Another Chanel

I have gone down a very, very, very dark path.

And I'm honestly SO SO SO SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!

Over 2 years later, and I finally found her. Albeit it was via the consignment route, but this is such a rare colour that I couldn't help it.

I would've gone the traditional black classic flap bag, but I wear dark clothing all the time. My wardrobe is pretty much like a funeral closet. I have a few bright coloured clothes but I never really wear them because it makes me look fat.

So of course I need bright accessories. And here she is. She has been found. More pictures will be released once I get my hands on her, but otherwise this has been a long journey. You may have read a couple years ago how I was trying to hunt one down and a douchebag got in my way and ruined my goals. Anyways, he can go kiss my ass.

Stay tuned for a full reveal my lovelies! AHHHH CAN'T WAIT!

Tax Season?!

You know time is going by so fast when it's tax season. Yes, it's that time again.

Obviously I won't reveal much about my salary and taxes, but at least it's done. It's a pain trying to find all the paperwork and get it together. Which sort of brings me to another topic.

I recently had a conversation with mom about donations and what not, since those add up to charitable deductions. I don't mind donating to organizations, but there are times you wonder, is my the money really going towards something good, or just to the pockets of the CEOs and the workers who help run the organization?

A lot of times, companies will issue receipts for income tax purposes, but there are some that don't. One notable one is the Toronto Humane Society. Every year, we make a donation to them, and every year we ask for a receipt. Every year, we NEVER have gotten a receipt. If you remember, there was an investigation into the organization about where the funds really go: into the pocket of the CEO. There was a huge backlash. Nowadays I don't know how they're doing but we halted donations to them because they never gave us any receipt as proof that we did donate.

Hence why when people ask, well if you can afford this and that, why don't you donate to the poor or to help animals or something? Yeah, we do but when companies don't do their part in issuing receipts to the donors, then that's a big problem when it comes to my taxes. It's not that I don't want to donate, but it's the big players who don't do their part in doing this the legal way. And then it screws me and every other hard working person out there who do take the time to donate, but can't get a proper tax deduction, thus it screws with how much is returned back to us.

This led to a conversation about waiters and waitresses. Yes, my conversations are never linear. I used to have this perception that waiters are uneducated people who couldn't find work except to collect dishes for a living. Or that they weren't good enough for a "real" job because they would get minimum wage, and rely on tips.

Maybe that was the perception a long time ago. Except we have to look at the current situation. Look at the housing market. The average single detached home is close to $1 million. Even someone who makes 100k a year is going to have a tough time paying that mortgage. Everything (and I mean everything from clothes to groceries to fuel) has skyrocketed. Everything EXCEPT our wages. Don't we all wish we had a 100% pay raise at our jobs?

The way I look at it now is your waiter may have a Masters or PhD degree in a specialized field, yet works the odd hours at a restaurant to make ends meet. They may already have an established career, but take on extra work to make extra side money. Perhaps they have a family to feed, or they're a single parent. And probably have to pay rent or mortgage on top of that, along with their monthly bills. Or perhaps, this is their third job trying to make ends meet.

You just never know.

Plus, waiters and waitresses need to have a mind of a machine. Trying to remember the little details when they're trying to deliver food, and one table requires a spoon, while another requires a beer. Then balancing all these dishes in one go. It's not an easy job. It requires the utmost patience, killer memory and people centred attitude, as well as social skills. Yet it's a minimum wage job.

If you asked me to do it, I would probably fail at it because my memory sucks. Plus I'm terrible at balancing things on my hands and arms. I would not qualify to be a waitress.

Some countries do not tip workers because it's not their policy to do so, whereas some places like North America rely on tips for extra cash. There are some assholes who will not tip because their waiters were not attentive during the night. Keep in mind that not everyone will be an expert at waitressing or waitering because perhaps it's their first day? Did you ever think of that? It's a learning experience.

I obviously look at things with compassion (most of the time) and I see people just like me who are working hard to climb up the ladder, or perhaps just working to survive. It's as basic as just living. I don't go out very often anymore, but now that I've at least established myself a bit more, I make sure to give generous tips to those who attend to me or friends for the night.

In Asian culture, it's pretty good if you tip 10%. In non-Asian restaurants, it's common that you go 13-18%. I'm not in the end of the Asian tipping but I do go higher, especially if they are working a weekend because hey, you could be at home with your kids or family but you're here feeding me instead. So of course, I'll tip more because of that. I may not be able to solve all the problems, but at least in one day it would hopefully help towards some contribution.

To me, I rather do this than donate huge portions of my salary to big corporations because I rather focus on those who are on the "same line" so to speak in terms of working. We all know what it's like to work like a dog and try to feed family. We all work hard for ourselves and our families. And that's where I'd like to focus. We focus on each other and help each other out. Not big corporations who already have millions for research.

To each their own though. I can't tell you what to do with your money. You can donate it to big corporations if you like. But I rather stay within the same line of helping fellow families out, someone that I can relate to, versus a corporation with a CEO who makes 10x more than I do.

Fake Chanel Earrings

I know there are people out there who are willing to shed out all their savings on an authentic item, and there are people who will pay very cheap prices for fake items. That's cool, whatever floats your boat (even though there have been links of fake bags/luxury items linked to terrorism and trafficking. One huge reason why NOT to buy fake items).

Then there are those who pay almost luxury prices, thinking they got a luxury item, but it turns out it was fake. So you got duped.

I got these Chanel CC stud earrings a while ago from a douchebag who, for whatever reason, thought he could buy people's friendship by buying expensive items for them. I had a feeling they were fake because 1) he didn't have a job 2) thus he had no income 3) he's an idiot.

I decided to see how long they would last. This is a good lesson for those out there who don't want to pay full price for an authentic item, but rather take the cheap way out. Seriously, just save your money. It's not worth buying a cheap item, because it WILL break on you. You will end up spending more in the long run if you keep on buying the same cheap piece of crap. Save up and buy the authentic piece from a boutique.

When you first look at it, it looks pretty. It's all shiny and what not. From what I've read, Chanel does use Swarovski crystals for some of their jewelry. When you first see it, you wouldn't think anything of it, except to say wow, CC!

It also comes with an authentic looking Chanel box. See below.

Just to see how long this thing would last, I would only wear this on occasion. It's not something to be worn daily. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I've worn this, before I started noticing things:

1) The crystals have come off one by one. I remember I just wiped gently to shine it and DOINK! A crystal just came off so easily.

2) The stopper at the back fell apart. I've owned many earrings over the years, and this is the first time I've had a stopper completely fall apart.

3) The 'authentic' tag at the back fell off, for both earrings.

4) If you look eye level to look at how the crystals protrude, you can see they are not even. Some crystals are fit nicely, but some are completely engrained into the metal. Then there are some that are crooked.

Now, what's funny is that all the stuff that fell off or apart happened INSIDE the box. I hadn't even worn it yet. They started falling apart as I was taking them out of the box!

It was hard to capture, but you can see some missing crystals on the left one, as well as the right earring. The 'authentic' plates are placed at the front.

Says 'Made in France'. My ass.

This shows how the stopper is suppose to look normally.

This is the stopper that completely fell apart in 3 separate places.

Generally speaking, Chanel earrings are a bit heavy because of all the materials they use to generate a beautiful piece of art. These earrings felt very, very light and cheap. Like plastic. The back was not in any way beautiful but looked like a bunch of plastic had melted together and dried very quickly. So it was not smooth. It was hard to capture on camera, so I did not include it in the pictures. 

The crystals should be much more evenly placed, not have one low and one high. The inconsistency in this shows that from far away, it looks fine, but up close you can see the terrible workmanship. 

I don't have any other pair of Chanel earrings to compare, but after owning a couple of Chanel handbags, I can say the quality has been nothing but perfect. I've read some of the recent ones have had some bad runs, but I was fortunate enough to have two great handbags that are still in almost perfect condition and not falling apart like these earrings. 

Safe to say, these will be destroyed and gone to the garbage. 

April Fool's!

Wow, already April. Every time I write a new post, it's a new month. Craziness. Getting old sucks.

A lot of things have happened in between aside from the family emergency. One thing I wanted to talk about was fraud.

You may have read recently that a 22 year old kid from Ancaster, ON was arrested for allegedly being part of the largest hack of Yahoo. This kid lived in a big home by himself, drove luxury cars and had loud parties. It was found that he was paid by Russian hackers to hack into 80 email accounts of government officials. He also ran an ad for hacking jobs.

Basically, this guy was not working legally to earn his items.

It was also found that the house had a huge mortgage, and the cars still had loans on them. He was also all over social media, portraying a luxury party life. People who are his "friends" don't even know his last name, nor what he does as a job. There's one chick who came out in the public to defend this "good friend" of hers, yet she had no idea what he did as a job, nor did she know his last name.

