Today is the day my dad passed away from complications of liver cancer, at 6:42pm. He was surrounded by my mom, brother and I. We were all there when he took his last breath. I am blessed that I was able to be with him until the end, just like how he had been there when I was born in the beginning. Not everyone gets to experience this, and for that I am grateful.
Heartbroken and devastation are understatements of how I feel at the moment.
I knew he had been sick for a while, but he kept persevering through the tough times, as if he didn't even have issues, but I knew it was slowing him down. He had been in hospital for almost 6 weeks. 6 torturous weeks, which involved constant aspiration pneumonia, failed attempts at NG tubes, GJ tube insertion, aspirating constantly on his saliva, and then of course all the doctors ordering exuberant amounts of antibiotics because they all had no clue what was causing his aspiration. Was it the immunotherapy? Was it something else? No one could tell me.
As a daughter, it is difficult watching your loved ones slowly drowning in their own saliva. When that happens, deep suctioning using a catheter is required and not all nurses are trained for that. Unfortunately I couldn't rely on staff to suction him all the time, so I used my expertise to help him breathe. Let me tell you, it is a horrendous experience for both. It's the most uncomfortable feeling for anyone to get any tubes stuck down their throats while awake. As a daughter, I wanted to save him and this was the only way to keep him breathing, so I had to help deep suction within boundaries. Too little of it and he would have difficulty breathing. Too much and it could cause more damage and more phlegm in the airway.
I'm grateful for the nursing team for taking care of my dad as best as possible. But no thanks to one particular doctor.
I pray that dad is now in a better place, pain free and no longer suffering.
I love you dad <3
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