What in the world...?

Recently I had this weird situation happen to me.

You've seen/read comics and articles or stories about how people cheat on one another, or that getaway of cheating/breaking trust. Mine isn't like that, but it's one of those precursors that has happened to other people, which led them down a very dark path.

I was walking across the parking lot at work, in a rush to head to a meeting at another sister site, when I saw this car following me. Figured oh, perhaps they are following me to the car so they can take my spot. No problemo.

Then of course, the freaking driver door opens and I recognize (sort of) the person. I couldn't remember his name but I have seen him around at work on various floors. Never really had any conversations with him, except for those courtesy hello and how are you type of things. Otherwise it's not like an in depth conversation about hobbies or when the next menstrual cycle is.

After he swung the door open, while still trying to steer his car, he's all like "Hey! Haven't seen you for a while! How are you!" type of attitude. Of course I was in a rush to get out so I didn't think much of it; said my spot's there, you can take it.

Then of course the next thing he says sort of stuns me. "Hey you know, we should go out for drinks." Errrr. No. I don't know you.

And it's weird, but his reply was "Oh no not like that, but we should still go for drinks and hang out." Then he gives me his business card and tells me to keep in touch.

Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen. That is a precursor to worse things to come, if you act on it.

I ended up throwing the card out because not only am I not interested, but I'm already seeing someone. And if I want to keep that trust going, I won't be meeting up with random strangers to "get to know them". Thankfully I have not seen him at work, and if I do, I will be sure to hide behind walls. There really is no reason for me to sit down and have a longass explanation about why I refuse to go out with him.

If guys/girls cannot accept a no from someone they tried to "hang out" or ask out, then they really need to just look elsewhere. Chasing someone who is already taken will just dig your grave even further.

I don't see anything wrong with hanging out in a group setting, but if it's a random one to one, with one person showing way more interest in someone who is already taken, there is no point meeting up with that person one to one, or a group. The last thing I would want to send out is the wrong message.

Why am I saying it's a precursor to something worse? Because it is. Once you open that door of opportunity to letting this random person into your life, whether it's because you feel bad for saying no or just out of curiosity, it gives that person the chance to make their move as well. Over dinner, over drinks, you get too drunk, one thing leads to another and boom. You just cheated.

But then there lies the double standard.

A guy can try to get to know a girl who has a boyfriend already. He will keep pushing her and be nice to her. Perhaps she will be nice (or feel bad for saying no to his friendship), but once he tries to cross the line and she rejects it, he will call her a b*tch, whore, a cheater, a waste of time. And who knows, perhaps he will spread false rumours about her. All because she rejected him.

Or it would be same scenario, where she allows him to cross the line even though she made it clear she's already taken. Then boom, she just cheated. If the guy was really a dick, he would leave her then tell everyone she's a cheating whore.

So either way, the girl's a whore. Us women can never win. But it goes with the guy too, if you replace the girl with a guy.

I remember a situation where I was already seeing someone (after years of not dating), and I was still trying to learn the ins and outs of it all. One of my dance buddies had asked if I wanted to check out a movie. Not thinking about it, I said sure sounds good. No harm?

As we talked more in the theatre, I noticed he was asking questions as to trying to get to know someone. And that's when I realized, ohhhh my bad. With questions regarding my upcoming plans, I had said I was going to see my boyfriend. And that's when he goes oh, you're seeing someone. That's cool!

I figured I rather just lay it all down right there and then, instead of pretending to drag things along and then worse, someone's feelings.

Anyways, after that it never happened again. Part of me always feels bad when I can't hang out with someone. But it really depends on the situation. If it's someone I don't even know, then I shouldn't feel bad for not hanging out with them. If I don't want to send the wrong message, then I better make it clear from the very beginning. I shouldn't have to write up a speech about why I don't want to hang out with a stranger.

Would I have handled it differently? No because there really isn't anything more simple and clear than "I'm not interested, I have a boyfriend" and walk away.