Yet she calls him her best friend. LOL. Best friends with his so called money. She emphasized that he paid for meals and what not. So yeah, the way I see it, she's friend's with his money.

Anyways, point is, if you know you're a hacker and you've hacked into one of the world's biggest corporations, you shouldn't be flaunting your entire life on social media. You should be in hiding. This guy's a goon for flaunting his fake status all over, and fooling so many people. I have friends who know this guy and they're all like, what? That's impossible.

Then of course he posts on social media about how he got "rich" quick, and it all started with how he got expelled from school because 1) he threatened his friend and 2) he swore at his principal when she asked him if he learned his lesson. He used his time being suspended/expelled to start his "own business (i.e the hacker business). To me, that's not a positive influence on other people. It just makes you look like a bigger douchebag, and not the legal way to be making your money.

Now of course he may also be smart in ways that he knew this was going to happen, and being sent to the USA for trial, but afterwards having the government hire him to work for them. But honestly, why would a government trust people like these? If someone is able to do this behind your back, would you trust them to work for you? I wouldn't. I'd keep his ass in jail and make sure he stays there.

This guy is also part of those big car rally clubs, namely Northface Rally and Saturn Drives.

Which brings me to Northface Rally. Again.

You may have seen on the news today that members from the NFR club got their cars impounded and licenses suspended because they were driving like douchebags. When I heard about this, I couldn't help but laugh. They deserve it.

If you're going to drive like a douchebag and endanger the lives of other people on the highway/roads, then you deserve to lose your license and have your car impounded or crushed. I wish they would just automatically crush cars but that wouldn't be "fair". I guess it will have to take a lot of deaths before they decide to do that.

Anyways, they deserve it because 1) they're douchebags 2) they're the ones who were caught revving their cars because they were asked to leave a Wings place 3) disturbing the peace many times 4) they harass people for no apparent reason 5) they don't deserve the cars because earning money through insurance scams is by no means legal.

My handbags values may only buy a set of rims for your luxury cars, but at least the bank doesn't own my bags. Nor did I ask mommy or daddy to buy them for me.

Let me tell you from my perspective how I lost respect for them. It started last fall, when NFR decided to have a toy drive.

They started a toy drive, and asked others to donate toys for families (Toys for Tots). One member shared it on the GTR page and said let's do it. However, the GTR group had already had a drive happening so it was written that we will do a separate drive for Toys and Tots.

Then the NFR guys started going off about how they didn't appreciate that we wouldn't contribute to theirs and left the group. They posted photos and showed how many toys they bought/collected, and then posed with the police from OPP to get their name out there. Whoopee doo.

People think, well if we involve the cops, then they will be cool with us. You wish. If they were so cool with you, they wouldn't impound your fake cars.

Soon after that, that's when the NFR hate began. The harassments. The name calling. Constantly. It's worse than dealing with a 5 year old kid with a tantrum. So do I respect people associated with NFR? Not at all. They aren't a positive influence to anyone except their little brains. So they deserve every damn thing that comes to them. Too bad mommy and daddy will pay for the impound fees, then they will start all over again.

In other positive news, I finally got to visit the Coco Cafe. Today was the last day that the cafe would be up. I have seen pictures and thought, well there is coffee and tea, so maybe there might be snacks too along with their make up items?

Boy, was I wrong.

Coco Cafe at Holt Renfrew Toronto.

It turned out it was a pop up lip stick/nail polish salon where you get to sample pretty much everything. There was an area you could take pictures to Instagram it. Girlfriend and I spent a lot of time there, mainly because I was struggling to put on nail polish on myself.

After doing that, we were hungry but were approached by associates asking if we needed help with anything. I was debating between two shades of lip stick and so that took another century to figure out. We both bought Chanel lipstick and lipgloss at the end. Props to finally buying lipstick. Yes, sad to say all my lipsticks have been samples/free. It only took 30 years to buy a proper lipstick.

omg....so many options. Where do I even start?!

Upon showing mom, she asked what colour? I said it was something neutral. She said it was too red. Then she asked how much the lipstick cost. I said $43. She freaked. To be honest, I have no clue how much lip stick costs these days. But I figured if it's a Chanel lipstick, it ain't going to cost $10. She thought I was crazy, and so did I. 

Soon after we hit up Saks at Fifth Avenue. It was almost empty. It felt so weird walking into Saks and not have any shoppers in there. It was actually quite nice. If you know what item to buy, you can do it there in peace and not have to fight anyone to get anything. But since we had nothing to buy there, we quickly jetted out. It wasn't too impressive, but I found Nordstrom was much more busier.

The nice weather is finally coming, and hopefully it will start to stay. But I wouldn't be surprised if there's another snowstorm coming.

Great to say mom is also doing much better. There is still room for improvement, but it's encouraging to see her back to herself now, although the post concussion syndromes are still there. It is still difficult to head to the mall with all the lights and what not. Hopefully it shouldn't be too long until she can walk around the mall again.

Hoping you all have a great start to your week.

Reverse Role

Greetings everyone!

It has been a very long month. Shortly after my last post, there was a family emergency that I had to attend to. In the end, everything worked out and we are just so relieved and blessed that things are ok.

This may be a long post, so I'll try to condense as much as I can but I won't be able to guarantee it!

After working 2 sites non stop for months, it was counting down to the last few shifts before I officially went 'casual'. At this point I felt pretty drained already and was looking forward to finishing my last few shifts. 

Things took a scary turn during my second last shift, when mom went for her cataract surgery. Usually cataract surgeries are, generally speaking, very safe and people don't suffer much complications from it. The first time she had it, it went very well. There was no pain, no blurry vision, no issues at all. About 3 weeks later, she went in for the second cataract surgery in her other eye, and this is where things started going downhill.

She noticed her vision did not recover as fast as the other eye. It was blurry and remained blurry for 2 days post-op. She did take the eye drops that the doctor ordered and stuck with a schedule. However, by the second day she said her eye felt like popping out. Now I wasn't home much during these 2 days due to working non-stop, plus when I got home she was already sleeping. It was difficult to properly assess. Plus she didn't tell me she was going through these symptoms.

Day 3. Early morning she decided to get out of bed and wash her face, then do eye drops. But while she was attempting to do all that, she started feeling light headed and fainted. It wasn't witnessed so we have no idea how long she blacked out for, but it must've been a while. She woke up, not knowing what just happened. Went back to bed, and tried to go back to sleep. Dad and I had no clue because we were both fast asleep and didn't hear anything.

Her normal routine is that she would do some light stretches and sit up for a while before getting out of bed. For some reason, that morning she just jumped out of bed. And boom.

Shortly after 9am, I get a phone call from my sis-in-law, notifying me about classes she was trying to sign mom up for, but she wasn't able to. Normally she doesn't call that early in the morning, but it was just that morning that she had to tell my mom something. I told her that she was still sleeping but I'd be happy to pass along the message when she's awake. And that was that. I went to get ready to head out for the day.

It was during this time while I was getting ready in the bathroom that mom called my brother, and stated she might have fell down but she wasn't sure. Then she didn't really make much sense after that and then hung up the phone. I had no clue this was going on.

Soon after, I get a phone call from my brother telling me to check on mom, because she might have fell. That's when I freaked out.

Of course I go running to her room and seeing if she's ok. She's still in bed, but then tells me she had vomited earlier. And she still couldn't see out of her eye. Everything was blurry. She also felt dizzy. Her ribs hurt.

From a health care professional perspective, this is an urgent case. The first thing that popped into my head was a traumatic brain injury/hemorrhage, because those are signs and symptoms of a TBI. She looked weak so I knew she probably had did some damage. I went to assess her head, and that's where I found a contusion at the back of her head. It was pink, no drainage or open wound but it was there. At this point I'm also updating my brother and we both agreed: we need to go to a trauma centre asap.

Problem is, mom did not want to cause me any distress or bother me because it was my only day off. She wanted me to relax and enjoy the day off. I said HECK NO! We are taking you to ER and we need to go NOW. I will pick you up and take you in your pjs right now!

Being the mom she is, she disagreed. She has to look good and dress good. She insisted on wearing these certain pants and sweater and socks. It was the most frustrating thing trying to dress her and knowing that a hemorrhage can drastically change things in an instant.

I went down to get the car out, then ran back in to get her. I couldn't find her in the room. What the hell? I run to the washroom. There she is, combing her hair. By this point, my blood is boiling. But the last thing I want to do is stress her out so I let it be. Finally, when all has been done, I drive to the trauma centre and send her to ER. I remember her saying we should just go to the nearest community hospital because that's where the eye surgeon is located, and she didn't want to make the doctor feel bad. Problem is, they don't have any eye specialists or brain surgeons on call, so it was a no go in my eyes. It was useless to me.

