AC Jazz

I'm sure most of you have heard of the tragic event that unraveled at LaGuardia airport in New York this past week. 

On Sunday March 23, an Air Canada jet was making its final decent from Montreal to New York, and was coming in for a landing. At the same time, a fire truck was attempting to attend to another emergency case across the airport and requested permission to cross the runway. ATC gave the all clear for the fire truck to cross. The fire truck began its crossing when the AC flight began to land and was going at over 100mph. The pilots slammed on the brakes and did their utmost best, but unfortunately the jet slammed into the fire truck, and ultimately taking the life of the 2 young pilots.

One of the flight attendants was flung onto the runway, still strapped in her seat, alive but injured. The rest of the passengers suffered anywhere from minor to a handful of critical injuries. When passengers did not hear any clearance from the flight deck, they ultimately attempted to escape the plane and helped each other along the way.

This is the first fatal incident at LaGuardia in over 30 years, and the first involving an aircraft with a fire truck. 

Many questions are being asked, whose fault was it and what can be done to make air travel safe again. This is very early into the investigation and really, we shouldn't be pointing fingers at anyone. Except the government, because ultimately everything is really their fault. 

Air traffic controllers (ATC) have one of the most stressful jobs on the planet. It is probably one of the most strict that I have heard. Yes, you don't need a degree to be an ATC, but you still need to study the handbook and take a course/write the test as the basis. They are also very selective on who they hire. They just don't hire anyone. They have to hire the best at coordination, at memory and critical thinking. And they don't hire anyone after a certain age. They are super strict with breaks and how many hours one works. It's no wonder they get paid very well - but the stakes are high.

I remember in the beginning of my nursing career (or just before I began it), I was really doubting myself if I would be a good nurse. I decided to look at different avenues, one of which was being an ATC. I've always loved planes growing up (thanks to my dad) and one of my first dream jobs as a kid was to be a pilot (my first was a bus driver....all thanks to the movie Speed). I even made a fake ID tag when I was in grade 5, with my status as captain. I wanted to fly the 747 if I became a pilot. But then I got glasses, so my pilot career was pretty much over at that point. 

But ATC? It sounded interesting. As I read more into it and thought about taking the course, I held myself back. This was probably worse than dealing in health care because one wrong move, and I could send hundreds of people to their deaths. That's not something you can just recover from. One wrong move, and your career would end.  

The thought of how many lives could be lost in one wrong move really convinced me that I couldn't handle that guilt over my head if it were to happen. Eventually my nursing career took off and I never really looked back at returning to the ATC journey. 

After hearing the ATC recording, I felt heartbroken, not just for the young lives lost, but also for the ATC team who were dealing with another emergency and trying to resolve that, the guilt that they felt when the crash happened. Obviously no one wants a crash to happen. But now the question is, how overworked are these ATCs? 

When Trump took over, one of things he mentioned was to reduce the amount of ATCs around the nation. Fire the ones who didn't speak English well. Don't hire any more because they were expensive. So now you have the current ATCs who are overworked, burnt out, or retiring and no one is replacing. Between October 2025 to January 2026, there have been 498 runway incursions reported at US airports. 498! What?! 

Just like any incident, there's always a scapegoat. The question is, who will it be this time? Is it the fire truck driver error? ATC? The pilots? And sadly, they always blame ATC or the pilots for errors. It's always 'human error'. It's never a systemic problem or a government problem. But that's the thing, everything always starts from the government. 

While we still digest this tragedy, and the investigation continues, I just hope people realize that the 2 pilots who lost their lives did so with heroism. They lost their lives, so that their passengers and crew would live. That's the ultimate sacrifice. 

Rest in peace captain Antoine Forest and Mackenzie Gunther. 

Sparkly Cane!

Can't believe we are almost 4 months into 2026. One more week and boom it'll be April!

First of all, it's Kidney Month (well, aside from fraud awareness month). So this month we have been celebrating stuff related to kidney care and kidney health. It's been wild with all the events happening around the hospitals this month but thankfully it is almost done. 

Second, uhhh sparkly cane what?!

Last year when I was walking like an old lady (before surgery), I was looking into getting a cane for myself. However I couldn't really wrap my head around the fact that I'd be walking around in a cane. To be honest, I should've bought it when I actually had a hard time walking instead of pushing myself. I guess you can say the pride hit me.

I told myself that I would only get a cane if it was super sparkly and blingy. I went on Amazon to try and find a cool one but they were all pretty generic sparkles, nothing too crazy. Plus, they were super expensive. Most of them were just sparkles that were glued onto a paper, which then was wrapped onto a metal cane. Anyone could do that at home.

During the time I was off sick, I couldn't get myself to do much bending or sitting down for long. I had to keep active. But in my mind, blinging out my cane would be a DIY home project. Hubby ended up buying a cane for me just before I went into surgery and man, I wish I had got the cane earlier because it was quite helpful with my balance. But given the amount of pain I was in, doing a sparkly project was out of the question.

After surgery, I was still too stiff to sit down for a long period. I had started using the cane when I went outdoors or went for longer walks (like in a mall) or if the snow/ice would get bad. I didn't trust myself enough to keep my balance freely, nor did I trust the public to not bump into me inside the mall, especially during the Christmas shopping time.

One thing that I've learned for sure is...people are way more nicer when I use my cane. They give me the right of way, or stay away from me. It's a different experience. You don't really have people who randomly bump into you and then walk away without apologizing. If anything, when someone does bump into me, they automatically jump back and apologize. There are the rare odd balls who do bump and just walk off without saying anything but again, it's rare. 

The first 3 months are crucial, and the rest of the internal recovery could take 6-12 months. My mind is still stuck with the ideology of "I don't care how long it's been, but I'm not taking any chances in the first year", which means I am bringing out the cane for my longer walks, and bad snow storms, and might as well put crowded places. I do not want to take any chances of getting knocked over to the floor this year. Absolutely not. 

Which brings me to the current state. Obviously things are getting much better than last year. My sitting and walking tolerance have gotten better. My back muscles still burn up about 1 hour of non stop walking, and by the 1.5hrs mark I have to start stretching. Nonetheless, strengthening the back muscles are still a work in progress. And one day, I finally decided to...bling out the cane.

Yup. You read that right. Bling it out.

I ordered a bunch of rhinestones from Amazon. I didn't go too crazy with the colours, but I started off with a vision that the colour theme would be pink and black (the cane itself has a pink and black combo). I also ordered strong glue (not crazy glue but glue that was friendly enough for nails, skin, plastic, you name it). Next was the design. I had to figure out what would go well with a cane's shape. 

Ultimately, I settled with a snake. Why? Partially it's because of Taylor Swift's Reputation outfit (for those who have watched the Eras Tour, you know what I'm talking about). It was also one of the easier shapes to do on something so narrow like a cane. I ended up Googling a simple snake design and used that as inspiration.

The second why? Because it was a generic cane, there's a possibility that other people would have the same cane. I was at the mall one day. Lo and behold, I saw an older gentleman with the exact same cane as me. From that point on, I wanted mine to be more personalized, more bling, more me. 

The next step was to figure out how many snakes I can fit on a cane. If I wanted it to be a bit more outstanding, two snakes may be too much. I went ahead to draw a sample snake on the cane. However, it turned out more curvy and took up more space than I thought. It was still not a problem though. In the end, I stuck with a one snake design.

My original plan was to fill the cane with pink rhinestones, and then use the black rhinestones for the snake. However, when I started off with the pink, and then started the snake, I could see that maaaaybeee the pink would be a bit too much. It would overwhelm the snake. So I stopped the pink at the top, and will think of something to blend it in better with the snake. 

I started off with the shape of the snake's head at the top of the cane, and used the smallest rhinestones available. I didn't want to include medium to large rhinestones on the head just yet. Instead, I would do that mixture for the rest of the body. It just made sense, given the snake's anatomy and the scales that get larger once it's further away from the head. I had to make sure the head wasn't too big, otherwise it would be out of proportion with the rest of the body.

Once the head was finally drawn, I started out a slithering type of shape. Snakes are curvy, and with each curve it comes with slightly different shapes. I really did try my best and I think it turned out alright. As the shape made its way on the cane, I was just dying to find out how it would turn out. Overall it took about 4-5 days to complete.

Drawing the shape of the snake wasn't the most challenging aspect of this project, but putting on the rhinestones and gluing them one by one was the toughest part. You can't use fingers to put these into place, but the kit came with these large tweezers, which helped for the most part. But there were many instances where my grip was too tight, that the rhinestone would go flying somewhere in the room and I'd have to start again. Because they are tiny, I literally had to stick my face against the cane to make sure every one of them was glued properly and glued on the right way. They were very easy to flip over and get glued the wrong way. So that was the frustrating part. 

