Sugar Daddy - My View

I was browsing the Toronto Star's website when I stumbled upon an article titled "Sugar daddy dating: Toronto men bid on first dates online".

Here is the link: Sugar Daddy Dating

Upon reading it, I felt quite disgusted. Disgusted because the founder of Seeking Arrangements, Brandon Wade, has now come up with different ways of "sugar daddying".

What is a sugar daddy? It's when wealthy guys (most of them are above 50) who are married (or not) who seek companionship and pay girls for their company. It can range from dinner dates to trips to having monthly allowances. It sounds pretty awesome right? Well, most of the time, an exchange for sex is also required.

Sugar babies are those who look for sugar daddies to get monthly allowances to pay off their loans and what not, and to "seek companionship". In other words, gold diggers.

People have correlated this sugar exchange as prostitution. I guess to a certain degree, yes. I agree it's no different than prostitution because a girl seeks a guy, keeps him company, probably has sex with them, and then the girls get paid for their company. Those who are involved in this dating game don't think it is, because it's more than just sex. It's like going on a date with someone and paying for their meals, or buying them gifts. Well yeah, you do that initially because you want to get to know the person, and see if you want to have them as a life partner. But to have 5 sugar babies at once, or 5 sugar daddies, that isn't a real relationship. That's prostitution.

WIth the high housing prices in the city, along with ridiculous tax hikes and just overall in general prices going up (and the terrible Canadian dollar), this becomes a main drive into why young girls start looking for sugar daddies to pay off their tuition and bills. They believe it's the easy way out, and if it's easy, then why not? A lot of us like to take the easy way out. It's what I call the lazy way. If you think taking the easy way out will be good for your future, you may want to think again. Once you take the lazy way, you never want to take the hard way out. And that will reflect on your future job prospectives and the way you perform at jobs as well.

According to the Global News and what they have reported, University of Toronto is the number one university in Canada to have the most sugar babies sign up for the year of 2015. Here is the link:

Congrats U of T for being number 1 in prostituting!

With the rise in tuition, it is not a surprise these students are signing up to seek sugar daddies in Toronto. Everything is money driven. And everyone wants to have the easy way out.

Let me tell you something. I didn't graduate long ago. I never had a sugar daddy. I paid for my tuition. I got off my butt to look for jobs and worked 2 jobs in the summer, and worked casually during the school months, in order to pay for my bills and just generally save. I worked a lot of night shifts because I knew the premium pay was there. I found jobs related to my field of study because I was in it for the work experience. The money came second, which I was fortunate that it had pretty good pay for a student. I didn't have a car at that time, so expenses were much lower. I took transit because it was the "easiest" way.

I still managed to graduate, with no loans, and no sugar daddies.

If you ask Generation X and part of Y (the early years), a lot of graduates worked hard to get to where they are today. No sugar daddies were needed. A lot of them knew what hard work meant, and a lot of them had to juggle 2 jobs or more, to make ends meet. Having a sugar daddy was unheard of.

Suddenly now in this generation, sugar daddies and babies are everywhere. Money is the number one drive. Who cares about hurt feelings? As long as you get your bills paid. Right?

Which brings me to another issue of this generation. I don't know how many times I've heard from friends, and people who I don't like, about how difficult it is to find the right person in this day and age. The "one".

Guys complain that the girls they meet are gold diggers, not independent enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough. They complain these girls are too casual, dress like a skank, or just not smart enough. They don't feel appreciated.

Girls complain that guys just want to get in their pants. They analyze the guy's job, how much money they make, are they good looking, how do they dress, how do they talk, or treat them or their friends, prefer tall versus short, do they buy gifts spontaneously or not. They don't feel appreciated.

I could go on and on. Now not all guys or girls will think like that, but there is a good amount that will display it either right in your face, or sort of "under the carpet" (i.e they try to not say it directly but will give hints indirectly).

The most common trend I can see when both guys and girls complain about each other? They're all superficial points. The most common superficial point is money and sex. We are driven to the point that it seems like only those two points matter in this day and age. Having those sugar daddy websites will not help this population improve on themselves. In fact, it's getting worse now that these sugar daddy websites have popped up. Society is becoming way more disastrous. There is no moral right or wrong anymore, because everyone decides for themselves what's right and wrong; we have thrown away the concept of God and Scripture. We have become our own gods in deciding what's right and wrong. And this is very scary.

So many people complain about their dates gone wrong, and not finding the right person. Because we have thrown away our basics. Our morality. Our values. Girls and guys have one night stands with each other because it's "the norm" and feel if they don't, then maybe they won't have that connection. How ridiculous is that? Even if you do it for fun, do you not have any shame? Do you not value yourself?

I believe that if we throw away our worth and our value, and allow things like sugar daddies to embrace us while we have nearly hit rock bottom, it still doesn't change the fact that you were used for sex and money. Girls want money, guys want sex. And you wonder why this generation is going to garbage.

If we are to raise a generation of kids to believe that taking the easy way out is good, we are setting the next generation up for disaster. It is already a disaster, and it will only get worse. We have to keep persevering for a proper upbringing, and to bring value and worth to a person. The concept of sugar daddies is an easy way out of our daily problems. It's tempting, and that's exactly what the devil does. He tempts. Our weakness is money, and he will continue to use that against us, unless we stand up and fight against the temptation.

Which leads me to: cheating. A lot of those sugar daddies are married. Very few are single and mingling. Yet they go behind their spouse's backs to pay for young adults for companionship. What kind of example is this for the younger generation? That cheating is ok? And you wonder why the younger generation are messed up today. The older ones lead by example, and if this is what the younger generation see, they will think going behind their spouse's backs is normal and cool, as long as you do it in secret.

Divorce is now at an all time high of 50/50. We want to obviously reduce that percentage, but it's going to be hard if we have constant coverage and websites that deal with stuff like sugar daddies. And influencing the younger generation that it's ok to do it, because it pays your bills. It's the most evil type of marketing if you ask me.

A real relationship is about working together, helping each other, supporting each other through thick and thin, having set values and beliefs to pass on to the children, but most importantly, to love each other - through sickness and health, until death do us apart. It seems that the current generation do not know the basic foundation of what a relationship should really consist of. Who do we have to blame? The generation before us, for introducing such an atrocious idea to make life "easier" when in fact, it's becoming a disaster. The same generation who is responsible for raising the next generation is now responsible for creating a disastrous generation of lost souls.

Assumptions

Lately I've encountered people wondering where I have been, since they haven't seen me much at work. This varies between coworkers and patients. Truth is, I have been at work almost everyday. The tricky part is, I'm everywhere in the program...like Casper the ghost.

Some people can get offended when people assume wrong about them, but I try to see it as a fun way to open the conversation, especially when I haven't seen them for some time. 

A lot of people assumed I was off for vacation the past few months. A "hey, haven't seen you for so long! Where have you been?? On vacation?!" opening conversation. In reality, I was off for a bit due to M's passing, then I got really sick from the lack of sleep from his passing. I had taken time off for personal reasons and a mini vacation, but then returned back to work. 

My answer to the vacation part is straight forward for most part: yes, but before that I was off for personal reasons. Some of them know of M's passing and how it's been affecting me, so they know the pain of what it's like to lose a loved one/furry pet. Especially when one grows up with pets. There were a few times people asked why I looked sad, and I tell them about M. That would open up a conversation about pets in general, and they would also talk about their own experiences with pets, and what it's like to lose a beloved pet. 

I remember one lovely lady who was listening into my conversation with another coworker about M's passing. This was in the beginning when it was still very fresh, and I did not know how to cope, except to talk about M. As she listened, it brought back memories of when she had a cat. We started talking about the good memories, and how smart cats are. It was a fulfilling conversation. She was really funny too, always made us laugh with her good humour. Unfortunately, she has passed on so there won't be anymore fun cat stories to share, but God bless her soul.

The other assumption that happened the other day was if I was on maternity leave. I nearly died laughing. The man meant no harm; he probably thought well, for a woman my age, I ought to be popping out babies. But in reality, that did not happen. There was no mat leave. I answered by saying I wasn't married yet. And the look on his face was O_O "My goodness, I'm so sorry! I feel so embarrassed! I didn't know!" I had to really calm him down, that it was an honest mistake haha. But he only asked because he hadn't seen me for quite some time. 

My bestie and I work in the same program, and we look very different. Yet for some reason, people still get us mixed up. I am probably double her height, so that would be a dead giveaway. The bestie is getting married this year and a lot of people are aware. The other day, I was working with someone who I haven't seen in a while. She asked "so you're the one getting married". I gave her this funny look and replied "I am?! Not that I'm aware!" She asked if I was getting married to C and I said ohhhh right, I'm B but you're thinking of A! She felt quite bad about getting us mixed up, but hey I don't blame her. There are too many staff members to remember!