In my head, I replayed what needed to be done in the ER: CT scan, MRI, X-ray, blood work, consult for ophthalmologist and perhaps a brain surgeon. The ER was very thorough and did exactly all that plus more. I was quite impressed. There's a reason why they are one of the best trauma centres in the world.

The ophthalmologists came in to assess her affected eye and suspected endophthalmitis, an inflammation of the internal coats of the eye which if not treated, can result in loss of vision and the eye itself. Endophthalmitis is a result of intraocular procedures, but most in particular, cataract surgery. This was something that was not presented to my mom before her cataract surgery. The only thing she got was a paper that stated all the types of cataract lenses she could get, and at the end there was a disclaimer saying that vision may not improve after lenses are inserted. It never said any details about complications. This is the part that really pissed me off because the surgeon didn't sit down with mom to go through the various complications. Instead, it was "here's this paper, just read it and that's all".

Her intraocular pressure was off the roof: 38. The normal range is between 12-22. No wonder she felt like her eye was going to pop out.

The goal was to try and get her to the eye clinic to do this procedure. However, due to her head injury, she had started vomiting once we got her from the stretcher to wheelchair. It was not safe to bring her up in the state that she was in, so the doctors agreed to leave her on the stretcher, and bring the eye equipments down to ER. This was the part where we were so thankful. The fact that they were able to wheel down a spare machine was incredible and we felt so blessed for it.

The procedure involved having to poke a needle in her eye to drain whatever was floating in her eye, as well as relieve pressure. From what they showed me, it looks like a white cloudy hue that surrounds the iris, with a slightly bigger blob at the bottom of the iris. The procedure involved having to give local anesthesia first. Great I thought! But it was horrifying when I saw how they had to give it: via a needle which needed to be given under the eyelid.

This is the part when I almost cried for mom. She was probably scared for her life. My brother and I encouraged her to be strong; I held her hand while my brother was directing her to look in the direction that the doctor wanted her to look. It looked absolutely painful and dreadful, and to this day, I can say my mom is very brave for enduring that. I also give huge applause to the doctor for having such great skill as well. It definitely isn't for the faint of heart or for those who hate needles.

Soon after, my brother stayed with mom while I stepped out with dad to take a breather. The doctors were now going to poke her eye and start draining, and this is where I couldn't look without feeling like retching. The procedure itself did not take very long and they managed to drain everything and also send a sample to the lab for processing. Doctors then ordered a set of antibiotic eye drops, as well as anti-inflammatory drops to go in the eye, for every hour, for the next two days.

Within 5 minutes of the procedure, we finally heard some great news from mom: she can see! It was the most exciting thing to happen that day. However, doctors had said they didn't know how much damage it had done to her eye, so they were unable to give us an exact answer of whether her vision would recover 100% or partially. With endophthalmitis, there is a poor prognosis when it comes to vision recovery. It was good and bad news.

Within that same day, the brain surgeon came to see us and give us an update about the scans. The first scan was a bit unclear so they did a second scan, and it was here that they found a small bleed in the brain. They were going to keep her in the hospital for observation if there was going to be any further bleed. Thankfully after the third scan, it didn't show further bleeding, so she was able to be released.

We were at the hospital for approximately 4 days. The first couple of nights were very tough as the stretcher was very uncomfortable for mom, but we couldn't do anything. I knew the stretchers were not comfortable because I remember attempting to sleep on one during break, and it hurt like hell. So I can imagine staying on that for 2 days non-stop. It's brutal. 

Knowing how busy hospitals can get, I ended up staying with mom for most of those days. The first couple of nights, it was non stop 40 hours of making sure she was ok, and also giving her hourly eye drops. I didn't want the staff to forget about the drops because the first week was crucial in vision recovery. Things did get quite busy in ER the next day so I informed the nurses that I could give the eye drops every hour. They were very relieved and thankful because they ended up taking on a heavy case.

Just like mom, I did not eat or sleep during those 2 days. I was stressed and worried. Then of course the darn women period thing had to come, and I started getting mad cramps while trying to take care of her. 

Throughout the stay, I made sure to keep her comfortable, keep her company and give her eye drops (as well as making sure doctors were not prescribing her other useless medications like colace since she's not bed bound). Thankfully nothing else was ordered, just the way I like it. When we become the patients, it's like the tables have turned. I have never encountered something like this, but at that moment, it was all about getting mom better and back home safely.

I also know how stressful it is when the assigned nurses find out the family is also from a health care background. My goal was to not make their day a living hell (like some families), but my goal was to also help their workload. Most importantly, it was to get mom better. So we did whatever we could to help mom, and at the same time, help to reduce workload on the nurses. At the end of each shift, the nurses were very thankful for having us there. 

After mom was released from hospital, her vision improved greatly, her IOP dropped to the normal range and she was weened off the eye drops. It was also found that the sample that was sent to the lab did not contain any bacteria. In fact, it was her eye that became very inflamed post surgery; it was just the way her body reacted to the site. However, inflammation of the eye can still cause vision loss if not treated promptly. 

To this day, mom is grateful and thankful that God has really looked out for her. If it wasn't for her fall, she wouldn't have gotten treatment until later on, and by that time it would've been too late. Even with the blurry vision prior to the fall, she was adamant about seeking help for her eye. She figured it was perhaps a slower recovery this time around, and to keep using eye drops until her follow up appointment with the cataract surgeon (which was about 10-15 days away!). If she had waited that long, I believe she would've lost some of her vision, gone completely blind or lost her eye completely.

Dad had wanted to do cataract surgery with this surgeon as well (his vision is pretty good by the way), and even though we kept telling him what is wrong with him, he still was very insistent on doing surgery. He was afraid if he kept waiting until he was too old, then he wouldn't be able to do it anymore. After going through this hospitalization and seeing the potential side effects and complications that this could bring, he decided against it and canceled his surgery. Great move dad! Mom says perhaps this is also God's way of telling dad to back out of surgery - by using her example.

My mom thanks God for the fall. Because of that fall, it really helped to lay everything else down and get proper treatment for her vision. We are very thankful that her brain injury was not severe, but she would have post concussion syndromes for a while until she recovers. I'm also thankful that my sis-in-law called us that early morning. It's true, she doesn't call that early in the morning, but that morning she had to call us to inform us of a recreational class. This one time call helped to also initiate conversation of what happened. If it wasn't for her call, I would have gone about my merry way and went out for the day, and wouldn't have known about the fall.

If it wasn't for the fall, we wouldn't have met the doctors and nurses taking care of mom that day. We wouldn't have met the vitreoretinal surgeon that helped save my mom's vision. Or the brain surgeon, or the ER doctor. They are such a great team to work with. 

There were so many little details that happened that day, that when we all look back at it, it wasn't just "luck" or "evolution" or "chance"; to us, it was God's way of showing us that He's there. It's the little daily miracles that help to shape the bigger picture and remind us of how great He is. He has a plan for all of us, and we have to be willing to let Him into our lives if we want Him to change us for the better. Thank you God, for looking out for mom, for us, and giving us these amazing guardian angels to look out for her. We are forever thankful.

March Madness

Well, there goes another week of working 65 hours! I wish I could tell you how my week went, but in reality, I really can't remember because everything is literally a blur.

Everyday is almost like a repeat of the day before. There's so many cases and variations of each other, it's hard to distinguish one event in one day. Cheers to one day off, and then another 9 straight days of working non-stop again.

I do remember one event this week: the dude that I posted about previously (the one who drove with his door open in the parking lot) was working the same shift as I was. Yikes. Thankfully I was done my shift and giving report. And you know, when you give report to your colleague, you must really focus on giving proper report. No off topics, no distractions, nothing. So I gave the longest report that I could, just so I could avoid talking to him.

It was also the same day that my bestie gave me a belated birthday gift. It was a big bag, and I don't like getting attention from people, but it was hard to hide that from colleagues as I walked past them to go home. "What's that?!" I have no clue because I haven't opened it yet!

I got home, and I read the card and laughed because we like to laugh at each other's corny jokes. Then I opened it. I could not believe my eyes.

A pair of Charlotte Olympia black velvet kitty flats. OH. MY. GOODNESS.

This girl is crazy! I told her why?! It's way too much money.

She really liked them and ended up getting me a pair, because I had returned my previous blue pairs. I hadn't really talked much about it previously, but I did return those pairs shortly after buying them because 1) they were the wrong size and 2) I ended up using the money to pay for my car repairs.

She had come with me initially when I first bought the blue pair of kitty flats, and she knew my size already. So she secretly ordered them online when she found out I had returned my pair. THIS GIRL! I almost yelled at her for spending too much money on me. Surprising me is very rare since I catch onto things very quickly, but this was totally unexpected. Thank you girlfriend!

