It's a Love Story

....baby just say yes?!

The world has seen how Taylor Swift has gone from one boyfriend to another, basically shining her romances in the spotlight. And honestly, it's tough to deal with romance and break up especially when you're famous. When they break up, she would write about it through songs. Made money off of it. Honestly, the most brilliant thing to do. Now she is one very wealthy lady, yet so down to earth and probably the best boss lady anyone could meet or work with. I admired her work all these years but after seeing her go through the Eras Tour and all the physical demands of the tour, and how she treated her staff, I have a newfound respect for her. 

For many years, I can tell she hoped for a forever love. She, just like many of us girls/women, long for someone to love, to be loved. Her songs relate to love, heartbreak, betrayal, redeeming win - experiences that we can all relate to in our daily lives. 

When she met Travis and they were frequently in the spotlight, the joke was the same: waiting for the break up so she can write more songs. However, it didn't turn out that way. Instead, she found her love. Travis pursued her (and mama Swift also helped introduce them when he was really hoping to meet her). He got butt hurt when he was not able to meet Taylor that night after that one concert he attended, and now? He's got the girl of his dreams.

Now I can't say I can relate because I'm definitely not famous, but I can relate on trying to find that love. This love that was told to us as kids, by our parents who put into our heads that our Prince Charming (or Princess) would be out there for us. That you must get spoiled and loved for it to be...true love.

Man, what a load of bologna. Disney definitely fooled us all growing up. 

My road to love was definitely not straight forward. Some of my friends had it simple, where they dated one guy and boom, got married and had kids. End of story. Live happily ever after. Then there are friends who dated more than Taylor Swift and still haven't gotten married. Now, I'm not saying it's a failure. I'm saying for one person it could be quick to find someone, whereas for another it could take almost a life time to find true love. At the end of the day, if they both find love, then that's all that should matter. 

I'm not going to sit here and go through every detail, and blame everyone else for my failed relationships, because it does take two to tango. But I definitely felt many years ago, that love should be easy to find. Love shouldn't be tough to the point that you burn out from all the stress of trying to be loved by someone. You shouldn't have to beg to be loved.

As the years went by, and I've gone through all these different experiences, I had to eliminate some of my misconceptions, and one thing that really stuck out was...you can't change anyone, unless they want to change themselves. If they already have these pre-fixed beliefs on culture/gender roles, it's going to be impossible to change them. For years, I believed I could change people. But no, I'm not God. I cannot change people unless they want to change themselves for the better. 

Then there's the hope that eventually they'll change their minds. No, please don't ever hope they would change. Something as big as where to live, or if you should have children, those are HUGE decisions that you cannot HOPE for someone to change. They either want it or they don't. You cannot wait for years, hoping they would change their minds. The best part? You hoping they would change, without telling them about your hopes. You're just wasting time. That was also another hard lesson on my end, that ate away many years of my youth. 

Of course there's also the crush. Crushing on someone for say, 2 years and then hoping they would take initiative to ask you out, but they don't. You spend 2 years trying to give signs, trying to talk about your feelings to them, spending all your effort to get their attention, only for them to tell you that they prefer a certain type of girl (or guy) and then try to change you, to be one of them. That's not love. 

Then there are the ones who are just there to get your money, or try to get into your pants and then run for the hills. Then tell their family or friends that this chick (or guy) is crazy. Spread these false rumours to make them look like the bigger person, while making you feel like the smaller person. In that moment, yeah losing money really sucks. But also remember, you have an entire lifetime to make the money back. In the grand scheme of things, this one experience is a small dot on your lifeline. It's not worth the hassle, nor the mental health to try and fight to prove a point. You just have to pick yourself up and move on, and be the bigger person. 

I was also too nice, didn't really speak up and this was my biggest downfall. If I didn't speak up and just went with the flow (even if I didn't agree with it), things would get worse later on when I'm told why I didn't speak up before. This was another big lesson learned.

This all sounds horrible, but I'm sure many of you can relate to at least one of the above. If we didn't have these experiences, there wouldn't really be much purpose in life. It's all a matter of how you use your experiences to shape who you are, and who you can become (if you want). You are probably thinking that after all my negative experiences, I wouldn't want to find love anymore. I mean, you're partially right. In my previous posts from 2022/23, I pretty much gave up after that online experience and decided to focus on myself. I did not go the route of jumping into dating again or getting engaged/married to people who I barely knew (unlike a certain person or two in the past who went this route and well, can't say it went well for either of them).

I focused on my career, on my family and friends, discovered new hobbies and just did my best to focus on God, on His blessings (whether they be positive or negative experiences), and was just thankful I was still living. 

