Random Things

Welp, here we go again. A post about everything and anything.

First off, I finally went and did my allergy test. It started off with the skin prick test, which tested me for my usual allergens (grass, ragweed) and they also tested for latex and green kiwi. The grass one went reactive very quickly and got really itchy. I was relieved the latex turned negative. Then again, it's been more than 10 years since I touched anything latex (gloves). 

The green kiwi turned negative. I was reading that about 25 to 60% of commercial kiwi extract comes out as a false negative, versus bringing in a fresh green kiwi to do the test (this would yield about 93-95% sensitivity result. I had no idea I was suppose to bring in a kiwi as they never informed me, but anyways they were only able to use the commercial extract, which during storage it would actually degrade. Hence why the high false negative results.

Next thing up: to do the blood test for both latex and kiwi. I went to the nearest Life Labs at 0745am, when it opened at 8am. And damn, there was already a line up. Thankfully it didn't take too long before it was my turn. I signed up for the Life Labs login to get results. I checked about 2 weeks later (as these results take much longer than peanut allergy tests as kiwi is not a very common allergy). Lo and behold, it shows.....negative.

Now, this blood work was only testing for IgE levels in the blood, not kiwi specific protein variants. This would be a separate blood work on its own. Also, OHIP does not cover such tests, so I ended up paying about $79 to get these 2 blood tests done. If you have any work insurance coverage, you can easily get it reimbursed. 

Hmm. Strange. BUT interesting enough, the lab work does have a warning to say to not always trust the result, as the patient's experience is the most accurate.

I had to look up how often a kiwi blood work would yield a false negative or positive. False negatives occur in 10-20% of all cases. There is still a chance it could be missed, but of course the only way to find out is to do those specific protein variant tests (or the Compound Resolved Diagnostics test). I'm not sure if I would need to go this CRD route but otherwise, the next follow up is in September. My allergist had reminded that if these come back negative, to still not eat the kiwis in the meantime. Aside from those 2 separate incidents, I have not had any similar experiences while eating other foods. So it is a possibility that it's just a really bad reaction. Nonetheless I still won't take a chance to eat it.

So now we wait, for the final conclusion in September.

Next up:

I was reading this news report about this 11 year old kid and how he took $2000 from his family's emergency fund, to go buy Roblox gift cards from Walmart. 

The parents had the audacity to blame it on Walmart for not stopping a transaction initiated by a child. And this is why our world is going to sh!t. 

First of all, this kid STOLE money from the family emergency fund. He didn't ask his parents to borrow 2 grand (what kid would ask their parents for that much money anyways), so he stole it. And then went to buy gift cards. Big retail companies don't care about the age, they only care that you can afford to pay for shiet. 

Second, the parents blaming Walmart for not stopping the transaction? Why you blaming Walmart? No. You should be teaching your child to not steal from family. Like heck, don't steal period. When I read that, the first thing I said was, these parents have NO accountability for their child's actions. Instead, they look for someone to blame (aside from themselves). 

I just thought that was a waste of space to even write an article on it. The parents probably thought they could stop big companies from doing transactions with kids or to have companies question kids when they use large amounts of cash. But no, instead it makes them look stupid. 

Here, I'll parent for you. Punish your kid. Take away his access to online gaming. Make him do chores around the house and teach him that with each chore, you would only pay $5 to get it done each time. But considering he stole 2 grand, he won't get paid until he reaches 2 grand worth of chores. And for God's sake, TELL HIM STEALING IS WRONG. 

Then I read another article about some chick who had bought a used Subaru (a 2024) but it was still under warranty. She decided to do her own oil changes because she's a car chick, and her dad had taught her how to do the basic car repairs. Ok sounds great, good for you.

But when the car started having issues, she took it to the dealership to find out what happened. It turns out there was a lot more engine damage than expected, and when the dealership asked for the oil change receipts, she admitted to the dealership that she did her own oil changes.

Of course, the warranty work got denied.

So then she went to the news agency to complain and hoped her car would get warranty work completed.

First of all, you take risks when you do your own work WHILE your car is under warranty with the dealership. It doesn't matter if it's just simple oil changes. If something happens with the engine, dealerships will look at all the various services that you had attempted and will do whatever it takes to deny the warranty work ESPECIALLY if you did it yourself, or you took it to a non-dealership shop to have work done on it.