My next step is to find a dress with kitties all over it. It's so far been pretty difficult because it's hard to not try and find something too corny looking. Once I find one, my kitty wardrobe would be complete.

Alright, sleep time finally!

Fraud Prevention Month

Wadda.

It's almost March. WHAT! You know what that means. It's Fraud Prevention Month! Last year I wrote about a fraudster in the GTA car community (his picture remains attached), and last I heard, he got arrested for causing a disturbance/threatening others, and his GTR got pretty damaged when they were towing it. Let's hope he gets thrown in jail for defrauding so many people. The day will come.

It was also revealed Manulife was the company/bank behind the hefty fine for not reporting over 1,200 transactions of $10,000 or more in funds with one customer, who turned out to be a fraudster as well (selling counterfeit medications). He is now currently in jail in the USA.

There are so many stories of fraudsters in this day and age. Anywhere from random people calling you that you've won an expensive trip, to the CRA demanding money from elders. Then there was one lady who spent all her retirement savings because the caller told her she had won a trip, but to claim it, she had to pay up in increments.

People ask, "Well, anyone would know not to drain their own funds to some random stranger". Easy to say, but when you get sucked into someone's words, everything becomes believable.

My uncle had gotten a call back in Asia, and on the other line they demanded him hand over money otherwise they will kill his daughter. In the background, you could hear a girl screaming "papa!". In reality, my uncle doesn't have a daughter. So he hung up the phone. Best to keep conversations at minimum and not yell at the other person that you don't have a daughter, otherwise they will continue to provoke you (and remember, they do have your phone number).

The most common one these days are messages from the "CRA" or any big name banks who try to either call you or text you (yes, I've had text messages coming from "banks" saying that I owed them money, even though I don't even have an account with that particular bank). The CRA or banks will never do such things. If in doubt, always walk into a bank and talk to someone there. I'm very weary about doing transactions over the phone or text because I really have no idea who is on the other side.

Anyone who tries to call me or text me to lure me into paying them can kiss my arse. I will hang up on them, but I will probably say a few choice words to them first.

Then there are random charity calls or calls looking for donations. Most of the time they always ask for the head of the household. I usually say I'm a maid and the family is on vacation forever. So they haven't called back much. My other answer was to say the head of the household died, so please stop calling but I don't want that to be a curse, so I didn't use that one.

There was one time I thought the call was an ad for duct cleaning. I said I didn't speak English, and I did it in the most horrible Chinese accent possible. The guy on the other line asked if he could speak to my husband, so I passed it to my dad. It turns out my dad had booked a company for duct cleaning and they were just confirming a time. Failed man. I believe I left the house for the day.

It is also tax return season, so definitely keep your eyes and ears alert for any weird requests for money. When in doubt, go to the bank.

What in the world...?

Recently I had this weird situation happen to me.

You've seen/read comics and articles or stories about how people cheat on one another, or that getaway of cheating/breaking trust. Mine isn't like that, but it's one of those precursors that has happened to other people, which led them down a very dark path.

I was walking across the parking lot at work, in a rush to head to a meeting at another sister site, when I saw this car following me. Figured oh, perhaps they are following me to the car so they can take my spot. No problemo.

Then of course, the freaking driver door opens and I recognize (sort of) the person. I couldn't remember his name but I have seen him around at work on various floors. Never really had any conversations with him, except for those courtesy hello and how are you type of things. Otherwise it's not like an in depth conversation about hobbies or when the next menstrual cycle is.

After he swung the door open, while still trying to steer his car, he's all like "Hey! Haven't seen you for a while! How are you!" type of attitude. Of course I was in a rush to get out so I didn't think much of it; said my spot's there, you can take it.

Then of course the next thing he says sort of stuns me. "Hey you know, we should go out for drinks." Errrr. No. I don't know you.

And it's weird, but his reply was "Oh no not like that, but we should still go for drinks and hang out." Then he gives me his business card and tells me to keep in touch.

Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen. That is a precursor to worse things to come, if you act on it.

I ended up throwing the card out because not only am I not interested, but I'm already seeing someone. And if I want to keep that trust going, I won't be meeting up with random strangers to "get to know them". Thankfully I have not seen him at work, and if I do, I will be sure to hide behind walls. There really is no reason for me to sit down and have a longass explanation about why I refuse to go out with him.

If guys/girls cannot accept a no from someone they tried to "hang out" or ask out, then they really need to just look elsewhere. Chasing someone who is already taken will just dig your grave even further.

I don't see anything wrong with hanging out in a group setting, but if it's a random one to one, with one person showing way more interest in someone who is already taken, there is no point meeting up with that person one to one, or a group. The last thing I would want to send out is the wrong message.

Why am I saying it's a precursor to something worse? Because it is. Once you open that door of opportunity to letting this random person into your life, whether it's because you feel bad for saying no or just out of curiosity, it gives that person the chance to make their move as well. Over dinner, over drinks, you get too drunk, one thing leads to another and boom. You just cheated.

But then there lies the double standard.

A guy can try to get to know a girl who has a boyfriend already. He will keep pushing her and be nice to her. Perhaps she will be nice (or feel bad for saying no to his friendship), but once he tries to cross the line and she rejects it, he will call her a b*tch, whore, a cheater, a waste of time. And who knows, perhaps he will spread false rumours about her. All because she rejected him.

Or it would be same scenario, where she allows him to cross the line even though she made it clear she's already taken. Then boom, she just cheated. If the guy was really a dick, he would leave her then tell everyone she's a cheating whore.

So either way, the girl's a whore. Us women can never win. But it goes with the guy too, if you replace the girl with a guy.

I remember a situation where I was already seeing someone (after years of not dating), and I was still trying to learn the ins and outs of it all. One of my dance buddies had asked if I wanted to check out a movie. Not thinking about it, I said sure sounds good. No harm?

As we talked more in the theatre, I noticed he was asking questions as to trying to get to know someone. And that's when I realized, ohhhh my bad. With questions regarding my upcoming plans, I had said I was going to see my boyfriend. And that's when he goes oh, you're seeing someone. That's cool!

I figured I rather just lay it all down right there and then, instead of pretending to drag things along and then worse, someone's feelings.

Anyways, after that it never happened again. Part of me always feels bad when I can't hang out with someone. But it really depends on the situation. If it's someone I don't even know, then I shouldn't feel bad for not hanging out with them. If I don't want to send the wrong message, then I better make it clear from the very beginning. I shouldn't have to write up a speech about why I don't want to hang out with a stranger.

Would I have handled it differently? No because there really isn't anything more simple and clear than "I'm not interested, I have a boyfriend" and walk away.

Chaotic but Blessed

Greetings all you lovely readers.

Well, I've completely missed out on the Valentine's day thing, so happy belated Valentine's to those who celebrate it, and happy single awareness day to those who are still looking for love!

Unfortunately I didn't get a day off on Valentine's day because I was booked to work 16 hours. Lovely. Then when the big bosses ask what I did for Valentine's day, I say I worked for you for 16 hours! Why?! Because you booked me! 

It's funny how I get questions all the time about what I did on the weekend or on a special day, and I say I'm always working because well, it's true. Unfortunately it comes with sacrificing all the free time that I have to work. Then of course they ask why would I do this to myself, then add in "but don't worry, you're still young" (man, I hate that very much).

The other day, I had my head down and one of the client's asked "you have white hair?!". He was pretty shocked, and English is not his first language, so the look of shock on his face was hilarious. He said I was too young to have white hair. True, but that's what stress and lack of sleep does to you.

My months of working these crazy hours is slowly coming to an end. I was fortunate to talk with the manager about downgrading to a casual spot versus being part time. The first sentence she told me was "I'm actually really surprised you survived through this! I thought you would give up a long time ago!" And it's true. I think any normal person would give up after 1 week of working 60-70 hours at 2 jobs combined, and pulling 16 hours each week.

But I wanted to prove that I can do it. A lot of effort comes through showing that you are willing to do this, and are willing to pull through. If you give up right away in the beginning without trying, there's a high chance that you won't get considered for what you prefer. That's what happened previously to people, where they would apply as a part time and get hired as part time, but would say "never mind, this won't work. I need a casual instead" and then never show up for any shifts.

When it came to my turn, my request got denied because of those before me who had done the same and pretty much gave up before they even tried. I guess it's different if you have kids versus no kids. In my case, I had to prove that I could balance 2 jobs: 1 full time but 8 hour shifts, and 1 part time alternating between 8 and 12 hour shifts.

It was a tough journey. The toughest was when I pulled five 16 hour shifts between both sites from Monday to Friday when I first started orientation. I definitely don't recommend it unless you absolutely have to. From that point on, 16 hour shifts became normal. When that becomes a norm, you know you've gotten a little crazy. It's tough to work a 16 hour, sleep for 5 hours, then return the next morning to do another 8 or 16 hours. Highly not recommended.