Once the entire shape of the snake was drawn on the cane, I started off with gluing the rhinestones on the outline, and then one by one started filling in the inside of the snake. This is where you can freestyle the snake's "skin" by filling in all the empty spaces as best as possible with all the different rhinestone sizes available in the kit (there are about 6 different sizes). This was probably the most challenging of the project. Gluing was one thing, but making sure you work fast enough so the glue doesn't dry before you put all the rhinestones in. 

When the final touches of the snake was done (the narrow tail end), I was just happy to be done with the project. I was proud of how it came out. I still had some space left at the bottom of the cane (this is the final edge of the part that makes the cane adjustable -  you really don't want to bling out the entire bottom of the cane in case you need to adjust the height of it). I decided to use this small space to put mine and hubby's initials, along with a heart.

Given the entire snake was all black rhinestones, the heart and initials I made it pink. In a way, it's a reminder of how much I had to go through health wise, BUT it was also a reminder of who was there with me all along while I went through these challenges and then successfully recovered. At first you may not notice the bling, but as soon as the light hits the cane, it's definitely VERY blingy.

I'm proud of what I've done. And I'm pretty sure when I'm 80 years old, I would still appreciate the bling. Bling never leaves a girl's heart.

The snake's head (and tongue sticking out). Hard to capture on picture, but videos make it very obvious.

The snake runs the entire length of the cane, just before the adjustment part. The initials are just below the snake.

This project was completed at the beginning of the week, so I haven't had the opportunity to take it to the mall just yet, but if I do, I hope I don't end up blinding people too much. I really have no idea how sparkly it would be indoors. If it's outdoor in the sun, it'll be very shiny.

We shall see how the glue holds up in various weather and temperature. I'm excited to see, and of course if any of the bling fall off, no biggie. I still have an entire set at home!

Let's just say I have prepared myself for old age. Given how tiny these rhinestones are, there's no way I'd be gluing this when I turn 80. But now, I can say that I'm ready for it. Are you?

Dream Car Review

So what is my dream car?!

Obviously it's a Lamborghini Murcielago. The sound of that V12 *drools*. Unfortunately it has been discontinued for almost 2 decades and I'm sure the maintenance on that beast would be way out of my budget. All I can do is just look at pictures and photoshop myself in one.

But really, what is a realistic dream car? Realistic as in, attainable without breaking the bank?

Well, sometime back in 2013 is when I had this dream of one day owning the Porsche Cayman 981S. At that time, the 981 had its debut and was being released as a 2014 model. It was beautiful, and had won quite a few awards, one being the best sports car of the year. It had a detuned flat 6 engine (from the 911 big brother) and that sound, OOF! I was still a fresh new nurse who was just starting out back in Toronto, and picking up every shift I could work, including both days and nights. I already had a car so I didn't think I needed another one. When I saw the brand new starting price, I told myself there's just no way. I couldn't do it. I put it at the back of my mind that one day, somehow it will be mine.

Fast forward to October 2018.

At that time, the next generation Cayman had come out already, the 718 Cayman. The engine? They had switched the base and S models to a turbo, and you could only get the flat 6 in the GTS model. Or the GT4. I didn't want another turbo car, and really was trying to find the flat 6.

Lo and behold, one was found at Pfaff for a reasonable price (actually, now that I look back on it, it was a pretty good price - it would be impossible to find at that price these days). It was a '14 Cayman S, with PDK and loaded with a few options. I didn't really care about the options - I only really wanted the engine spec.

After test driving it, and seeing the owner had done an excellent job taking care of it, I signed the papers. I felt like a true adult since I didn't need any co-signers. The Cayman S came home on October 30th. It was financed for 6 years but paid off in 5. 

I have had the Cayman for just over 7 years now (the previous owner had it for 4), so the car itself is now 11 years old, which will turn 12 this year. I feel like I can actually do a long term review!

Photo by Boris Lau (2022)

How is the drive?

Well, depends what you use it for, and how you drive it. I don't take it out on a daily basis, but it's mostly a weekend car. It's garaged throughout winter. For weekends, I use it for mostly car cruises, car meets, or random drives with hubby. The drive is quite smooth, very sporty steering and very responsive. It takes bumps well, although it's not an SUV so you will still feel uneven ground here and there, but generally speaking it does have better suspension than my Genesis Coupe (which is on Teins coilovers). It comes in 3 driving "modes": regular, sport, and sport plus. When you hit that sport+ button, it's like a different monster is unleashed. Everything becomes super responsive. The shifts are crisp and quite violent. There should be a warning to say, please put your head back into your seat because the car will throw you back with acceleration. With sport+ mode, that also gives you the opportunity to do launch control. In all my years of owning this car, I have never launched it only because I don't want to break anything. Plus, Porsche could detect how many launches you did in the car over its lifetime so I rather not do anything crazy. 

How about maintenance? Is it expensive?

The most basic maintenance you can do is yearly oil change. The thing with Porsche cars is you don't have to do every 3 month oil change, but just a yearly maintenance (unless you track your car everyday then yes, you should do it more often). Depending on the Porsche dealer, they could charge you $600-700 for the oil change (and this includes labour/taxes). The first and last time I did an oil change at the dealership was in May 2020 during the pandemic, which I had to wait outside in the cold for 2 hours as dealerships would not allow anyone inside the building because of COVID. And then of course they charged me about $600 something for it. I complained about the service especially waiting outside, and all they could do was give me a $50 credit. After that, I took it to a reputable garage specializing in Euro cars, and paid half the price.

The PDK flushes don't have to be done every year but it should be maintained at least once every 40-50k. I've had the brakes/rotors changed at the end of 2024, which was about $1300 including parts and labour. A new set of summer performance tires were bought and those were about $2300.

The most damage I had to pay was for the front condenser. During a trip on the 407 in 2022, rocks had fallen off a dump truck and I couldn't dodge it in time, so a bunch of rocks damaged the condenser. The problem with non-GT cars is that there is no front mesh grilles to prevent rock chips from entering the car. My air conditioning stopped working and was blowing out hot air. The condenser was replaced, and it cost about $975 with parts and labour. I ended up buying aftermarket grilles to cover the condensers, which was about $300 after parts and labour. 

Overall, I probably spent more on my Genesis Coupe maintenance than the Cayman S over the years. There was one year the Genesis needed major work, which they had to drop the subframe and rear bushings. The entire work was about $5400. I don't think I spent that much in the 7 years of owning the Cayman.

A full tank of premium gas in the Cayman cost about $85, and the most I got out of one tank was about 550km. It gets better mileage than my Genesis. 

Does the car draw attention?

I mean, it's bright yellow. It's not my first choice of colour but it was whatever was available. I don't think it draws that much attention compared to a Ferrari. Plus the exhaust is stock. If it was much louder, then yes it would draw much more unwanted attention. 

Does it hold a lot of items in the frunk and trunk?

The great thing about this car is the 2 trunk spaces. Unfortunately it's not like you can fit a cabinet in the trunk. I've taken this Cayman to the cottage and to camp grounds, and was able to fill both trunks to the brim. I even managed to fit a rice cooker in the frunk. For a car this size, I'm surprised at the amount of items it can hold.

How are the seats? Is it comfortable inside?

The leather seats are the basic sport seats, so it's only a 4 way power seat. It's comfortable enough for random drives, but for long hours drives, it could get sore on the back. I have driven from Toronto to Ottawa through the back roads, and what should have taken 4.5 hours took about 12 hours (with stops in between). That was probably the most brutal drive. The leather seats came with heated and cooling seats, which is so helpful when I have back aches or cramps. It helps with hot days too, to cool off my back. Getting into and out of the car can be challenging, especially if you have back issues, but you would need to work on squatting or working on your core to make it more comfortable. The downside is the rear blind spots. You just have to be careful when looking for cars.

How is the paint?

Some car companies use crappy paint (such as Hyundai) that as soon as you get a rock chip, a chunk of paint goes missing from the hood. For Porsche, the paint is quite strong. They use some galvanization technique that helps keep the steel from rusting. I do have a few rock chips in front even with PPF on it, and I don't see any extreme damage. One time I accidentally backed into the Cayman with the Genesis - I was just trying to park on the driveway. The Genesis ended up with more scratch damage on the bumper compared to the Cayman. Cayman had a slight scratch that I couldn't even tell unless it was up close. 

How is the road noise?

The Cayman has only seen summer tires so the road noise was decent. I didn't have to crank my music high to drown it out. If anything, the music is right behind my head: that flat 6 engine. You can still have a good conversation even with the engine behind you. 

How's the Bluetooth?

Ok, this part probably fails in the Cayman. The technology is from 2014 so it's "old' in that sense. I find I have to crank up the volume to hear people, and people on the other end have a hard time hearing me - it's as if I sound far away. That's an easy fix - I just use my bluetooth headphones.

How about the GPS Navi? External music aux plugs?