Again, another waste of space in the news. While the car remains under warranty, get whatever done at the dealership. Once the warranty is up, then you can do whatever the F you want with your car. No strings attached. It seems like people would go to the news to complain about ANYTHING at this point. Oh, this coffee shop didn't toast my bread enough. McDonald's didn't put enough milk into my coffee. My job doesn't pay me enough.

People are stupid.

Which leads me to...why do people cross the road so slow.

I'm not talking about the elderly or those with assistive devices. I'm talking about the young ambulatory adults who has the capability of running, but when they cross the road, they're all having a good chat and pausing in the middle of the street laughing. Meanwhile, there are cars waiting to make a left turn while you laugh your ass off about monkey poop. Yes, that's happened to me lately, along with the stupid tards that drive on the road. The countdown continues and yet, these yutes continue to laugh and walk so slow that even my grandma (who is dead) could crawl out of her grave faster. 

By the time they were almost done crossing the road, the light was about to turn yellow. Being in the Cayman, it has such great power that after I turned, I pretty much redlined it in first gear. The flat 6 sound just came to life and I'm pretty sure I scared a few people nearby. You just can't get that raw power and noise anymore.

Who wants to hear an EV make alien noises? Honestly, every time I hear an EV back up, I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Or I'm about to be sucked up into a spaceship. It's weird.

And that's the other thing. With so many hybrids and EV, there's no noise. What are we going to do with an entire generation of elderly Baby Boomers who are hard of hearing? They can't hear sh!t when a car is coming. That's dangerous. The risk of getting into accident will go up. 

In conclusion, get a catless exhaust system like Akrapovic. Now the elderly will be able to hear a car approaching. 

CNE is back!!! Not like I'll go to it, but wait did I just see that entrance fee is $25 plus tax??! What?! And on top of parking, which is probably $60 now. Taking public transit is probably the best bet. But damn. $25?? I remember when it used to be $5 after 5pm. Or entrance fee being less than $10. No more of those times.

The rides are still the same old beat up ones. The food is just as gross as before. The games are super overpriced (last year I heard it was $10 to play Whack a Mole. WHAT?). Yeah, I just have no interest to attend anymore.

BTS. They're back!!! Ok I don't know many of their songs, just some. But I respect how they performed in the rain at one of their concerts last week. Being at the Rogers Stadium, it's such a weird set up but it is what it is. I wouldn't want to walk so far for a concert and I'm not a diehard fan that I must go to their concert. I enjoy random clips of it on IG. 

Lastly, I have been exhausted lately (along with the rest of the family) as we had to deal with a family emergency lately. It's weird being on the other side of healthcare. It's one thing as a health care professional to tell a patient's family to make informed decisions, but it's another thing to be at the receiving end. Ultimately, we just want the best for our family. We become the advocate for them when they cannot speak, and we will do whatever it takes to get them back home, alive and healthy.

It is true, once you're admitted to hospital for a prolong period of time, the chances of one getting more weak and sick increases tenfold. If you can (and if safe to do so), aim to get them out of hospital as soon as you can. 

Advocate. Take care of one another. Don't let the medical system determine what is the right thing to do. Ultimately, it is your choice and you make the informed decision. Stay safe everyone.

BAB - Giant Mocha

Ooops...I did it again.

No, I really did.

After I got the giant Kuromi last fall (before my back surgery), I swore to myself that I would not get another giant plushie. There's only so much space at home that I can fit gigantic plushies. Secondly, giant plushies are heavy. I don't think I have the strength yet to carry it through a mall. I have a giant Pikachu as well (the ears stick out of the Cayman when I drive), and now Kuromi. There's just no way I would find another cute plush.

Until Mocha came along.

Build a Bear has been on a roll with Sanrio characters. You can find all characters in the regular size plush. The giant versions include Kuromi, Cinnamoroll, Pompompurin, Chococat, and now Mocha. Mocha was released on January 22nd of this year. 

While I was still recovering and slowly going back to work in January, I randomly started scrolling the BAB website. Lo and behold, I see this giant Mocha. I don't know much about the character, except that it's best friends with Cinnamoroll. Is it a dog? A rabbit? I had no idea, but it was cute. The price? It was fluctuating between $190-195 Cdn. Basically the same price as what I got Kuromi. I couldn't justify paying north of $200 for another giant plush.