I remember going to the dealership to get a battery exchanged, and that thing is damn heavy. Totally didn't realize how heavy it was, and considering my back is not that strong, I couldn't lift it. I had asked the service guy if he could bring the new one to the trunk, and he had no problem with that. At this point, I was wearing the Chanel WOC under my winter jacket and the flap was opened. It didn't occur to me that with my jacket over the open WOC, it made my belly look big. The service man was nice enough to bring out the battery into my car, and then he asked "Are you expecting soon?" I gave him a puzzled look and said no.....

I think he felt really embarrassed. It's almost like asking a bigger lady if they're pregnant when they're not. They're just...big. In this case, it was my bag causing that pregnant look. It took me a few minutes to realize why he thought that, when I looked down at myself and said...DAMN YOU WOC!!! DAMN YOU CHANEL! YOU DECEIVING LITTLE BAG!

So what's the point of this? Don't take things too personally when people assume wrong things about you. Even if you are getting the same questions asked over and over, that's when you start thinking of creative ways to open the conversation. You never know, maybe that person is having a rough day. The last thing you want to do is to yell at them for assuming the wrong thing about you. And you know what? Laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. 

Purse Adventures

As I was reading The Purse Forum's handbag thread, I came upon various experiences by women (mostly women) who encounter snarky remarks from strangers when they are out and about with their handbags. It was both good and bad remarks.

There was also a Youtube video posted by someone (I believe it got removed already) which showed two girls, one who was wearing a designer handbag. They had a small/micro camera hooked onto them and were basically going around town, yelling at all the ladies who were wearing bags (whether they were expensive or not), and saying things like "you'll never be me because you'll never own a bag like mine" or something to that degree. To summarize, it was a video about putting people down based on what they can/can't afford.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know there are far more serious issues out there in the world today that need to be recognized. But realize this is a blog, not a news reporting agency. I write based on what hits my head first, and sometimes there are so many things going on, it's hard to gather it all up and write something neat. This doesn't mean that purses are always on my mind though. But at this point, I definitely needed some sort of distraction.

Anyways, going back to what I was saying before.

The forum members got really annoyed at what they saw, because in today's society, flaunting one's wealth can be seen to others as a "show off" type of thing. And one reason why the non wealthy have a hard time dealing with the wealthy is because of that intimidation. The way I see it: we are all humans. It doesn't matter if one was given more than the other, but you're still human. One day you may have all this wealth, but the next day you could go bankrupt. Then what do you do?

The video may have gave a false ideology that all wealthy people are like that. They put others down, they bad mouth those who can't afford expensive handbags, they are all entitled brats etc. It's just a generalization, because in reality you have all types of people and all types of background, wealthy or not, who work hard to get their handbags. This doesn't mean they are wealthy. It just means they managed to handle their finances properly in order to be able to afford one.

I'm a regular working class citizen who pays my taxes. I work hard for what I have, and help others as well. To those who meet me off the streets, they won't know that. If I wore one of my designer handbags, they will just think I'm an entitled brat whose rich parents or boyfriend/husband bought for me. They can think whatever they want, but as long as I know what path I chose to get to where I am today, that's all that matters.

It's also about the attitude. If I gave a snobby attitude back, then of course they will have that image that all designer handbag owners are snobby. One of the things I read was about how random strangers will approach these ladies and ask about their handbags. Not that there is nothing wrong in asking about a product, but they will go into questions like how much did the bag cost, is it real, what kind of job do you have in order to afford it etc.

These are all legit questions. But that's just like me approaching a man or woman who drives a Lamborghini or Ferrari, asking them how much their car costs and what do they do for a living. You can easily search the price of those cars online, so it's not like the prices are hidden from the public. For someone to ask a stranger that, in front of public, it is intimidating. So I don't blame those owners for not answering, or for turning their backs because it is a personal question. If you already know the price range of those exotics, why would you go up to the owner and ask them? To me, that's just stupid.

Going back to the handbag price questions, same thing. The prices are readily available online on the company websites. It's not like it's hidden from the world (ok, minus Chanel but even when searching used handbags from consignment shops, that already gives you an idea of what it costs). So if ladies already know about the brand and about how expensive they can get, why would get go up to a stranger and ask them? You're pretty much just rubbing it in their face.

Another one was how random strangers approach the ladies and ask if they could touch their bags. Again, it's up to the owner to decide if they want to let their bags get touched or not. It's almost like how someone approaches a stranger and asks if they could pet their dog or cat. It's all about the attitude whether you really want people to touch your possessions or not.

How do I deal with stranger questions? I personally haven't had any strangers come up to me to ask me about my bag, whether it's intimidating for them or I don't know what else was going through their minds. I did have a couple of friends ask about the Chanel and how much it cost, but of course it was asked in front of a group of people. Now that can get a bit awkward. However, I answered by saying "cost enough for me" and that was that. But when we were more in a private setting, that's when I brought it up again and answered her question. It's a bit more challenging with strangers in a public setting because it's not like you can pull them aside to a quiet area and answer their question. People find ways to answer those questions in creative ways. I can only think of "priceless".

I do have coworkers admire the blue and pink Prada bags. The blue one always gets asked at work, and if I could bring it next time, so I say sure. They touch it, and I let them of course. Because I know how hard working they are, and most are busy with kids and raising them. If this is what makes them temporarily happy, then I'll do it. The pink Prada had a bit of a photo session while I was gone for my conference. Quite a few of them took pictures carrying it and posing with it, for memories and to also show their families. It was really fun and cute to see them do that and have so much fun doing it. And that's what brings me the happiness; when I see other people being happy and having fun.

In the end, it's all about the attitude. Handbag owners will get the same questions asked as those who own supercars. It's a matter of approach and response. The best ones are the creative answers, because those can spark some interesting conversations.

Cars vs. Purses vs. Heels?

Some of us have a passion to collect certain items or hobbies. It all varies from cards to figurines, from die-cast models to real cars, from purses to heels. So which are best investments? It varies, and you have to look at the market as well to see what is popular and what isn't.

I'm not a collector of high heels. In fact I hate heels. They are super uncomfortable, they are terrible for the feet, and terrible for overall posture. If you have a bad back already, heels just make it worse. However, I do have a huge collection of shoes. Mostly running shoes (haha). My tallest heel is probably no taller than 1.5 inch. That to me is already tall enough.

My mom used to tell me to be more lady-like by wearing heels more often. This of course was at a time when I participated in cross-country/long distance running and track and field. So my focus was on the best running shoes, not the tallest sexiest heels. She did her best by buying me heels, which I rarely wore (and still rarely do), so then she stopped. However, I was still forced to wear heels whenever there was a formal event or wedding. I'd love to show up to a wedding with a nice dress and comfy running shoes but that would just be terrible...or maybe not?

Christian Louboutin heels are sexy. I have to admit. I really like the black and red contrast. I would love to have a collection of those, but what's the point if they are just on display at home and never worn? The height would kill my feet and back. Their shortest heels don't look as nice as the tall ones, so there's no point buying the shorter heels just to say "Oh look I have them!" I'll gladly admire them on someone else who can rock them well, but otherwise it's just imagination for me. Plus pointy stilettos are hell to walk in. I'm pretty sure I'd trip and fall on my face.

I have seen women collect Louboutins and have them on display in their closets. When I mean collection, I mean they have like 50 pairs of the exact same heels. I have seen used Louboutins go for just under a grand so they still retain their value. But the most common scuff that is mentioned is that the bottom is scuffed up, because obviously it's a shoe. It's been worn so it will have scuff marks on it. And that's how the value goes down. To me, shoes/heels are just like tires. Eventually they will get worn out, so the value just goes down even further. Unless you keep them in the closet for many years and never wear them, I don't see a point collecting heels. It's like a car fanatic collecting tires in his or her's garage. Some people see it as good investments but I don't. 

Die-cast models. I started collecting them around the 2003 mark (with my first model being a BMW Z3 in 1999; received as a gift from my cousin). At that time I had no idea these pieces would be investment pieces. I liked them because they were miniature and so cool to play with. As time went on, and I learned about the various companies that make model cars, I aimed to buy the best ones. The rare models were also the one with better investments, but I had to like the models too. I didn't want to buy a rare model just for the sake of having a rare model. 