Again, it's old technology. Unless you go into Porsche for an upgrade, which will cost money. At the moment, the 407 going east from Pickering to Peterborough does not exist on the GPS. So I would have to run my data on my phone. As for any external music plugs, like iPods, there is a USB in the glovebox to connect but it didn't really work with my iPod mini (yes, the block that is about 22 years old now). Otherwise I connect to my phone music via Bluetooth and it works fine.

Do I get a lot of male attention?

No, at least I don't feel that I do. Then again, 99% of the time I drive with my tinted windows up, so if someone were to try and get my attention, I wouldn't notice because I would be listening to music too, or talking to hubby. 

As a female, do I feel empowered?

It's a Porsche. I guess I do.

Would I recommend the Cayman?

Absolutely yes. Without a doubt. It's probably the best car I will ever own. And if you can find a reasonably priced one that is well maintained, go for it. You will not regret it. 

Photo by Boris Lau (2022)

Sick...

It's that time of season....it's either Norovirus or cold or a flu! Yay!

I'm fortunate that I've never experienced Norovirus - I've had friends who have gone through it and it's a complete nightmare. I can't imagine having diarrhea and vomiting for 24 hours. I might as well just live in the bathtub for that entire day, why not?

This past week I went to work in good health. But I believe it's because I worked 8 hours straight without any proper breaks (I would eat and still do work), and did this straight the entire week, that I probably compromised my immune system. The days were just non stop work, phone call after phone call, emails after emails, staff issues after one another, you name it. I wasn't resting well either at home, so my lack of sleep also contributed to getting sick.

The day started off normal, and it ended fine. By the time I got home and went to bed that night, I started to feel weird in the head. It was like a pending headache but I also had trouble breathing at night. Sometimes my allergies would set that part off so I thought maybe it was just allergies. Then my throat started to feel weird - not sore, but felt like something was just there.

The next day I went to work, I didn't feel the greatest. I took my temperature in the morning and it sat at 36C, which is my usual temperature. I'm usually between 35.5 to 36. As the day went on, I felt super tired but still pushed myself to get through the day, although I did feel quite sluggish. My colleagues and manager noticed it right away because I also kept sneezing non stop. Allergies, I would say. But I was going through tissues like no tomorrow. Then the coughing started.

By the time it was time to go home, my temperature hit 37C. Oh great.

I went home to try and get some rest, as I had an event to attend that evening that I had bought tickets already - it was a reunion party for all staff alumni. Each ticket was about $90 so it would suck to just skip out on it entirely. Thankfully I had a couple of friends that were coming along so I didn't have to drive all the way. However, I decided to just mask up and not touch anyone or anything. 

The reunion was nice. Although I was only there for one season, the fact that they remembered me just really felt like I've always belonged. It was my very first job, not just as a student, but like...first job ever. I had many memories there and learned a great deal from my superiors. I didn't get to see my other colleagues who I worked with, but to see my former bosses glowing and still looking the same after 20 years is amazing (and I made sure to tell them that). After the speeches and food, the dancing was beginning and unfortunately my friends and I decided to leave as they have kids to go home to, and it was good for me as I wasn't feeling the greatest and couldn't really dance post surgery. 

That same night I could not sleep no matter how hard I tried. The biggest challenge was the breathing - I couldn't breathe out of either nostrils. Don't you hate it when that happens?! Yeah, it sucked. Thankfully I was off work the next day so I could try to catch up on sleep. My sense of taste and smell definitely got disturbed. The food and all looked amazing but I couldn't really taste anything. 

This all brought back memories of when I got COVID. I've had the flu a very long time ago, and that was bad. When they say COVID is like the flu, I think it really depends who it hits because when I ended up with COVID, it was a lot worse than the flu (at least from my experience). I ended up with COVID in summer of 2022 (yeah, like what?). I had attended a Backstreet Boys' concert, which was held outdoors, and if I recall my symptoms began about 2 days later. I had gone to work and was feeling fine, until the last hour where I started to feel a bit warm. It was past 37 if I recall. Then, the stomach ache hit. It didn't hit right away but something felt off.

Thankfully I made it home in a safe manner, and that's when my stomach ache got worse. So now I had that, and a fever. I had a rapid test at home, which tested positive. Oh great. Now I started to freak out. I texted my manager and was told I had to go to the testing facility for a PCR (which I did, and it was also positive). 

Over the course of the next few days, I lost my sense of taste and smell. I was also very fatigued, had muscle aches and headaches. Then the cough and sore throat hit me like a bag of bricks. I didn't leave my room. I was depressed that I couldn't taste anything and feared I would lose it completely. You could stick a bag of onions and garlic in front of my face and I wouldn't smell it. I pretty much had almost all the symptoms (except the vomiting part), but I remember being in bed for about 10 days. It was the worst feeling ever. 

I'm thankful it wasn't severe enough that I needed the ER or ICU. But it definitely took a toll on my body. This time around with the cold, I don't feel that - just more fatigued. It'll just take time. 

I know I should be going to bed and sleeping instead of blogging here. In a way, it's to also keep my brain going. But one thing is for sure - stay active and hydrated as much as possible. Your body will thank you for it in the long run!

Red Flags, and not red flag deals

It's March, which means it is officially fraud awareness month!

If you have been following my blog over the past decade, I had written about several fraudsters in the GTA on one of those posts back in the day. Feel free to scroll back and read, and be aware of the fraudsters because they're still out there. 

Today won't be a post about an actual fraudster, but instead, I'll be talking about red flags in people. This is just my own personal experience over the years dealing with various people who had wronged me or led me to believe they were who they say they were, but were not (does this make sense?). I know it also takes two to tango in a relationship or friendship, and I believe that when two people are not meant to be together, they could exhibit red flags to each other, which makes the relationship even more toxic than it already is. 

We all have our preferences and opinions on what we want in relationship partners, in friendships, in business partners. It's what makes us who we are, our identity. But when someone comes along trying to change your identity, that's not the right partnership. That's coercive control, which is one of the signs of narcissistic behaviour. 

This is not everything I've had to deal with, but some of the key ones I have compiled over the years to remind myself that this is not any type of loving behaviour. 

"I should date them because they're so hot" - Umm no, that's a horrible reason to want to date a person. I find that the hot dudes are the ones who cheat the most because they know they're hot and will use that to their advantage. This goes with chicks too. So unless you're ok with dating a serial cheater, then I would avoid at all costs. 

"I'll go to church, but only if you're open minded about getting a boob job" - wait huh? What does going to church have to do with a boob job? This one is so strange but it was actually mentioned. I invited you to church, because that's a part of my faith and is important to me. I respect your views, yet you can't respect mine. It was an open invitation to attend, not mandatory. But hey, I got my answer. 

"All your friends/family are too much. I can't handle them." (or anything that states your family is crazy, nitpicking your friends, I don't want to be around them and neither should you) - this is a form of narcissistic behaviour (and I know so many people throw that word around), but this is one that will gradually pull you away from the ones who actually care about you, until you have no support around you except for that one partner who will end up controlling you. You end up in isolation. Don't ever let it get to that point. 

"You're weird, can you stop being like that? You're an embarrassment" - once again, manipulating to make you believe you're the problem, and you're the one who needs to fix it. I have both seen and experienced when someone says that to you, you immediately shut down. You never want to do anything silly again, and part of your inner child dies. 

"I know I'm jobless right now, but don't worry, I will get back to it" (but not actually working for months to a year and not doing anything to try and look for a job) - this is lazy, and a user. I was so lucky to have met not just one but TWO of them. Now I understand what Taylor Swift's reference is in The Man. I definitely felt like a man during those times. 

Blaming you for all the problems and never taking any responsibility for any of their own wrong-doings. And of course getting angry at you for it. Would you want to be with someone who blames the world except themselves? AND be angry at you that you can't even talk any sense into them?

Convincing you to move halfway across the city, far from your family, friends and workplace, all because he's an only child living with his parents. Not only that, but convincing you to "trial" it first for 2 years, and if it doesn't work, then we can find another place. But don't worry, he will drive you to work everyday, or you're allowed to 407 it to get to work faster. In old school tradition, that would be seen as untraditional and a blasphemy. Your body and your life isn't like test driving a car. No commitment? Then no moving homes. Sorry lads, it don't work like that. You either compromise together and find a middle ground, or split ways. 

Convincing you to have a child (when you don't want a child), and then convincing you to take time off work for couple of years to do a masters degree. First off, no job will hold onto a position for that long. You either work, or get fired. And I'm not doing a stay at home parent duty. This isn't a communicative compromise. This is a one way demand.

Playing the silent treatment game. This is never healthy. No one is a mind reader. You're mad and want to be left alone? Say it. You're upset with something I said 5 months ago? You should've told me 5 months ago, not now. 

