Lately because of what's been happening, life became a blur. Work was just work. School course was just meh. Eating became a chore, not a necessity. Sleep became non-existent. Tears became a habit. Going outside for walks became a scare. It all became stress.
And then of course I got sick.
At first I thought maybe it's the flu. But I know my body's response more than the doctors. Although it is flu season, I knew this wasn't the flu. It was sickness induced by stress. Weird thing is, it always happens around December to January. I always get stressed around this time for some reason. And of course I always get really bad colds around this time too. I remember one year when I was sick for the last half of December, sick during the transition to the new year, recovered for about a week, and then got sick again until mid March. That was probably the longest duration of being sick with a cold/lung infection/ear infection/vertigo. It didn't help that I was straight night shifts too.
So word of advice: stress sucks. And night shifts don't help your recovery either.
At least I achieved something I haven't achieved in years. I managed to finish all my course work in about 6 hours. After I had enrolled in an online course to complete my certification, M passed away a few days later. It was really difficult to focus on readings and school work (and is still difficult now), but I knew this had to be done. M saw all the hard work I had put in my courses over the years. I'm pretty sure he wants me to finish and complete this certification, even if he isn't physically here to celebrate with me when I complete it.
So for weeks I didn't touch my course work. Until last night when a major assignment was due. I said...crap. I have a lot of catching up to do. And away I went to read articles, decipher them, discuss them with classmates online, submitting discussions and all my assignments (totally screwing one up in the process. Had to rewrite everything again using different references). By 11pm, it was all done. I looked at everything and said...no way. I'm done?! It was time to eat dinner.
When your body and your brain is so focused on finishing a bunch of things, it just goes into adrenaline mode. You can't feel hunger. So I was surprised how hungry I was after working away for most of the day without eating. Haven't done that in a long time.
It would be nice to take walks around the neighbourhood or around a mall just to cool off the brain, but you know, these days it's so hard to predict what would happen. With this whole ISIS that's going on, or just random attacks from some random stranger, it's almost like you can't even step out of your place without being attacked by someone. Going to malls is now a scary thing. After the discovery of a crashed Mercedes C-Class a week ago around Yorkdale Mall, and police finding sniper equipments, along with ammunition, it's a scary thing. And then a random stabbing at STC. Then another random stabbing in the underground PATH by a 40 year old TD bank financial advisor...mind you, she is very educated. You would not think that it's possible, but it is. A smart, well educated woman, who looks very professional and pretty, and is now wanted for attempted murder.
With Christmas coming near, and shopping malls becoming more packed, it becomes a scary situation. If someone really wanted to harm people, and I mean a lot of people, a mall would be a target. I don't want to sound too pessimistic or scare people, but that's what puts me off on going to malls now. Even driving around the city, you never know who will be driving beside you. It's almost like you have to arm your own car with bazookas and aim at the bad guys.
It sucks. I really love malls. I like window shopping; walking around the mall is calming for me. And now it's like you have to watch your back because you never know what is lurking behind you (aside from a secret admirer or stalker or something).
Speaking of which, there's that TV show called Stalker. Watched the first season and it FREAKED ME OUT! The worst is I would always watch the show at night by myself in the dark. So it didn't help the situation either. Eventually I get creeped out if I turned off the screen light and turn around to sleep, and BOOM! There is a creepy man looking at me. So far it hasn't happened yet, so maybe it's just my imagination.
So back to malls and shopping. I had set my eyes on this nice WOC, but had to put that to a halt because of the mourning period. It just doesn't seem right at all to go out and shop after a death. So I don't know. Maybe when some time has passed, I'll aim for that goal again. But for now, it just doesn't seem right to just go out and shop to forget about things or distract myself.
I read in the news about how the Toronto police had arrested people for allegedly working an auto theft ring, which ships cars out to Nigeria for transporting illegal weapons and drugs. The cars were high end SUVs and CUVs which were all brand new. They were all stolen from driveways less than a month of ownership from unsuspecting owners. There was someone who had worked for Service Ontario, who had access to all the new registered cars, all the VINs and then the addresses of these owners. He would pass the information to a key maker, who encoded those vehicle specific VINs to make the keys (I wish I knew more about how that was possible but I'm not techie), and then pass those keys to the suspects, which then would wait until owners were asleep, before accessing the cars. There would be no indication of the cars being broken into, since they had a copied key. The cars would then be shipped to Nigeria, sold for half their value, and then used for illegal purposes.
Man, I still like CUVs. But it really puts me off from buying one in the future, because of the high risk of it being stolen. It's also another reason why I tell friends and family to buy coupes or convertibles. Because you can't fit anything in there. You can transport a dead body, but you can't transport an entire army of dead bodies. Plus you can't fit a bazooka, because it's probably bigger than a coupe. HA!
One year I bought a box of diapers for a family member. This is a standard sized diaper box. I could not fit it in the coupe's trunk. I had to put it in the passenger seat. So if I can't fit a box of diapers in my trunk, how will people fit a bunch of weapons and ammunitions in there?! See my point? Buy a coupe. It's so useless it's awesome. It will become a problem if I ever have a kid because the poor kid will not have any diapers to use.
So a few weeks back, I was driving in the evening on the lovely 401 when about halfway through my journey, I noticed a very distinct headlight in my rearview mirror. It was the new 2015 R8 V10 coupe in black with red accents. I've seen pictures of it but never saw it in person until that night. I thought it would go around to pass me and drive fast off into the distance but it stayed behind me for a good 20 minutes. When I changed lanes, he changed lanes. When I got back into the right lane, he followed. It was kind of cool to see. I was doing the limit and so was he (or she). It wasn't until we got to the highway splitting part that the R8 changed lanes to pass me to get to the on ramp. It was so cool to admire. Then some jackass in a white TL (I think, my memory becomes fuzzy after seeing the R8) decides to change lanes and tailgate the R8. The R8 never really budged. Just continued to drive normally. What do you expect dude? Race against the R8? Ain't happening.
I can respect those super car owners who drive normally in traffic and not drive like the world is going to end. Because to drivers like myself, it's cool to cruise beside or in front of those super cars. It's a beautiful machine to observe. It's just...so cool. Of course I concentrate on not crashing either. But I'm not one of those to whip out my camera to take pictures of every super car that passes by. For me, seeing and driving beside one is already pretty surreal. When you're fumbling with your camera and trying to focus on the car and get a pretty picture, you take away that real life experience of seeing it with your own eyes. And nothing beats that real life experience.
Speaking of super cars, I put on my wish list for secret santa for a Lamborghini Huracan. A real one. I feel sorry for whoever got my name. But just for jokes, everyone who is involved in the wish list ended up putting random things (along with their real wishes...you can totally tell which is real and which is fake). So for mine, I put a Huracan. I would be really surprised if I saw it on my driveway, but that's just wishful thinking.
I had my first experience with Kijiji the other day and it was bleh. I can understand now why people say it's sketchy because it can be. Lots of low ballers both online and in person too. I had to deal with a Jewish man, who was trying to pass off my item to his wife as "brand new" when it was slightly used. Kind of cheap and sneaky if you ask me (no offence). So unless I am really desperate to sell stuff online to random people, I will try to avoid at all costs. Just not a very good experience.
Anyways that's all I can think of right now. Waiting for M's ashes to come home is taking forever. Hence why it's been stressful lately too.
Cheers to everyone. Stay safe this coming Christmas. God bless everyone.
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