Without going into great detail, this is when 2023 changed me for the better. 

I have known the love of my life for about 6 years at this point. But during those 6 years, we never really talked. Just the normal 'good morning, how are you' type of basic conversations. Quiet but respectful of each other. Our conversations gradually picked up, from random check in messages, to full conversations.

It was during my birthday in 2023 that he bought me a gift (2 porcelain cats! yay!) with Chinese writings that was about health, and about love. It didn't really hit me at that point that maybe, he was trying to tell me something (and he actually was). But because I have a turbo 4 brain, it remained spooling for a long time. 

The birthday gift that set off our journey (2023)

Fast forward to May 2023 and this is where things really took off. We had been texting almost daily at this point, and had random phone calls here and there. Although we remained friends all these years, this time it felt like I had known him forever (yes yes, you probably heard this before too). The more we hung out, the more I realized he was what I was looking for all this time. He was in front of me all these years, yet I never saw it with my Asian eyes. This is when you cue the lyrics to Taylor Swift: "dreaming 'bout the day when you wake up and find that what you're looking for, has been here the whole time."

I didn't want my heart to be fooled again by my decisions but this time around, it felt different. In the past, I felt butterflies, all giddy and excited. This time, I didn't get butterflies or giddy. I felt....safe. Peaceful. It felt like home. I've never had this feeling with anyone (no joke). What made me feel safe? As friends, he went out of the way to make sure I was safe. He made sure to walk on the side of traffic to ensure I was safe. If he saw me freezing in a room, he'd go out of his way to get his jacket and kept me warm. If I was about to walk into a wall, he would pull me away. In the grand scheme of things, these may seem like small stuff; you don't need the grand impressions but it's all the little things that matter. To me, he made me feel safe from the very beginning. And I believe this was what I had missed out all these years. Feeling peaceful is another positive sign. Previously, it was like walking on eggshells. When you can't express your thoughts or feelings to the person who supposedly loves and cares about you without getting judged, or it becoming a precursor to another huge argument, that's a red flag. But now? It's the complete opposite - I feel much more at peace, because I can express my thoughts without feeling stupid. 

As our relationship progressed, we learned a lot about each other. We had these perceptions, but instead of tearing each other down, we would encourage and lift each other up. We also learned each others' habits (both good and bad). He became my biggest supporter. My number one fan. My confident. 

One important factor I noticed was that I could act myself in front of him - be silly and weird and not get nagged for acting such a way. Instead, my weirdness was embraced with love. Of course I wouldn't act disrespectful with him in front of guests and what not. But with him, or with our closest friends, I could still act like a goof ball and he would laugh about it, and still love me. Unlike in the past if I did act like a dork or a weirdo, I would get scolded for it and to grow up. Now THAT'S not love. It goes both ways: if a guy started acting like a weirdo, and a girl scolded him and told him to grow up, this would shut the guy down completely. There's really no coming back after that, because the safety shield took so long to finally come down, but those words are hurtful - the shield would go right back up. 

Many of our beliefs and life goals lined up well. Our choice of living also lined up well (none of the 'let's move to Milton or Niagara and I'll drive you to work in Toronto' nonsense). We actually have the same goal of city living. There's no emotional blackmailing. No guilt tripping. None of that. Instead, we worked through everything together. There is no I, but we. 

I joked that all I ever wanted was a nice, tall guy (ok, taller than me at least), who believes in God and could cook. Actually no joke, this was my basic requirement. I remember praying to God how hard is it to find someone with those traits?? Apparently it was very difficult considering it took 2 decades to find him. Not only is he way taller than me and believes in God but when I found out he could cook, I almost cried. It felt like I won the lottery. Now I don't have to starve to death. But seriously, this was what I prayed for all these years.

All relationships will have its ups and downs, and I'm not saying ours is perfect. It's all about how you handle your deck of cards. It's about mutual respect of one another. It's also about supporting one another through the good and bad. When you get that golden card, you will do whatever it takes to not lose it. 

Someone said it's just the honeymoon phase and this lovey dovey phase will pass eventually. It's been almost 3 years of honeymoon phase, and we intend to keep it that way. After a long day of work, the only voice I want to hear is his, and vice versa. I perk up when I see him or hear his voice on the phone. That's what it should be about. It's all about the mindset. One thing's for sure though, now I understand when people say 'when you know, you know." It's a feeling that's tough to describe unless you go through it yourself. You should feel at ease, and safe. I think safe is the key word, not butterflies. Butterflies are actually associated with anxiety, not love. 

To anyone who is still longing for your true love, don't give up. They are out there, and there are still good people out there with a great heart, and have much love to give. There is a Travis for every Taylor out there.