How they treat their mother/father/siblings/wait staff. Huge red flag if they treat all of them with disrespect. I have seen the way moms were treated - with loud yelling, constantly making fun of their moms. I have witnessed the way how things were said to wait staff. The privilege, the tantrums because you didn't get to sit where you wanted to sit, the way the oil was not delivered on time/separately in a container so they wouldn't eat. That's a man child. What makes you think they won't treat you the same down the road (if not now)? 

Promising a forever future, with all these great life plans. But it never happened in the timeline that was promised. Why promise something if you're not going to do it? Don't make promises you can't keep. 

I'm going to (insert whatever job duty), but never actually doing it. Again, don't make promises you can't keep. If you're going to do the laundry, do the laundry. If you're going to pick up the milk, go pick up the milk from the store. But don't say you'll do it, and not do it.

Lying about your job, your parents, your current girlfriend (or boyfriend). In short, a chronic liar. Why you lying bro? You think people won't notice when you lie about your age by 10 years? Who you trying to fool? 

Forcing you to be someone you're not. Don't ever change for anyone, especially if it's part of your personality and identity. You will end up losing yourself and your identity with time. 

Not being able to express your thoughts and feelings freely without being judged. This is what kills most relationships. If you cannot express anything to your partner, without feeling like they're going to be offended or yell at you, this is not a healthy relationship. The feeling of not being wanted or heard by your partner will lead to extramarital affairs, and that's how cheating always begins.

Never apologizing for any wrongdoings. Over the years, I apologized for things that I didn't do, just because I didn't want to fight. The other person? Never apologized once. It's like they're the perfect person everyone wanted to be around. If you know you made a mistake, own up to it and apologize. If anything, it makes you the bigger person. It's called accountability. If you're not accountable for your mistakes (small or big), then that just shows your true character.

The scary part is...the list goes on. If you're having to walk on eggshells around the person who is suppose to love you the most, that's not love. That's anxiety inducing. The body is never suppose to live with anxiety forever. Your body should never be in fight or flight mode 24/7.

Which is why anyone who gives you butterflies in your stomach, you should not go any further with that person - as a friend, as a lover. Just FULL STOP. 

Stay safe this month, and beware of the red flags. 

Post back surgery recovery phase

Hello all!

Hope you're all having a wonderful week so far.

One thing I didn't get to talk about last year was post surgery recovery. I haven't had any major surgeries before, aside from wisdom teeth removal surgery, but back surgery is considered major as it does involve going right into the nerves, muscles and vertebrae. 

Everyone goes through different symptoms post surgery, but I will talk about my experience, now that we are almost 4 months post-op.

The surgery occurred in the early afternoon on a Tuesday. I was home by dinner time on Tuesday evening.

The first thing I did? I went and sat on the chair. I had a bunch of iodine on my back (given I had sensitivity to Chlorhexidine), so the dried iodine remained on my back around the wound site. Hubby went to clean my back with some water and a towel. He was speaking with my parents while doing the cleaning.

Within seconds, I recall their voices getting more and more distorted, sounding further and further away. It was very muffled. I was confused why I was experiencing that. And then it hit me. I started getting really dizzy. I don't know how loud I was talking at that time, but I remember telling them I don't feel so good, and I need to sit on the couch. I asked them to pass me the blood pressure monitor and to put it on my arm.

I remember pressing the button and waiting for the reading. 80/47. A normal blood pressure reading in a healthy individual is 120/80 (reference point). My usual reading is about 100's/60's give or take. So for a reading of 80/47, that was considerably low. I was basically crashing at that point. This is due to a combination of dehydration (no fluids since 9am that morning), and the combination of anesthesia. 

Thankfully I did not vomit or experience a seizure, as laying down did help to get the blood flow going again. I was given some water and soup to help with the pressures. Eventually it did start going up slowly in the 90's and I started to feel better. Once I felt better, I took a quick walk around the house to ensure movement and prevent any clots from happening. 

The next day, I felt very achy in the back. Not pain, just muscle ache. And this is normal. Bending, lifting or twisting is a no-no at this point. Using the bathroom was a challenge. You'd have to be very careful to lower yourself without bending or twisting. At that point I just wished I could hold my bladder forever or put an in-dwelling catheter in myself but that is already risky in itself. This is also when I realize we all take the little things in life for granted. Something as simple as putting socks on, or going to the bathroom.

The site of incision was still covered with a dressing but as the day progressed, I could see the blood start spreading slightly. It wasn't enough that it pooled blood, but it definitely had to be changed at the end of the day.

One thing I also noticed during this time is...my hunger went into hyperdrive. You know the feeling you get when you get really hungry - your stomach growls and hurts at the same time? Yeah, I was getting that every day, at every hour, for about 2 weeks straight. I would eat from the morning all the way to the very early morning the next day. I felt like a pregnant woman (although I really don't know what it feels like), but I was just ALWAYS hungry.

I would be eating, and my stomach would still be growling in pain. It was very strange. I'd eat small meals, large meals, snacks in between. But I was still hungry.

This was the body's way of telling the brain that it needed to repair and recover quick. Even though the incision was about an inch and a half in length, this was not a "natural" part of the body so instead of being normal, it went into hyperdrive and demanded all these nutrients to be consumed so it could repair itself quickly.

For 2 weeks, I ate like I had a baby inside of me. After 2 weeks passed, the hunger did die down quite a lot so I was not eating as much anymore. But man, that was torture.

The no shower part. Yeah it sucked. I was not allowed to have a shower for minimum 72 hours (or 3 days), but after that, I can shower - as long as the wound dressing did not get wet. Considering I was still having some bleeding on day 3, I figured to play it safe and not shower for a few more days. Only thing I could do was a sponge bath on myself. 

By the time day 6 came along, the bleeding had stopped. My hair was more oily that P. Diddy's baby oil supply - I just wanted to shower. That first shower felt super fresh. However I made the mistake of not asking someone to help me because I nearly fell out of the shower. I wasn't really able to bend my legs properly as it would affect my back muscles so when I did that a bit too fast, the pain hit and I nearly lost my balance trying to get out. So yeah, lesson learned - always ask for help, especially at your most vulnerable. 

By the end of the first week, I was able to walk daily for 30 minutes if not a bit more. They say the more walks you can do, the better. But the key thing is, do not just lay there and not do anything. 

Entering the second week was a bit torturous as this was also the menstruation time. Given my history, I was expecting a lot of pain and being in bed all day. However, the anti inflammatory medications I was taking for the back definitely helped with the pain and flow. If anything, it almost stopped the flow. I felt so relieved I didn't have to deal with cramps and back aches during this crucial recovery time. 

I tried to increase my daily walks to hourly everyday, if not more. It was the only thing I could do peacefully without injuring myself. I used a walker to walk around the house, not because I couldn't walk but I didn't want to get dizzy from walking in circles and falling down. Outside of the house, a cane was used for extra balance.

The first two weeks, I was told to not drive or get into a car as a passenger, unless it was for a short trip to an appointment. Otherwise no car rides. I extended this to about 6 weeks of no driving. In between, I did do short trips as a passenger to appointments or to a grocery store but otherwise it was very limited. Considering how bad our roads are (and our drivers), any bumps or accidents on the road is a risk to the recovery period.

After the 2 week period, which I call this the very crucial period, things started to slowly get better. The numbness in my leg that I felt all these years were slowly going away. But of course, the restriction of no bending/twisting/lifting was still in place. I was not able to start formal physiotherapy yet as it was too early. So I stuck with just doing daily walks and light leg stretches. 

By week 4, I had an appointment with the family doctor for a check in, and for some paper works to be completed for my work place. My stitches were looking great. I saw a new physiotherapist to try and see if I could begin some more back stretches as per the surgeon's recommendation. It was only very light back exercises to try and start with the core, nothing too crazy.

By week 6, the formal physiotherapy training began. I also went to see the surgeon for a follow up appointment. The stitches had dissolved by this time and the incision looked beautiful. Restrictions on back to work remained in place, with no nursing duty until summer of 2026. 

By week 9, I gradually returned back to work on desk duty with many restrictions in place. It was still a bit of a challenge because if I sat too long in a chair, my back would start aching. If I walked too long, the back would ache and I'd have to sit and rest. With time though, it would get better, especially with constant physiotherapy.

What I've learned during this phase is to take advantage of these physio stretches and exercises. I couldn't do any of them before, hence why I started losing muscle mass. Now that I can move more, I'm taking advantage of the exercises to work on the muscle strengthening. They also help a lot when my back starts really aching during the day. By the time I get home from work, I have to shower and stretch it out, and it feels a lot better. Movement is the key. 

Although I feel much better than I did 2 weeks post operation, I am always paranoid about slipping or falling, or something suddenly jumping out to scare me. It is very easy to throw one's back out now even if it's 4 months post op. 