The point of this story is, don't give up. Pray about it. Reflect on it. I walked in not knowing if I was going to get that casual spot, and brought my resignation letter in case I was denied the spot. You have to be mentally prepared to let go of this journey if it doesn't work out. In the end, I didn't need the letter, but I embraced what was given to me. It just so happened that other casual staff were never working or never worked in months, so they were let go. In return, I got the spot.

Life can be full of surprises. But in the end, if God wants you to take that path, He will guide you along the way.

Mom's birthday is also coming up, which I am super excited about! She is hitting a milestone this year so my plan is to make her birthday and mother's day a memorable one. I already have her gift prepped, which is a Chanel No. 5 perfume and some red pocket. I think she had complained she couldn't find her perfume so I figured buying her another one will make her happy.

Mother's day is still a while away but I have another plan: a Fendi bag. She likes purses but would never be into designer handbags. She thinks I'm crazy already. But she deserves a nice bag, especially after raising me. Come on. She deserves anything. If it wasn't for her and dad, I wouldn't be able to do what I do today. I wouldn't have this education and job. I wouldn't be able to afford these bags, that's for sure. So to show my appreciation, I think mom and dad deserve to be spoiled.

I recently took out my Chanel Emoji bag for a shopping day with the ladies. They were excited to see it and touch it. Shoppers on the other hand, I'm not sure. I've had one compliment it and said she really liked it. The rest just stare at it as though...is that fake? What is that?? So ugly. I guess because it's seasonal and not many people buy it, it's a rare sight, which I definitely like. It's good to be unique and not blend in with the rest. I just wish it was leather on the outside, but so far it's been alright. Haven't dropped anything on it so far (and I don't plan to!).

One of my guy friend's asked about it so I showed him a picture. The look on his face was priceless. It was the most disgusted face he's ever given. I guess it's to each their own. Most of my guy friends would not understand the whole handbag thing. Even I don't understand the hype sometimes, yet I get mesmerized by the colour and style of a bag. And the uniqueness of it.

Recently there was a house in Toronto that got sold over $1.1 million asking. Can you believe it. Over $1 million overasking! How the hell...?? I thought going $30,000 overasking was crazy enough but $1 million?? How do they expect the millenials to afford such homes? This isn't a mansion either. Just a regular bungalow/2 story house max.

When people ask me why I work so hard, I say the housing market is crazy right now. I'm working 70 hours a week, and pretty much everything will go towards the house. You don't have time to even enjoy the house because you're too busy working to pay it all off. They also just announced a 2% increase on property tax. How the hell! We all need a 500% increase on our paycheques but too bad life doesn't work that way. So it makes people overwork, burn out, stress out, and yet all of it going towards an earthly property that when you die in the end, you still can't take it with you.

These damn taxes. These damn housing prices. It's just insane. It needs to stop.

I've also read that Taco Bell is offering a wedding package. You pay $650 and get a bunch of tacos and food, as well as the whole marriage thing (I think this is in Vegas). Anyways I just found that pretty funny. I would be concerned about having diarrhea in my dress.

Alright my brain is mush right now. Time to sleep. Chow Chow!

It's February!

What in the world. It's February already?! Where did the time go?! We can never have enough hours in a day.

It's also my birthday week. I've been keeping myself busy with work (yay for time and a half on working on my birthday!), as well as partying it up with friends on my days off. I think I have about 4-5 dinners/hangouts planned for this week alone. Not bad for turning 3 decades old. Another 20 years till menopause. So I can hardly wait!

First celebration I went to RaceSim 1 with the GTA GTR club, located just west of downtown Toronto (on behalf of www.pinnacledriving.com). There are 5 stations where 5 people can race simultaneously and kick each other's butts. The first time you get to do practice laps. Let's just say maybe I was wearing the wrong type of shoes to drive, but I really couldn't brake properly. Oops #1.

Second time we got to race was like a qualifying lap. Again, I was slowly improving but not really. This was the lap where I drove straight into the rest of the racers at a tight corner that everyone was trying to master. I destroyed their dreams by plowing into their asses. The replay was hilarious. You can probably see it somewhere on IG.

Third time it was the race. We had 5 teams, with 2 drivers per team. In between, you have to stop in the pits to switch drivers and they continue the race. So on and so forth. That was the craziest lap. 

Our team didn't win but that's ok. It was all fun and games anyways! Overall it was a cool experience, to drive virtual cars around the track.

The following day I had a gathering at Joey's, where I got caked in the face by a friend as revenge for what I did to him years ago at his birthday. Yes, years ago we had a group of people cake his face, as well as spray sticky webs on him. Pretty fun times. But he never forgot. And of course I was not expecting that at my birthday dinner until I got cake all over my face!

The next few ones are not due yet but will be in the upcoming week. Pretty excited with Winterlicious happening as well!

Alright the next topic is not Trump related (I'm sick and tired of reading all the protests and Trump stuff hitting the news lately) and it's not a topic I like talking about, because it creates so much stupid drama. But here I'll talk about it.

I will talk about it freely, and I don't really care what people think, but it's first hand experience.

Northface Rally. If you're a car fanatic, you've probably heard of this team of cars, based in Toronto, and have a huge following. It's a car club where all the nice, exotic cars go on cruises, photoshoots, you name it.

On the outside, it all looks cool and flashy. But wait till you get to meet the people. It will blow your mind away.

First off, they're not very educated. But yet how do they make money to buy nice cars? Take the easy way. Insurance scams of course. Illegal money. Now I'm not saying ALL of the members are like that. But you just have to be careful of who you meet and what they tell you. To them it's all about the status and flashiness. They have to have the most followers, the most people contributing to toy drives or food banks. The ones that involve the police to "escort" them to their next party.

And so what? You gain popularity and then what? You still got no class.

There was an issue with one guy who owns a GTR but never comes out to the GTR meets. Instead he goes to the NFR meets. Long story short but he had won a mini photo contest and was promised to have delivery of a 1:18 die cast model car as a prize. The host had forgotten at one point, and so this member decided to make a public post about said host being a scammer and not following up on the delivery. Then left the group. He never attempted to reach out to the host privately before beginning a public rant.

Host tried to call him, text him, message him to see when the next available time he can personally deliver the car. But too bad, member was "too busy". Yet to this day he still butchers host about the forgotten die-cast, and continues to post public rants about him. The die-cast was donated to someone who can appreciate it.

Ok seriously. You buy a $100,000 car and you start bitching and whining over a $15 die cast car? What a cheap ass. Grow the hell up. This is why the image of NFR is sh*t because of people like him. This is why the car community is sh*t because of people like him. Because they bitch and whine over stupid sh*t. CRY ME A RIVER SHEESH.

Another issue was having members let go from the club, because they don't own said vehicle anymore, nor do they come out to meets, nor do they have anything positive to contribute to the group. So when they find out they're no longer part of the club, what do they do? Of course, they start posting in public about WAH WAH WAH they got kicked out of the group for "no reason". The reasons are listed above idiot. Learn to read.

The ladies who worship groups like NFR are idiots as well. All they care about is their own images in the world of "modelling" (I call that because it seems like every girl in the world wants to be a model these days. Easy money? Really?). I still love cars, but it's not worth my effort to try and meet these people to see the cars. I can watch it on Youtube and satisfy my hunger.

All in all, these exotic rally groups are just a bunch of whiners. They whine about everything. You own a 100K + car and you still bitch and whine about the stupidest things. Grow the f*ck up. Maybe that's why you'll never find a girlfriend or wife. Some girls actually have class and know who is a gentleman and who's an asshole. Unfortunately most of those fall under the asshole category. Stay away.

Back to real world issues now.

On Sunday, a gunman entered a Quebec City mosque and killed 6 people, with 19 others injured. The gunman is a 27 year old student at Laval University, who is not a Muslim. The reason for the attack remains unclear, although the gunman was labeled as antisocial, as well as having a "passion" for guns.

This comes shortly after Trump's infamous banning of immigrants into USA from Muslim-populated states like Iran, Syria, Iraq, Yemen, Libya, Somalia and Sudan. Shortly after hearing the shootings at the mosque, the press released a statement saying this is the very reason why they needed to have this ban.

Ok wait. First of all, the gunman was NOT Muslim. So how does this help the situation of banning immigrants? It doesn't make any sense. They saw it as Muslims attacking other people. But it was the complete opposite.

I have a feeling the gunman was influenced by the politics in the USA, and having seen that "ban" on Muslims, that it was time to "eliminate" them or that's what he probably believed.

For them to make a national statement like that, using Quebec City as an example of what they're trying to set in the USA, is absurd. Probably the stupidest thing I've heard, aside from the NFR issue above. They are on the same boat of idiocy.

