"Babe, hold my bag"

Happy June all!

It is scary how every time I start blogging about something, it's always a different month. Scary.

Recently I had a conversation with a coworker regarding this trend that she began to see very frequently as of late.

She first asked me my opinion about it. She observed many young Asian women (either married or not) with their boyfriends/husbands in the malls or theatre who make their men hold their handbags. And she asked why is that? She needed insight from an Asian perspective.

To be honest, I really have no idea why Asian women make their men hold their handbags (and I myself am a white washed Asian). I asked if it was because they were using the bathroom? She said no, that was fine (which I agree), but this was from the very start of getting out of the car: the girl would give her handbag to the guy and the guy would carry it the entire time.

Plus, these bags were all luxury designer handbags: Chanel, Gucci, YSL, Louis Vuitton, Hermes, Prada. You name it. My coworker makes a good point: if she spent 7k on a a handbag, she sure as hell would want to carry it and not let her husband carry it. I would too, except when nature calls.

Which brought us to what was told to her about this weird trend: in Asian culture, a woman needs to 'shape' her man to become a man, so to speak. If the man doesn't do anything, you give him something to do. In this case, he holds the bag so he has something to do. Otherwise as the relationship continues and he doesn't do little chores like that, it would give him opportunity to take advantage of a girl.

I said hmm. Interesting. Never thought of it like that. But Asian minds are weird.

We both agreed that it was pretty degrading though. Maybe it's because we're in a different culture, and we aren't used to seeing it but in Asian culture, it's probably normal for them. But I wouldn't do that to my boyfriend because he's not my butler. He's my partner in life and I would treat him with the same respect as he treats me. We would both have an understanding and agreement with respect to each other.

To use a man like that in this culture would be degrading. It's like the perspective of how women should not leave the kitchen. Wife's role is to make sandwiches for their husbands. Husband's role is to go to work and make money. Wife is to stay home and raise kids.

Maybe that was the culture and perspective many years ago. But at this time, both men and women work. Of course there is still that issue about gender roles and pay differences between men and women but that's for another time.

Going back to the previous, no the boyfriend is not a coat hanger or a handbag carrier. He's not my personal shopper where I give him all my shopping bags to hold. Of course if something's too heavy he would not let me carry it. But a handbag? Come on, it's your handbag. Carry your handbag. You bought it so you can carry it yourself, not decorate your husband with it.

I think it's also because some Asian women feel they're entitled to all the great things in life, like a butler. A boyfriend or husband is not far off from that so might as well let them carry their handbag. They're suppose to be the Queen of the relationship. People need to see how well off they are and how well they're being treated. It's almost like a power thing to have. It gives women that image that they are powerful, that they can control their partners.

While I'm all for yay women, you do your thing and make something of yourselves, I don't like the whole power struggle that men and women fight over. It's the lust of having that power, that control, it leads to bad consequences.

From my Asian perspective, I wouldn't give my handbag to my boyfriend to carry if we are out shopping or at dinner or at a movie theatre. I bought it because I like it, and because I want to wear it. I don't buy it to decorate anyone else except myself. If I had to use the bathroom and I didn't need anything from my bag, then I would ask him if he could hold my bag. There are times that he might see me tired, and asks if I would like him to carry my bag, but that's very rare. I'm usually all excited to wear my handbags, even if I look like a zombie.

That's the other thing: maybe when we saw that brief moment, the girl asked the guy to carry the handbag because she got tired. That could happen too. We can't assume that the guy is carrying the handbag because the girl told him to, or because he's a slave to her. We can't jump to final conclusions based on what we see for those brief 10 seconds. If you follow them for the entire day, maybe you can make the final conclusions but that's if they don't call the cops on you for stalking them.

So next time you are out shopping, don't be too surprised if you see this cultural trend.