The winter weather also doesn't help. Given we had 20 something days of negative weather, this really played against me. My back muscles were always so tight, and it doesn't help I have a sedentary job. Both of those combined together resulted in constant muscle aches, no matter how much I tried to stretch myself. Eventually I brought out the heat pad on my back during the night and it seemed to improve a bit. However, movement is still the key. So this remains an on-going battle.

My motto is, if the surgeon says it takes 3 months to recover, you double it, if not triple it. Don't rush recovery. Your body will thank you.

Valentine's Day v3.0

 Happy Valentine's Day y'all!

AKA. Happy consumerism day where all the chocolate and flower companies get a good chunk out of your money.

Jokes aside, Valentine's Day is also on a Saturday this year, which means...YAYYY!! Weekend celebrations! Which also means...I'm sorry to all the culinary staff out there because you guys and girls will get swamped this weekend. 

I remember years ago when I wasn't really into celebrating Valentine's Day all because prices get jacked up for no reason (except for consumerism). Then I came upon someone's IG account, where they were a widow and remembering all these little moments. One of which was Valentine's Day. She mentioned she never really celebrated it, even when her husband was alive (and this is a young couple in their late 20's). When he passed away, all these special days came and went and she reflected on it. One of the regrets she had was never celebrating Valentine's Day with her husband, and wished she could just do it one time before he passed.

It made me think too...that yeah, although we shouldn't glorify it to just one day, it's nice to celebrate even for fun. It doesn't have to be anything grand, but any small gesture just to remind ourselves that yes, I still love celebrating this day of love with my special someone. 

My love and I will be celebrating 3 years this coming Valentine's Day together. We both don't take it seriously that we must book an expensive place to eat dinner, but just enough to ask each other "will you be my Valentine?" and cuddle for a nice meal and movie.

Whatever you all do this Valentine's Day, I wish you all fun times and the good memories that will come out of it. 

So Eleonor 85mm Review

Hello and welcome back to my blog!

Today I'll be doing a review of another pair of Louboutin boots that were purchased in Winter 2023. This one was a bit of a random purchase. I was looking for a nice pair of boots to complete my Louboutin collection but I couldn't really decide on which pair.

This is a late review, so I have worn these boots quite a few times already so the review would at least be more up to date.

It was end of December 2023 when I went to the Louboutin store with hubby to check out random shoes. I don't think there was any intention to buy anything but, you know me. Once I see something I really like, I can't stop thinking about it unless I purchase it.

So here we are, in the Louboutin store and we are checking out random shoes and handbags. I remember not really seeing any heels that were outstanding to me, so I went to check out the boots. And that's when my eyes laid on the So Eleonor in 85mm height. I had a pair of old above ankle boots that I've been wearing until they started falling apart and I figured if I need another pair, the Louboutin would be it. 

I tried on the So Eleonor and man, first thing I noticed was how comfortable they felt on my feet. The heels were one thing, but the boots felt much better. I immediately fell in love. The great thing about the So Eleonor is the thicker heel stem, and that there is a side zipper to get in and out of the boots easier. I really don't like boots that don't have that option as it feels I'm going to break it every time I try to stick my feet in them.

It didn't take long to decide that these were the boots for me, so I ended up purchasing the boots.

Once again, I went to Mike at All in Detailing to PPF the red bottoms and he did an amazing job. 

The first event I wore the So Eleonor to is the 2024 PTN season opener at Porsche North Toronto dealership. This was the ultimate test to see how these boots really feel. It started off great, no concerns. As the evening went on, my feet did get a bit sore, but nothing compared to if I wore heels. By the end of the night they were feeling a bit achy. However, I did not get any blisters. Just sore feet.

In between, I wore it for smaller events, and it was comfortable - no signs of blisters or feet aches. My last test was during the winter season for my birthday, when I decided to wear them for the Nurse John event downtown. We parked about a 10 minute walk to the event. The walking duration wasn't a problem. It was the weather, and I wish I had listened to the news that day. It had started to snow, and it was cold. I assumed it wouldn't accumulate, but it did.

Unlike the other more 'sturdy' boots with lugged soles, the So Eleonor does not have any grooves at the bottom. It is flat and smooth, so it makes walking in snow and slush/ice very dangerous. It's more slippery with the PPF on the bottom. The 10 minute walk was torture, because every step was a potential for a broken ankle. Unfortunately I didn't bring any other pair of shoes because I figured weather would be fine. I had to hold onto hubby for dear life and once we got into the building, I was so relieved. By the time the show ended, it was time to walk back to the car. The snow had stopped but it was super slushy and icy outside. I made it to the car in one piece and at the end of the night, I can say I survived walking in Loubs in the snow and ice. I wouldn't recommend it, nor would I want to do it again. 

Of all the pairs of Louboutins that I own, the So Eleonor are the most comfortable. These are also pretty special because Taylor Swift had worn her famous sparkly Eleonora Botta (knee high boots) during her Eras Tour, so I basically have the same boots at her, just in a shorter non-sparkly version. I thought about putting some crystals on mine but decided against it. I didn't want to ruin the leather.

Here are some pictures of the fit:

Introducing the So Eleonor 85mm in calf leather.

The front view.

The side view. I love the shape of the heel.

The infamous red sole. As you can see, it is just flat and smooth. Not the greatest in snow and ice.

My mini Louboutin collection. From left: La Massine Flat, Pigalle, Corneille and So Eleonor.

In summary, I would recommend these boots to add to anyone's collection. Unfortunately they are now discontinued from stores and online so the only option is to buy from consignment shop.

Pros:

-confortable

-good height

-open/close zipper on the inner side of boots

-they are elegant/matches any outfit

-calf leather is super smooth

Cons:

-horrible in snow and ice/slush

-does not keep the rest of your leg warm

Details:

Company: Christian Louboutin

Name: So Eleonor

Height: 85mm

Material: Calf leather

Price: $1695 Canadian

Availability: discontinued from boutique store and online

It's a Love Story

....baby just say yes?!

The world has seen how Taylor Swift has gone from one boyfriend to another, basically shining her romances in the spotlight. And honestly, it's tough to deal with romance and break up especially when you're famous. When they break up, she would write about it through songs. Made money off of it. Honestly, the most brilliant thing to do. Now she is one very wealthy lady, yet so down to earth and probably the best boss lady anyone could meet or work with. I admired her work all these years but after seeing her go through the Eras Tour and all the physical demands of the tour, and how she treated her staff, I have a newfound respect for her. 

For many years, I can tell she hoped for a forever love. She, just like many of us girls/women, long for someone to love, to be loved. Her songs relate to love, heartbreak, betrayal, redeeming win - experiences that we can all relate to in our daily lives. 

When she met Travis and they were frequently in the spotlight, the joke was the same: waiting for the break up so she can write more songs. However, it didn't turn out that way. Instead, she found her love. Travis pursued her (and mama Swift also helped introduce them when he was really hoping to meet her). He got butt hurt when he was not able to meet Taylor that night after that one concert he attended, and now? He's got the girl of his dreams.

Now I can't say I can relate because I'm definitely not famous, but I can relate on trying to find that love. This love that was told to us as kids, by our parents who put into our heads that our Prince Charming (or Princess) would be out there for us. That you must get spoiled and loved for it to be...true love.

Man, what a load of bologna. Disney definitely fooled us all growing up. 

My road to love was definitely not straight forward. Some of my friends had it simple, where they dated one guy and boom, got married and had kids. End of story. Live happily ever after. Then there are friends who dated more than Taylor Swift and still haven't gotten married. Now, I'm not saying it's a failure. I'm saying for one person it could be quick to find someone, whereas for another it could take almost a life time to find true love. At the end of the day, if they both find love, then that's all that should matter. 

I'm not going to sit here and go through every detail, and blame everyone else for my failed relationships, because it does take two to tango. But I definitely felt many years ago, that love should be easy to find. Love shouldn't be tough to the point that you burn out from all the stress of trying to be loved by someone. You shouldn't have to beg to be loved.

As the years went by, and I've gone through all these different experiences, I had to eliminate some of my misconceptions, and one thing that really stuck out was...you can't change anyone, unless they want to change themselves. If they already have these pre-fixed beliefs on culture/gender roles, it's going to be impossible to change them. For years, I believed I could change people. But no, I'm not God. I cannot change people unless they want to change themselves for the better. 

Then there's the hope that eventually they'll change their minds. No, please don't ever hope they would change. Something as big as where to live, or if you should have children, those are HUGE decisions that you cannot HOPE for someone to change. They either want it or they don't. You cannot wait for years, hoping they would change their minds. The best part? You hoping they would change, without telling them about your hopes. You're just wasting time. That was also another hard lesson on my end, that ate away many years of my youth. 

