Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence. Something we hear about but may not necessarily experience, yet it happens right under our noses. In developing countries. In rich countries. Within friends. Within your own families and relatives. It's everywhere.

This has become a pandemic issue. Not just an epidemic issue, but a pandemic one. 

The latest one to hit the news is an incident involving two married doctors in Toronto. Dr. Mohammed Shamji, a well-educated neurosurgeon specializing in spinal surgery at Toronto Western Hospital has been charged with first degree murder of his wife, Dr. Elana Fric-Shamji, a family physician and researcher in women's health. 

Dr Mohammed Shamji charged

There are no details at this moment as to what exactly happened. Police have sealed off the family home, to gather any evidence that may be used to prove if Dr. Shamji did indeed kill his wife. The couple have 3 kids, ranging from toddler to about 10 (if I recall), who are with Dr. Fric-Shamji's family.

There are many reasons why domestic violence can happen. And it can happen to anyone of us. It's a matter of paying attention to the signs of domestic violence. 

In this case, it happened to one of the most prestigious families that you can find. Two well-known doctors, very well educated, loved by their colleagues and patients, and work their hardest in the research field to better the healthcare for the future. They both were aiming to make a positive impact for the world. They were both involved with the OMA, attending many seminars together, and also active on social media. 

They have great salaries, a great home, happy kids. Yet, this happened.

Now mom is dead, dad is in jail awaiting trial, and 3 kids are left without parents. How sad can this world get? It's heartbreaking. The children will never get to know their parents, and their parents will never get to see them reach their milestones in life. All this because of one person's actions. One person's action leads to generations of hurt.

We can go on and list reasons why he did what he did. Until the evidence starts pouring in, we can only speculate. 

But things don't look too good for Dr. Shamji. Dr. Fric-Shamji did not show up to work on Thursday or Friday of last week (and didn't call in sick). Her mother had not heard from her since Wednesday. Knowing her daughter would not do such a thing, she reported her daughter missing. The husband didn't report his wife missing.

That's the first red flag that I see in this case. As a spouse, if you care enough about them and know their routine (and noticed this wasn't their normal behaviour or routine of them disappearing for some time), you would report them missing. Not wait or not call at all. That raises the flag.

The second one was when Dr. Fric-Shamji's body was found and identified Friday afternoon. Friday night, the police found and arrested Dr. Shamji at a coffee shop. He was with his lawyer and his brother. 

That's red flag number two. 

Who meets up with their lawyer when their spouse disappears? It could be coincidence that maybe he was just talking about other issues like malpractice lawsuits, divorce attorney or some financial issue, but the timing is just not right (or perhaps he was creating an alibi). At that point, I would rather be in full search mode for my spouse, not meeting up with a lawyer. Unless I was trying to cover something up.

It was also noted that a week before Dr. Fric-Shamji was murdered, she had filed for divorce and was telling a few colleagues that she was ready to start a new life with her kids. A week later, she was dead.

Maybe I read or watch too many crime shows (I don't mean fake shows, but real life situations), and there is always a common theme. Or a mixture of themes. Either way, it's very clear there is always a common theme.

1) Money. Money seems to be the NUMBER ONE theme. When one spouse is money hungry, it can get pretty dangerous. A lot of times, it happens via divorce. When two parties go into disagreements and are at wit's end with each other, it's hard to sit down and settle. Might as well kill one off so they can't get their 50% share of money. Now, this is just speculation, but considering Dr. Shamji is one of the top neurosurgeon's in this program, he is well-off in salary. Since he knew his wife was filing for divorce, he knew he would lose half of his earnings, unless they can agree to take whatever share and leave it be. But if he was the type to not agree and would fight until the end to keep all his earnings, then there is a motive. 

2) Culture. In some cultures, divorce is a sin and is considered blasphemy in the family name. It is frowned upon, and people are shunned from the rest of the family for getting a divorce. To prevent getting shunned, couples stick it out and deal with it even though they aren't happy. But for the sake of the family and their parents, they decide to bite their lip. We don't know too much about their culture in this case, but there is a possibility that divorce is an embarrassment to the family name. Dr. Shamji may feel that he would bring shame to the family name, and rather to deal with it, he ended up murdering his wife. Perhaps even lying to the rest of the family to say she abandoned him and the kids. It wouldn't bring shame to him, but it would bring shame to her. Selfish motive.

3) Mental Issues. There are cases that we see where people declare insanity when they accidentally kill someone at the spur of the moment. They weren't thinking properly. Or for that moment, they blanked out. The devil got to them, they heard voices, and then they acted on the voices. As time passes, they hit back to reality and realized what they did, but they don't remember the moment it actually happened. Hence, they are declared mentally unfit to stand trial and undergo a psychiatric assessment. Do we know that Dr. Shamji was having mental issues? We don't know. We can't rule it out completely, but there's always that possibility. But considering he is an assistant professor of surgery at the University of Toronto, and a neurosurgeon specialist, he shouldn't be practicing then if he had mental issues. That would lead to huge malpractice lawsuits. Plus, anyone who uses the "mentally unfit to stand trial" reason as an excuse to prolong the trial when they know their client is mentally fit is the lowest of the lowest scums of the earth. 

4) Violence. It has been reported that in the past, the Shamji household has had a few calls to the police for domestic violence. Charges were dropped against Dr. Shamji. This should be a red flag from the very beginning. Any history of domestic violence calls to the police, and having police show up to the house and goes on record, is a red flag. There is always the potential for things to escalate to the point that someone will get hurt, and unfortunately killed. 

5) Temper. When someone's temper flares up and they don't know how to deal with a situation (i.e divorce, a slap in the face for them), they act out. And they may act out based on prior situations when they were angry at their spouse for something completely different. But now, this is the last straw. This is the chance to fight back. And so they do, except it would end in violence.

6) They were both active on social media, posting about their seminars, outdoor activities and the joys their kids bring them. That's the power of social media. We see and believe that what we see is actually happening. They seem like a happy family. Very out-going and happy with each other. But who knows what happens behind closed doors. It's almost like a shield or a distraction to what really goes on in their lives. Sweeping things under the rug and pretending that it didn't happen will cause long-term negative effects.

The death of Dr. Fric-Shamji has hit the medical family hard. It comes as a shock. The arrest of Dr. Shamji has also been a shock to his coworkers and friends. The trial may not take place for a while until all the evidence has been gathered. But I really do pray for the family and kids. The ones who will be suffering the most are these young kids who will not understand what happened until they grow up and learn about the past. It will hurt them, it will shock them, and it may destroy them. We have to stay strong for them, and let them know we are behind them, that they are not alone.