Then I read about this boycotting Uber thing. I had no idea why people were deleting their Uber accounts because I couldn't care less, plus I don't use Uber because I don't like the idea of storing my Visa number on an app/phone that could get stolen any minute. But the issue was, when people found out about the immigration ban, they decided to stage a protest at JFK airport. Now you can imagine all the traffic and what not outside. The city taxis decided to halt service for an hour to stage their protest as well in regards to the ban, because a large amount of them are also immigrants and do not agree with this ban.

Uber on the other hand, decided to drop surge pricing during that time to allow travellers to and from the airport. People saw that as disrespectful, and also a way of "making more cash" or taking advantage of people. People think Uber should've also stopped service and protested as well. So now people are using some hash tag to delete Uber from mobile devices because Uber was disrespectful. People are taking screenshots of their phones and posting it on social media to show they are deleting the Uber app.

PLEASE. CRY ME A DAMN RIVER. REALLY?

I'm sorry but if I had a long ass flight coming back home, I want to go home. I don't want to stay and protest. So you're telling me those people who don't want to protest, can't go home? I'm going to be the selfish asshole now and say screw you all. I'll call a damn Uber if I have to. I'll call whoever I can if I have to somehow get home from a long day.

These days people just protest over whatever they can protest about. I should protest the absurd pricing of Chanel bags because come on, IT'S IDIOTIC! I should protest too about the city waters because it's making my hair go white too early. PROTEST! Or maybe how everything is just so damn expensive these day! PROTEST! Or how come there are so many stupid people around me. PROTEST! BETTER EDUCATION AND MANNERS!

There are some things that are worth protesting about. But there are some that you just...smack your head and wonder what people are thinking sometimes. You just sit and stare at them in awe, like are we part of the same species? Really?

I used to be angry about workplace issues but the nation's attitude and the amount of protesting these days just drive me absolutely nuts and more angry. Did you see the protests shortly after Trump's inauguration? People were destroying public properties and stores. I don't get how that is solving the problem.  If people decide to damage their own country, you'll still be paying the damages via taxes. You'll still be damaging YOUR country/state's image. And people will have no sympathy for you.

There is just too much stupid these days. Might as well raise the next generations as stupids. Before they had Baby Boomers and Generation X/Y. Now it's Generation Stupid.

Awkward

Has anyone had family friends or friends of friends who try to set you up on blind dates, even when you're already taken? Yup. It has happened. And it's just awkward.

I've developed into the type of person who doesn't like to share my "relationship journey" (or whatever they call it these days) on social media. I feel that it's my personal relationship with someone, so why do I need to share it to everyone in the entire world? My happiness is my happiness. I'll put bits here and there because I like a picture, or I think it's adorable but I definitely won't flood the newsfeed with what we ate, which washroom we're using or our vacation pictures. 

Same with the workplace. I won't voluntarily share information unless someone asked (and even then, it depends on the question being asked). I'm not the type of person that will announce to the entire team or clients about my relationship life.

Which brings me to an awkward topic. I've had situations where people would try to set me up with someone they know, and I'm clearly in a relationship with someone else, because I don't talk about my personal life with people. So people have absolutely no idea. And then it makes it awkward.

One incident I remember: A co-worker really wanted to set me up with her son, saying he's a paramedic and good looking etc etc. She had no idea I was already in a relationship, so I told her it's ok, I'm already seeing someone. She gave this look as in "awwww". And I thought that was that.

Then I get invited to her holiday potluck with the rest of the coworkers. I went with my girl friend and we were having fun until that same coworker grabs me and says, COME MEET MY SON! 

Uh. Yikes. Awkward.

I guess she forgot? Or maybe she didn't understand what "I'm already in a relationship" meant. Maybe that's why there are so many cheaters in this world. One party says I'm married. The other just says ok great. So leave them. They don't care about anything else except themselves. Pisses me off.

Anyways back to my story.

There was another group of younger people there, which I assume are the son's friends. So at least it wouldn't be completely awkward. But feeling that I got split up from my girl friend was already tensing me up.

The son and his friends were cool. My conversation with the son was pretty short though. I don't remember his name. My attention turned towards another girl in the group because she drove the same car as I did. I ended up having the longest conversation with her instead and we talked about car mods, and what mods I have in mine, along with what mods she wanted. We were just so excited to talk about cars that we forgot about the party!

Nothing happened out of that event. Aside from the coworker asking how I thought of the party and of her son. And that's when I had to remind her again that I was taken. And then she's like OHHHHHHH well, that's too bad! I really like you and want you to be my daughter!

I'm flattered O_O

She's a lovely lady though. God Bless her soul. I hope for the best for her son and a potential wife material! From that day forward, she stopped bugging me about having me as her future daughter.

Which brings me to one of the latest encounters with a client.

I won't go into details but I had helped this client medically to get her better, and because of that, she was forever grateful and always thanked me whenever she saw me. This time around, we had a long conversation about treatments and how it would improve her overall health. It led to her asking if I was still single.

I said single as in not married yes. But I am seeing someone. And that's when she said, darn it. If you didn't, I actually have someone in mind for you!

And of course she went on and on about who this person was and what he did, where he was from, how many languages he spoke. Listing out everything. It's always awkward to have conversations like these, because I have to be professional about it as well. I can't make ugly faces or accept all the offers. 

In the end, she never bothered me about it again. But it's kind of weird how people are introducing people to me. My other younger colleagues don't get that much dating attention, but that's probably because they're already married, or seeing someone. I guess people just think all I do is work and have no social life (which is partially true). 

In Asian culture, if a woman is 25 or above, she's considered too old to be married. They're like the left overs, or those that men don't want anymore because something's wrong with them. It's a stupid misconception and a stupid mentality to follow because it's definitely not true. These days women work just as much as men do. It takes them much more steps to get to the same higher positions as men because of their gender. 

Now that my gap is closing to 30 pretty quick, I can say that most of my years I've focused on making my career, and building steps to move upwards. That takes time, a lot of energy, a lot of concentration and a lot of sacrifice. Although I have old school parents, I was raised to work hard, build a future for myself because I shouldn't depend on a man to do that for me. In old school days, wives had to depend on husbands for everything because they were always at home, raising kids. These days, women do both: raise kids and work.

My mind is way too focused on building my career that I can't depend on anyone else to do that for me, except myself. I can't rely on my partner or husband to do that for me, or my parents, or friends. I have myself, and I have God (if this is the right path and God-willing). Is there something wrong with me? Absolutely not. This is why I refuse to accept the Asian mentality of why 30 year old women are not married. If women between 25-35 are not married yet, take into consideration that they are probably working their asses off to build a future because they can't rely on a man to do it for them. 

An Asian coworker once pestered me how come I wasn't married with kids yet. This was when I just turned 26. I said, why should I rush? I'm still young. And of course she said when she was my age, she was already married with 2 kids. I said great, that was then. But this is now. She of course went on about having kids early because it's better. The risk is greater when you have kids later. Blah blah.

I did mention I wasn't into kids so it wasn't at the top of my priority list to bust out babies by 30. Since the age of marriage has been increased to well past 30, having kids later in life is way normal nowadays. Am I worried? Nope. Who knows. Maybe by the time I change my mind, they could grow babies at home in a tube, so I wouldn't have to worry about carrying one in my stomach. Awesome.

There was another time, someone had tried to introduce me to their grandson. This was back in the day when I was still single. I kindly rejected his offer but he was so insistent that he CALLED his grandson on the phone right in front of me. Then he went on and on about how he had this pretty girl that he wanted him to talk to. THEN HE HANDS ME THE PHONE.

Great. Now what do I do. Thankfully the grandson knew of his grandpa's antics and apologized for his actions. I said what do we do? Don't want to disappoint him either. So we agreed to meet up for a quick coffee, just so he could tell his grandpa he met up with me.

We kept the coffee date short, but we knew it wasn't meant to be. But at least it gave the grandpa reassurance. I lost touch with the grandson, but I eventually was told he found a great girl and married her. The grandpa was too sick to attend the wedding, and soon after, he passed away. God bless his soul. 

There isn't really a "right" way of dealing with awkward situations like these; I guess a bit of humor helps too. But I always thank them in the end for thinking about me. I must've had some impact in their lives for that to happen XD. 

Happy Chinese New Year!

GONG HAY FAT CHOY!

GONG SEE FA CHAI!

We are approaching Chinese New Year 2017, the year of the Rooster (or was it the Chicken). Anyways, it's always exciting to look forward to CNY because of red pocket. For those who don't know, red pockets are given by married couples to their children (or unmarried relatives) as tradition for prosperity and luck etc. I call it Happy Money Day!