Of course there's also the crush. Crushing on someone for say, 2 years and then hoping they would take initiative to ask you out, but they don't. You spend 2 years trying to give signs, trying to talk about your feelings to them, spending all your effort to get their attention, only for them to tell you that they prefer a certain type of girl (or guy) and then try to change you, to be one of them. That's not love. 

Then there are the ones who are just there to get your money, or try to get into your pants and then run for the hills. Then tell their family or friends that this chick (or guy) is crazy. Spread these false rumours to make them look like the bigger person, while making you feel like the smaller person. In that moment, yeah losing money really sucks. But also remember, you have an entire lifetime to make the money back. In the grand scheme of things, this one experience is a small dot on your lifeline. It's not worth the hassle, nor the mental health to try and fight to prove a point. You just have to pick yourself up and move on, and be the bigger person. 

I was also too nice, didn't really speak up and this was my biggest downfall. If I didn't speak up and just went with the flow (even if I didn't agree with it), things would get worse later on when I'm told why I didn't speak up before. This was another big lesson learned.

This all sounds horrible, but I'm sure many of you can relate to at least one of the above. If we didn't have these experiences, there wouldn't really be much purpose in life. It's all a matter of how you use your experiences to shape who you are, and who you can become (if you want). You are probably thinking that after all my negative experiences, I wouldn't want to find love anymore. I mean, you're partially right. In my previous posts from 2022/23, I pretty much gave up after that online experience and decided to focus on myself. I did not go the route of jumping into dating again or getting engaged/married to people who I barely knew (unlike a certain person or two in the past who went this route and well, can't say it went well for either of them).

I focused on my career, on my family and friends, discovered new hobbies and just did my best to focus on God, on His blessings (whether they be positive or negative experiences), and was just thankful I was still living. 

Without going into great detail, this is when 2023 changed me for the better. 

I have known the love of my life for about 6 years at this point. But during those 6 years, we never really talked. Just the normal 'good morning, how are you' type of basic conversations. Quiet but respectful of each other. Our conversations gradually picked up, from random check in messages, to full conversations.

It was during my birthday in 2023 that he bought me a gift (2 porcelain cats! yay!) with Chinese writings that was about health, and about love. It didn't really hit me at that point that maybe, he was trying to tell me something (and he actually was). But because I have a turbo 4 brain, it remained spooling for a long time. 

The birthday gift that set off our journey (2023)

Fast forward to May 2023 and this is where things really took off. We had been texting almost daily at this point, and had random phone calls here and there. Although we remained friends all these years, this time it felt like I had known him forever (yes yes, you probably heard this before too). The more we hung out, the more I realized he was what I was looking for all this time. He was in front of me all these years, yet I never saw it with my Asian eyes. This is when you cue the lyrics to Taylor Swift: "dreaming 'bout the day when you wake up and find that what you're looking for, has been here the whole time."

I didn't want my heart to be fooled again by my decisions but this time around, it felt different. In the past, I felt butterflies, all giddy and excited. This time, I didn't get butterflies or giddy. I felt....safe. Peaceful. It felt like home. I've never had this feeling with anyone (no joke). What made me feel safe? As friends, he went out of the way to make sure I was safe. He made sure to walk on the side of traffic to ensure I was safe. If he saw me freezing in a room, he'd go out of his way to get his jacket and kept me warm. If I was about to walk into a wall, he would pull me away. In the grand scheme of things, these may seem like small stuff; you don't need the grand impressions but it's all the little things that matter. To me, he made me feel safe from the very beginning. And I believe this was what I had missed out all these years. Feeling peaceful is another positive sign. Previously, it was like walking on eggshells. When you can't express your thoughts or feelings to the person who supposedly loves and cares about you without getting judged, or it becoming a precursor to another huge argument, that's a red flag. But now? It's the complete opposite - I feel much more at peace, because I can express my thoughts without feeling stupid. 

As our relationship progressed, we learned a lot about each other. We had these perceptions, but instead of tearing each other down, we would encourage and lift each other up. We also learned each others' habits (both good and bad). He became my biggest supporter. My number one fan. My confident. 

One important factor I noticed was that I could act myself in front of him - be silly and weird and not get nagged for acting such a way. Instead, my weirdness was embraced with love. Of course I wouldn't act disrespectful with him in front of guests and what not. But with him, or with our closest friends, I could still act like a goof ball and he would laugh about it, and still love me. Unlike in the past if I did act like a dork or a weirdo, I would get scolded for it and to grow up. Now THAT'S not love. It goes both ways: if a guy started acting like a weirdo, and a girl scolded him and told him to grow up, this would shut the guy down completely. There's really no coming back after that, because the safety shield took so long to finally come down, but those words are hurtful - the shield would go right back up. 

Many of our beliefs and life goals lined up well. Our choice of living also lined up well (none of the 'let's move to Milton or Niagara and I'll drive you to work in Toronto' nonsense). We actually have the same goal of city living. There's no emotional blackmailing. No guilt tripping. None of that. Instead, we worked through everything together. There is no I, but we. 

I joked that all I ever wanted was a nice, tall guy (ok, taller than me at least), who believes in God and could cook. Actually no joke, this was my basic requirement. I remember praying to God how hard is it to find someone with those traits?? Apparently it was very difficult considering it took 2 decades to find him. Not only is he way taller than me and believes in God but when I found out he could cook, I almost cried. It felt like I won the lottery. Now I don't have to starve to death. But seriously, this was what I prayed for all these years.

All relationships will have its ups and downs, and I'm not saying ours is perfect. It's all about how you handle your deck of cards. It's about mutual respect of one another. It's also about supporting one another through the good and bad. When you get that golden card, you will do whatever it takes to not lose it. 

Someone said it's just the honeymoon phase and this lovey dovey phase will pass eventually. It's been almost 3 years of honeymoon phase, and we intend to keep it that way. After a long day of work, the only voice I want to hear is his, and vice versa. I perk up when I see him or hear his voice on the phone. That's what it should be about. It's all about the mindset. One thing's for sure though, now I understand when people say 'when you know, you know." It's a feeling that's tough to describe unless you go through it yourself. You should feel at ease, and safe. I think safe is the key word, not butterflies. Butterflies are actually associated with anxiety, not love. 

To anyone who is still longing for your true love, don't give up. They are out there, and there are still good people out there with a great heart, and have much love to give. There is a Travis for every Taylor out there.

Alex Pretti

Over the weeks as I read more and more news about USA, one state kept popping up and that was Minnesota. 

From the Somali day cares, to the shooting of Renee Good and now Alex Pretti, it's no wonder USA is a complete mess right now. 

As a tax payer, I would be absolutely furious if I found out a bunch of Somali run day care centres were all funded by the government, but having no kids in any of their facilities. Where did all the money go? Nick Shirley, a Youtube content creator did his research to try and find this out. No one from any of the facilities were able to answer why they didn't have kids in these day cares. This exploded overnight and was shared thousands of times over, until Trump ordered no further funding for day cares in Minnesota. Now of course this would affect all the legit run day cares too, and they are the ones that suffer the most. But the bigger question is, where did all the money go? If it's not to maintain the day cares, where did it really go? 

If it is true that a lot of these illegal day care centres are being run by illegal immigrants, then I understand why they want a mass deportation because in Trump's eyes, the "illegal aliens" are just costing more havoc on the nation. Clear the illegals, clear the problem. 

With the ICE that is happening across the nation, and trying to find illegal immigrants to kick out of the country, ok fine, I get that. However, the way that it is currently being run, there must be a better way than asking random people at work or on the street for their citizenship. 

The latest shooting of a US citizen, Alex Pretti, is one that has now exploded all over the news. Videos online show a woman protesting against ICE, who is then knocked down by the agents. Alex, who was video recording on a device, sprung into action to help the woman up. Alex gets pepper sprayed by the ICE and then knocked down, where there seems to be a scuffle going on, and then he is shot multiple times. He was executed in front of everyone.

Alex was not just another US citizen gunned down by ICE. He was an ICU RN, working at the Minnesota hospital's veteran unit. As a nurse, he had promised to serve and advocate for those who are not able to fend or speak for themselves. 

From another viewpoint of videos, it is shown he was trying to help the woman up. During that, he asked the woman if she was ok, while holding up a video camera device, and the other hand being free and held up high for ICE to see he was not holding a weapon. He did have a hand held gun on his waist, which was legally registered to him, but it was never pulled out against the ICE. It wasn't until he got knocked over that an ICE agent saw the weapon, and felt he was in danger, so he took the gun from him, and then opened fire while Alex was still on the ground defenceless. 

To call Alex a terrorist and a threat, when he was shot in the back multiple times, that's a huge lie to all the US citizens, and those who are watching world wide. 

As a nurse, I am saddened to see one of our own be executed. He didn't just die, or pass away peacefully. No, he was murdered. Executed. By the government. All because he tried to help a woman who got knocked down by the agents.