I was fortunate enough to buy a 1/12 Lamborghini Murcielago 40th anniversary edition in the summer of 2008. I remember working a lot of night shifts as a student and saved up to get one. A lot of hobby stores were selling it for $600-700 plus tax. At that time the 40th anniversary edition was still available, but it had to be pre-ordered. I ended up paying $550 cash (as I bargained with the manager; my friend and I bought from his store back in the day) for it, and it took about 1.5 weeks before it finally arrived. It is my holy grail so to speak, and I do plan to keep it for a very long time. I know some hobbyists bought it and would keep it to resell it for the future for double the price. If you look on Ebay, a 1/12 40th anniversary model is going for $1,500+. That's because after 2008, both 1/18 and 1/12 models were sold out worldwide (2,000 and 1,000 pieces worldwide). If you were one of the ones who bought it back in the day, you are very lucky.

Not all models are going to have a high resale price. It really depends what model, and how sought after it is in the market. Something like a Nissan R34 Nismo would sell for a higher price than say...a Ferrari F430 or 360. That's not to say Ferrari is worthless, but it's more available than the Nismo. There are ones with limited worldwide pieces which are also highly sought after, but again it really depends. Is it a track car? A road car? Nascar? Formula 1? If the market is more into the road car, then the road car will be much more valuable than Nascar, because more people would want to buy that road car. For example, Nissan GTR R35 in 1/18. A road car but it is sold out (according to Autoart's website). I remember asking the store if they had anymore, and they said it had been sold out for some time.

I stopped collecting as space became an issue (and plus it's hard as heck to move all those models back and forth), but all I can say is...I definitely have way more die-cast model cars than shoes and purses combined. My cool factor just went up.

Now going to real cars. I think the person working a normal 9-5 job is going to have a more difficult time having a car collection than say...someone like Jay Leno. Unless your bank account is infinite, collecting real cars is going to be a challenge, unless you save up a lot or find other side jobs (hey, stripping counts but is not recommended. Props to the dancers though; it takes great strength and practice). Having 2 cars in a family home seems to be the average. But in a household full of gear heads, 2 is just the start. 

Now imagine this. Husband and wife are both gear heads. Both husband and wife have a daily car each (because of working in different parts of the city). And both have a summer car they can take on nice days out. So that's 4 cars. Then of course if you have a family, you'll need a car big enough for the entire family. So that makes 5. Now this is assuming the other 4 cars are coupes, so either it will be impossible to fit baby seats, or there is no backseat period. So the gear head family would have 5 cars. Both hubby and wife better be working lots of overtime in order to make it possible! 

That would be the ultimate goal for a gear head couple. Of course there are other ways to reduce the amount of cars in the family, but this is for serious gear heads. I definitely wouldn't mind having that many cars. The only problem is putting them all safely away at night. A 5 car garage? Good luck. I'm sure it can still work with a 2 car garage. Just put the 2 summer cars away. Boom done. Sounds easy on paper but insurance would be a nightmare in real life.

As most people already know, cars are depreciating items. As soon as you drive off the lot, the value already goes down by 11% and can reach 19% by the end of the first year of ownership. You can baby it as much as you can, but it still wouldn't add value to it. This alone is the main reason why owning a car is expensive. Because of depreciation. Some may think buying higher end models is better because it depreciates less, but that's not always the case. For example, I saw a nice 2014 Porsche Cayman S going used for close to $89k. Brand new starts at around $73k. The owner had added a bunch of options to the car, and in total he paid close to $128k. So yes, it was a lot of (useless) options. He had driven the car for a few months (from May to probably August or September of that same year), then decided he didn't want the car anymore. Sold it to the dealership, and dealership gave him about $78k back. And now the dealership is selling it for $89k. Adding a bunch of options does not increase the value of the car. As a base S, it's already good enough for what it is, so I would leave it be. There is no point adding a bunch of options (unless of course you have the funds for it). 

Which is why I have the mindset to always get a base model. It's basic yes, but you won't be able to sit back, relax and watch movies while you drive. You can't do manicures or pedicures while you drive. The point is to focus on driving and driving alone. If you are a gear head, you test out the limits of your car but you need to be focused to do that. If the car is already good as a base model, then that's great already! Instead of spending money to get the S or GT, you might as well get the base, put some basic bolt ons, and tune it. Boom done. And then of course save the rest or use that money towards something else. 

In the words of Meghan Trainor, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BASE, BOUT THE BASE, NO OPTIONS! 

Now onto handbags. This is probably the one that most people will see as useless and dumb. It's also common with gear heads and their wives. Hubby with cars, wife with purses. That seems to be the trend. Maybe not all, but it's a good amount I would say. The only difference is handbags will retain their value over time, as much as you don't want to believe it, but they do. Again, it really depends on which brands. Some brands will hold their value a lot better than others. It also depends on the market as well.

I have noticed a lot of women (and men) flocking to Louis Vuitton for their bags, wallets, suitcases etc over the years. I never really understood why, because a lot of their products are coated canvas. Supposedly more durable than anything, but I wouldn't really know because I don't own a handbag from LV. The price you pay for a LV coated canvas handbag is pretty similar to getting a saffiano leather Prada wallet. I think it really depends on preference as well. Would you prefer coated canvas or something leather? To me, I can get coated canvas from other contemporary brands. Heck, even they sell leather products. At this point, it's all about the brand and paying for the label.

On the used market, LVs still manage to retain their values, but I noticed not as well as before. It could be because older handbags were much more durable than the current line up, so the resale value of the older handbags are much higher than the new ones. I've noticed the newer ones sell for much less in the used market. As soon as there is a bit of discolouring or marks on it, it drops even more. From what I've heard, Gucci doesn't retain their value as well from before. Prada has been alright in the used market, although it really depends if it's a highly sought after product (eg. the double zip tote is popular). YSL, Celine, Dior, Givenchy and Fendi have been pretty good, whereas Miu Miu's resell value has tanked. The top 2 that have really retained their value are Chanel and Hermes. 

Which brings me to...is it really worth spending 6K to 20K for a handbag? Again, it's all about funds and priority. Do not drop down 8K for a handbag if you can't properly feed your family. The worst thing to see is a mother wearing an 8K bag while her kids wear clothes with holes in them, while looking under weight. I have not seen that, but I wouldn't be surprised if there are people out there like that. I just hope one day they will get their priorities straight.

If funds are not an issue, and you want to start investing in a handbag, by all means go for it. If you decide to resell it in the future, you will get most of your cash back (especially if you really took good care of your handbag). It will also depend how popular the item is, and how much in demand they are. Example: Chanel classic double flap in medium and jumbo are hot in the market right now. Resale value is excellent, and Chanel recently increased their price again on classic items (as of January 29, 2016 here in Canada). Some ladies like to customize their bags by hot stamping their initials or names onto the bag itself. Just know that if that happens, it will also affect resale value (unless someone out there has the same initials as you). Customization is where purse charms come into play. There are many places out there that sell purse charms, or you can make it yourself. Those are just temporary items you can hang off your bag to give it your own style and taste, and if you ever decide to sell the bag, you can just remove the charms. 

Some may think I'm trying to justify what I buy. To some degree, yes. That's why it's called a hobby. Eventually hobbies may die, so it's not something that will always be permanent. Interests can come and go. Having a hobby is fun though, although tiring when it comes to hunting down items, but it definitely keeps the mind busy. It's more fun when your partner can also understand and participates in the hobby. Sharing a hobby can also make the relationship way more fun and exciting!

Update

Birthday has come and gone; it was also the most difficult birthday to go through.

People have said the first birthday without a special loved one is the most difficult to deal with, and that I can relate. The realization that you're one year older but also one year rolling forward without them by your side.

The first birthday without M. When the clock struck midnight, tears came rolling down. There was no way I could control my emotions at that point. I cried for a good half hour in front of his urn, wishing that he was here with me. This is the first birthday since I was 10 that I celebrated without him. Almost 2 decades later. It's a very long time, covering the most important transitions in a young person's life. In a way, it's almost like starting all over again. "Mom, when are we getting a cat?" It's like the child in me is asking all over again.

Looking at his pictures, it brings back all the great memories we had over the years. The happiness in his eyes, the smile that he had, and the smiles he brought to all our family and friends over the years. The hardest part is the last few hours of his life when it keeps replaying in my head. It is very difficult for those flashbacks to keep playing over and over again. The flashbacks battle with the good memories and that's how all the emotions come into play.

For half the day, I was pretty sad. To sum it up: I cried. Nothing at that point could make me the same person I was a year ago on the very same day. Half the time I was at work, and my mind was focused on work. Once work was done, it was back to reality and my sadness. It got to the point where I could feel my body becoming stressed, and I got sick. I didn't get sick intentionally, but it just so happened my immune system just broke down and now I continue to fight this cold. This is the second time since his passing that I have gotten sick because I was sad and crying. 