However, because I was bored many days, I saved that website on my phone and would randomly check on it. Hoping for a miracle maybe? Aside from boredom, I really had no intention to just buy it.

So every other day from January until end of July, I would randomly check the BAB site with Mocha. Near the end of July, I decided to check the website one more time. And to my surprise, there was a notification! What! What do you mean?!

I clicked it and it said "50% off all giant BABs on August 1st".

WHAT. SAY IT AGAIN?

50% off giant plushies (only exception is Disney characters, such as Stitch). There's just no way. Impossible. Why do they have to tempt me like this? 

And even better is, anything purchased over $100 is free shipping to Canada. WHY YOU GOTTA TEMPT ME MAN.

There are 2 options with these giant Sanrio characters. You can either just purchase the plushies on its own, or buy the bow that goes around its neck (which is an extra $11). With 50% off, the plushie only would be about $97.50. Then you'd have to add the shipping, tax and duties on top of it. You might as well just add the bow for a total of $108, then you get free shipping. Surprisingly the tax and duties were not too crazy. 

Thankfully August 1st is a Saturday and I was off work. So what did I do? I set my alarm for 2:30am. I didn't know if the sale would start at midnight, LA time. But I didn't want to take a chance. I was going to go for it. 

I woke up at 2:30am to hit the website. Thankfully I had saved it the previous evening and it was already in my shopping bag. I made sure to check my credit card information, the delivery address etc. Then I pressed buy. I received the confirmation email and I was super happy.

Then I realized....I forgot to click off "unstuffed". Yeah. Bad idea. Unstuffed is actually the best way because 1) you won't get a massive box delivered to your home, 2) less risk of your box being mashed up and 3) I read that when you order 'stuffed and ready to play', the stuffing inside is quite tougher compared to stuffing in store. The problem with BAB is that once you order it stuffed or unstuffed, there is no going back.

Nonetheless I still tried to ask their AI chat person if it was possible to change it to unstuffed but I was out of luck. See, this is why you don't order sh!t at 3am because you could miss one tiny detail. 

BAB's website is also not the greatest. I'm reading that with any large sale drops or debuts, people would order whatever plushies and you won't know that it's out of stock until you check out. You would get an error message when you attempt to check out and it will just bring you back to the BAB website. It takes them probably a day or two to finally update the website as 'out of stock' if something does sell out. People on Reddit have complained about this but BAB has not fixed this issue. 

From the date of order until delivery day, it took about 2 weeks (this includes one national holiday here). Overall, wasn't too bad. 

You can imagine my surprise when Mocha finally arrived in this massive box. Thankfully the box was very secure, not damaged like what others have reported. It looked immaculate. Hubby recorded the unboxing and I didn't realize but I squealed when I took her out the box. 

The first thing I noticed? The stuffing. Yeah, it's no joke the stuffing is a lot harder than the stuffing in store. I guess if you like your plushies very firm, having it stuffed before delivery is the right way to go. But if you want your plushie nice and soft, it's better to go to the BAB store and get it stuffed there. It also feels much heavier than Kuromi, all because of the stuffing I'm sure.

The thing you miss out on if you have it stuffed for delivery is you don't get the experience of stuffing it yourself. You don't get to do the heart ceremony or 'bathing' it in store (this helps to get rid of excess threads that hang off the fur). As I said, I was drunk on lack of sleep when ordering otherwise I would've ordered it unstuffed, as my original intention. 

I also read that it's still possible to get it stuffed in store if you don't like the original stuffing. The 2 options are 1) you cut the thread and remove the stuffing yourself or 2) bring it to BAB and have them unstuff it and then stuff it again. It's such a process and I haven't had the time to do this but I'm hoping to just unstuff it at home first, then take it to BAB to get it re-stuffed again. I can't stand the firmness of it. 

Alright, enough talk, let's get to the good stuff.

I'm about 5 foot 6 and Mocha is over half the size of me.

                                         Mocha and Kuromi getting acquainted with one another.

Honestly, that 50% off deal was so worth it. BAB has about 2 sales that happen every year for giant plushies. The first is Black Friday. Second is sometime in the summer (in this case it landed on August 1st, but sometimes it could be in July - you will just have to check back to the website). 