1 in 4 nurses already experience some type of violence in the work place. And now they can't even advocate for those outside of the hospital because they might get executed for helping and protecting others who are injured. 

The American Nurses' Association has already posted on IG about his death, but that's the thing. ANA needs to call out ICE as well for their actions. That this was a murder, and this will not be condoned and will be fully investigated. Those who are responsible for his death will be brought to justice. ANA needs to stand up for the nurses, not just acknowledge his death and give 'thoughts and prayers' to his family.

Lastly, don't f*ck with nurses. Nurses are the backbone to the entire health care system. You mess with one (or execute one), now you get to deal with millions of us.

Change needs to happen, and it needs to happen now. 

Corneille 85mm Review

Greetings to another shopping review!

This is long overdue but back in spring 2023, I was browsing one of Holt Renfrew's personal shopper's IG page when I saw a lot of items for sale. I guess you can say...they were spring cleaning.

As per usual, there were lots of designer items listed for sale with limited sizes available. As I'm browsing, I really didn't think too much about finding anything. But then, HA! I saw that Christian Louboutin shoes were on sale!

I quickly browse through the entire sale catalogue and found a pair that I had tried a couple years prior: the Corneille in 85mm. And it had my size!

If you recall my review on the Pigalle, I had tried on the Corneille at that time but felt the heel stem was too thin for my liking. The Pigalle came with a thicker heel stem, which made balancing that much better. Considering I was not a heel wearer at that time, the Corneille was not a good fit for me. I had to walk in a thicker stem first before I felt confident enough to tackle something like the Corneille. 

Now that I had tried and tested the Pigalle, I figured I would be ready for the Corneille. So I bought a pair in the beige and patent leather. 

The great thing about the Corneille is the wider toe box in the front. This is good if you have wide feet. However, there is no support for the bottom of the feet; it is almost impossible to put in a cushion. So if you plan to walk or stand for long hours in these, they will still hurt. 

Just like my previous pairs, I had Mike from All in Detailings help to PPF the red bottoms from immediate wear and tear. However, I forgot to remove the sticker from the red bottoms so that got PPF'ed and still remains to this day. Oops.

Since buying the Corneille, I have worn it to a few events, such as weddings and parties. It does feel a bit more comfortable than the Pigalle, as the wider toe box does help. But due to the lack of cushion, my feet were screaming in pain after about a couple of hours of standing/walking and sitting. I survived the walk from the parking lot to the convention centre, and survived through the ceremony, and the walk to the reception hall. It was about halfway into the dinner that I had to change out to flats to give my feet a rest. I guess that's not too bad. 

The Corneille was discontinued sometime in summer 2023 so they are no longer available in boutiques but you may find some used pairs on consignment shops such as Poshmark. 

Here are some pictures I had taken prior to using them outside. These were already PPF'ed.

The Corneille in 85mm height.

Front view of the Corneille.

You can see the thin heel stem. If you are a beginner, definitely don't recommend these.

The infamous red bottoms (and the sticker that I forgot to remove prior to the PPF).

Overall, it's a great neutral heel to have in your collection. I recommend for those who aren't frequent heel experts, to not buy these as first heels but rather later on once you have mastered walking in thicker heels. The wider toe box is great and I love the diagonal cut to expose the cleavage of the toes, but I wish it had more cushion like the Miss Z. 

It also blends in well with light coloured outfits. Since I am quite light/fair skinned, the beige extenuates my legs, and that's the beauty of these light coloured heels. I definitely don't regret adding these to my personal collection!

Details:

Company: Christian Louboutin

Name: Corneille

Height: 85mm

Material: patent leather

Price: I believe I picked these up for about $500ish, they were normally selling for 800ish Canadian. 

Availability: discontinued.

Post Code Blue

You may or may not have heard of the term "code blue" in a hospital setting. If you know, you know. If you don't, I will quickly summarize and also discuss the impact it could have on those involved in a code. 

Different code colours are used to call overhead in a hospital setting, and one of them is code blue. Code blue is called when someone is in respiratory distress or experiencing a cardiac arrest (in simple terms, the heart stops). It's the most common code that gets paged overhead in hospitals. Code blue is called for any adults over the age of 18. For those under the age of 18 (or pediatrics), they would call a Code pink. Whenever I hear a Code pink get called in a delivery room, it's always sad and nerve wrecking. 

Although code blues are called quite frequently, I personally believe what doesn't get discussed is the mental and physical toll it takes on the medical staff to run the code. It's almost like it's a basic requirement of anyone going into the medical field to expect a code blue to happen at anytime, to put on your big pants and just deal with it. Once it's over, you go back to what you were doing before and just carry on with your day. 

What does a Code blue entail? 

When the code is called overhead, there's a team of dedicated doctors/intensivists, nurses, respirologists/RTs, and security (to name a few) that will come running to the area of the emergency. As an example, someone stops breathing in the operation room so a code is called. The surgeon and OR nurses are the primary care team, where they will initiate CPR and clear the path for the code team. It is crucial that the primary team record everything that is done during this time, along with a team that rotates between giving CPR to the patient as this will be important to pass on information to the code team when they arrive. 

For those who have never done CPR on a real person, it is exhausting. No matter how many plastic dummies you have to practice on during a course, the CPR on a real person takes a huge toll. If you think pressing down on a plastic dummy is tough, you will be surprised how tough it is on a real person, especially when they are of all sizes. To give good CPR, you will need to crack a few ribs. If you don't crack ribs, that means you aren't giving good enough CPR. Now, imagine doing CPR for 30-45 minutes non stop. You don't even need to go to the gym for the rest of the year. 

When a code blue happens, none of us know how long it will take to bring a person back to life. It could take a few seconds. It could take 45 minutes. Sometimes an hour if not more. Every chest compression is crucial for blood circulation. The only time we stop is to check for a pulse. If no pulse, we continue with CPR. The Code team specializes in IV insertion, intubation, pushing all the necessary medications into the patient to bring them back. CPR is just the basic, yet the most crucial. 

You cannot have one person doing CPR during this time. It takes an entire team to do it. You take turns every 2 minutes to rotate otherwise if the same person keeps doing chest compressions, not only will they exhaust themselves but the quality and depth of the compressions will not be good and this would decrease the chance of the patient getting enough circulation throughout the body, resulting in decrease chance of survival.

The chest compressions, the running around to grab supplies or document...these are all the physical toll it takes on the body. The mental toll? That's a whole different ball park. 

Some say that doctors and nurses aren't too compassionate when it comes to codes. Because after a code, we all walk away and continue doing our jobs. I wouldn't consider myself a true veteran (I mean, it's getting towards 2 decades of hospital work), but I remember almost every code I've attended and the result of each code. I remember the patients who I've worked on, and the sadness and anger when the patients don't survive a code.

I remember coding patients who were not only older than me, but also much younger than me. I remember coding adults who had young kids, kids that would never get to see their parents again after a clinic visit. I remember the sadness from families who had to witness a code happening on their loved ones. This is also why we ask families to step aside into the waiting room, because a code isn't just a code. It's chaos. It's not something we want them to see because CPR is aggressive. Some doctors allow the families to witness the code, because sometimes the families are so adamant that they want everything done for their loved ones, even if it means CPR, intubation, and ICU care but without knowing what it all entails. When they realize how aggressive CPR is, and how much it takes the code team to revive someone, they take a step back. 

You might wonder what this mental toll is all about. To put it simply, us doctors and nurses and RTs, we can spend an hour to revive someone. When the patient doesn't survive, the code team leaves, leaving the primary team to deal with the aftermath. This would include calling the family to inform them, and cleaning up the patient before family members arrive to view the body. We give our last respects before walking out of that room, and we go straight into another room, where a patient had been asking for a cup of water for the past 30 minutes, or someone who had soiled themselves in the past hour and is now crying because they're uncomfortable. We put on a half smile, apologize for the delay, and help them. 

We carry on the rest of our shift, do our documentations, and probably forget to take a break. Then we go home.

There is never any time to discuss what happened, or how we felt after the code. It's almost expected that we deal with it ourselves. 

Recently I returned to work, and of course I had to catch up on a lot of things that have happened in the past 2+ months. At the end of my shift one day, a patient coded. I could have left and never looked back, but a team is a team. I stayed even though I am physically not able to do chest compressions. But I did whatever I could otherwise to help the team and the patient. I may not have dealt with the physical toll this time, but the mental toll didn't hit me until I went home. During the code, you always need someone to delegate roles. I don't remember all details, but I just remember reporting the case to the EMT, the firefighters, the charge nurse in hospital, the educator, and lastly the family. In that moment, I could not say I was off for 2 months and had no idea what was going on, but I had to take control of the situation and gather information as the code happened. Convey the history and the situation to all involved. At the end of the code, I was able to finally go home. The moment I came home, that's when the adrenaline stopped and I could feel every muscle in my body ache, my head was pounding, and I was damn hungry.