Although I don't get as much now, I'm still grateful that my folks are still able to give me red pockets on a yearly basis. The older I get, the more I realize it's really hard to make and save money. A lot of times I say it's ok, don't give me anything. But if they don't, then they feel that they aren't sticking to the tradition that they were raised with.

I remember as a kid, when I got red pocket from my parents, I went upstairs and poured out my piggy bank, and started packing a couple of red pockets for mom and dad. It was a lot of change, and heavy. When I tried to give it to them, they wouldn't accept. Because they said "you are our child my dear, no need to give us money!" I think I was about 5 or 6. I didn't know any better. I just thought if they gave me something, then I give them back something in return.

I'm thankful I ended up taking the weekend off. It's been a crazy few weeks working 70 hour work weeks; my body is just exhausted. I planned ahead that this would be my CNY and birthday bash weekend. However, because I was so busy with work, there wasn't enough time to plan my birthday bash. So I will work with last minute adjustments to make it happen!

Which brings me to the big 3-0. This is the last week that I'll be enjoying my 20's before I welcome the 30 into my life. And when I look back at my life, I don't know whether to be disappointed or happy or what.

As a kid, 30 seemed so old. I would've predicted I'd be married with kids by 30. Actually, when I was 11, I predicted I would be married by 20, then have 5 kids. What the hell was I thinking. About a year later, I then decided I didn't want any kids. This was after volunteering with kindergarten kids for the year. The ones I worked with already knew all the bad words in the dictionary. I was baffled. 5 years old and they were already swearing.

Some were cute yeah. But it was just way too much work to babysit them. Imagine having to do that 24/7 for the first 18 years of someone's life. It scares me. I'm not sure if I'm blessed with the motherly instinct because I feel I can be selfish at times, and I don't like sharing, with kids in particular.

I can't imagine myself with little ones. If I do, I'd slap them around for being bad. I have the same attitude as my brother. When he wasn't married, he never wanted any kids. He thought they were too much work, too expensive, too annoying, too messy and crazy. He just didn't want to deal with it.

Of course after he got married, he ended up having 4 beautiful girls.

Things can change. Which I hope my mind will change in the next few years, now that I'm entering the 30's. But it hasn't really changed since elementary school. So I'm not sure. Maybe I'm one of those people who will never have kids. Or maybe I'll have one or two. Or 10. I don't know.

The thought of childbirth scares the crap out of me. The pain. I already get painful cramps every month and to think of a human coming out of me? Yeah, it scares the SHIET out of me. How the heck am I going to handle that when I can barely handle period cramps? Yeah ok, they say you can get an epidural before you give birth. But they can't numb you until you really can't feel anything. You still have to push, and you still have to feel a bit.

I would totally go for a C-section, except they don't allow that unless there is a legit reason (i.e small hips, baby is breached, hip replacement). C-section is not an option when it comes to birth if you're relatively healthy with no problems. So in conclusion, I'm screwed. Might as well knock me out with Propofol and have someone sit on my stomach to push the baby out.

Alright, enough of the what ifs. To focus on the present, I have been working a lot to build my future: my leadership abilities. The leadership program is the next step in climbing the ladder, and recently we were selected to be in groups with a topic to focus on. There is going to be a lot of research into what we can do to improve hospital systems and the way communication and charting is delivered. At least that's the topic that I'll be dealing with.

This will be a very interesting journey because whatever we come up with, it will also help the hospital implement this system. It's a bit scary too, but this is where all the research and fun begins. This helps to bring out the star in all of us.

This year will be another new development into our program as well. It's a matter of baby steps to keep climbing upwards and not look back. I guess this is also why the whole family thing is out of the picture for me because I'm so focused on career that I will have no time to think about babies. My goal now is to help change the system and to make it better. Not stay home and feed babies.

With 30 coming up, the topic of success also comes to mind. I was recently talking to a girl friend of mine about the next decade of life. And what she said is also true: people may think that once you get married and get a house, that's success. But what people don't know is the struggles to maintain the new responsibilities now, as a new couple, as a new family. Everything goes towards payments, mortgage, bills, food, maintenance. And with how low salaries are these days, how do people even cope with juggling all those?

So many people think by 30, you can pay off a house and have a family and all that jazz. Is that success? In her words, once you reach that, it's like that's it? That's life? Well that's pretty sh*tty.

She loves purses as much as I do. We talked about it and usually I try not to talk about it unless the other party is open to talk about it. I know people who are not as fortunate, and will not talk about luxury designer goods in front of them. But she mentioned one thing: She's always wanted a designer good, but with all these payments, it's almost impossible to get it now.

I said that's understandable. I'm not in the same boat as her so I sort of created my own route to doing what I do, plus working 2 jobs also helps to pay bills faster. But it involves no social life, and no family life. Either way you choose, you end up sacrificing something. It's all about what you sacrifice and dealing with it.

My way of thinking is: if you can get designer items now, might as well get them while you can. Once mortgage and kids come along, I can kiss those items goodbye. I know I will never be able to afford them as much as I can now. So I figured I will get them now while I can. Those who married early and bought a house at an early age have way more responsibilities now. I get it. I don't think either way is wrong. It's whatever makes the person comfortable, and whatever their goals are.

As I look back and wonder what my goals were before 30, I believe work/career was at the top of the list. To have a good career and also develop leadership roles.

I do remember trying to figure out what I wanted for my 30th birthday years ago. It was either going to be a Chanel classic flap bag, or a 1:8 Lamborghini Murcielago or Aventador die-cast model. Both of these items range in the 7-8k gap. I told my bestie years ago, and she said I was nuts to put down 8k for a metal car that would just sit there and collect dust. But...it's so pretty! But still, such a waste! Might as well put that as a downpayment towards a house or a car. True girl, true.

Now in the present day, I can say I fulfilled my goal: I ended up getting the Chanel emoji classic flap. It may not be caviar or lambskin leather, but it's still a Chanel classic flap. And it was much less than 7k! So I fulfilled my goal already.

Mentally, I'm still a bit of a mess. The thought of leaving my 20's without M here still hurts me. I'm not crying as much these days, but that's probably because I try to not think about it so much. I believe I exert a lot more anger these days, at anything and anyone. I used to be much patient but after all that happened, as well as getting screwed over by people, I have become an angry person.

I try to calm myself down at times, but there are times the rage just gets out of control. Then I keep reminding myself I need to cool down. Think of handbags. Think of how fortunate I am. How so many other people struggle with little things everyday. I have to try and be a good role model to others. And then I calm down and feel better.

It's strange, but I guess that's my way of coping. However, there is no doubt that I have a lot of anger these days. It's way worse when it's all bottled in, and something sets me off, then I blow up. I try to not let that happen because it's a pain trying to deal with me. I only unleash it on people who I don't really care about.

Spiritually, I need a lot of help. I saw a reminder on Facebook that Urbana 2006 was 10-11 years ago. 10 years!!! I can't believe it. Back then I wanted to continue developing my faith in Christ, and I felt that I needed a lot of work. Urbana really helped to shape my faith and I got to meet friends from all over the world. It was an eye opening experience. If I were to look back at the past 10 years of faith building, I can easily say the past 5 years was tough. But especially the past 3 years. I feel like the flame died inside me and it's waiting to be ignited again.

My mind is telling me that I need to start building myself again. I know what I need to do. But it's the lack of motivation that kills me. I know I need to do it but I can't even pick up a book anymore. I used to play worship songs to relax myself and prepped my mind to do lots of readings but these days I rarely touch the piano. Maybe I'm too tired from all the work that I just come home and have the need to pass out. Then again, instead of blogging, I could replace that with reading too.

In the end, it's the laziness that will kill us all. Lack of this and that, coming up with excuses. That's the word. Excuses. I really have to start aiming at not having excuses and just do what I need to do.

What should I am for, with this new decade? I don't even know where to begin. There's so much that if I listed them out, it would take forever to fulfill. All I know is, I just have to take it easy. There's so much stress lately, it's slowly killing me. My mind is all about work. I have turned into a work machine, and that isn't healthy.

I need to calm down and take it easy.

Random

Greetings all.

It's been a while since my last post. Been busy working like a dog with no life, so to speak. A lot of things have happened since. It's hard to figure out where to begin!

The shooting at Ft Lauderdale came to a shock to the world. What kind of person would do such a thing?

Then the two words flashed into every headline in the world: mental illness.

It's sad and scary how a person can just open fire into the baggage claim area of the airport, with no security around. The airport is a popular one, with many travellers heading there to take part in cruises. I have been there before, but I vaguely remember the baggage claim area since I never check in my luggage. Because I'm too cheap to pay for checked in luggage.

I do remember Orlando's international airport. There is the area where you pick up baggage, and then head towards the exit where all the taxis and car rental places are. That area is also open as well to anyone who can just park on the side of the road and walk in. It's not heavily guarded. Same with LAX. I remember walking through the baggage claim area, and the exit to go outside was just there. Anyone who was outside waiting can just walk into the baggage claim area. I don't recall seeing any security either.