Trying to move forward is the hardest part. I am thankful for a great supportive network; although friends want to get together to celebrate my birthday, they also understand it's a very tough time, and will accommodate accordingly to when I feel better to talk and hang out. It also brings me to another important point: do not take advantage of your family or friends or loved ones; do not take them for granted. When I look back at the last year of M's life, the only regret I had was not spending enough time with him. I was so focused on trying to uncover someone else's pathetic lying life, that I overlooked my loved ones. Once they pass, that's when you realize time is precious. It's sad, but sometimes it takes a passing to realize it. 

I have made a promise to myself, that I will focus on spending time with my loved ones from this point going forward. God gave us life and life is the greatest gift.

Which brings me to another thought.

I had been watching (yes, again) more crime shows and stumbled upon a case. The Gonzales family murder. Sef Gonzales was 20 years old when he massacred his entire family. The reason? Because he was failing his courses, he was afraid his parents would take away his car and other entitlements. He also wanted to be the sole beneficiary to the family fortune. While growing up, his parents worked hard to make sure their kids would have a good life (what parent wouldn't?). The Gonzales also wanted their kids to be successful in life (what parent wouldn't?) so they pushed them to succeed. Unfortunately for Sef, he felt he wasn't living up to his parents' standards. I also think the entitlement he received over the years shaped who he then became: a murderer. 

It reminds me of the Jennifer Pan case. She killed her mom, and injured her dad while staging an attempted robbery in the family home. All that because her parents' standards were too high for her. And also because her parents didn't like her boyfriend. Her parents met in Canada when they were both refugees. They married and had two children. Over the years they worked hard at their jobs, and saved enough to buy a two story home. They wanted the best for their children, but at the same time they wanted their children to succeed. They both established the foundations, and it was time for the children to shine. The thanks they got was a hail of bullets, leaving one dead, and one severely injured. 

Both of these culprits sound like someone I used to know: a pathological liar, being entitled to everything from his parents (hint: check back to my PSA announcement entry). Except he hasn't killed his family. Yet, or not that I know of. 

Going back to the cases, these days kids are raised with the sense of entitlement. And with technology being way more advanced than 20 to 30 years ago, there is a lot more that one can have access to, at the tip of one's fingertips. Back then, dial up internet was the only way to accessing the world wide web. In a way, it was my parents' way of controlling how much I could go on the internet. So when I was gaming and chatting online to other gamers, they would get pissed and pick up the phone to disconnect me. These days, there is no dial up, so these kids are going online without parental supervision, and chatting up strangers, or meeting them in person and being groomed. But I don't want to say "just kids" but even adults. Adults can also be groomed online and end up meeting the wrong person. 

I see parents also paying for their children's cell phone bills. Come on, they're in grade 1. Why do they need a cell phone? This is already opening the door to that sense of entitlement for the rest of their life. I didn't get a cell phone until end of high school (which I was very thankful my parents were paying the bill). It wasn't until I started my summer school jobs that I was able to take over the bill and start paying myself. When you are finally able to achieve it, you have that sense of relief. And now I pay both my bills and theirs as well, as a way to say thank you, and also so that they don't have to worry about more bills.

I believe a lot of it has to do with the friends you make, and the way the parents teach their kids the way of life. I am thankful the friends I have were not into drugs or money or anything illegal. Part of it is also judgement. Parents teach kids to not be around "bad people". Some kids become rebellious and test out the waters, not knowing it is very easy to get sucked into that bad world. It takes 10x the effort to get out of it. Just like any other Asian parents, mine were (and I guess still are) strict to some degree. Growing up, it was all about achieving well in school, in order to go to a good university, get a good job, and have a good life. 

I'm not sure if the intelligent gene skipped me but I was definitely not blessed with Straight A's. The math gene skipped me for sure, but my parents never gave up on me. They did their best to send me to tutor classes, regardless if I was doing well or not, and always told me to try my best. They don't expect me to have straight A's, nor have scholarships lined up or anything like that. As long as I tried my best, then it puts a sense of relief. With piano lessons, they found the best teacher available in the city to teach me while growing up. Those years were brutal. I knew my parents invested a lot of time and effort to make this possible, and I knew piano lessons were not cheap. My piano teacher threatened me each time a piano piece was not perfect, saying if I didn't improve by next week, then don't think about coming back again to learn. 

Some people don't believe in tough punishments when raising kids, but I believe there has to be some degree of punishment for sure. But it has to be the right mix of punishment and love. I hated the threats and punishments whenever I failed, but I knew I had to achieve it. For example, with piano I knew it took a lot of time, money, and energy. But with 10 years of lessons, I knew I wanted something out of it, not just for myself but I wanted to do it for my parents. I pushed myself and in the end, I received my piano performer's diploma from the Royal Conservatory of Music. I wanted to be the first one in the family (both immediate and extended) to achieve this goal and I did. Graduating from piano and high school at the same time was exhausting and was a huge turning point in my life, but my parents were happy for me. Then again, I couldn't have done it without them, or without God providing me with great parents.

Asian parents also don't express their happiness very well either. You don't see them throwing a big celebratory bash for their kids when they graduate school or something. Instead, it's "well if you had practiced more, you could've gotten a higher grade". I wouldn't say it's the best motivation, but this can also affect a kid's self esteem as well. Especially these days, anything you say can affect someone. Maybe it's also the media that plays a role. When we are all exposed to media and what is said, or how it's said, we think it's the norm. So when we hear "old school stuff" being said to us from our older generation, we get offended. And vice versa. 

With the Pan case, I believe a lot of second generation Asians growing up in the Western culture can relate. There comes a point where parents just don't know when their kids are all grown up, that they can stop controlling their lives (as we younger people like to put it). But as long as they are alive, kids will always be kids, even when they are 60 years old. Parents will always be parents. A great quote from my mom: "you will never know what it's like to be a parent until you become one. Then you will know. " And it's true, I will never know until then.

At the same time, kids will grow up to be adults (or so we hope...because there are still guys in their mid 30's who still act like they're 5), and eventually they will need to start making their own decisions with their life, make mistakes, and learn from them. When your kid can start making their own income, manage their life, learn from their mistakes and also show they can take care of you, that's when you know you have succeeded in raising them. Be a proud parent for achieving that. The goal will be there, but the path to getting there may not always be straight and easy. It may take one kid 6 months to get there, and for others maybe a year or 6 or 10 years. Either way, be supportive as a parent. Continue to encourage them through the thick and thin. In the end, it's not even about the goal. When they look back, they will see whether parents were there for them or not. And that's how I looked at all my goals and achievements. It wasn't the goals that I was happy for, but the fact that I have supportive parents, family and friends that were there for me during the good and some of the darkest moments of that journey.

Crime Shows

I rarely watch TV, as ridiculous as it sounds. The influence came from my grade school teacher, who didn't allow her 2 daughters to watch tv on weekdays. She told my mom during one of our parent teacher interviews, and from that point on, my mom decided to put that rule on me as well. That was about 20 years ago.

I probably watched more tv when I was at the babysitter's place than when I was at home. Growing up it was about those extracurricular activities: piano lessons, skating lessons, swimming lessons. Eventually I got used to it. I think I remember way more tv shows when I was a kid versus when I hit high school. Lamb Chops, Barney, Power Rangers, Rugrats, Reboot, Simpson's...there were probably a few others but those are the ones I can recall very quick.

That's why when friends come up to me and ask me about the latest ad they saw on tv, or about the latest shows, I look at them with a deer in the headlights look. Because I really have no idea what they're talking about.

Now with constant access to the internet at your fingertips, it is way more easier than cable tv. It's insane how technology and internet have really took off since the late 90's and early millennium. I still remember the elementary school days where I had to use dial up internet in order to go on the internet. The connection got lost immediately when someone picked up the phone. It was always a pain when I was playing Flight Simulator 98, and flying with people online. Ahhh, good times.

I was surprised how much Youtube has on their search engines. Before it was all about short clips back in 2005. Nowadays, there are movies, shows...it's crazy. Which brings me to shows on Youtube.

I've always been into crime drama or crime shows. There's just something fascinating about it. But I think what really intrigues me is the mind of a killer. How did they end up getting to that point, what was their family history like, what was their upbringing like, their childhood etc. I never thought about going into criminology or forensic analyst, but it would be an interesting field to go into, although a very stressful and emotionally draining one.

This brings me to a few shows that I have been addicted to lately: Scorned, Love Kills, The First 28 Hours, Deadly Women, Deadly Affairs, Happily Never After and Behind Mansion Walls. These shows all are inspired by real life crime, bringing them to life. The first time I saw one of those episodes, I thought they were made up stories, but when I did more research on some of the most interesting crimes, they were actual crimes.