I didn't realize that I waited 7 months for a massive sale. This is the first win in a really long time. So HECK YES to celebrating a sale! I would've attempted to buy Kuromi at 50% off Black Friday sale but if I recall, Kuromi sold out before November 2025 and has remained sold out since then. 

The Details:

Build a Bear

Company: Sanrio

Character: Mocha 

Height: 36 inches, or 91cm

Weight: 105 ounces, or 6.56 lbs (2.97kg)

Regular Price: $195 Cdn (without the bow), $205 Cdn (with the bow). Free shipping to Canada but need to add tax and duties.

Sale Price: $108 Cdn + tax/duties = $123.98 Cdn

Pros: 

-SOOO KAWAIIII

-very soft fur

-love the pink bows

-it's massive

Cons:

-it's massive

-getting it stuffed before shipping is not the greatest as the stuffing makes Mocha quite firm. Order it unstuffed, then have it stuffed in store if you want a more softer feel (this goes with ANY Build a Bear characters)

Why I wouldn't buy a GT3RS

I'm not here to bash the car. They're probably the best track legal cars money can buy. Do I agree it should be listed for half a million dollars (and obviously a lot more after you've optioned it out)? No, but it's a Porsche. Expect the unexpected. 

10 years ago if I were to attend a car meet and saw a GT3RS, I would drool all over the floor. It wasn't something I would see very often. Even more rare are the PTS colours. I'd probably stand and continue to gawk at one until the sun sets. 

Nowadays, I see them way too often. It's come to the point that they're not as exclusive as I thought they should be. Perhaps there are way more clients now with a lot of disposable income that can afford to buy the car, and that's great too. That means more people are achieving their dream goals. 

I still think they're amazing cars with great engineering. You can throw it around and it wouldn't break. It was meant for the tracks, not for going to the grocery store to fulfill your weekly shopping. But why is it that I don't have much appeal to get one?

Well, unless you can relate to this, then you probably won't understand completely why. 

Number one, it is a lot of money. No one makes over half a million dollars in their jobs in one year. Sure, you can have plenty of investments on the side which would definitely help, but I'm talking about a normal 9-5 job. Realistically, it just doesn't make sense if you're doing a normal 9-5 job. Even if you put down a deposit or money down, it doesn't make sense to pay 5-6K a month in car payments. That's just...suicide. 

Second, unless you've had some sort of spinal surgery done on you, you probably would not understand the challenges it takes to get into a GT3RS, but also OUT of the vehicle. 

Years ago I had an opportunity to sit in one. Sit is an understatement. I FELL into the seat, ass first of course. Comfort wise, it was not comfortable. These are racing bucket seats we are talking about. Great for the tracks, horrible for everyday traffic like Toronto. If you have existing spinal issues, it would kill your back. If you have any pre-existing spinal compression issues happening, then the GT3RS will compress it even more for you. 

Getting out of the RS was also another challenge in itself. You literally have to climb out of it. There is a way to scoot over and sit by the edge, while placing your left hand on the bottom sill, then pushing yourself out. But unless you build a strong core, you might as well just roll out of the car. You've probably seen that video of the older gentleman climbing out of the Lambo, hands first type of thing. Yeah, that's exactly how I felt getting out of the RS. And I'm not even of retirement age yet. I may look young, but internally, I feel 90.

In this situation, I had to ask someone to help me get out of the RS because it was just that painful. Now why would I spend half a million dollars on a car that's 1) not comfortable to sit in and 2) makes it such a nightmare to climb in and out of, especially after spinal surgery? It just doesn't make sense to me. 

Now this was all before the surgery. Post surgery, I have not attempted to sit in anyone's RS due to the fear of re-herniating myself. Nor sat in any very low cars (Lambo, Ferrari, McLaren etc). I thought the Cayman in stock was low enough and I still struggle with it. I had to ask the shop to raise my coilovers on the Genesis because it was lower than the Cayman.

Lastly, there isn't a proper frunk or trunk in a RS. This girl has many things to put away and with a lack of space, RS isn't just feasible.

Yes, I'm totally justifying my reasons. I don't have to, but I choose to. 

As much as I would love to get into something higher (eg a Macan), the 981S generation has been so well built, it would be a downgrade for me to trade it in for a Macan. I would most likely regret selling it off. The other day I was checking Autotrader to see if I could find anything from this generation and nothing was popping up. 