Toronto's international airport is a bit different. Once you claim your baggage, you still have to pass through security before you head outside to meet your loved ones or catch a taxi. There is also frosted glass to prevent outsiders from looking inside, and there is always someone there watching the doors so no one can just walk in.

I don't know if it's just poor architecture design, or just poor security/flaws. Maybe it's different in the USA versus Canada and elsewhere. Considering all the shootings that are happening in the States, they might as well bring in an army team to guard each airport.

It is sad that this event had to happen. It is unfortunate that it had to take someone suffering from PTSD to act out, and claim innocent lives before the nation realizes that there is a security flaw in airports. It is very sad.

The suspect is a 26 year old who already has a family of his own, and who has gone to serve the country in Iraq. He has been through and seen friends being injured or killed in the line of duty. Looking at his history, he started at a very young age (when I calculate), about 18-19 years old when he started serving for the military. It was after seeing a bomb being detonated near 2 friends that his life changed forever.

When he sought counselling for PTSD, the military had helped to some extent. However, once he was discharged from the military, he was pretty much on his own. His family tried to help him seek counselling for his illness. He even sought help from the FBI. Yet no one was able to help him.

Eventually, something in his mind triggered him to do this act. Part of it is like he just gave up trying and wanted attention. But part of it is because he really does have this debilitating illness that he can't get rid of. There was no out for him.

People who work everyday here in the city won't be experiencing what this young man went through. They won't be seeing their loved ones going into combat, seeing their friends get bombed away, or watching them die right in front of them. Not like what he went through, or what other soldiers had to go through. To experience it first hand, I can imagine it being very traumatic.

I'm not saying to blame the illness, or blame the military for not helping. Mental illness treatment is a huge issue across the nation. People have no idea how to deal with someone going through mental illness. The fastest way to subdue them is give them sleeping pills or shock them until they hit the ground. Then once they are restrained, that's when they start to try and fix the problem. But they don't. Fixing problems by subduing patients does not FIX the problem. It only puts a bandaid on top of the problem, but there is still no solution!

It has become a national crisis when it comes to dealing with mental illness. Emergency departments are dealing with violent encounters with those suffering from mental illness, resulting in high rates of hospitalizations. But are the symptoms treated? Not really. Medications can help temporarily, but if the patient is discharged home, how do you guarantee that they will take their medications as directed, in order to keep them sane? You can't just give them a script, say goodbye and wish them all the best.

What they need is the support. The support that someone will be looking out for them to make sure they do what they are directed to do, to point them in the right direction. To keep encouraging them that they are doing good, that you'll be there for them. To remind them that it's important to take medications to help them (to deal with the imbalances). I don't really believe medications are the only way to "fix" the problem. To me, medications are merely just a bandaid. Some can fix the problem, but there is always an underlying issue that still needs to be fixed that medications can't fix. Medications will always have side effects.

What's the solution? More support. But with more support comes more funding. The country can put all the money into mental illness as a whole, but if they don't put funding in the proper areas which doesn't fix the underlying issues, then of course it's just going to be a waste.

This young man needs proper treatment to help him heal after what he's been through. A life sentence or death penalty will not cure his problem. He needs support and help to fight off these negative thoughts. Of course it won't bring back those he slaughtered. And again, it's unfortunate that they had to die in the hands of him, not knowing what was happening. But to punish him in front of the nation by putting him away in jail or giving him the death penalty is not going to paint a positive picture in the mental illness community. What they are doing is relating mental illness to crimes, and that if you lose "control" of your mental illness and commit a crime, then you'll end up in jail. That's your punishment for having a mental illness.

If we are to help those suffering, we need to fix the cracks in the system/infrastructure. Many fall through the system and then end up suffering because of it.

Rest in peace to those who died. Our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone involved.

In other updates, I had to return my Charlotte Olympia kitty flats. Not because there was something wrong with it, but because I had to pay my car bill XD. They were also maybe half a size too small. Hopefully one day I'll be able to get them again. It definitely isn't something I need at this point (or ever), but it would be nice to have one day again.

Speaking of which, Yorkdale's new underground parking garage (near Nordstrom) is HUGE! Got lost completely. I kept driving in circles, trying to find where to park. It's free, so no need to pay for parking to shop. It's a good idea to remember where you parked, because it's a bit confusing, and there are various entry and exit points into the garage. Unfortunately they ran out of those cards that help you find your car if you ever get lost. Thankfully I found a spot close to the elevators so there was not too much memorizing to do.

I went inside and saw a HUGE line up outside of Canada Goose store. It wrapped around the store. I don't get the hype that goes on with Canada Goose. Was there a sale? Nah, those things never go on sale. So I have no clue why the line up was so big. Every time I see someone wear a Canada Goose jacket, I always think of that one time I went clubbing with my girlfriends. And there was this white dude wearing a Canada Goose jacket INSIDE THE CLUB. It was November so it was cold but not super cold.

This guy was just dancing on the platform above us, in his Canada Goose jacket. We were right below, and I felt this hand on my head. I turned around and it was the CG guy trying to get my attention. WEIRD. Who the hell tries to pat a girl's head in a club wearing a CG jacket?! To get her attention? LOL it was so awkward but the funniest thing I've ever encountered at a club. I still laugh about it many years later. Props to CG guy wearing his winter jacket in a humid club.

Speaking of clubs, I haven't been to a club in ages. I feel sort of old for those type of things nowadays. The blasting music will probably make me go deaf very fast. The alcohol will make me pass out within 2 minutes. My heels will kill my feet (along with the other random people stepping on you). But the people. Gosh. Never know who you deal with in a club. People can be obnoxious, or just plain scary.

My sis in law got me an adult colouring book lately. Now that's pretty cool. Never knew they had an adult colouring book. It's suppose to help when you're stressed or just need a break from everyday stressors. Colouring apparently helps. So that's what I've been trying to do when I'm stressed and need time for myself. I colour. It's been slowly helping with my random breakdowns here and there. I guess it's somewhat improving, as long as I don't think about the past, or have arguments with people. I find when I have less of that, my symptoms decrease slightly.

In other exciting news, I think I've found the perfect bag for mama. It's by Fendi, and since she's never owned such a bag before, I figured it would be the perfect gift for her birthday, or mother's day. I haven't yet decided which. But I've been doing research to find out more information, and I believe she would like the style. She knows of Prada, but doesn't like their styles. Same with Chanel, and Louis Vuitton. Hopefully Fendi will break her into the world of designer handbags!

Alright my brain is turning into mush. Will be back soon!

Happy New Year!

I am a few days late but Happy New Year all!

It has been hectic these past few weeks. I did not realize I ended up working pretty much everyday except Christmas Day and New Year's Day. Otherwise it's just working like a dog.

I came home just before the countdown, and this is the weird thing. I couldn't find one proper channel that broadcasted Toronto's fireworks. Except CP24. With their dinky little corner screen. There was no full screen! Come on, really?! Can't even broadcast your own city's New Year's Eve event on FULL SCREEN TV. LAME SAUCE MAN!

The ones where I kept landing on was the broadcast from New York City. And Buffalo. Of all places.

But hey, it was better than Toronto?!

I had turned on the TV just as Mariah Carey was hitting the stage. I told my folks, that's the lady that sings very high! So of course mom gets excited and wants to record her to send to her brother halfway across the world.

It started off well, but then I noticed something. Her lips were not really matching the song. I was disappointed. Someone as talented as Mariah Carey lip syncing?! At the most anticipated event on NYE?! 

Then things started to get worse. Emotions came on, with no vocals. And she was just blabbering away. I was so confused. Then realized oh damn. Something's wrong. That was the most painful 2 minutes or so to be broadcasted with millions of viewers watching. Awkward to the point that I felt bad for her.

Then We Belong Together came on and once again, she lip synced. Except near the end she just completely gave up lip syncing. Then walked off stage at one point. 

Now it's been told that there was a technical glitch. That the techs did not turn on the earpiece or vocals and so she had no idea when her cue was to sing. Considering how loud and how close the speakers were to her, it makes sense for singers to be equipped with ear pieces to prevent them from going completely deaf, but also to allow them to hear the vocals more closely so they know when to sing.

Was it awkward? Totally. I felt bad for her. 

Then I started searching her songs in the past. When she sang live in the early 1990's, at her prime. I didn't really see ear pieces in her earlier performances (unless I'm completely blind), but that woman could improv anything, without the latest technologies we have these days. She could pull off performances after performances. 

I'm not sure what happened nowadays. But I guess it's almost like you've passed your prime, and you just want to retire now. In a way, you just stop giving a damn I guess.

Anyways, that was a weird NYE.