All the crimes have people from different backgrounds, and what I mean is upbringings. But it's very similar in terms of theme. A lot of the crimes I've noticed involved a third party, or money. It doesn't matter whether they come from a very wealthy background or not. We may think the super rich family life is perfect because they can buy whatever they want, but it is far from that. Money can make a person evil, from both the inside and outside.

I wrote a post last year about money and cheating. It's pretty much a common theme. Someone may have a lot of money, to the point they don't even know what to do with it. But then there are some who do have money, who will pay for a good time, regardless if they have a spouse and kids. It's about the selfishness and wanting to make themselves happy. Or getting a high so to speak. And when you have all the money in the world to buy whatever you want, it's tempting. Then you lose control. Once you've done a crime, it's impossible to just pay your way out of it, especially when it comes to murdering a spouse or family member. At that point, it doesn't matter how much money you have in the bank account because you'll be in jail until you die.

So from what I've seen and read, spousal abuse and murders don't just happen in the lower or middle class, but it can happen to the rich as well. I find it much more deadly when it involves a super rich powerful person because they can lie their way out of things or pay for people to be quiet, because they have the resources for it. Doesn't make it right, but you can see how evil the human heart really is.

Behind Mansion Walls was pretty intriguing because it focuses on crimes relating to the super rich. Not just millionaires, but billionaires. They owned many properties, cars, yachts...things that working class people only dream of owning. Yet we see even as millionaires or billionaires, they still want more. A common theme is that one spouse is a self made millionaire, while the other spouse is a regular working class person. Maybe they got bored of each other, or a third party was involved, but when it comes to divorce, the millionaire does not want to split their income with their spouse (especially if there's no pre-nup agreement). Instead of splitting 50/50, they rather kill their spouse and keep their earnings. Through investigations, the truth is revealed. Bottom line is, it's all about money.

I can see why (I mean anyone can see why) while battling a divorce, they wouldn't want to split 50/50, especially if you are super wealthy. You made or inherited all your income. Why should you pay half of that to your spouse who is leaving you? It's yours after all. But I would rather do that than kill them and then go to jail for life for murdering them. Who wants a life in jail until they die?

Besides, I'm not a person who supports divorce. Mark 10:9-12 states:

Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” 

10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 

11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 

12And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

There is a reason why God does not allow divorce (unless the spouse commits adultery); we can see how much heartache and issues divorce can cause to many people. We can see how much money couples have to input into divorce proceedings, lawyer fees, miss work because of court dates, and it's even harder when it involves children, because now there is also child support involved, along with who gets custody of the children. It becomes even harder when it's a messy divorce. Did God intend for all this to happen? No. Because we ourselves stray our hearts away from God. We chose to "follow our hearts" and not with our minds. We shouldn't be blaming God for our problems, because we are the ones who created the problem. We are the ones who strayed away from His warnings and commandments. God wouldn't want us to go through that, so that's why He created this commandment, because He loves us and cares.

Once again, it really depends how you see money. Money can be seen as two ways: temporary materialistic thing or a bad addiction. For some people (or a lot; I don't have stats on it), money is an addiction. There's a difference between being addicted to money, and being frugal with your money. There are times I am frugal with money, but then there are times that I need to buy something on the spot (say for example, like sanitary pads or food) and I don't really think about trying to compare 10 stores to see which has the better deal. I'll just buy it because I need it now. With money addiction, it's all about getting as much money as you can, whether it's through legal or illegal means. As soon as a portion of money is gone or missing, you try to do whatever you can to get it back, legally or not. Money ends up driving your life. And that's the life that becomes dangerous.

My initial theme of the post took a turn, but in a way it was suppose to branch out a bit. I used to watch CSI, along with Law & Order: SVU, but they are only entertainment shows, not real life crime drama investigations. I find the real life crime dramas much more fascinating because it involves real crimes. They analyze the crime from different angles and really go in depth into the history of how it led to the crime. For those interested in the field of criminology, it's a good start to learning and also helps with basic assessments of a crime.

Coping Follow-Up

Time really flies.

It's been almost 2 months since M has been gone. In terms of coping with his loss, I'm not sure if it's been improving or not. People have said I've improved, but I feel like I haven't. 

I don't even know which stage of grieving I'm in to be honest. I don't think I've fully accepted the reality of it all, because part of me feels that he's still sleeping in the closet and hiding from us. But part of me is saying he's gone already, he's not here anymore.

It's been difficult trying to find new routines, in order to cope with his loss. I feel guilty for doing it since I don't want him to think I'm forgetting all about him and moving on with my life. The morning routine is the most difficult because I would be the first to wake up and feed him breakfast before I go to work. When I wake up now, there's a sense of loneliness. There is no more meowing for food, no more rubs against the leg for a pat. And it becomes really difficult making my own breakfast, without making his first. 

Mom and I used to take turns changing his water bowl in the mornings after his passing, as it was our routine for many years. It hasn't been changed for some time, but I can see the water levels becoming lower and lower as it evaporates over the days. It hurts to see, because it's a strong reminder that he isn't coming back to eat his food or drink his water. Part of me still thinks, oh he's thirsty today. Good boy, he's drinking. 

Going out shopping with the folks is one thing. We have a habit of splitting up to shop, then meeting at a certain time to go home together. And for many years, we would always meet up at 5pm or so, because we had to go home and feed M dinner. It is still very similar to this day, that we would still meet up right before dinner to go home. But there is no one to go home to. We either go out and have dinner, or go home and make dinner. There is still that routine that hasn't changed.

I haven't had many dreams about M since his passing. It's probably because most nights I never get a full night of rest and go into REM. I would get angry or stressed when I didn't dream of him, whereas my folks would dream of him, and tell me about their dreams that he is in a happy place now with other cats. It felt like he didn't care about me or forgot about me. But I knew that wasn't the case, because I was still so hurt that I couldn't fall asleep properly. 

The other night, I did have a dream about M. He wasn't there in my dream, but the theme was about him. Our family had moved out of town, and got a huge home. I think it was because we couldn't cope with his loss anymore and decided to move. I don't remember how the new home looked like from the outside, but the inside was beautifully decorated. Huge foyer that led to the kitchen. Before the kitchen, there was a nicely decorated Christmas tree, with wrapped presents under the tree. I remember the feeling of being free from the city and now in a quiet small town area. But then a sense of loss came upon me. We had this huge place, but M wasn't there. And that's when I started crying. I remember I dropped in front of the tree and just started crying.

Then I woke up.

To me, it meant quite a few things. He passed away before Christmas. 18 years ago, we took him home a few days before Christmas. We had celebrated so many Christmases together over the years. Even though in my dream we had this huge place, it didn't mean anything considering M was no longer here with us. You can have all the money in the world, but it will not bring back a family member who has passed on. So this is why I don't see money as a drive for me, because I can't bring him back with it. Money can only stay here on this planet, but you can't take it with you when you pass.

You know what they also say? That we tend to dream about stuff that has been on our minds for so long, or stressed about, that it plays out in our dreams. For me to have that dream, after months of not having dreams...it tells me it's always on my mind. 

To this day it's still very hard to deal with his loss. I haven't seen many friends since he's passed. Part of it is because I don't want to spread my grieve onto their lives. I didn't really celebrate Christmas or New Year's. I only talk about my true feelings with a couple of people. My sense of happiness is gone. I haven't done anything I used to enjoy before his passing (piano, hip hop dance, car stuff, even purse stuff). It just feels empty. I do feel a lot of guilt though: wishing I could have spent all my free time with him, debating with myself whether sending him to the hospital was the right call, debating whether I did all that I could to try and save his life...it goes on. 

The next one to overcome is my birthday. I don't have plans to celebrate it; if anything I just want it to be over and done with. It's just hard to be celebrating something without M by my side, since he was always here. Work can only go so far to distract me from reality, because at the end of the day when I come home, reality hits me. I still break down almost everyday, mostly at home and sometimes at work during break time. It is also when no one is around that I have bad break downs.

Who knew losing a furry pet could impact our entire life. Mentally I knew he was getting old and one day was going to go, just like the rest of us. But emotionally, it's very hard to accept. They say it takes time, but it's also when the mentality and emotions mend together as one, in order to finally accept the truth. 

Miss you M.

Break up, Back up

Most of us have gone through at least one break up in our lives. Some maybe not, but that's ok too. Some have amicable break ups. Some have terrible break ups, and unfortunately some people lose their lives while trying to break up. Everyone has different views on how to break up, or how to deal with a break up. There is really no "right" answer, but there are different ways you can cope with it, and ultimately the most important thing is that you move on and so does the other person.

Nowadays, there's a trend that I see (or maybe it's just me). People who break up but then try to sue each other in court for money. Or try to go after your ass over gifts that were given to you. Once again, it's all about money. 