I still have many more happy miles (or kms) to build with the Cayman. If there's anything that's close to a racecar on a normal day, the Cayman does its job quite well. A detuned 911 engine, in a mid-engine set up? You don't understand how well-balanced this car is and the capability of it. 

Overall, I'm just fortunate enough to even own anything Porsche in this lifetime. Unlike some people who want to build a rapport with the dealerships, just so they can get an allocation for a RS, I could care less about that because I'm not dying for a RS or anything GT. I'm not locking myself up with non stop car payments over decades because I was told 'no, you can't get this because you didn't buy enough cars' (unlike some people I know, who are still doing that and didn't get what they wanted, because they can't handle 'no' for an answer). Whatever happened to just being happy with what you have? 

Cheers to those who have gotten their allocation and dream built of their cars. It's truly a journey to go through and it would be cool to experience it once in this life time, but will I die if I don't get to experience it? No. I've got other things to worry about that this doesn't bother me. 

In the meantime, cheers to those who enjoy whatever Porsches they have right now because as I said previously, we are the lucky few who are fortunate to even get our hands on one. Drive it, enjoy it, make lots of memories with it. 

Adults not Adulting

What is with adults not acting like adults? I swear, some younger children act more responsible than adults. 

It happens everywhere: car meets, at the mall, at work, at home, at the park, on cruises, you name it. 

You have 2 grown adults, one of which is saying one thing but meanwhile the second adult is annoyed at the first one for whatever reasons and telling the first adult to stop talking or leave them alone. The first adult's response would be to keep egging the second person on, until the second person loses it. Then ya'll start acting like children and throw tantrums at each other. 

I see this all the time at work. If it's not between staff to staff, it's staff to patients. Again same thing. One wants this, the other says no. And argument ensues. 

When they can't resolve it with each other, they come to me and ask for help. Meanwhile I am minding my own business trying to get through my pile of sh!t and I have to deal with your child tantrums? All because someone insisted on coming in at 5pm, but you told them no? And they got angry? I mean...what is happening everywhere? 

They assume I can fix everything because I have the 'authority' or the 'power' to change things. Not really. My only power is listening to people and finding a resolution. It has nothing to do with big boss CEO power. And this is what confuses me.

When did we adults become children that we forgot how to problem solve? Did we forget manners too? Why is everyone suddenly yelling at each other because you both have disagreements on one thing? What happened to mutual respect for one another? Isn't that one of the company's values? I guess all those yearly courses of workplace violence and prevention is all a joke.

Car meets? Oh man those are the best. When you got guys duking it out to see who got the better or faster car. Who got the better mods. Who bought the most cars to finally get a GT car. Great story bro. Meanwhile their cars can't even give them CPR when they stop breathing. Is the car THAT important that you're fighting people for its existence? 

I think as a society we have lost touch on how to de-escalate situations appropriately, and of course respecting others' wishes when they say STOP or NO. Instead, people don't get what they want and then complain to others, hoping THEY would solve the situation for them. No. You're an adult. You solve the problem yourself. You got yourself into it, so solve it yourself. COMMUNICATE and be respectable to one another. CHOOSE your words wisely. And most important, stay calm.

Lastly, put your damn ego away. 

Dating Etiquette

Yoooooo this current dating scene is more wild than any lion safari.

Not that I personally know because I've actually been very blessed to be with the same man who loves me for who I am for the past few years. I hear it from friends, read experiences online and yeah, it's crazy out there. I honestly feel bad for those currently looking for partners or those in the next generation. I don't even know where to start. It's probably safer to date a robot? Or date your cat? Car even?

Ok joking aside. But seriously, what happened with all the dating etiquettes? 

Now that women have more independence, they have more say in everything. Men have (generally) been the breadwinner but now it's all about this equality thing. In the old days (uhhh circa 1950's maybe earlier?!), men would be the ones to take initiation, to woo the ladies. To pick up and pay for the ladies. To open doors, to make sure the ladies get home safely. But the ladies would be the stay at home moms, the ones to raise the kids and ensure the house remains clean, and that the husband remains fed.

Nowadays if you mention that, suddenly it all blows up. Why do women have to keep doing that and work a 9-5?? Or work constant nights and then come home to raising a family?! 