The entire medical team...we are all humans. Patients and families have high expectations that we deliver the best care possible, and obviously we strive to give the best care possible. But we are also human. We have feelings. We deal with the pain, the sadness that each unsuccessful code entails. The only difference is we don't talk about it. And I believe this is what needs to change in our current system.

If you don't want staff to keep burning out, the hospital management and corporations should make it mandatory for staff involved in code blue situations to have follow ups with a psychologist, or at least have a post code discussion with the team to review what went well, and what could've been improved. I know it might be difficult to get a psychologist in, but the group discussion should at least be the bare minimum. Not only will this initiate discussion, but it can also improve the way care is provided for patients. 

This is also why I am here to discuss code blues, because this is also my avenue of freedom typing (but of course not going in depth with every case). For decades, I believe we are all forced to suppress our feelings and just deal with it. But I think it's just as important to talk about it with someone, whether it be a colleague involved with the case or speaking to a psychologist for severe cases. I also think it's important to give feedback and encouragement to those directly involved in the code, because sometimes all we need to hear is a "hey, you did great today. Those were some damn good compressions" or something like "that was a great call with the AED and how fast you got it here." 

To the Code Blue team, you guys are amazing and we are thankful to have you here. To the primary care team, you guys are kickass because you deal with the brunt of it all. Please don't be afraid to speak up, especially if it's affecting your mental health. 

Random Thoughts Galore

Welcome to another blog entry of random thoughts! 

I'll start off with how I'm doing post surgery. It's been 2.5 months since the back surgery. I'm slowly going back to desk work, but my nursing duty itself is still off limits. So far it's been going alright. I'm so thankful that I can sit on a chair again without having to kneel on it. Those who remembered seeing me last year at my worst were so surprised to see me sit on a chair properly for the first time in a long time. The sciatic pain is pretty much all gone. The numbness that I had experienced initially is also slowly going away. I still deal with random back aches, especially if I laid down improperly or walked for too long. I'm currently able to walk for about an hour and 15 minutes before I start feeling very achy in the back, and would have to sit down and rest before attempting to walk again. My sitting is limited to 30 minutes at a time, and I'm still encouraged to get up and take frequent breaks. I am still doing physio sessions to keep strengthening my back muscles, and I'm taking advantage of it as I was not able to do these stretches before. All in all, it was much needed and I'm super thankful that the surgery was done. 

Which brings me to the next topic. I recently received a call (finally!) from the hospital where my family doctor had sent an EMG requisition back in mid July 2025, and tells me I have an appointment coming up. Remember that one?! Yeah it took 6 months to finally book an EMG test. A TEST. It's not even a consult with a neurologist. In that same 6 months duration, a referral to the surgeon was done, consult was done, and the surgery was done in half that time. It's crazy how long people have to wait to get a test done, something as simple as an EMG. This isn't even a MRI or CT scan. Absolute bonkers this country has become...more like this province. Anyways I called the office back to tell them I didn't need the test anymore, and they could give it to someone else. 

Given all of the above, I'm also quite sad that I have to take a break from wearing high heels and boots indefinitely. I wasn't given the all clearance yet of when I could wear high heels, but after doing some research, it seems like wearing high heels would not be recommended as this could alter the spine and tilt the pelvis a bit too much, which can result in misalignment and re-herniation if I'm not careful. Obviously I will stay away from high heels this year, as internally it could take about a year to heal. In the long run, I don't know how it will look, but definitely cannot walk in high heels for long period of time anymore. I guess those days are gone. For now, I can only just admire my heels while they sit in the closet.

One thing I'm super thankful for is that the surgeon cleared me to still be able to drive sports cars. But as long as I am not getting in and out of it frequently in one day. I'm not sure what this would mean in terms of the driving season this year, but if it involves frequent stops or long drives, then I would have to take a break from that too. I guess this year is the year of healing.

I also realized that in 2025, I was off for about a total of 3 months from work, because of this bad herniation. I only worked 9 months in total (maybe less due to other vacation time off). So basically, I had a total of 4 months off in 2025. This is the closest that I'll get to having maternity leave, without a child. I definitely take it as a blessing to give time for the body to heal. 

Also, what is up with people creating so many IG accounts (and I mean it's the same car accounts or whatever)? It gets super annoying, considering they are posting pretty much the same thing. I knew of someone who would always keep creating new accounts and it got super annoying I had to block them all because I was sick and tired of seeing the same thing being posted, all because he wanted likes. Wanted to be famous. Attention seeking whore. 

Speaking of whore, now it brings me to the topic of dressing up. In this day and age, women have come a long way of equal rights blah blah the usual. Some might find this topic sensitive, but this is why I just air out what is in my head. When it comes to clothing and dressing in public, there's a good amount of ladies who have the opinion of "it's my body, so I can wear whatever I want in public" and then wear skin tight clothes or dresses, exposing their cleavages or belly buttons. If you're single, the more power to you! But what happens if you're in a relationship? 

In my opinion, I believe there still needs to be some respect, not just self respect but also respect towards your partner. Why must you wear a tight dress with boobs hanging out when having dinner with your partner in public? Or shopping with your partner? Is it a self confidence boost? Or is it to show other men (or women) that you're the bomb? You already have a partner; why are you trying to get attention to yourself from other men? 

I guess it's different if you both have an agreement that, yeah you can wear skin tight revealing clothing with me because I don't mind. You got the confidence, go for it. But I could never do it, especially now that I have a partner. Personally I don't want the extra attention from other guys when out at the mall or at a nice restaurant. I believe that the attention should only be towards my partner, and no one else. 

Olivia Chow? Needs to go. This woman has ruined Toronto even more than before. 

Housing prices? Need to come down. 

Life is pretty much a gamble. Buying groceries, toys, clothes, houses, cars...it's all a gamble like the stock market. One day it's listed at whatever price, but the next time it's another price. If you're lucky, you would've gotten it at a cheaper price which is a huge win. It's kind of scary and sad that we live in a world of gamble.

House centipedes. I know they're good to have in the house, to help kill other insects and spider eggs. But damn, they are scary. One time I was in the bathroom in the middle of the night. You know how it is..vision is crap, you're still disoriented from waking up, fun times. I just remember having to use the bathroom at 5am, turned on the lights, went and sat down to do my business. For some reason, I decided to look up towards the ceiling and what do I see? A house centipede. Just chilling there as I do my business. I hate anything with more than 4 legs, so I did my business rather quickly and watched it crawl from one side of the ceiling to the other side. It was now just above the door. Thankfully I had it closed so it wouldn't be crawling away. But I swear, I blinked once and it was gone. Like what?! There's just no way. I kept looking around the bathroom and somehow it had made it's way from the ceiling above the door, to the floor of the toilet, which was about 2 feet away from me. HOW?!!? My instinct was to try and step on it. But due to the angle, I missed. I then had to find it again, which was behind the toilet this time, and try again. I managed to get some legs, but I mean this thing has A LOT of legs. So losing 6 legs was nothing. Finally it decided to chill on the wall behind the toilet. I made my best Bruce Lee pose with my leg, and then slammed it with my slipper. This time it was truly dead.

Toronto drivers...oh man, it has gotten worse. I've never seen so many horrible driving. Post surgery I was not allowed to drive for a while which I was so thankful. But during that time, I was still very nervous about returning back to driving, given my limited amount of twisting I'm allowed to do with my body. It's better now but I still drive with caution. However, it's the other drivers that I'm scared of now. Any car accident that I encounter will be very bad for recovery. The last thing I want is another re-herniation or a new herniation, which will further damage my back. Thankfully the work commute is not too far. And on non work days, hubby is my main driver so I get to be the passenger princess. The rest of the time if I'm left to drive on my own, that's when it's nerve wrecking. I just cannot take any risks at this time.

iPhone 17. Yeah it's time for an upgrade. I'm still on the old XR which is slowly dying on me, but it's still loyal and does what it needs to do. I just cannot bring myself to upgrade because of weird reasons. 1) I cannot use my old iPhone wired earphones as the charging port is different and I hate using bluetooth headphones, 2) I'd have to buy a longer charging cable because the one Apple supplies is too short, 3) I'm always afraid of losing pictures during transfer from the old phone to the new one. Yeah, really weird reasons but it's the comfort of having the old ways. I will still stay with Apple, only because they're the only company that hasn't actually died on me when using the phones. I remember the years when I bought Sony Ericsson phones (what I loved about them was I could always insert a memory card if I wanted bigger storage), Samsung and then a Motorola smart phone. Samsung died on me within 6 months. Motorola was just slow as heck. Everything lagged, and it was a new phone too! I just never got used to the android interface but Apple has never failed me to the point that it died or stopped working. Eventually I'll get onto the new iPhone....eventually.

Alright, it's time to do some physio then hit the bed. Good night world!