This is what I don't get. Why waste all your resources and money trying to fight and sue...to get more money? I can understand if it's over quite a bit of money, like 10K or more. But over a few hundred bucks, I would just leave it and move on. Life is too short to be fighting over ridiculous amounts of things and in the end, you will still die and still leave all your materialistic things here on earth. 

I'll give you an example from my experience. Considering I've never dealt with anything at this level before, I will share with those who have never encountered this before, to shed some red flags from the beginning of a (bad, unhealthy) relationship.

First off, if you start off a relationship being showered with expensive gifts, that's a red flag. You can't buy someone's love. You have to have that mutual respect and connection with someone first. Someone who can understand you, make you happy, can talk to you and connect with you on many levels (emotionally, mentally, spiritually). You don't need to buy things to make a person happy. Being there for them, someone to talk to, can already make them smile.

Second, if they are telling you wishy washy things (i.e not answering your question directly, avoiding eye contact, making up a bunch of excuses), they are lying about something. When you catch them in a lie, and they deny it by making up excuses, they are lying to your face. Being honest is such a huge thing, because that's how you develop trust with someone. But when they are always lying, you can't trust them. Simple. The biggest lie that I was ever told was him having a job, when he didn't have one. Why did I not catch on? I have no idea. Probably because I was too nice and trusted that he was a grown ass man who knew what he was doing with his life, when it was the complete opposite. You'd expect a man in his 30's to know what he's doing with his life, but not this one. He still relied on mommy to clean up after himself.

So if you suspect something weird about your dating partner, trust your gut instinct. It is almost always right.

So the break up happened, you wash your hands clean. You move on. 

Or so you think.

Normal people would take their stuff back after a break up. This one didn't. It was a bunch of excuses of why he was unable to come pick up his stuff, even after giving him a week's time to pick it up. Well, too bad so sad. Doors locked. 

If your ex's items remain in your hands after a break up, and you have given them ample time to pick it up but they don't, or they never show initiative to pick it up, you have the right to do whatever you want with it. Your house, your choice. You may choose to throw it out, or sell it, or whatever else you want to do with it. 

I have friends who think I'm way too nice, because I actually took the time and MY OWN ENERGY to move all his crap and drop it off at his family's place. I didn't have to, and I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't do it, but I really did not want any of his items around. So what's yours is yours. What's mine is mine. 

You would think after all that crap, I could at least move on. But NOPE! THERE IS MORE!

If you get any emails, letters, phone calls from the ex, threatening to take you to the cops if more items were not returned, don't take any of that crap. Let's be real here. First off, the cops aren't going to do anything. This is a civil matter. Cops would not get involved if one person left their stuff willingly at another person's place and didn't have it returned, unless you stole something from your ex or their families, or if you set their house on fire or something criminal. Then that's when cops will get involved.

If your ex gave you gifts during the relationship, or even after a relationship and didn't expect anything back (like money for example), then that's considered a gift. I'll give you an example. I was given a wallet, and was told it was bought long ago and it finally arrived in the mail. That was last year. This recent letter now suddenly says it was for his mother. So let me get this straight: if you got a gift that was intended for someone else, why would you give it to Person B?? You just dug yourself your own grave if you want to try and sue Person B to get that item back. 

If they want the gift back, they cannot rely on the police to get the gifts back, even with receipts and invoices and what not. This has now become a civil matter, where it would have to be settled in small claims court. So technically, yes, you can be sued. I know, so stupid right? It better be worth it to sue then. Because not only does the other party have to pay to file a claim, but then they would have to hire a lawyer, and if they lose they will have to pay a bunch of court fees. In the end, the fees would be much more than the amount of what they're suing for. As I said, it better be worth it.

So ladies and gentlemen, if you ever receive any threatening emails or letters saying you will be arrested or charged with theft (because the ex decided the gift to you months ago is no longer a gift anymore), don't believe that bull crap. You cannot be arrested or charged over a gift. Receiving a gift and keeping it is not breaking the law. It's like saying a guy buys his girl a 20K diamond engagement ring, but they then broke up. The guy initially doesn't want the ring back, but 6 months later decided he wants it back. Well, too bad. The girl can do whatever she wants with it. She can sell it, keep it, give it to someone else, or give it back to you. If you do not act on it first thing after a break up, then that person can do whatever they want with it. Take it as a loss. The guy cannot go to police and have the girl arrested for theft because it was a gift. He can sue her for money if he chooses, but he cannot have her arrested as this is a civil matter. She did not break any laws.

It's easy to say I wish I never met that person, because they ruined my life. I see everything as "God has a reason why they were introduced into my life." It might sound crazy, but it takes time to understand it all. Sometimes I won't even recognize it until a few years down the road when I see the bigger picture. I may not understand why this sap came into my life right now, but when I see the big picture later on, I will see it and understand it.

This is why I recommend people to just move on with their lives. If you really have some important things to pick up after a break up, do it right away. Don't wait until 8 months down the road. The most normal thing is to pick up stuff soon after a break up, and just move on. Don't even look back. Suing for money is not your problem; it's theirs. Suing is a waste of time for many reasons: wastes lawyer time, waste of time waiting to get a court date, wastes YOUR time (because YOU'RE the one who has to lose a day of work), waste of money and resources, waste of brain cells fighting back and forth.

No break up is worth spending thousands of dollars. Because in the end when we all die, we can't take our money or worldly possessions with us. Why kill yourself over something stupid when you should be living your life? Be strong, live a life worthy of your calling, and don't let threats like this stop you from being who you are. 

Steps to Premier Designers

The shift from contemporary designer to premier designers products can be a huge step for a lot of girls and women. For some, it is easy. For most, it's a huge step which requires a lot of planning and work.

People can get intimidated by premier designers. I know I was one of them. I was always afraid of walking into those high end brand stores, because I felt that I didn't belong. I felt those stores would only cater to the ultra rich or elite. But you know what? There is no way they can tell. They are just regular people working a job, trying to sell products. They were not trained to scan everyone's minds to see if they are billionaires or not. If you know what you want, you walk in like a champ and go for it.

People may think premier designers are only geared for the super elites, and only for them. That's what they want us to think. It's almost like university programs. They raise the standards so they can filter out those who do not reach the minimum requirement, and keep those who have higher grades. But this doesn't mean only "smart people" can stay in the program. There are gifted students, and then there are students who work and study 10x the amount of others because they want to be in the program. That's how I see it: you want to get a premier designer item, you achieve it by working 10x as hard. Anybody can have it; it's a matter of the mentality of getting there.

Everyone has their own experiences on how they get to premier designers. Everyone will offer different advice on how to get there. My advice and opinion is just one of many. But there may be a common theme. These steps are just guidelines; not necessary to follow exactly step by step.

1) Savings
This is a general way of saying "watch how much you spend." Start from the very beginning of when you start working. For example, summer jobs as a student. Don't blow all your earnings on a purse that summer, or don't blow your first paycheque on a designer item. It's nice to feel that you're the first person within your peers to own a premier designer bag. But if that continues to occur each summer, you will regret it in the long run. Besides, impressing people can only go on for so long. Eventually, people will get tired of it, think you're a snob, and distance themselves. Why should you impress other people? It's a waste of time and effort.

So start saving early. Use whatever opportunity you have to put it aside for your future.

2) Pay your bills and budget accordingly
This is quite obvious. Do not let a premier designer bag obsession take control of your life, including your everyday living and bills. Pay your bills first: mortgage, rent, insurance, car, hydro, cable, cell phone, property taxes, groceries. Once you've done all that, whatever you have left, put it aside. It is much harder when you have a home to pay for, because all your earnings (if not most) will go to bills. When you're a student with no mortgage, pay off your student loans first (if you have any). Focus on the important bills first. Bags will always be there, so there is no rush to get them. You rush, and you will regret it.

I once knew of a dumb dumb who did not know how to budget at all. Spent all "his" money (it was actually his mom's money) on expensive designer goods to impress people and girls. It got to the point that people didn't care anymore because he wasn't an honest person. And then he couldn't pay the basic bills. So not only did he bankrupt himself, but he bankrupt his family. Don't be like this dummy. Be smart, and prioritize your life accordingly.

3) Split savings
These days, there are banks that offer various chequing, saving, emergency fund and investment accounts. It's good to have it all and split them accordingly. These will be your main accounts. Then you can have a separate "splurge" account where on a weekly, bi-weekly or monthly basis, you put aside whatever amount you feel is comfortable in that account. For example, you put aside $300 a month, or $150 bi-weekly, or $75 a week. In 7 months time, you will have $2,100 saved up. You can either decide to get the item you really want, or continue to put in more. The more, the merrier.