Now I've read various opinions and I don't really know if there is a correct answer, but just like everyone else, I will express what I FEEL should be a healthy balance in a relationship, if you want it to last forever. 

Women have come a long way in the fight for their independence, to be recognized equally alongside their male counterparts. To get fair wage, and great benefits, just like their male counterparts. Instead of staying at home all the time raising kids (and this job in itself is a tough one - it's a thankless job raising a herd of kids and one that does not pay unless you count your husband paying you a weekly allowance), women are now going to school, getting their degrees/masters/PHD - I mean heck, even multiple degrees, working corporate jobs etc. Yet they are the ones having to go on maternity leave from 6 months to 18 months, go through a huge physical change, and then be expected to go back to work and perform like you didn't just pop out a baby from your vajayjay. 

So you can imagine that in this current dating scene, women have X amount of demands about a guy. There are women out there who look for men that have much higher education than themselves, or who expect a man to make more than them. Or needs to be 6 feet tall. Or owns a castle. A whole bunch of weird and out of this world demands.

Men? Maybe not as focused as such but it's equally as demanding. Needs to have a job (ok this one is obvious), needs to dress and act like a woman, be a home maker, attentive and willing to raise kids. Prefer a size 4-6, can't be a stick but needs to have some muscle or willingness to work out a bit, long hair preferred and needs to be attractive. Again, it's just weird. Men also have to remember that wanting kids is not the same as wanting a car or some hobby. This is a kid that you're going to raise with your partner for pretty much 2 decades of your life - your next generation and bloodline. You can't just KAPOW and be done with it and let the woman raise the kid alone. It's also YOUR responsibility because it's YOUR kid. It takes two to tango. You want a family? Well, you better split the duties and raise that kid too. 

People have their preferences and that's fine. But some of these demands are just...weird. 

My friend once told me she wanted a tall guy, had to be smarter than her, cute and attractive, a homebody, adventurous you name it. They went on a date and he was all that, except he wore flip flops on the date. They didn't go anywhere fancy, but it icked her because of the flip flops. Because of that, she wouldn't accept a second date. Now that's what I call picky, because you can always ask them to wear proper footwear next time if you plan to go somewhere nice. But to blow off someone because of that? It was just a bit too much. 

Nowadays, I feel like half the couples out there go dutch - woman and man split the cost of the bill. The other half says men should always pay for the first date. Which one is right?

Our society has shifted to the point that I don't know if there is a right answer. They say whoever invited one out, they should be the one to pay the bill. Ok, I can understand that too. If I asked someone out for a date, I would be the one to treat, and vice versa. But respectably, if I got invited out and was asked to split the bill, I would prefer if there was some discussion beforehand before the bill came. And it's one of those icebreaker moments before paying too. At least you can get the sense of what that person is thinking. 

Oh but if you can't afford to pay for both of your meals or drinks, then you shouldn't date. Huh? Do you know how expensive restaurants are these days? I can't imagine as a guy, going on 5 dates per week and PAYING for all those meals, and worst case scenario none of the girls wanted to have a second date with you. That's a lot of money. So I can understand why a lot of dating couples would split a bill at the first meet. I also can see why guys see girls as gold diggers because that's a lot of money to spend on a stranger.

However, my experience is that if you start introducing this splitting bill from the beginning, there's a possibility the partner will continue that behaviour. Yeah, I have met friends who literally still split the bill while married, and it was EXACT change (total bill is $52.16 so I owe my wife $26.08) and I still think this is crazy. But if it works for them, then that's cool. The key is communicating this from the beginning. And at any point if you feel you want to deviate to one paying more over the course of the relationship, you talk it out with your partner. 

I had an ex who was cheap about things. When we went out, he would pay for his meal, and I would pay for mine. This is after being together for a couple of years too. When his parents brought us out for a family meal, they would pay and I would thank them. But soon after, he would ask to pay him back whatever amount and he'd give our portion of the money to his parents. His parents did fine and weren't in poverty, yet I got this sense that he probably didn't want me to take advantage of his family. Strange considering I was making more than him. It's one way to look at it, but another way is well, being el cheapo.

