointment. Otherwise no car rides. I extended this to about 6 weeks of no driving. In between, I did do short trips as a passenger to appointments or to a grocery store but otherwise it was very limited. Considering how bad our roads are (and our drivers), any bumps or accidents on the road is a risk to the recovery period.

After the 2 week period, which I call this the very crucial period, things started to slowly get better. The numbness in my leg that I felt all these years were slowly going away. But of course, the restriction of no bending/twisting/lifting was still in place. I was not able to start formal physiotherapy yet as it was too early. So I stuck with just doing daily walks and light leg stretches. 

By week 4, I had an appointment with the family doctor for a check in, and for some paper works to be completed for my work place. My stitches were looking great. I saw a new physiotherapist to try and see if I could begin some more back stretches as per the surgeon's recommendation. It was only very light back exercises to try and start with the core, nothing too crazy.

By week 6, the formal physiotherapy training began. I also went to see the surgeon for a follow up appointment. The stitches had dissolved by this time and the incision looked beautiful. Restrictions on back to work remained in place, with no nursing duty until summer of 2026. 

By week 9, I gradually returned back to work on desk duty with many restrictions in place. It was still a bit of a challenge because if I sat too long in a chair, my back would start aching. If I walked too long, the back would ache and I'd have to sit and rest. With time though, it would get better, especially with constant physiotherapy.

What I've learned during this phase is to take advantage of these physio stretches and exercises. I couldn't do any of them before, hence why I started losing muscle mass. Now that I can move more, I'm taking advantage of the exercises to work on the muscle strengthening. They also help a lot when my back starts really aching during the day. By the time I get home from work, I have to shower and stretch it out, and it feels a lot better. Movement is the key. 

Although I feel much better than I did 2 weeks post operation, I am always paranoid about slipping or falling, or something suddenly jumping out to scare me. It is very easy to throw one's back out now even if it's 4 months post op. 

The winter weather also doesn't help. Given we had 20 something days of negative weather, this really played against me. My back muscles were always so tight, and it doesn't help I have a sedentary job. Both of those combined together resulted in constant muscle aches, no matter how much I tried to stretch myself. Eventually I brought out the heat pad on my back during the night and it seemed to improve a bit. However, movement is still the key. So this remains an on-going battle.

My motto is, if the surgeon says it takes 3 months to recover, you double it, if not triple it. Don't rush recovery. Your body will thank you.

Valentine's Day v3.0

 Happy Valentine's Day y'all!

AKA. Happy consumerism day where all the chocolate and flower companies get a good chunk out of your money.

Jokes aside, Valentine's Day is also on a Saturday this year, which means...YAYYY!! Weekend celebrations! Which also means...I'm sorry to all the culinary staff out there because you guys and girls will get swamped this weekend. 

I remember years ago when I wasn't really into celebrating Valentine's Day all because prices get jacked up for no reason (except for consumerism). Then I came upon someone's IG account, where they were a widow and remembering all these little moments. One of which was Valentine's Day. She mentioned she never really celebrated it, even when her husband was alive (and this is a young couple in their late 20's). When he passed away, all these special days came and went and she reflected on it. One of the regrets she had was never celebrating Valentine's Day with her husband, and wished she could just do it one time before he passed.

It made me think too...that yeah, although we shouldn't glorify it to just one day, it's nice to celebrate even for fun. It doesn't have to be anything grand, but any small gesture just to remind ourselves that yes, I still love celebrating this day of love with my special someone. 

My love and I will be celebrating 3 years this coming Valentine's Day together. We both don't take it seriously that we must book an expensive place to eat dinner, but just enough to ask each other "will you be my Valentine?" and cuddle for a nice meal and movie.

Whatever you all do this Valentine's Day, I wish you all fun times and the good memories that will come out of it.