4) Assess your financial situation

If a bag costs $2,000, will you be able to pay it off right away, or will it take you a month to do it? The best thing to do is to always pay it off as soon as you can. Give yourself a time limit. Depending on how much an item is worth, I give myself a 2 week limit to pay it all off. But most of the time when the bill comes, I pay it off right away so I don't have to worry about it. It helps to keep a good credit score by paying things on time.

Those are the main ones when it comes to the financial part. The best time to start saving and get a head start is when you're a student. 

5) Research your item

Nowadays with the internet just a fingertip away, it is easy to research. If you are interested in an item, I would suggest doing some in-depth research online first before dropping your hard earned cash on the table. Depending on the premier designer, some companies like Chanel do not put up their prices on their website, whereas Prada, Louis Vuitton and Gucci have prices listed online. Designers such as Chanel figures if you can afford their items, then there is no need to put up the prices, because you can afford them regardless. It drives me nuts because it's such a snobbish thing to do.

When that happens, there are two options. You either call up the local boutique to inquire about a product and price (and they will give it to you right away) or you search up online to find a price. The most accurate is calling the boutique right away. That way, you have the baseline price. If you decide to go the used bag route, then it will give you an idea of what price a used item SHOULDN'T exceed. For example, when I was really interested in the Chanel WOC, I called up the local boutique to ask about price. It's less intimidating as you're not face to face with any sales associates, but because there are so many variations of WOCs, prices can vary so I would have to be detailed on the item description and serial number.

What kind of item are you interested in? Large tote? Medium shoulder bag? Small clutch? There are a variety of styles and sizes, so focus on what style and size you want. 

Depending where you live, sometimes the items are readily available, and then there are times you have to be put on a waiting list. Chanel and Hermes are known for putting people on wait lists. Chanel for their infamous double flap bags (whether it's the medium or jumbo) and wallet on chain (WOC), and Hermes for their Birkin and Kelly. Here in Canada, I've noticed products are usually available in Chanel so you don't have to be put on a wait list, unlike in the States where a lot of people wait for months to years for a product.

Once you have the price baseline, you can start researching online. One of the most helpful websites for designer handbags is The Purse Forum. It has all the contemporary and premier designers, with sub-forums and informative posts. There are prices from all over the world, pictures, you name it. The best place to do your research. 

Another one would be Youtube and Google. Depending on the item you are looking for, there are people out there who do bag or product reviews, and are willing to share with the rest of the world whether it's worth buying or not. There are fashion blogs that review designer products as well. 

There are also consignment shops, either international or local that have used bags for lower prices:

-Fashionphile (based in California)

-Jodiday's closet (based in Toronto)

-Love that Bag (based in Montreal)

-Yoogi's Closet (based in Seattle) 

To name a few. 

Be careful of sellers on Ebay, or Kijiji as the chances of getting a fake or replica handbag is high. You don't want to spend your hard earned cash on a fake bag. Nor do you want to spend any money on a fake bag, as the quality will not be the same as the real thing. It was also found that those who sell fake bags have ties to terrorism, human trafficking rings, and drug trafficking. So please, if the price is too good to be true, it is most likely a fake. Best thing to do is to save up and buy the real thing from a boutique. 

6) Trying it on

After you have spent all your time researching this product, now it's time to go in and try it on yourself. This itself can be intimidating for some people, as you may encounter non-friendly sales associates in the boutiques, or just being in the presence of a designer boutique is already scary enough. But don't be. Remember, you aren't necessarily buying the product right away. This is why it's called shopping, because you look around and see whether you like the product or not. If you don't, then you don't buy it. 

Once you've stepped inside, you may have a SA approach you to ask if you need any help. From my personal experience, Gucci and Prada had SAs that came up to me and asked if I needed help, whereas with Chanel and Louis Vuitton, you would have to approach them to get help. I guess it all depends on location and depends how busy it is inside the stores. Either way, if a SA does not approach you first, you can always approach them. 

This is when you ask them about the product you're interested in. The SA would bring out the product(s) for you to look at, so take this time to really check out the details. Try it on. Look in the mirror. This will be the moment of whether it suits you or not. Ask questions. By all means, try out various products. If it helps, bring in your best friend or husband for emotional support, and for advice as well. Spend as much time looking over the product. 

7) Dress code

This is a debatable topic, because people have different experiences. Those on the Purse Forum noticed that if one was to dress up very professionally, they did not get treated well. Versus those who showed up in casual clothing. I'm not saying you should go in a bathing suit with flip flops on, but I don't think it's really necessary to go in looking like a lawyer either. 

When I think about my dress code, I really didn't dress up glamourously in all my shopping trips. It was either a casual summer dress, or a sweater with jeans. There was one time my mom and I decided to walk into Chanel, and we were both dressed up that day. But no one approached us. To some people working there, if they see people too dressed up, they know people are trying too hard to look "rich". And that's what shoppers experienced too on the Purse Forum.

The second time I went into Chanel to pick up a felt protector for the WOC, I showed up in my hospital scrubs. I got greeted right away actually. The lady asked if I needed any help, and I had told her my SA said it was ok for me to come in and pick up a felt protector, and if she needed to see my receipt, I had it as well. She never asked for it, but instead went into the back and got the protector for me. She came out and also helped me put the protector on the WOC.

So from my own experience, dressing casually but neat is sufficient. 

8) Final decision

So you've seen the product, touched it, tried it on, got all the advice, looked at all the details. Now it's the decision of whether you want it now or later. Or never. If you have to second guess yourself, then perhaps this is not the right product for you. If you have decided that this is the right one, and you have already assessed and met all the steps above, then go for it. 

Purchasing a premier designer product is always an exciting experience. It's one that you won't forget. When you have determined you are ready to buy, it becomes an exciting adventure. Treasure the moment, and definitely celebrate it with someone you love and care about as well.

9) Purchasing
This is the fun part (and of course the sad moment when you give your cash away). Most premier designer shops will have a waiting area where you can sit and relax, sip on some water or champagne while you wait for your item to be wrapped. It's the exciting moment when they step out with your bag.

10) Saying thank you
I have no idea how much commission SAs get when they sell a product, but depending how the SA is, I usually give them a thank you card along with a gift card of some sort. Especially when they go above and beyond to help me. Doing this will not get you on the VIP list; it's not about getting higher on the list. It's the small token of appreciation that can brighten up their day.

These are just some of my advice and experiences when it comes to shopping for designer goods. You can still apply this with contemporary designers, and with anything else. Thanks for reading.

Into the New Year

Happy New Year to everyone all around the world. May this year be filled with blessings from above, and exciting new adventures.

I have to admit, counting down with my folks was very difficult. It was depressing actually. And ringing in the new year was even worse. I don't think I've ever cried on new year's day. It was probably the worst new year's experience of my life. The answer is obvious: M isn't here anymore. Normally he would be walking around us when we count down, or sit on the stairs watching us. But whenever I look up from the TV, he isn't there anymore. It's an empty feeling inside, like you can't move on without having that person or pet around you.

I would go to malls to walk around and let off some steam. As soon as I pass by the pet food area, that's when I lose myself. I start balling. It just brings back memories and routines. I have to avoid pet stores and pet food area at superstores for the next little while.

That is also why I found it so hard to ring in the new year. Because I felt that I was leaving M behind in 2015. But as one family member put it: you aren't leaving him behind. You have him in your heart...he will always be there, and you carry him with you into 2016 and beyond.

I need to start remembering that and also start accepting that too.

This will be a few random thoughts, so I'll start that off as a new year post.

A couple days ago, there was an Air Canada flight from Shanghai, China to Toronto, Canada and while it flew over the Rocky Mountain area, the flight experienced severe turbulence. So severe that people were thrown from their seats up to the ceiling and back down to the floor. It was really bad that they had to make an emergency landing in Calgary to usher the injured off the flight for treatment. In total, about 21-22 people had injuries that needed to be treated. The flight then took off from Calgary to continue its final destination to Toronto.

Now there are talks about making seat belts on airplanes mandatory on all flights. I would agree with that. This is how I see it: when you are in a moving vehicle (a car), you wear a seatbelt. You don't take it off until you've parked. There is never an instance (nor does the law allow it) that once you hit the highway, you can unbuckle your seatbelt. Or if you are driving on the local roads, or country roads.

Same thing with an airplane. A plane is moving, not on the road, but high up in the sky where sometimes it's hard to predict how bad the turbulence can be. Yes, there are radars that pilots have that can tell them if it's bad or not. But really, sometimes you just never know. And when you hit that turbulence, it can become a madhouse.