I still think that (genetically), men and women still resort to their gender roles: men still have that sense of a bigger role in a relationship, to be the main breadwinner, to be the protector and guide for their partners while the women still want to be taken care of and spoiled while also having independent work, and getting a hand in taking care of the family home. Women's role has obviously expanded much more than the men, and when they ask for the 'basics' in a man when dating, I don't see how that's demanding.

When women seek men these days, they ask for the bare minimum: to open doors, to pay for meals, to buy flowers (I think this is ok once a relationship has been established but I wouldn't expect flowers from some random dude on a first date), to walk adjacent to the traffic on a sidewalk, these are just some of the things. But you also notice half of those things are expensive (meals, flowers, gifts on a first date). This shouldn't be expected anymore. If a guy does pay for a first date meal and things are going well, then offer to pay for the next meal or go grab desserts and cover that instead.

For men? Don't expect a woman to sleep with you on the first date. Just because you paid for a meal, it doesn't mean it gives you permission or the right to get into their pants. Yes, guys are more visual and physical and they crave it. But a respectable guy would not seek that on a first date. What he seeks is good company, and a woman who has her head on right. 

For both: I believe both need to have strong emotional intelligence. Women are more emotional overall so we excel at this (and maybe a bit psychotic at times), but men? This is something that will have to be learned. Men aren't as emotional - they're more direct with words and actions, more egotistical. But learning to perceive, manage, understand and handle emotions takes time and experience. THIS I believe is what women are looking primarily for in men. I have met dudes who have strong egos, who can't manage emotions very well especially when it comes to my emotions and feelings. When you bring up a subject, it becomes controversial no matter what. 

The dating pool and population is so vast, with so many different opinions, it is no wonder why it's such a mess out there. If there is no 'correct' way in society to date or start a relationship, of course everyone will throw their opinions at each other and initiate fights. Now you have men blaming women for being too dramatic and too much of a gold digger, while women are blaming men for not being respectful, or considerate or (laughs) not being man enough. There's no agreement, but plenty of disagreements. 

My first date with my man? There really wasn't a planned date, but it just sort of happened. I call it the unofficial date because we were still friends. We secretly liked each other yet tried not to make it too obvious.

First off, I had brought my car to the mechanic on a day that he was working. I texted him that I forgot to tell him I would be at the mechanic's, which wasn't too far from him. This was also not the first time I forgot to text him of my visit to the mechanic. He had informed me he was still at work (and he had short shifted from the previous evening) so he hadn't slept very much. Yet he still made the 30-ish minute drive to see me at the shop, when he could've easily gone home to sleep. When he came into the shop, he saw me freezing because the A/C was blasting, and offered me his jacket in the car. At that point I wasn't feeling all giddy and butterflies, but I felt safe with him. I felt so spoiled because he cared so much - he didn't have to, but he did.

Once my car was looked after, he asked if I wanted to grab a bite nearby so of course I said yes. We drove together and parked side by side. While walking to the restaurant, he made sure I walked on the side away from oncoming traffic. He didn't have to put his arm around me to make me feel safe. He opened doors for me and made sure I went in first. He was also very observant to others around us, making sure no one would suddenly jump out in front of me. 

During the meal, we basically tried to catch up on all those years of not talking much, and really tried to get insight into each other more. There was lots of eye contact, laughter, good conversations and overall he made me feel safe. At the end of the date, he covered the bill and refused to split. We walked for a bit then went to our cars, and once again he was very observant around us, made sure I walked on the side with no cars. And when there was a car backing up (yeah I'm looking at you silent EV killers), he noticed it right away and had his arm protected around me to make sure I was at a safe distance from that EV killer. 

Before parting ways, we gave each other a long hug and made sure to see each other again. 

The rest was history. 

For those calling me lucky that I found such a gentleman, it goes both ways. If you have someone who is very compatible with you, you both make it work, and you both bring out the good in each other. He didn't have to spoil me with gifts or meals to win my heart, but I respect the little things that I saw that day that he did for me. Things that you can't buy with money or meals. He brings out the best in me, and I do my best to also make sure I bring out the best in him.

This is what is truly missing in today's dating scene. Yes, we all want to find true love, we want to find the one, but if you focus too much on that, it becomes homework. A chore. Then it gets tedious and demanding. Many times you end up finding the wrong person. 

Sometimes you just got to lay back and let it run its course. Enjoy the journey. Be thankful for the small things. Pray about it, and let God take the lead.