My habit while flying is that I always keep my seatbelt fastened. I don't care if the belt sign is turned off and it's ok to remove it, but I never do. The only times I unbuckle it is when I need to use the washroom, or after we land and it's time to get off the plane. Those are the only two times I have it removed, otherwise they remained fastened. My most recent flight trip hit bad turbulence to Vancouver, lasted about 20 minutes and it was bad. Not as bad as the above flight, but it was nauseating enough.

The part which baffles me is when the seatbelt sign comes on, and the flight attendants announce bad turbulence and for everyone to sit down in their seats, yet people still get up to use the washroom. HELLO? DO YOU WANT TO DIE? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH? Actually, most if not all flights now have all types of languages, so DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN LANGUAGE? PLEASE SIT DOWN AND FASTEN YOUR SEATBELT????

And then of course when they go flying against the ceiling, they start suing the airline for their injuries. All people care about is money and more money. It's ridiculous. Come on, the human bladder can expand quite a bit and hold a lot of pee. Nurses can go without peeing for 12 hours (their entire shift), so I'm sure you can hold your pee for an extra 20 minutes. I'm not saying it's safe or healthy to hold your pee for a very long time but at least obey this one command and sit your ass down with your seatbelt on. Follow the damn rules for once and stop acting like an entitled brat. Flight attendants have enough crap to deal with on their plate, so give them some respect.

Then there are the ones who stand up, as soon as the plane lands. WE HAVEN'T EVEN TAXIED OFF THE RUNWAY YET! What part of PLEASE SIT DOWN UNTIL THE PLANE COMES TO A COMPLETE STOP do you not understand??!!!!! Does it make it any faster if you stand up to grab your stuff from the overhead compartment while the plane is still taxi-ing to the terminal? NO! Because you still have to sit your ass down! Unbelievable. The worst ones are the Chinese. I'm not being racist here (considering my background is of Asian descent) but that's what I've noticed. And it pisses me off because it's those bad apples that make the entire race a bad race.

Kudos to the flight attendants for doing their best in getting things under control and dealing with stupid people all the time. I don't know how you guys and girls do it, but if I were a FA, and people said stupid things to me, I would throw juice at them.

Tonight we noticed a gentleman slumped over in his car beside us. The car engine was still running, with the lights on. His head was against the steering wheel, and it looked like he wasn't moving at all. First thought was, maybe he was sleeping? But it was hard to see if he was breathing because of all the winter clothes and jacket on him.

At first, we decided to try and honk our horn to see if the gentleman had any reaction. Nope, nothing at all. We became really worried. We didn't know this guy, but if this was life or death, we had to act fast. I got out of the car and knocked really loud on his window. I kept knocking until he finally reacted to it. He rolled down his window, and that's when I asked "Sir, are you ok?!" and his reply was oh yeah, just waiting for somebody.

My goodness, a sense of relief overcame me. I said, ok sir, we just became really worried, but glad that everything is ok. You have a good night sir! And he gave a smile to us.

It's just a depressing thought, if something happened to him on new year's day, and no one was around him. But I'm just really thankful that everything was ok. I do get moments of feeling sleepy when I wait for someone too, but normally people would lean back on their seats to nap, not forward.

Now that winter is officially here, and the cold freezing weather too, please keep an eye out for your family members. Especially the children and elders who are the most vulnerable in cold weather. If you notice someone sitting in the cold, who looks like they need a warm place to stay, direct them to the nearest facility that can offer warmth and shelter. If you notice someone in a car, whether it's running or not, and they look like they're slumped over, give a quick knock on the window to make sure they are ok. Every little action goes a long way for someone, whether it's family or a stranger.

I know, my tone lately has been all over the place. Pissed, sad, depressed, happy and helpful. I guess it's because of what's been happening the past month and a half. I'll just need time to accept.

Anyways, I'll just leave it at that. I haven't done much posting about car stuff lately because I haven't done much to the car (and plus it's winter so nothing too exciting). My next few posts will probably be something about purse buying, and pointers about going from contemporary to premier designers. It is mostly geared towards people who are not in the "super elite" or "ultra rich" groups (or whatever you want to call them) and ways to try out premier brands without going bankrupt. I have only read of one blog that does touch upon it, so I'll also chime in as well on the topic.

Stay tuned.

M's Tribute

I had written and shared this a few days before Christmas, between family and friends who knew M, and who have not met M before. I decided to write a tribute and share it with those who have pets and for those who don't. Because pets are not just some animals you can replace whenever you want. They become part of your family. They may be part of your family for several years, but to them, you are their entire world.

Here is my tribute to M:

The past few weeks have been really tough (and is still tough) but I want to thank everyone for the supportive words, prayers and continuous encouragement during this difficult time.

For those who have never met M before, we adopted him a few days before Christmas 1997 when he was a kitten. From that day onwards, we formed a crazy bond and learned a lot about his personality and character:

Intelligent. He was a smart cat. I taught him how to open doors and he managed to apply that when he got locked out of places. If I had my bedroom door closed in the morning, he would open it and come in to wake me up for food. He also acted as my second alarm clock. When my alarm went off and I snoozed too long, he would come in and meow to wake me up. He learned what to do and what not to do around the house, never destroyed furniture or rummaged through garbage. He knew not to climb the fence when we let him outside to roam. He wouldn't go past the lawn, not even the sidewalk, so we knew he wouldn't ever cross a street.

Compassion. As a kitten, he would cuddle up and sleep in our laps. When he sensed we were having a bad day, he would come and meow or purr at us, as to say "everything will be ok".

Chicken. He was afraid of everything. From loud noise to birds flying overhead. When the doorbell rang, he would growl then run and hide. When birds were chirping loudly, he would run inside the house and hide. It was quite funny. He got chased by a squirrel one time, and then a black cat the following week. Oh yes, his favourite canned food was chicken. He hated fish.

Did not like the vet. He was terrified of them. Every car ride there, he meowed in fear. It takes 2-3 people to get him out the cage. 2 to tip the cage, 1 to catch him in the end. He would run to me and cling himself around my neck, and wouldn't let go, just like a child would do in fear. During the car ride home he would be more calm because he knew we were going home.

Friendly. Even though he was afraid of people and children, he never attacked anyone. He was terrified when people got near him, but he never bit or scratched anyone. He had bitten/scratched mom and brother a few times growing up. I took the brunt of it because it was always fun playing with him.

Playful. He was a playful kitten, and claws were a scary thing but as he got older, he never took out his claws when playing with me. He would slap my hand with his paw, but his claws were tucked away.

Musically inclined. Growing up, he would plop himself in the piano room when I practiced my pieces for exams. He would sit and listen, and fall asleep. When dad started singing karaoke in the basement and M was downstairs, he would come upstairs to sleep. I guess that's how terrible dad's singing is XD.

Lazy. At one point he gained a lot of weight and slept a lot. We used to call him Garfield. When I pet him when he eats, he gets lazy and lays down, then uses his paw to get the dry food from the bowl. All the food got on the floor but it was pretty hilarious to watch him eat off the floor. He would only do that when I was around to rub his belly. Otherwise no one else was able to repeat it.

Spoiled. Yes he was a spoiled cat. He wouldn't eat his food unless someone was there to pet him or comb his hair. Since he was an indoor cat, we still let him out to the front yard or backyard to get some air. Most days he sits at the door and meows at us to let him out, so we do. But he knew his boundaries.

Funny. He was funny in various ways. From the way he sleeps to how he eats, to how he still chases his tail at 17 years old. When he saw me approaching him and I call his name, his legs would go numb and he would lay down, as to say "I give up...just pet me". And I would pick him up and give him a big hug, which he would always find annoying.

Emotional. Even though he couldn't talk, we can tell he has feelings. If he's happy he purrs at us. If he's pissed he will hiss. If he's sad, he sheds a tear. My parents noticed that when I didn't come home for the night, he would sit outside my room and meow non-stop. If he's confused he would look at us in a weird way. If he's scared, his tail stands up and he takes his stance. Sometimes I can see a smile on his face.

Strong. In this context, he was strong until the very end. He knew he was getting weaker by the minute. But he also knew we were by his side. We encouraged him to be strong, that he was coming home with us, and not staying elsewhere. When he saw the sadness in our faces, he knew. He couldn't say anything, but he did try to look at us, and he shed a tear. He fought his hardest, but 5 minutes from home, he took his last breath. In my eyes, he was the bravest and strongest cat and still made it home to be with us.

Although he is not physically here anymore, his memory will live on forever. It's going to be tough dealing with the first Christmas and New Year without him, along with many other "firsts", but we know he loves us, and we love him.

Cherish your furry pets. They are a blessing from above. Love them and they will love you back just as much. You will become their entire world.